


But He Didn't Want the Moon

by theowritesstories



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Female Marauders (Harry Potter), Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 48
Words: 94,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25160563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theowritesstories/pseuds/theowritesstories
Summary: "Someone told him once that a werewolf could only truly be in love with the moon. But he didn’t want the moon."  He wanted her.A long-form Marauder fic about Remus Lupin and the girl he loved before Tonks. Marauders Era, post-Hogwarts with the first Order of the Phoenix during the First Wizarding War. Based on and following the events of canon.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Emmeline Vance, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Comments: 486
Kudos: 371





	1. The Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to "But He Didn't Want The Moon"! I have chosen to edit the previous version of this story because a) I wanted it to follow the events of canon as closely as possible (with the exception of some romantic pairings...but hey, we never know!) and b) after spending over two years on this story I felt like I got to know my characters better and wanted to portray them as accurately and realistically as possible. You know, give 'em more meat. You're in for a long fic, with nearly 50 chapters in store AS WELL AS a sequel AND a school years prequel in the works. Hope you stick around!
> 
> I like reviews, the good the bad and the ugly. Don't deprive me of your feedback :)
> 
> Disclaimer: all characters and things related to the Harry Potter universe belong to *sigh* JKR

“Did you pick up your tux?”

“Yes, just got it this morning,” Remus lied smoothly. He supposed he would just have to pick it up sometime tomorrow before the rehearsal. He, admittedly, was not looking forward to wearing the damn thing, however elated he was for the reason he had to wear it. But James had been kind enough to pay for it, so you would hear no protestations from Remus.

“Good...good.”

James fell silent for a few moments and stared very intently into his pint, which, like most everything else, did not go unnoticed by Remus.

“...Prongs?”

“Hm?” he hm-ed, his eyes never leaving his beer.

Remus cracked a smile, recognizing this as one of the rare occasions he had something to pick on James for. “...Am I to believe what I’m seeing? _The_ James Potter, _actually_ nervous?”

This heinous accusation snapped James out of his reverie, and he pawed defensively at his black, disobedient hair. “What? No, bugger off. No, no, it’s just…”

“...It’s just...?” Remus waited for his rebuttal.

James tried to come up with something clever and arrogant to say, but finally gave up with a sigh. “...Yes alright, I’m terrified,” he confessed with uncharacteristic humility. Wow. Talk about how love can change a bloke.

Remus chuckled. Seven years of mischief at school, plus another year fighting for the Order, and James Potter was terrified of _getting married_.

“You know, when you see her walking down the aisle, you won’t be afraid anymore.” This made James smile, as Remus hoped it would. “Furthermore,” he continued, “you told me before you asked her to marry you that you had never been more sure of anything in your life.”

“I’m still sure, I am. Dead certain. Doesn’t help the nerves, though.”

“I’d be nervous too if I were getting married at the ripe old age of nineteen."

“I know it’s crazy. But we figured, why wait when none of us are promised tomorrow? Especially in these times.”

“A fair point,” Remus conceded, sipping his own beer. He knew this explanation well as James had repeated some version of it many times before. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe him when he said this, but he thought that perhaps James still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he had actually managed to get Lily Evans to fall in love with him, and wanted her to have his surname as soon as possible to prove it to himself. Besides, James had never been the patient type, and after six long years of unsuccessful wooing, (probably the longest James had ever had to wait for anything in his entire life,) and much forgiveness on her part, Lily had finally come round, and James didn’t see why they should have to wait any longer. And they were good together. Lily was compassion personified with twice the wit James had if such a thing was possible. She made James want to be better, and shockingly, he was. Remus looked back up at James to find him smiling knowingly to himself, and found it to be an opportune time to harass him further. “Lily is truly too good for you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Ha, trust me, I’m aware.” Then James fell silent again, as he had a moment ago. “Listen...about Lily...Remus, I’ve got to warn you,” James started, shifting uncomfortably on his barstool.

“Warn me?” Remus scoffed, thinking this was maybe the start of a joke. But James was not smirking in his usual devilish way; instead, he looked quite humorless, which led Remus to believe that perhaps something really was wrong. James and Lily had purposely planned the wedding around the lunar cycle so that Remus could enjoy the festivities without having to worry about his “furry little problem,” as James called it. He didn’t see what else he would possibly have to be _warned_ about other than that. “...Warn me about what?”

“It’s...erm...well...” James adjusted his glasses as his eyes darted skittishly back to his lager.

“James, spit it out,” Remus bade him, before taking another sip (a choice which he would soon heartily regret).

“... _Em_ is coming.”

Remus sputtered and choked on his stout before fumbling his glass and spilling half of its contents onto the bar counter. The few other patrons in the pub took notice and shot the pair of them judgemental looks as Remus coughed noisily and James floundered about in search of nearby napkins.

“Well there’s no sense in trying to _drown yourself_.”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” wheezed Remus, red-faced from his coughing fit. He snatched a wad of napkins from James and began dabbing his now beer-soaked trousers.

“She’s recently gotten back in touch so...Lilyinvitedhertothewedding.” The words tumbled out of his mouth all at once. Better to rip that bandaid off.

“She _what?!_ ” Remus exclaimed, drawing more glares from onlookers.

Untroubled by others as per usual, James continued unfazed. “I understand it’s a bit of a surprise. Lily and Marlene have been to see her in London-”

“Lond-, wha-, when did she come back to England?!” Remus hissed, becoming more aware of the other people around them.

“Just within the past couple of weeks-”

“And nobody thought to tell me?”

“Don’t look at _me_ , I didn’t know until recently! Apparently she told them not to say anything!”

“Bloody hell, James. This is a _lovely_ surprise,” grunted Remus. Once he had discarded the wet napkins back atop the bar, he grasped desperately for a cigarette from his jacket pocket. He offered one to James, who declined, and lamented the fact that he had picked up the habit as soon as both James and Sirius had decided to quit.

“Look mate, I’m getting married and I want you to enjoy our wedding. You don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to.”

“Well then I hope you’re planning on leaving a large place setting for the inevitable elephant in the room.” This was mumbled a bit with the cigarette pressed into the corner of his mouth. He felt around for the lighter in his trouser pocket, but his trembling hands made this a difficult task.

“Moony-”

“Wait a minute,” Remus interrupted again as a frightening thought dawned on him. “She’s not coming to the rehearsal tomorrow, is she?”

“Well, that’s the other thing...Lily’s asked her to be a bridesmaid.”

Remus’ eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets and he had to grit his teeth to stop himself from swearing loudly. “She’s in the _bloody wedding party now?!_ Merlin’s Beard...”

“Mate I know it’s short notice, but Lily’s missed her and really wants her to be there, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same. I know what kind of a position that puts you in, I’m sorry...”

He lit the cigarette and inhaled it forcefully, as if he were trying to suck the last bit of a beverage through a straw. He exhaled quickly to get another drag in as soon as possible. Remus wasn’t at all prepared to see her _tomorrow_. Then again, he didn’t really think any amount of time could have prepared him. Perhaps James’ last-minute warning was an act of mercy, saving him from prolonged anxiety. He considered this as he massaged his forehead, retreating deep into his thoughts.

James knew the glazed-over look well, and worried what Remus might be considering. “You have to be there, you know. I need you there,” he reminded him, calling him back to that moment in time. “You have to show up.”

Remus blew out the smoke he had been savoring in his lungs then turned back to his friend. “Honestly James, I didn’t know you had such little faith in me,” he said, both insulting and reassuring him. After standing by him through everything for nearly a decade, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for James. “I’ll be there.”

James smiled thankfully. “C’mon, It’s not like she’s a bloody death eater,” he whispered. “We’ve been through worse haven’t we?” He smacked Remus’ arm playfully, which did not succeed in lightening his mood as James had hoped.

“I don’t know, I’ll let you know after this weekend.” He rather thought he’d take the death eater right about now.

…

The next morning, Remus strode somewhat reluctantly to St. Jerome’s Church, which stood just a few streets down from his townhouse and a block away from the soon-to-be-newlyweds’ new cottage. St. Jerome’s was located in the heart of Godric’s Hollow and had been there since the thirteenth century. Its quaint, unassuming nature made it a perfect venue for a small wartime wedding. Remus kept having to remind himself that this was supposed to be a happy occasion. Two of his best friends were getting married for heaven’s sake, and yet he found himself dreading the whole ordeal.

As he passed the graveyard adjacent to the church, he heard the faint _whoosh_ of an apparition nearby. Halting his unenthusiastic march, he waited, his hand hovering over his wand should he need it to defend himself. He was quite relieved to see none other than Sirius Black emerge from behind a large oak tree.

“You were supposed to arrive _in_ the chapel.” Remus relaxed his wand hand and checked to make sure no one had noticed them. “Too many muggles around.”

“Guess I just missed the landing,” Sirius said smugly through a not-so-sorry grin. He was an effortlessly handsome chap with a symmetrical jawline as sharp as they come and a sharp tongue to match. As he approached, he ran his fingers through his shoulder-length black hair, and Remus could not articulate why this stupid gesture always sort of made him want to lightly punch Sirius in the jaw.

Sirius weaved through the headstones then hopped over the graveyard wall to embrace his friend. “Blimey Moony, you look like you’re about to be sick all over your shoes,” he said, which only increased Remus’ urge to sock him.

“Yeah, nice to see you too Padfoot,” Remus replied flatly, fully aware of this fact. “Marlene’s inside already then?”

“Yes, she left early to put up some decorations. Lily insisted she didn’t need any but...well, you know how my girlfriend gets.” The word _girlfriend_ would forever sound strange coming from his mouth, as Marlene McKinnon seemed to be the first girl to make a monogamist of Sirius Black (though he still insisted they were “just having fun” and “not taking things too seriously.”) Not that anyone was complaining - Marlene was as clever as she was caring and had done much to tame Sirius into a semi-respectable semi-adult.

There was a lull in the conversation and Sirius’ smile faded. He looked at Remus apprehensively. “...I heard about-”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Remus said over his shoulder as he pushed past him and approached the church. “Today is about celebrating James and Lily, so a re-hashing of my joke of a love life will be quite unnecessary thank you very much.”

“I don’t see how that’s at all avoidable in this situation, but here we go nonetheless,” Sirius remarked under his breath before catching up to him.

They walked into the sanctuary where preparations were being made for the ceremony. While small, St. Jerome’s was a lovely spot for a wedding. Its tall, stained-glass windows cast fragments of colored light onto the mahogany pews, contrasting the cold stone of the foundation. At the back of the church behind the altar was a larger round window made of multi-colored segments of glass woven together into an intricate circular pattern. At the time of the wedding tomorrow, the late afternoon light would pour through that very window and bathe James and Lily in its glow as they promised themselves to one another forever. Yes, a fitting spot for a wedding indeed.

On the outer aisle of the sanctuary, Peter and Alice were assisting Marlene with hanging some white decorative bows over the windows. With magic, this would have been a quick task, but since they had to err on the side of caution with so many muggles in town, Marlene had to get up on a ladder to do it manually. Adjacent to the altar, the officiant was speaking with the happy couple. Remus noticed that they both looked oddly serene. No more nerves. His observation of the church and the Potters distracted him from the footsteps following several yards behind him.

It was only when Lily turned and beamed at the source of the footsteps that he realized. “Em!” The bride left the altar to run and embrace her friend. Marlene climbed down from her ladder and followed suit.

Remus froze when he deduced who had come in, and dared not turn around. Eventually the rest of the wedding party approached to greet the woman behind him, as many of them, including himself, had not seen her in many months. James came up alongside Remus and placed a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Mate,” he whispered. Apparently, Remus’ impression of a statue was beginning to look a bit awkward. Directing his gaze up to the heavens and heaving a sigh, he turned around slowly to see her.

Fan-bloody-tastic.

Emmeline Vance looked infuriatingly beautiful, just as he had remembered her. He was rather hoping she would have grown a unibrow or something.

She was releasing Sirius from a tight embrace when their eyes locked, and her smile instantly disappeared as every muscle fiber in her body stiffened. The rest of the wedding party, knowing the extent of both of their discomfort, thought it best to return to their stations and hastily walked away.

“Hello Remus,” she said meekly, the smallest hint of a smile returning to the corner of her mouth.

He nodded stoically. “Emmeline.”

They stood in silence for a few moments, with Emmeline unable to come up with anything to say, while Remus had to keep himself from saying anything lest he start spewing profanity in a church.

Their stares were broken by the minister at the altar. “Shall we begin?”

Emmeline scurried past him and positioned herself on Lily’s side between Marlene and Alice. Remus took a moment to collect himself before taking his place next to Sirius.

The rest of the day was one big blur. Remus seemed even more quiet than usual, but he tried as best he could to smile and appear like he was enjoying himself for Lily and James. God forbid he cause a scene on their perfect day. Across the aisle, Emmeline’s happiness to be back with her friends was overshadowed by the guilt and shame she felt, and she took great care not to cast her gaze down by Remus. This day was not about them she assured herself, and they could discuss their own matters another time.


	2. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Lily are getting married, but it seems they're not the only ones with a wedding ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review review review!
> 
> Disclaimer: all characters and things related to the Harry Potter universe belong to *sigh* JKR

The following afternoon, Remus took an exceptionally long while to get ready for the ceremony (since he was constantly excusing himself to smoke a cigarette in between putting on pieces of his tuxedo. He hoped that the rental shop wouldn’t charge extra for the smell.) It was going to be fine. Yesterday had been fine, so today was going to be just fine. Peachy, in fact. Probably. 

James hardly noticed Remus’ state, as he compulsively fixed his bowtie and boutonniere, occasionally wiping sweat from his brow with a handkerchief. He had been dressed and ready for hours now, just pacing about the room, and he hadn’t even cracked a single wedding night joke. Only Lily Evans-soon-to-be-Potter could possibly put him in such a state so contrary to his usual devil-may-care demeanor. Sirius and Peter thought it best to not bother Remus, and instead focused on the groom. A few minutes before James was supposed to go out into the sanctuary, Sirius produced a bottle of scotch and four glasses.

“Where the hell have you been hiding that?!” exclaimed James, who looked a little relieved to be able to have a drink before the ceremony. 

Sirius chuckled and began pouring a dram into each glass. “Not too much sir, or Lily will smell you and turn right back around.” He handed the groom his glass. “I should know, Marley made me sleep on the couch after stag night.” 

“I hardly even remember the stag night,” said Peter, who winced slightly at the strong smell coming from his glass.

Even Remus, who had been brooding in the corner of the room, was drawn out of his seclusion and came to collect his glass. “Good to have you back,” Sirius joked as he handed it to him. He had poured Remus a little extra. 

“Now then,” Sirius began, screwing the cap back on the bottle and dramatically raising his own glass high in the air, as if he were about to recite a monologue and not give a toast. “Messrs Moony,”

“Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.” The other men laughed as they joined in the recitation. 

“Are gathered today to mourn the tragic loss of a dear colleague-”

“Oh, piss off, Pad!” James griped, shoving Sirius and causing his scotch to slosh out onto Remus’ pant leg. After the laughing had subsided, Sirius continued. 

“No, in all honestly...we are so happy for you, James. Well done.”

“Here here!” Peter chimed in. 

James was beaming and turning red. “I like being toasted as much as the next bloke, but if you don’t hurry this up, I’ll start crying and then I’ll look like a soggy cranberry when I greet my wife.”

“To Prongs,” said Remus, looking James in the eye with a heartfelt smile. 

“To the Marauders!” shouted Sirius. “Cheers!” Their glasses clinked.

With that, James intrepidly made his way out to the altar. The other three headed to the narthex at the front of the church, where the rest of the members of the wedding party were to line up to walk down the aisle. Lily was the first to greet them as they entered: she looked appropriately radiant in a simple but elegant white silk gown with a delicate veil over her copper locks, which Marlene had done up into a beautiful coiffure. All three groomsmen stopped and made various exclamatory comments when they saw the beautiful bride, each taking their turn to embrace her. 

“My God Lily, you’re a vision.”

“That’s sweet of you, Remus.”

“Sweet Merlin, somebody call Witch Weekly! I think they’ll find they’re missing their front page girl!”

“What Sirius _means_ to say is you look really, really beautiful.”

“Thanks, Peter. So, he hasn’t made a run for it then?” the bride inquired jokingly.

“I actually think he’s worried that _you’re_ the one who’s going to run off,” Remus informed her, gesturing inside the sanctuary. 

Lily raised a mildly amused eyebrow. “You don’t suppose he’s actually concerned about that, is he?”

“No, but the sweating might have led one to believe so,” said Peter.

“My husband-to-be could stand to benefit from some nerves. You know, keeps him on his toes,” said Lily, looking rather pleased with herself.

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know. Remus and Peter will hold him off if you want to make a quick escape out the back.”

“Are you proposing, Black?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I heard that!” barked Marlene, who had emerged from the bride’s dressing room completely flustered. 

“Just a bit of fun, Marley,” Sirius reassured her.

Remus mimed a whip to Peter, who turned crimson trying to stifle his laughter.

Marlene had bigger things to worry about and chose to ignore this. She turned to Lily. “Ready?”

“Absolutely,” said Lily. And she meant it. 

“Brilliant. I’ll get everyone lined up. Alice is just fixing her hair. She has a _pixie cut_ for Merlin’s sake so I don’t see what there is to fuss about…” she grumbled, trotting back to the dressing room to fetch the others. 

“Lily, wait a moment,” said Sirius, dropping the act and grabbing her hands.

“Sirius, I’m not actually going to run off with you, you know.”

“I just wanted to say that...the world is pretty mucked up right now, but you deserve every good thing in it, and the way you and James love each other...well...it just gives me hope that someday, it’s going to be better.”

Lily was struck by this rare sincerity, and gripped his hands back tightly. “Sirius…”

“We really are happy for the both of you,” said Remus, echoing his sentiment.

“Alright, that’s enough from the three of you. I can’t cry before I go out there,” she said, having to look at the ground to abate tears. If the boys said one more word, her heart would overflow and Marlene would be cross with her for ruining her makeup. She hugged them each one final time. Fleamont Potter entered with perfect timing, and Lily went to the back of the line to take the arm of her soon-to-be father in law, who kissed her cheek tenderly. 

“Easy Dad, I reckon that’s James’ job.” 

“Nonsense Sirius,” he said. “I’m allowed to kiss my new daughter-in-law.”

Just then, Marlene shooed the other bridesmaids out of the dressing room. Sirius and Peter paired up with Marlene and Alice, and Remus realized too late that he had been left to pair up with Emmeline. Weren’t they supposed to have worked out this procession yesterday? Or had they already done it and he just repressed the memory?

Emmeline stood quietly at the second spot in line, dressed in a periwinkle silk gown like the other two bridesmaids with her eyes safely on her bouquet of white peonies. Her thick, chestnut hair had been shaped into a chic twist, and the thin, fluid silk of the dress adorned her every shapley curve. Remus gulped. 

After a nudge from Lily, Marlene stepped out of the penultimate spot in line and faced them. “Maybe you two could trade with Alice and Peter?” 

“No,” Emmeline replied, looking up from the flowers directly at Remus. “It’s alright.” She held out her arm for him, unsure of what he was going to do. 

He took a moment to consider his options, then Remus calmly entwined his arm with hers, not once breaking eye contact. Marlene and Sirius exchanged looks that were somewhere between horror and delight. 

The sound of the organ broke their stares, and the doors flung open into the sanctuary as the few guests stood up from their pews. Emmeline and Remus turned and faced straight ahead. Out went Alice and Peter, then it was their turn. Marlene and Sirius followed.

The trip down the short aisle seemed to span far longer than it should have. Both of them stared flatly ahead, simply focused on walking in a straight line. After a few moments, there was a collective sigh from the congregation.

“That must be Lily,” whispered Remus, almost unaware that he had said it out loud. He glanced up at James, and could make out glistening tears beginning to accumulate on his friend’s cheeks. 

“...She looks exquisite,” Emmeline replied in the same hushed volume.

“...Yes, she does. That doesn’t come as a surprise.” 

They continued walking. How long was this aisle?

“...Is that...did you just drink scotch?”

Remus shook his head a bit in disbelief and looked at her for the first time since they left the narthex. “How did-...Ah, yes. I hear you’ve been in Scotland,” he said in a sour tone, turning back to the altar.

“I’d know the smell of peat anywhere.”

Finally. They reached the altar and went to their respective sides, then watched the bride and groom’s tearful greeting. The ceremony began. 

“Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today…”

Remus had intended not to look at Emmeline at all during the ceremony. The one occasion that his eyes betrayed him was the first time he noticed the diamond ring on her left hand.


	3. The Waltz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmeline decides to confront her fears with a dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Tis not music, but feedback which is the food of love. Leave me some :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I am disappointed to report that all characters and things related to the Harry Potter universe belong to JKR

The autumn sunlight passing through the altar's prismic window bore witness to the Potters’ tender declaration of “till death do us part.” Their friends and relations in the pews were moved by the ardent vows exchanged by the bride and groom, and even Sirius-“getting married is for sods”-Black became misty-eyed. Remus tried desperately to be present and enjoy the service as much as the others, but could not stop thinking about the ring he had failed to notice before:

“-You are my light, Lily, in a world that seems to offer only darkness, and I vow-”

_“How could I have missed that?”_

“-From this day forward, to give you the very best of myself,-”

_“And who could she possibly be married to that quickly?”_

He snapped back to reality when it came time for “You may kiss the bride.” The little organ started up in a pitiful fanfare, accompanied by the applause of the sparse congregation as James and Lily shared their first kiss as husband and wife. They paraded back down the aisle, happily greeting the few attendees as they passed, and when the bridal party began to file out behind them, Emmeline watched wistfully as Remus made a swift escape through the side door behind the altar.

She processed out behind the rest of the bridal party alone. 

Remus hoped that, in the bliss of the moment, James and Lily hadn’t noticed him slip out to the graveyard. He was back in front of the church in time for a picture, after having speed-smoked the emergency cigarette he had stowed in his lapel pocket. 

...

The wedding party and the guests eventually trickled into the reception, which was held at the Potter’s new house in town. Seeing as James and Lily were high-level targets for The Dark Lord’s followers, and given the risks of throwing a big, raucous wedding reception (which they otherwise might have done), the guest list had to be kept fairly small and was limited only to immediate family members and colleagues in the Order (or, in Emmeline’s case, former colleagues; but more on that later). There were the Longbottoms, Frank and Alice, recent newlyweds themselves; Alastor Moody, who had parked himself in an armchair and was nursing a dram of whiskey; Dorcas Meadowes and Benjy Fenwick had come, as well as Sturgis Podmore; James’ parents were there of course; Lily’s sister Petunia had, unsurprisingly, declined her invitation. Other than Marlene, Emmeline, and the rest of the Marauders, that was it. 

After grabbing a necessary gimlet from the enchanted bar set up in the kitchen, Remus tried to take his mind off things by studying the new house far more intently than it needed to be studied. _“That’s some lovely crown moulding,”_ he thought to himself, as if he was actually interested in crown moulding. It must have looked concerning that he was concentrating so hard on the curtains in the dining room, because James and Peter sensed his stratagem and pulled him out of his solitude. 

“Moony!” James announced himself as Remus realized too late that he was about to be subjected to giving him a piggy-back ride. “I’m _married_ _!_ Can you believe it?” As he was pounced upon, Remus dropped his cocktail, but an anticipatory levitation charm from James prevented the glass from shattering on the floor. 

“We know, we were there, and you’ve only said it about fifteen times,” Peter reminded him, snatching the glass out of the air and setting it down safely on a nearby shelf. 

“How much has this tosser had to drink?” Remus asked, adjusting his stance to support James’ weight.

“The scary thing is, he hasn’t had a drop since before the ceremony. He’s just _like this._ ”

And by “this,” Peter was referring to the fact that James wore a smile wider than any he had ever donned before, for he had just married Lily Evans, and what could be better than that? “Someday, when you’re having the best night of your life, you’ll understand,” James informed them. “Every time my _wife_ walks by, I remember that she’s my _wife,_ and that we’re _married_ , and why are you both looking at me like I’m barking?”

“ _Incoming!_ ” shouted Sirius, who seemed to come out of nowhere as he took a running leap onto James’ back even as he was still on Remus’. Poor unsuspecting Remus’ knees buckled under the sudden addition of weight, knocking Peter over as they came crashing down in a pile on the floor, all of them still in their tuxedos and laughing hysterically. 

And for a fleeting moment, Remus forgot that Emmeline was there. 

This may also have been because Emmeline had spent the last half hour hiding in the spare room upstairs. Out of sight, out of mind.

She had been terrified to see Remus since Lily invited her to the wedding. So terrified in fact, that it had been difficult to get any sleep in the days leading up to the rehearsal. After forty-five minutes, she emerged from her hiding place to creep into the adjacent bathroom, locking the door behind her. Emmeline examined herself in the mirror, disappointed by her own reflection and the state of her makeup: the thick layer of concealer hiding the dark circles under her eyes had begun to melt from all her nervous sweating. She withdrew her wand, muttered “ _Reparo,_ ” and the makeup re-coagulated. Useful thing, magic. Emmeline stashed the wand back in her dress and furtively exited the bathroom, only to be caught by Marlene, who had just ascended the stairs. 

“There you are! Have you been hiding up here this whole time?” Her light and lilting Scottish accent somehow made the question sound even more accusatory.

Emmeline looked at her contritely. Marlene was a petite witch with flaxen hair that always did what it was supposed to, and large blue eyes which rivaled those of Botticelli’s Venus. She looked utterly marvelous, and Emmeline felt like a melting candle. “I feel like I’m going to be sick,” she groaned.

Marlene rolled her eyes. “There are not enough people here for you two to avoid one another properly without it going unnoticed, you know.” 

“Marlene, he walked away at the end of the ceremony. He left out the other door. I thought it was going to be fine, but then he couldn’t even bring himself to process out next to me. Not that I blame him, I just-”

“Can you not just coexist in the same room and ignore each other?”

“No- I mean, yes, but...” She sighed, gathering her fragmented thoughts. “I don’t want to ignore him. I just have no idea how to initiate a conversation with him after this long.”

“Just...say hello. Start with small talk,” Marlene suggested optimistically, giving her friend a comforting pat on the arm. This time, Emmeline rolled her eyes. 

“Yes, brilliant. Hello Remus, nice weather today. By the way, how have things been since I up and _left you_?”

“...Okay, perhaps not like that.”

Emmeline let out a grunt and ran her hands through her hair, loosening the neatly styled bun. 

They were startled by Lily, who had just come out of her bedroom. She had released _her_ hair from its pins and it was now cascading effortlessly down her shoulders in waves like a burnished bronze tapestry. “Oh, everything alright?”

“Fine,” Emmeline lied, faking a smile as she came to the conclusion that she was the only melting candle present. “What are you doing up here? Aren’t you supposed to be downstairs doing bride things?”

“Truthfully? I came up to sit and smile to myself like an insane person for a few minutes.” She leaned her head back against the wall like a smitten Austen heroine. “Why, what have I interrupted?”

“Em is trying to figure out how to talk to Remus,” Marlene tattled matter-of-factly. 

“Marley!” Emmeline shot her a warning glance. She didn’t want to burden Lily on her wedding day.

Lily straightened back up. “I thought you two seemed to be getting on fine before we processed in.”

“ _Fine_ is a strong word. I don’t think he’s pleased that I didn’t warn him I was going to be here.”

“Not to add insult to injury Em, but I think there may be several things he’s not quite chuffed about,” added Marlene, holding up her left hand and wiggling the ring finger.

“ _Thanks,_ Marlene.” Emmeline took a few steps back towards the spare room, but the door shut in her face. She turned incredulously to find Marlene putting her wand away. 

“Hiding isn’t going to solve anything.”

“Wait a minute, how long have you been up here?” asked Lily.

“Shall I go get Alice and Doe? We can make this a right-proper girls meeting,” Marlene proposed excitedly.

Emmeline was not particularly interested in having this snowball, and decided in an impulsive moment of courage that it would just be better to get it over with. “You know what, I’m just going to do it.” With that, she walked purposefully downstairs and back into the party. Lily and Marlene looked at each other, then dashed down behind her to spectate. 

  
  


Remus was in the middle of a rather lackluster conversation with Sturgis when he spotted Emmeline approaching. 

“So then I said to him, I said-”

“Do you want to dance?” Emmeline asked breathlessly, interrupting Sturgis. 

There was a long, awkward pause in which Remus stared blankly at Emmeline while Sturgis slowly crept away. Emmeline was about to give up and retreat when:

“Sure.” 

Remus gently took her hand and led her to the front room where the Longbottoms and James’ parents were dancing - Frank had enchanted the upright piano Lily inherited from her late parents, and it was twinkling Chopin nocturnes in the corner. Even Alastor was tapping his prosthetic foot. Emmeline supposed they were doing this to make it feel like a proper wedding reception, and at the time a dance seemed like a good way to get Remus close enough to initiate a conversation without having to pull him away from the party. It wasn’t that she was afraid to be alone with him; she was, however, legitimately afraid that Remus might get upset and leave, and Emmeline didn’t think she could bear the humiliation of having to tell James and Lily that she had chased him out of their celebration. This way, the others in the room acted as a sort of buffer. 

The piano was playing some sort of slow waltz; not that it made any difference since neither Emmeline nor Remus were proficient dancers. Alice and Frank, who were twirling gracefully close by, watched them with mild intrigue as they cautiously paired up and began to sway together. One by one, people who knew the both of them noticed their awkward promenade. Emmeline began to realize that perhaps this was less inconspicuous than she had hoped.

They were silent at first, each looking over the other’s shoulders to avoid their eyes. Remus could feel the smooth metal of her ring against the side of his palm. He couldn’t wonder to himself any longer. He had to know. 

“You got married,” was the most eloquent thing he could muster at the moment. 

“Engaged, actually,” Emmeline corrected him. Remus felt a massive tension leave his body that he hadn’t known had been there.

They were silent for a few more seconds, and had drawn more eyes.

This clarification begged another question. “...Who are you engaged to?” he asked, actually managing to form a proper inquiry this time.

Emmeline was afraid to say, but didn’t see a way out of his query. They had certainly skipped small talk. “Erm...you remember Tiberius McLaggen, don’t you?” 

Remus stopped swaying and pulled away. Oh no. 

“ _McLaggen?!_ ”

The other couples stopped dancing. Even the piano was shocked by the outburst and ceased its tune.

“Remus!” she hissed. But it was too late. He was already walking away. 

Emmeline stood frozen in the middle of the room, too embarrassed to move. That had definitely backfired. She soon came to the sickening realization that a half dozen people were watching her, while half a dozen others watched Remus walk briskly out the front door. Her face felt hot all of the sudden. 

Sirius started after Remus, but Marlene and Lily held him back. They were debating whether or not to send James to get him when Emmeline dashed past them. 


	4. Upset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Emmeline begin to address the problems between them. Sometimes there's ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Canon Divergence Disclaimer: I will try to put a disclaimer every time I knowingly stray from canon. It's been a super fun challenge for me to try to adhere to the timeline and events of canon, but there are a few teensy things I am altering for the purposes of the story. One of those things is Remus' experience with the Wolfsbane potion. There is no exact date for its invention (unless you consider Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery canon for some reason?) but it is mentioned in PoS that Remus didn't have access to it before his time as a Professor at Hogwarts. It is going to be very important to some events at the end of this story which will lead into its Second Wizarding War sequel that Remus does, in fact, have access to it before then (though it will be a while before you find out how.) Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I'm always down to answer any questions.
> 
> Craving feedback
> 
> Disclaimer: JKR still owns all these characters

Remus leaned up against the little brick wall in front of the house, lit, then furiously inhaled his cigarette. To hell with the tuxedo. Not only was she _engaged,_ she was engaged to a complete and utter _prat_. McLaggen was a debbonaire trust fund baby who had been two years above them in school and came from a long line of Ministry arse-kissers. He was the very last person on earth Remus thought Emmeline would ever involve herself with romantically, let alone marry. Then again, this whole ordeal had made him wonder if he'd ever really known her at all. Perhaps she did fancy those types, and he had simply given her too much credit. 

“Remus.” 

Speak of the devil. 

She was relieved that he didn’t seem to be leaving, but surprised to find a cigarette betwixt his fingers. “Since when do you smoke?” she asked from the other side of the gate, wisely choosing to give him a fair bit of room. He did not meet her eyes but laughed in response, which frustrated Emmeline. “And what, may I ask, is so funny?” 

“Well,” he began, expelling smoke from the corner of his mouth, “you haven’t exactly been here to find out, have you?” He took another spiteful drag of the cigarette, this time delaying his exhale so that smoke leaving his lips curled around each of his next words: “A lot of things change in _a year._ ” 

“...It hasn’t quite been a year,” Emmeline corrected him, folding her arms around herself. She had made the mistake of not grabbing her coat on her way out the door, and the thin silk of the bridesmaid’s dress did nothing to ward off the chill in the air. Too late to go back for it now - he might’ve been gone by the time she came back.

Remus raised an insolent eyebrow. “It’s been ten months and eleven days.”

Emmeline swallowed her words, speechless that he'd kept track, and stared at the ground to avoid his eyes which he now cast in her direction. 

“I’m rounding up,” he snapped coarsely. If words could bear poison...

“Remus, I would very much like to give you an explanation for why I’ve been gone, but I hardly think this is the time or place-” 

“I hear you’ve been back for weeks. Would’ve been nice to know,” he cut her off.

“...You’re right, I should have reached out to you earlier.” She could offer him no excuse, except maybe _“I was scared out of my wits to talk to you,”_ and chose to leave it at that.

“Why did you come back?”

As the guilty party in all this, Emmeline let Remus take the lead with his questions, but was finding it difficult to provide him with answers that he would deem acceptable without knowing the whole truth of the matter.

“...Well?”

“...Because Tiberius needed to move to London for work. And he thought since we were moving in together...” She couldn’t even bring herself to finish her statement, because it began to sound as stupid and indefensible to her as it probably did to Remus. 

He scoffed bitterly, and got right to asking another question he wasn’t even sure he wanted the answer to. “Did you run off with him? Is that what happened?”

“What- _No!_ _Absolutely_ not! We weren’t... _involved_ until after I...relocated.” She was too ashamed to say _left without a trace_ , though that was exactly what she had done and she knew it. 

Her response did not soothe or satisfy Remus whatsoever, nor did it vindicate her. He personally felt that under ten months was not a sufficient amount of time to date someone before getting engaged. He had been with Emmeline for over two years, and they hadn’t once talked about getting married. Could she really have forgotten about him that quickly?

“Please, Remus, you have every right to be upset but-”

“ _Upset?_ ”

Remus cracked the hint of a crazed smile. 

“ _Upset!?”_ he repeated, flicking the cigarette on the ground and stomping on it before letting himself back through the gate. “ _Upset_ doesn’t even come _close_. You know, maybe at first, I was _upset_. It was indeed ‘ _upsetting_ ’ to come home one day and find that my girlfriend had just taken all of her things, quit her job, and gone. With no warning. _None.”_

Emmeline said nothing to oppose him and instead let him continue. 

“I suppose it was also ‘ _upsetting_ ’ when I had to find out not from Marlene, not from Lily, but from Albus Dumbledore where you had run off to, since you were kind enough to write to him but didn’t have the decency to inform your own partner or any of your friends. And it’s particularly _maddening_ that, after _A YEAR_ of radio silence, my prodigal lover has returned, again without warning, and _engaged_. To Tiberius _bloody_ McLaggen. Frankly Emmeline, I am beyond _upset_ , I am just plain _pissed off.”_

Remus huffed and puffed at the end of his tirade. Rarely would he allow himself to vomit up everything on his mind like that, and Emmeline knew well that it was usually best to let him get it all out before attempting to proceed. She endured all his words without protestation as she deserved, then once he had settled down enough to pull another cigarette from his back pocket, she couldn’t help but give him a small smile. She had missed him, after all.

“You done?” 

Remus took a long, therapeutic drag of his newly lit cigarette. “For now.”

“...How’d that feel?”

“Bloody fantastic.”

“Good. Glad you got it out of your system,” She deemed it safe to get closer to him and snatched the cigarette, helping herself to a puff.

“...Since when do _you_ smoke?” 

“I don’t,” she wheezed, coughing the vaporized tar back out and regretting her decision. “I really don't see the appeal. These will-” 

“Kill me, I know,” he finished her sentence for her, looking mildly amused as he took back his cigarette. He had grown up telling James and Sirius the same thing, but had been willfully ignoring his own advice as of late. 

He studied her and noticed that she did not, in fact, look _just_ as he had remembered her. Though uneducated in the minutia of hairstyles, he could tell from the volume of her bun that she had let her hair grow out a few inches longer. Her hair had always been a tad unruly, but she never seemed to mind and Remus assumed that perhaps she liked it that way. It seemed tamer now, or maybe Marlene’s hair styling skills had done the trick of subduing it. He didn’t think he had ever seen her wear this much makeup before either, and felt as though he was looking at her full lips for the very first time. Had they always looked like that and he’d simply forgotten? The thought saddened him. 

“...I do owe you an explanation, but I can’t give it to you tonight. Is there somewhere we could meet to talk?” Emmeline asked, thankful that it no longer seemed as though the evening would end in disaster.

“Name the place,” Remus shrugged, trying to seem disinterested and aloof after accidentally having stared at her mouth for a bit too long.

She considered this for a moment. “We could go to Florean’s. You know, for old times' sake.”

“...It’s November,” he stated, noticing her shivering.

“How dare you suggest that ice cream is seasonal.”

“...Alright. Florean’s it is.”

…

Diagon Alley wasn’t nearly as crowded at this time of year since all of the 11-to-18-year-old patrons were at Hogwarts finishing their fall term. Emmeline peered through the window of Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour, but Remus hadn’t arrived yet. A few days had passed since the wedding, and she wondered if he had decided not to show up to their meeting after all. She flicked her wrist up to glance at her watch, and was relieved to discover that she was fifteen minutes early. Perhaps enough time to pop into another shop...

Emmeline was convinced that nothing in her life had ever felt as good as coming back to England after so many months away. She had missed Diagon Alley and the smell of the books in Flourish and Blotts. As she nostalgically ran her fingers over the sections of school texts upstairs, memories from various classes at Hogwarts flooded her mind. _Advanced Potion Making_ made her recall the time Marlene accidentally created some sort of cognizant gelatinous mass in Potions, and Professor Slughorn had to bring Dumbledore down to vanquish it. _Intermediate Transfiguration_ made her laugh to herself. In third year, Sirius made a grave miscalculation and managed (quite impressively) to transfigure not his quill, but instead poor Matthew Brown into a sparrow. He had to be sent to the hospital wing in a bird cage. The Grade 5 Edition of _The Standard Book of Spells_ was a good one too; this didn’t evoke a memory from a Charms class per say, but instead of throwing it down onto the moving stairs to distract Filch one night when she and Remus snuck out to stargaze. 

“I thought I might find you up here,” Remus said from behind her, causing her to jump. Emmeline checked her watch again and realized she had been there for twenty minutes. She apologized as they made their way back down the stairs.

...

It should have been exceedingly difficult to talk to each other after all this time, but it wasn’t. The conversation flowed so naturally that it was hard to recall what topic had led them on to the next. 

“-They had this potion, you see.”

“Wait, speaking of potions,” Emmeline interjected. “I’ve been meaning to ask you…” She lowered her voice and leaned across the table. “I’m sure you’ve heard about the invention of-”

“Yes,” he whispered back.

“...and I know _it’s_ expensive, but-”

“I’ve been taking _it_ regularly for the last six months.”

“Remus, that’s fantastic!” she congratulated him in hushed tones, instinctively squeezing his hand before realizing her error and snatching her hand back. “How’s _it_ been, then?”

 _“It’s_ been nothing short of a miracle. The... _process_ is still painful, but once I change it’s still _me_ in there, not just pure beast, if that makes sense. I’m able to stay home.”

“That’s great news.”

Two topics of conversation that were somehow avoided entirely but burning in the back of Remus’ mind were: 

  1. Why Emmeline left in the first place
  2. How the hell McLaggen had managed to wriggle himself into the picture



They'd been twirling their spoons in empty bowls for several minutes when he finally asked. “So, you and McLaggen?” He felt compelled to look away as soon as the question left his tongue.

There it was. Emmeline leaned back in her seat away from him. “...Yeah. He erm, he’s just been hired by the ministry.”

 _“He’s been hired by his daddy,”_ Remus thought indignantly. 

“And you said you reconnected in Scotland?”

“We met back up in Edinburgh after…” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “He thought it would be easier if he was a bit closer to the office, so now we’re in London.” 

“...Oh.”

It seemed like that was that. Until:

“It...it all happened so fast Remus I-”

“I see,” he interrupted. Going into this conversation, he thought he wanted to know everything about Emmeline’s unexplained absence. Now that he was in it, hearing her talk about _him_ was making his chest tighten up. He decided he didn’t want to know any more details about McLaggen.

“...What about you?” Emmeline asked, quickly changing the subject. “Has there...er...been anyone?”

... _Been anyone?_ After her? What was she expecting him to say? 

Remus looked up from his bowl directly into her eyes, shaking his head. “No one.”

To his surprise, Emmeline looked rather shocked by this. “...No one at all?”

“No, of course not. There was only one person I...” He trailed off.

Emmeline suddenly felt as though the ice cream had begun to curdle in her stomach. 

“Hi,” said the young witch from behind the counter as she approached them. “So sorry to bother you, but we’re about to close.”

“Of course, we’ll be on our way,” said Emmeline, getting up from her chair and hastily walking back out into the Alley. It was already dark out. Once they had both left the shop, Remus caught her by the arm. 

“You told me you would give me an explanation.”

“I know, but not here.”

“What?” Hadn’t that been why they met in the first place?

She grabbed his hand and they disapparated. 


	5. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He thought he had come up with every possible scenario as to why Emmeline might have left. This was not one of them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin would want you to leave a review. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except the DRAMA

He opened his eyes to find that they had apparated to a large, sleek penthouse apartment with a view of the London city center and the Thames. Remus could hardly believe what he was seeing as he took everything in - the high ceiling, the panoramic window, the great, marble hearth - then, he watched as Emmeline set down her satchel and hung up her coat. 

“...You live _here?”_ he asked, astounded.

“Well, we do now. We’ve just moved,” she answered casually, motioning to some un-opened cardboard boxes in the corner of the vast sitting room. “Make yourself at home. Tiberius won’t be back for another hour or so.” 

Remus continued to ogle at her, searching her face; but she carried on, nonchalantly flicking light switches and tidying up stray books on the coffee table. Finally, he hung his head and looked down at his shoes, a resentful chuckle escaping his lips. 

His laugh took Emmeline by surprise, and she stopped what she was doing to puzzle at him. “...What?”

“...I understand now,” he muttered, lifting his gaze to glower at her bitterly. 

Emmeline hadn’t the faintest idea what he could have possibly just “understood,” as she hadn’t really told him anything yet. “...What are you talking about?” 

He plucked his hands from his pockets to gesture towards the lavish sitting room before them, taking a few steps past her to observe the extravagant furniture. The coffee table alone was probably worth more than his condominium. 

“...Remus, I’m not following. Please, sit down, I need to tell you-”

“This is all _really_ lovely. I hope you two have a marvelous life together,” he spat, cutting her off. He then turned on his heels and intended to disapparate home, but Emmeline grabbed his arm. 

“Hey! What are you on about?!” 

“Oh well it’s obvious, isn’t it?!” His sudden outburst caused her to flinch and she staggered back. 

“Enlighten me,” she bade him, quickly regaining her nerve and squaring off with him again. 

Remus’ eyes found her ring. “That’s a sizable diamond, how much did _that_ cost?”

When she realized his meaning, Emmeline’s brow furrowed in disgust. “How _dare_ you, Remus Lupin.”

“Please, I’m not daft! I had been racking my brain trying to come up with why McLaggen might be of _any_ interest to you, but now it all makes perfect sense!”

“You have _no_ idea what you’re talking about,” she insisted, her mouth twisting up as the words left. She pushed past him so that he wouldn’t see her begin to cry. 

“Don’t I?!” he called after her. “Because I’m finding it hard not to draw conclusions when you seem to have _upgraded_ from our shoebox apartment to a _bloody palace!”_

“Remus, please,” she pleaded, still not facing him. But he was hardly listening.

“Well if it isn’t his money then what is it?!” He was finally ready to hear her answer to his last, festering question. “Is it...” He had to pause for a moment, as he could feel his shaking voice starting to betray him. “Is it because he isn’t...is it because he’s _normal?”_

Upon hearing this, Emmeline turned around slowly, giving up on hiding her tears from him. “...What?” she breathed.

Remus lowered his voice and tried desperately to swallow the lump in his throat. “Because if that’s the case-”

“You think I left because of your lycanthropy?”

“...You never gave me any answers, so that was my most logical guess.” A stray tear fell from the corner of his eye. _Damn it._ He wiped it quickly. 

Emmeline covered her mouth, drawing in a shuddering breath as she looked at him, aching. “That isn’t...I would _never_...” 

He raised his voice again to mask his pain with his anger. “Damn it Emmeline, then _please_ put me out of my misery and give me a reason, because I have spent the last year thinking you couldn’t handle my disease anymore!”

“I was _PREGNANT!”_ she snapped.

Remus felt as though the word knocked the wind out of him. 

  
  


They stood still for a moment, both afraid to move for fear of crumbling. Finally, Emmeline slumped onto the ground and sobbed into her hands. Remus did not hesitate in bolting to her side to throw his arms around her, and she grasped them tightly as she tugged herself into his embrace. They remained there for what felt like a lifetime. 

Eventually, he gained the courage to quietly ask:

“What...What happened?” 

Emmeline pulled herself up to face him, but had to take a few extra seconds to streamline her thoughts. Remus waited patiently. The tears and redness in her eyes amplified the green outer ring of their hazel - an unfortunate precondition for them to look this brilliant.

“I found out at the end of December, a few days before I left…” Emmeline continued to cry softly as she spoke. “We had just finished school, and we both started working for the Order, and then there was the war...it felt like the world was crashing down around us and we were so young and I was...I was so _scared_.” She took a few shaky breaths. “So I didn’t really think, I just got up and ran like an absolute coward. But I swear Remus, I was certain you would move on and find somebody else.” 

Remus stared at her, flummoxed. In their year apart, he thought he had come up with every possible scenario as to why Emmeline might have left. This was not one of them. He had always thought they had been pretty careful when it came to that sort of thing...not careful enough, apparently.

“Who else knew?”

“I didn’t tell anybody. Not Lily, not Marlene, not even Dumbledore in the letter. Tiberius doesn’t know either.” After a few moments and a few more tears, she spoke again, this time with more urgency. “Remus, I’m so sorry for what I did, I’m so unbelievably-”

“Emmeline,” He took her face in both of his hands. “I should have come after you, I thought-”

“I never wanted you to think that I left because I thought your condition was a burden, never.” She began to weep again. Remus cracked a small smile through his own tears, and pulled her back into his arms. 

Then something occurred to Remus - and since he didn’t see any baby clothes or furniture around the flat, he was afraid to ask.

“Emmeline?”

“Yes?”

“...If you were pregnant...” But he never got the chance to finish his question. He stopped when he felt her shudder against him.

She let out an excruciating whimper against his coat: “I miscarried four weeks later.”

Remus’ jaw hung open, and he tightened his grasp around her. “You should not have tried to do that all by yourself. You should have come home.” 

“I was too ashamed to come back at that point. I couldn’t face you. And then Tiberius, he was there for me, and-”

“Emmeline…” He cupped her face again, his lips desperate for hers, when the front door swung open:

“What the hell is going on?”

As if she had summoned him, there stood Tiberius in the doorway, his chest puffed out like a stout bear. He wasn’t a particularly tall bloke, but he was handsome in a well-groomed, expensive-wardrobe, my-watch-is-worth-more-than-you sort of way. 

“Tiberius,” Emmeline exclaimed, rising unsteadily to her feet. Remus shot up as well.

Tiberius squinted at the pair of them. “... _Lupin?”_

“McLaggen,” he groaned in response. 

“What exactly are you doing in my house with your arms around my fiancée?” He strode towards Remus menacingly, but Emmeline stepped out in front of him. 

“Tiberius, wait-” She attempted to stop him, but Tiberius walked right past her and jabbed his wand against Remus’ neck. The wand had to be pointed upward as Remus was quite tall and had four or five inches on McLaggen, but this did not deter him. Remus did not fight back, and simply held his hands up in the air, surrendering.

“Don’t do anything stupid Tiberius,” Emmeline pleaded frustratedly from the sidelines. “I was upset and he was only trying to console me.”

Tiberius shot her a livid scowl, then brought his focus back to Remus. “I don’t much like it when people come into my house and try to take what’s mine.”

Remus raised an eyebrow and glanced back at Emmeline, who by the looks of it hadn’t much cared for this possessive statement either. He could have assured Tiberius that this was not what he was doing...except for the fact that it sort of was what he was doing. He had been about to kiss her, after all. He could have pointed out that she had been with him first, but that would probably result in a nasty hex or a punch in the nose. So instead, he just said: “She isn’t a thing to be owned, you know.” 

Remus quickly realized that this was _also_ not the right thing to say, not to Tiberius anyway. McLaggen wound back to cast some sort of spell, but Emmeline caught his arm. He elbowed her off, giving Remus enough time to draw his wand, but before any jinxes were thrown Emmeline managed to produce her own wand: _“Accio!”_

Both mens’ wands flew out of their own grasps and into Emmeline’s hand. 

_“Stop it!_ Both of you!” she screeched, thrusting herself between them. She shot Tiberius a contemptuous look, withholding his wand from him. She then turned to Remus, her brow softening, and handed his wand back gently. “You should go.”

Go? 

But they had so much left to discuss. 

Would they see each other again? 

This was all wrong. 

This penthouse was wrong. 

The ruddy coffee table was wrong.

 _He_ was wrong. 

_“Come with me,"_ Remus’ eyes pleaded silently. 

But Emmeline said nothing. Behind her, Tiberius was growing impatient. “...Any day now Lupin.”

To prevent himself from following through on the curse he wanted so badly to deliver, Remus offered her one last look of defeat, then disapparated.

When he was gone, Tiberius strode around to face Emmeline, who gazed dismally at the spot where Remus had just been in a semi-catatonic state. “Would you like to tell me what the hell that was about?”

“I don’t see the sense in trying to explain it to you while you’re so angry,” she responded in a monotone voice, her eyes still fixed on thin air. 

Tiberius scoffed. “Did you have a good snog for old times sake then?” 

That brought her right out of her trance, and she turned back to him with a caustic glare. “ _No_. I just...I had to tell him why I left.” 

“Must have been a fairly _intimate_ conversation.”

Well, it sort of had been as a matter of fact, but she didn’t have much mental energy left to concede that. “You knew I was hurting when you and I started seeing each other and that I had never given him a proper goodbye. We needed closure.” She stuttered through the word “needed,” almost neglecting the past tense. They had hardly achieved closure; if anything, she had only ripped the hole wider.

Tiberius was as unsympathetic as he would have been towards a toy that someone was trying to take from him on the playground. “Well I’ve never seen ‘closure’ that looked quite like that,” he fumed, throwing his coat back on. “Since you’d rather not talk this through right now, I’ll be at the pub. I need a drink.” He stormed back out the door with no protest from Emmeline.


	6. Brandy and Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Marlene help Remus to process a revelation. A flashback recalls Remus and Emmeline's first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone left me a note (which I greatly appreciated) about the story containing their three favorite things: chain smoking, drinking, and tension. Well my friend, there's plenty more where that came from! This chapter and the next also contain delightful flashback vignettes, and there will be plenty more of those too. I have finished writing this story and have a Hogwarts years prequel in the works that I am eager to start writing after I finish the Second Wizarding War sequel, which is in progress. I hope you stick around :)
> 
> Reviews are nice
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the chain smoking, drinking, and tension

Remus didn’t think it wise for him to be by himself after that catastrophe, so instead of going home to flirt with some undoubtedly self-destructive behaviors, he apparated to Sirius’ house in Tutshill. With the help of James’ parents, Sirius had purchased the property last summer with some gold left to him by his uncle Alphard, and Remus was quite fond of the house. The boys had often congregated there to spend time together and/or partake in whatever tomfoolery James and Sirius were in the mood for. 

When Remus touched down in the entryway, Sirius charged out of the kitchen, wand in hand. “Bloody hell Remus, we thought you were a death eater.” He quickly put his wand away and welcomed his friend inside.

“Sirius, I’m terribly sorry to trouble you-”

“Remus?” Marlene popped her head out from the hallway. 

“-To trouble _both_ of you. Hi Marlene.” Remus had forgotten that his intrusion would inconvenience Marlene as well, but was very glad to see her. It was not uncommon to find Marlene staying at Sirius’ house; they had practically moved in together. (“Not taking things too seriously” indeed.)

“It’s no bother...you don’t look too well,” she observed, approaching him. “What’s the matter?” 

“Well...I’ve just spoken with Emmeline.”

Both Marlene and Sirius made a face like they’d just watched Remus hit himself over the head with a beater’s club. “Say no more, I’ll put the kettle on,” offered Marlene, starting towards the kitchen. 

“To hell with the kettle Marlene, I’m grabbing the brandy.” Sirius went to the cupboard while Marlene gingerly led Remus to the kitchen table. He reached for his pack of cigarettes and had already selected one when he was chastised _quite_ hypocritically by Sirius: “Oi! Not in the house.” Had Remus been in a better state, he would have taken great pleasure in pointing this out to him. 

Remus finished the first brandy poured for him in one colossal gulp. Marlene glanced at Sirius apprehensively, but Remus had already set the glass back down in front of him, indicating that he wanted another. It seemed self-destruction was imminent, regardless of location or company. Sirius hesitated, but obliged. 

They gave him some time to muster his words, but Remus didn’t really know where to begin. So he just came out and said it. 

“She was pregnant.” 

“ _What?!_ ” they uttered in unison, gawking at him. 

“She never told anybody.” He supposed that maybe he shouldn’t have told anybody either, but he thought that if he kept this to himself for one more moment, he might burst into flames. 

Sirius reached across the table towards him. “Remus, is she okay? Are _you_ okay?”

“I don’t think I’m in a position to answer either of those questions right now.”

Marlene sank down in her seat, recalling one of the conversations she and Emmeline had a few weeks prior. “I knew it had to be something more than ‘I couldn’t take the fighting anymore.’ It just didn’t seem like her to run away from the Order because she wasn’t up to the fighting. She left because she was scared for the _baby_. Oh Emmie…” 

“Wasn’t that not long after-”

“I nearly killed Peter during a transformation? Yes,” said Remus, finishing Sirius’ sentence as well as his second drink. “That’s why I thought she left.” This time, he took the bottle for himself and poured another. 

“...I was going to ask if it was not long after her dad died.”

“...Good Lord, you’re right.” Remus didn’t know it was possible to feel _worse_. He had completely forgotten to take into consideration that Emmeline’s father had been murdered by death eaters during their final year at school, and that this had probably influenced her decision.

“Where’s the baby now?” Marlene inquired. Remus couldn’t bring himself to say that a child he had taken part in creating had ceased to exist, so he simply shook his head, which conveyed the message. Marlene’s hand flew up to her mouth in sympathetic shock. “No,” she breathed. 

Sirius knew he could not fathom how something like this must feel, but laid his hand on top of Remus’ comfortingly. “Remus, I...goodness. I’m so sorry.”

“You two should have seen her,” Remus croaked before emptying his third serving of brandy. “I’ve never watched her _break_ like I just did…” He reached for the bottle again, but Sirius pushed it away from him.

“I think you should take it easy on the drink, mate.”

Remus continued with an empty glass. “I’ve just spent so much time despising her that I never even considered…” An incessant guilt bubbled up inside of him, exacerbating the burning in his throat. 

Marlene had a sudden epiphany. “Hang on. Why are you here?”

“What do you mean?” He knew he was intruding, but-

“Why are you _here_ , and not with _her_?”

Remus grumbled vexedly, rubbing his eyes. “ _McLaggen_ showed up.”

Again with the faces like he’d clubbed himself. “Can’t imagine _that_ went well,” said Sirius.

“How perceptive of you, Padfoot.”

Marlene shook her head in disapproval. “I must say, I was very annerved by the news of that engagement...and now it makes even _less_ sense.”

“To you and me both,” Remus agreed, standing up and snatching the brandy from Sirius.

“Moony, _don’t_ -”

“I’m fine,” he insisted, pouring another drink. 

“...She’s not really going to marry McLaggen, is she?” Sirius asked, grabbing the brandy bottle from him again. 

After tonight’s emotional whirlwind, that would be the icing on the whole bloody cake, wouldn’t it? Remus couldn’t stomach the idea, and washed it back down with a sip from his glass. 

...

_1976: Sixth Year, First Term_

_“Em...Emmeline!”_

_She was shaken awake by Lily, who had looked back to make sure that Dorcas, still asleep in the next bed over, had not stirred. Still half asleep herself, Emmeline squinted outside her window and saw the full autumn moon fading into the dawn._

_“It’s Remus.”_

_That was all it took for her to shoot out of bed and race down to the common room with Lily close behind, both of them still in their pajamas._

_They had placed him on the couch, writhing and whimpering in pain. Emmeline flew to his side and dropped to her knees, frantically searching for his injury. Underneath his jumper, she found a bruise the size of a dinner plate beginning to form on his torso._

_“What the hell happened?!” she screeched, her hands hovering over the wound._

_“Shhh!” Peter hissed. It wasn’t yet six in the morning, and the rest of Gryffindor house was still fast asleep._

_“He got into it with a bloody centaur,” James panted, running his hands nervously through his hair. He was starting to develop a black eye._

_“What were you thinking?! A centaur could have killed the lot of you!” Lily reprimanded them._

_“Well it’s not like we set out looking to fight one! Next month you’re welcome to come try to reason with him!”_

_Peter stepped between them. “Will both of you pipe down?!”_

_Emmeline gently touched the purpling skin, causing Remus to cry out. “Shh, I’m sorry-,”_

_“He’s going to wake up the whole castle!” whined Peter, pacing anxiously._

_“No he isn’t,” Sirius assured him, having just limped back from the boys’ dormitory with a small phial. Sirius poured the contents into Remus’ mouth, and he instantly fell asleep. “I nicked some of the sleeping draught Fenwick uses for his insomnia.”_

_“We have to get Madame Pomfrey. His ribs might be broken,” Emmeline urged them, getting up and heading for the door. James blocked her way._

_“Wait, wait, wait! We can’t go to Madame Pomfrey, otherwise she might figure out how we took him out of the shack!”_

_“...You did WHAT?”_

_“Oh no,” muttered Peter._

_“You TOOK him out of the shack!?” she repeated, louder this time._

_“SHHH!” All three boys hushed her in unison._

_“Keep your voice down!” James snarled authoritatively. “Do you WANT everyone in Gryffindor tower to find out about him?!”_

_Emmeline took a menacing stride towards him which caused James to retreat back behind the couch. Not only was she especially protective of Remus, she was almost as tall as James and a beater on the Quidditch team, so he wasn’t incredibly interested in sticking around to find out what she might do if she got her hands on him._

_Lily gawked at the boys, baffled. “Why did you do that?!”_

_“He hates it in there! We leave all the time, he’s completely tame,” Sirius explained, defending James._

_“Apparently not around centaurs. If you’re going to go galavanting off, you have to take into consideration that you’re not the only creatures roaming about the forest.”_

_“Again Evans, when YOU become an illegal animagus, I’ll let you come down and boss us around all you want. Until then,-”_

_“Potter, if you don’t-”_

_“Look,” Sirius interjected, breaking up their argument. “He was calm last night and we thought he’d be okay.”_

_Emmeline turned and jabbed Sirius in the chest then pointed to Remus. “Does he look okay to you!? He can’t just get up and go to Herbology like this!”_

_“Does anybody know any healing spells?” Peter inquired._

_Lily shook her head in dismay. “Maybe if he had a broken nose, but we don’t learn any advanced spells until next year.”_

_“What if we nab one of the seventh years’ spellbooks?”_

_“No. Even if we tried one of those spells, we could end up making him worse. Maybe I should go get Sev-”_

_“We are NOT asking Snivellus for help. I can’t believe you would suggest it, the two of you aren’t even friends anymore.”_

_“James, I TOLD you to stop calling him that, and he knows more spells than all of us combined.”_

_“We don’t need him.”_

_“I hate to say it, but Snape is too clever,” Sirius conceded. “If we get him, he might figure out what Remus is.”_

_Emmeline gestured desperately back to Remus. “Are you three really going to leave him like this just so you can avoid suspicion? LOOK at him. He HAS to go to the hospital wing. I don’t care what lie you tell to get him there, just tell one.”_

_James looked back at Remus’ injury. It did look pretty critical. “Okay, fine,” he agreed. “You get her Peter, since you’re the least scraped up. Tell her you found him like that and carried him up, I guess.”_

_Peter shook his head vigorously. “I don’t think I can lie convincingly to Madame Pomfrey, she never believes me when I fake sick to get out of class-”_

_“Merlin’s beard, I’ll just go!” Lily announced, storming out of the common room, confident that she would be able to fabricate the most persuasive lie. Emmeline trotted back to kneel by Remus and took his hand as they waited for help to arrive._

_..._

_Twelve hours later, Remus awoke groggily in the hospital wing. His eyes fluttered open to find Emmeline sitting quietly at his bedside with a book in hand. He attempted to sit up, but a sharp pain on his right side caused him to grunt._

_Realizing he was awake, Emmeline tossed her Tolstoy aside and slowly lowered him back onto the mattress. “Don’t try to get up. Madame Pomfrey fixed up your ribs, but you’ve still got bruising from the internal bleeding. She said you just about punctured a lung.”_

_Confused, Remus carefully lifted his t-shirt and looked down at himself, ogling at the large purple and red splotch on his ribcage. In the darkest spot, he could make out what looked like two large hoof marks. “What’ve I done this time?”_

_Emmeline pulled his shirt down for him and lifted the covers back over his body. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to pick fights with centaurs?”_

_“Oh for pity’s sake,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Is everybody else alright? Did Madame Pomfrey ask questions?”_

_“The others just have some minor bruises and a sprained ankle, so she bought the Quidditch practice excuse. You got the worst of it.”_

_“Oh, good.”_

_“No, it’s NOT good. Suppose it had kicked you in the head instead?” She lowered her voice. “You shouldn’t go wandering outside the shack when you’re in that state, it’s not safe.”_

_He clenched his teeth. “You have no idea what it’s like to be shut up in there...”_

_Sympathizing with his frustration, her tone softened and she changed the subject. “Everyone else was here earlier, but they’ve just gone to dinner. We brought your school work from today.” She motioned to a few pages of parchment on the nightstand next to him. Sitting atop the stack was a small wrapped rectangle of chocolate._

_“Aren’t you supposed to be at dinner as well?”_

_She blinked rapidly a few times. “Wasn’t hungry,” she lied, clearing her throat to mask the sound of her growling stomach._

_Remus observed the rest of the hospital wing. There was only one other occupied bed at the end of the hall accommodating someone who appeared to have a case of the mumblemumps. He shifted uncomfortably on his cot. “Merlin almighty, I feel like I’m burning up.”_

_“Really?” She asked, moving from the chair to the side of the cot. “Let me see.” Instinctually, she pressed her lips to his forehead like her mother had done for her, leaving them there for a few moments to feel his temperature._

_Caught off guard, Remus felt his heart begin to pound in his chest. It was thumping so hard that he was sure it would break his ribs all over again. The warmth of her breath on his skin and the scent of her jasmine perfume had his insides flipping like a gymnast on a balance beam._

_Realizing the affectionate nature of what she’d done, Emmeline suddenly felt very foolish and pulled away from him. “Well,” she started, her eyes darting away. “You don’t have a fever, so-”_

_“Wait,” Remus said, barely above a whisper._

_Slowly, her hopeful eyes came back to meet his. “...Yes?”_

_He could feel himself flushing bright pink. Remus hadn’t the confidence to date or fool around with girls like James or Sirius, but Emmeline had really been there for him over the last year and he had developed a bit of a crush on her. Those hazel eyes of hers…they seemed to pierce right through him, and Remus could not explain why he found it to be so frightening._

_“...It’s nothing, forget it.”_

_Emmeline let out the breath she had been holding on to. “...Oh.”_

_“Remus you daft duffer, you blew it!” he thought, clenching his fists under the covers. He had mucked up his chance, and didn't know if he'd ever have the nerve to seize another one. He noticed Emmeline straighten back up and cast her gaze disappointedly down at her shoes. Wait...why did she look disappointed? Had she wanted to...?_

_“...Emmeline?” he choked out, changing his mind._

_She whipped her head back up to face him. “Yes?” she said, more eagerly this time._

_Oh God. No going back now. “Actually, there was something-” And just then, Emmeline leaned forward and gave him a soft, clumsy kiss._

_It was over in an instant. They remained frozen with their faces close to each other, still not sure what had just happened. In the time it took for him to blink, Emmeline had jumped to her feet and was headed swiftly towards the door._

_She had never kissed anybody before._


	7. Breakfast and Bathwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a rough night. Another flashback depicts a dip in the prefects' bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Content Warning: This chapter contains a mildly sexual situation.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read so far, especially those who have left kudos (Kudos? Kudoses? Kudi?). I greatly appreciate it, and I'm glad you're along for the ride. 
> 
> Disclaimer: If it's from HP, I don't own it.

Sirius came downstairs the next morning to find Remus sitting in the same spot at the kitchen table he had left him in the night before. Next to him was the previously third-of-the-way filled bottle of brandy, presently empty. 

“Godric’s sake, mate.”

“I’ll you...I’ll buy you ‘nother,” Remus slurred. His eyes were red and appeared sunken on his haggard face. He hadn’t slept. 

Sirius, who couldn’t care less about the brandy, just stared anxiously at his friend. Remus wasn’t even a drinker, since alcohol aggravated his monthly transformations. He hadn’t acted like this since Emmeline left. 

“Listen Remus, I know I’m not a model of perfect behavior or anything...but you can’t be doing this. You remember how bad it got last time.”

“...I know that.” He simply wasn’t in the mood (or the mental state) to argue with Sirius. He was right, after all. 

Sirius poked his head in the pantry and emerged with a box of cereal, then grabbed two bowls from the cupboard and the milk out of the fridge. He then came and sat down across from Remus, pushing the empty bottle out of the way and setting down the bowls. Flicking his wand ever so slightly, he enchanted the milk and cereal to pour themselves. Two spoons floated out of a kitchen drawer and into the bowls. 

“Thanks,” Remus mumbled, pulling his bowl towards himself. The thought of milk made his stomach turn, but he was so hungry that he began eating anyway.

“So,” Sirius began with his mouth full, wiping a dribble of milk from his chin. “Are you going to stop her from making a big mistake, or are James and I going to have to get rid of McLaggen and hide the body?” Through his chewing he cracked a smile at his own joke, but Remus didn’t seem to find it very funny. 

“I can't jist barge into’er flat‘n demand that...engage...that she end’er engagement.” He attempted another bite, but spilled his spoonful on the table. If he weren’t so pathetic right now, Sirius would have found this all very amusing.

“...Did you tell her that you still love her? You do still love her, don’t you?” he checked, spooning another bite into his own mouth.

Remus gave up on eating the cereal and pushed the bowl away. “I love...she knows I still love her.” What a silly, unhelpful question.

Sirius furrowed his brow. “...Did you expressly say it? Like spell it out for her?” 

...Spell it out for her? Remus thought he must’ve been in _really_ bad shape if he was on the receiving end of relationship advice from Sirius-”sir shags-a-lot”-Black. He had to sift through his foggy thoughts to recall. “...Well, not, no, but I th-thought it was rather obvious…”

“...Remus, I think if she knew you still loved her, she would have been here hours ago.” 

Woozily, Remus raised his head to stare at Sirius. He thought for a moment (which had become exceedingly difficult), then abruptly shot up out of his seat.

“Yourrright.”

“Woah, wait Remus, hang on-”

“I have to tell’er, I have to go now-” he started, before tripping over his chair and plunging to the ground with a great _ker-plunk_.

“What the Rabbie Burns is going on down there?” 

“Nothing Marley, go back to sleep!” Sirius shouted back up to the second floor as he tended to Remus. “You can’t tell her until you’ve _sobered up_ ,” he advised, grunting as he picked Remus up off the floor (with some difficulty, as Remus was a big fellow,) and led him to the front room. Getting him up the stairs right now was out of the question. 

“Let-go-of-me,” Remus griped, trying to push Sirius off of him but instead just flapping his arms around uselessly. Sirius heaved him onto the sofa, where he passed out. 

“You’ll hurt yourself if you try to apparate like this, and what good would you be to her if you happened to leave your bottom half behind?” Remus was in no position to appreciate the remark, but that didn’t stop Sirius from enjoying his own joke.

...

_1977: Seventh Year, End of First Term_

_“Godric’s sake mate, you’re telling me you’ve never gone under the skirt?!”_

_“Shh!” Remus hissed, practically jumping over the table to cover Sirius’ mouth. “Could you be any louder?!”_

_“C’mon Moony, let’s have it then," James coaxed him. "Have you, or have you not?” The three boys huddled around the table with their undivided attention on Remus._

_Remus, who had suddenly taken on the complexion of a tomato, took a large gulp of butterbeer and nervously wiped the froth from his upper lip. “I hardly think this is the place to talk about such things,” he objected, observing the hoards of students having separate conversations around them. It was their final Hogsmeade weekend of first term, and the pub was packed._

_“Wizards have sat in this very establishment discussing the ‘inner workings’ of witches for centuries,” James lectured playfully. “Taking this conversation elsewhere would merely be snubbing the longstanding history of The Three Broomsticks.”_

_“Here, here!” Sirius snickered with James then brought his attention back to Remus. “Look, it’s a simple yes or no question-”_

_“Okay! Okay...No, I haven’t gone under…” He felt stupid saying it. “...We haven’t done that.”_

_James, Sirius, and even Peter, gawked at one another._

_“You’ve been dating for like, a year!” James reminded him, as if he needed a reminder._

_“You do fancy her, don’t you?” asked Peter._

_“You do fancy WOMEN, don’t you?” asked Sirius._

_“YES, I definitely fancy her, and I’m not even going to dignify that second question with an answer.”_

_“I dunno, some blokes like other blokes! It’s a perfectly legitimate question!”_

_“Moving on. So what’s stopping you then?” wondered James._

_Not anything that he could say without having to endure further, more emasculating ridicule. “...We’ve both been really busy studying for N.E.W.T.s-”_

_“You can’t possibly blame your lack of action on the poor N.E.W.Ts!”_

_“You don’t have a...you know...issue with the ol’ broomstick, do you?” Sirius questioned hesitantly, pointing in the direction of Remus’ pants._

_“What- No! Of course I...wait a minute, have ALL of you done that already?!”_

_“Don’t look at me,” replied Peter, backing out of the huddle and taking another swig of his butterbeer._

_“What about that Hufflepuff girl you were after?” asked James. “Sadie?”_

_“Sasha,” he corrected him for the hundredth time._

_“Yeah, her.”_

_“Didn’t have the nerve to ask her on the second date.”_

_“I thought it was Mary Macdonald you fancied,” said Sirius._

_“Never had the nerve to ask her on the FIRST date. But enough about me.” He raised an eyebrow at James, who held up his hands in defense._

_“Well- okay, Lily and I haven’t exactly-”_

_“Aha! See! You haven’t done it either!” Remus flung an accusatory pointer finger at him._

_“I HAVE done it, thank you very much, just, regrettably, not with Lily. Yet. Besides, WE’VE only been dating for two months, and after the history we’ve had I can’t mess things up by rushing something like that.” He yielded to Sirius. “Don’t get Snuffles here started on his conquests.” But this was to no avail, as Snuffles had already started._

_Sirius leaned i_ _nto the huddle with an air of alpha-male dominance. “You poor sods. I've shagged half the girls in our year, and half the girls that were in the year above us.”_

_“Sure you have,” groaned Remus, rolling his eyes. Even in his unbelief, he could not help but feel just a tad jealous of Sirius’...confidence. Let’s call it confidence._

_“I swear on my mother’s grave,” Sirius insisted with a dark smirk._

_“Your mum’s still alive,” James returned._

_“Pity, isn’t it?”_

_“Merlin’s beard Pad, you irreverent sonofahag.”_

_Sirius got back to the topic at hand._ _“Go on, you can ask Em or Lily. I’ve been in the knickers of A THIRD of the Gryffindors, probably MOST of the Hufflepuffs, and nearly ALL of the Ravenclaws. Almost had me a Slytherin once, too.”_

_“Spare us the details Casanova,” James remarked._

_“Padfoot, that’s rubbish and you know it,” Peter challenged him._

_“Okay, okay. HALF of the Ravenclaws.”_

_“TWO Ravenclaws is not HALF of the Ravenclaws!”_

_“Yeah, well, half of the attractive Ravenclaws.”_

_Remus frowned at him. “Don’t be a prat, Pad.”_

_“Haven’t managed to get into your favorite Ravenclaw MARLENE’s though, have you?” Peter taunted him. Sirius scowled and thwacked him on the shoulder, causing him to spill butterbeer on himself. “Hey!”_

_“Wormtail, if you’re not careful, I’ll feed you to Remus next time it’s his ‘time of the month’.”_

_Remus looked at the lot of them, feeling as though he was rather behind the curve._

_“Where...where do you even go to...you know…”_

_“Fortunately for you my dear fellow, we have a resource that grants you access to unlimited hiding places.” As he said this, James discreetly slipped the marauder’s map into Remus’ coat pocket._

_“You slimy git,” Remus whispered with a grin, very impressed with Prongs. “I thought I’d never see this again. But how did you manage to get it back?”_

_“Invisibility has many perks, Moony.”_

_“Filch must’ve thought it was just some prank parchment, so he didn’t lock it up properly,” Sirius explained. “We saw an opportunity and nabbed it from his office last week while you were recovering from your ‘sick day.’ Peter’s never getting to hold it again.”_

_“For the last time, I’m SORRY.”_

_James continued. “One of these days, I will let Filch have our map, so that someday some other mischief-makers can nick it from his office and enjoy its wonders. But for now, it seems you have greater use for it. If you’re willing to get creative, that is.”_

_“Willing to get creative about what?” inquired Marlene, who had just entered the pub with Lily and Emmeline and was shaking the snow from her boots. Sirius stiffened up in a manner uncharacteristic of someone who had allegedly shagged “all” of the Ravenclaws._

_“Our project for Slughorn. Ghastly business,” mused Remus, saving the group with his quick thinking._

_“Three more butterbeers, please!” Emmeline waved at Madam Rosmerta behind the bar, and the new arrivals took their seats at the table. Lily slid under James’ outstretched arm and snuggled up against him, a sight that was still shocking to the rest of the group after six previous years of her (supposedly) loathing him. Much to James’ delight, she’d had a change of heart at the start of this school year._

_“You boys are quiet all of the sudden,” Lily observed. “Have you been gossiping about us?_

_“No,” they all said, a bit too quickly._

_“Where have you lovely ladies been?” asked Sirius, changing the subject. He smoothly draped his arm around Marlene, who promptly removed it from her shoulders and scooted a few inches away from him._

_“Scrivenshaft’s, then we stopped in Honeydukes,” Emmeline told them, producing a baggie of lollipops from her satchel. She selected one from the bag and popped it in her mouth. James and Sirius had to stifle their laughter at Remus’ expression at this after their previous conversation. Noticing that he was staring at her, Emmeline offered him the bag. “Want one?”_

_Remus snapped out of his trance and cleared his throat. “N-No, thanks though.”_

…

_The following evening, when the majority of Gryffindor house had gone off to bed, James, Remus, Peter, and Emmeline lingered in the common room finishing an assignment for Charms the next day. (Lily had finished it days ago and Sirius hadn’t started it at all.) Emmeline was snuggled up against Remus, and seeing that this was a good opportunity to leave the couple to their business, James feigned a yawn and got up from his chair. “I think I’ll turn in for the night.”_

_“How did you finish that quickly?” Emmeline asked, slightly peeved._

_“Who said anything about finishing it?” he scoffed. “Come on Peter, let’s go.”_

_“Hang on James, I’ve just got a bit more-”_

_“You can do it in the dorm,” James snapped, hoisting Peter up off the floor by the collar. “Not too late now Vance, remember we’ve got Quidditch practice tomorrow.”_

_She rolled her eyes. “Thanks DAD."_

_“Yeah, yeah.” He gave Remus an encouraging wink before dragging Peter upstairs._

_Now Remus and Emmeline were alone._

_He spent several minutes staring blankly at his unfinished Charms homework, stalling. Meanwhile, Emmeline kept scribbling away. Eventually when he’d made up his mind, he slid his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him as he planted an unexpected kiss in the space between her neck and shoulder. She smiled coyly and peered sideways at him._

_“Should I put this homework away then?” she offered, laying the parchment aside and turning to wrap her arms around his neck._

_He kissed her again, this time on her cheek, and rose to his feet. “Let’s go somewhere else,” he suggested, taking her hand and raising her up as well._

_“Oh please Remus, not the seventh floor broom closet again…”_

_“I’ve got a better idea,” he reassured her, producing the map._

_Emmeline eyed him suspiciously. “How did you get this back from Filch?”_

_“We have our ways.” He donned a devilish grin and pointed to the map with the tip of his wand: “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” he recited, as ink appeared and sprawled out over the parchment. “How do you fancy…” - He ran his fingers over the hallways and rooms. (And though he would never recall what gave him the courage to suggest it,) One in particular gave him a tantalizing idea. - “...a dip in the prefects' bath?”_

_Emmeline turned bright pink, but smiled. “I don’t think I’m allowed in there…”_

_“Nonsense, I’m a prefect. You’ll be like...my guest."_

_“But what if somebody comes in?”_

_“Then we’ll have plenty of warning,” he promised, pointing to the map._

_After a quick trip upstairs to borrow James’ invisibility cloak and two towels, the couple snuck out of the common room and headed downstairs to the prefects' bathroom. Once there, Remus set the cloak and open map down within a safe distance of the bath, so they could have some advance notice should anybody wander in._

_There was an uncomfortable lull as they stood facing each other, neither wanting to be the first to initiate. Remus considered abandoning the plan altogether until, in a burst of bravery, Emmeline pulled her long sleeved shirt off and threw it aside, revealing a bra. Remus’ mouth hung agape. He had never seen a girl in a bra, in the flesh anyway. He had to blink to prove to himself that this was real and not an advertisement or a film. More importantly, he had never seen his lovely girlfriend in a bra, and Emmeline was quite lovely._

_“...Don’t leave me hanging,” she murmured, shyly folding her arms across her body. Remus drew in a large breath before shedding his own shirt as well. Emmeline could not prevent herself from letting out a small gasp when she saw that he was covered in scars. His torso looked like that of a battered war hero. In his excitement Remus had forgotten about his scars, and that they were not very normal. He thought again on advertisements, and how the shirtless men in them never had any blemishes. He suddenly felt very embarrassed._

_Emmeline approached him timidly, then reached out to touch one of the many purplish-pink marks. She noticed him wince slightly and pulled her hand back._

_“Do they bother you?” he asked, his voice low._

_Cautiously, Emmeline reached out again and gently ran her fingertips over a few of the scars. The raised tissue felt smooth under her touch._

_“No, I think they’re sort of beautiful."_

_Remus could not help but scoop her into his arms and kiss her eagerly. They fumbled as they tried to remove each other’s trousers, breaking the kisses only to giggle a bit. Once this was done, they remained in their undergarments and carefully climbed into the pool, recommencing their embrace in the water. Emmeline pulled herself up so that she had her legs wrapped around him, with one arm over his shoulders and the other running through the back of his sandy-copper hair as they kissed. She removed her arms for a moment, and when Remus opened his eyes her bra was floating away. He did a double take at her breasts._

_“Merlin’s beard,” he wheezed._

_He lowered himself to sit on the ledge inside the bath with Emmeline straddling him. When exactly was he supposed to...erm...make his entrance? His train of thought derailed when he felt Emmeline shaking beneath his hands, and he pulled away from her lips._

_“You’re shaking,” he pointed out, running his hands up her arms. She shouldn’t have been shivering; the water was very warm. “What is it? Have I done something?”_

_“No! No, this is absolutely brilliant Remus, it’s just…”_

_“...Emmeline it’s alright you can tell me…”_

_She folded her lips into each other and cast her gaze away from him. “...It’s just that I’m...honestly I’m a little scared…”_

_Remus immediately climbed out from under her and took her hands in penitence. “Dear God Emmeline I’m so sorry, it was not my intention to pressure you,” he apologized vehemently. “I’m nervous myself. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”_

_“But Marlene said-” she began, instantly covering her mouth after she’d said it._

_Remus squinted at her. “...What exactly DID Marlene say to you…?”_

_Then it dawned on them._

_“Did Sirius talk to YOU?! ”_

_“Yes.”_

_“I could KILL them all,” Emmeline fumed, before they both burst into laughter._

_"Look," Remus said after getting all of his giggles out. "We shouldn't do this just because our friends are saying we should. That's not a good enough reason."_

_"It just felt like I was behind schedule or something."_

_"I'm starting to think there's no such a thing as 'behind schedule', and that our friends are a bunch of pricks."_

_Emmeline chuckled. "Agreed."_

_He helped her out of the bath, wrapping her in one of the towels, and they began to dress themselves._

_“It was worth a shot,” Emmeline sighed, squeezing water out of her hair._

_Remus smirked, fully aware that the first image of her bare chest would remain with him for the rest of his days. “Very worth it, I’d say.”_

_“Actually, I was hoping we could give ‘it’ a go when I come to visit you for New Years,” she suggested bashfully._

_Remus was about to express his enthusiasm for the idea, when out of the corner of his eye he saw footsteps approaching on the map. He rapidly thrust the cloak over the both of them._

_Suffice it to say, Argus Filch was entirely befuddled by the brassiere he found floating in the prefects' bath._


	8. A Miscalculation of Lunar Proportions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmeline makes and important decision, but Remus makes a critical error.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Canon Divergence Disclaimer: see disclaimer about Wolfsbane before Ch. 4
> 
> *In my best Oliver voice* "Please sir, can I have some feedback?"
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except the cleverly named owl.

“Remus. _Remus._ Come on Moony, wakey-wakey,” Sirius jolted him. Remus awoke in a haze and lurched up to sit. 

“How...how long have I been out?” he grumbled wearily.

Sirius knelt down and put his hands on Remus’ shoulders, looking a bit ill at ease. “Listen to me. I didn’t realize it earlier - the full moon’s tonight.”

“...No, no that’s impossible, it’s not until the sixteenth,” Remus assured him, shaking his throbbing head.

“Mate, today _is_ the sixteenth.”

Remus’ eyes shot open, and he frantically scanned the front room for a clock. How could he have been so thick as to lose track of the days?

“You haven’t taken your potion yet today." 

“What time is it?” He staggered as he stood up and paced to the clock in the kitchen. 

It was nearly six. 

“I have to go,” he informed him, panicked. He turned and nodded a silent ‘thank you’ to Sirius before disapparating. 

…

Emmeline hadn’t been able to get through more than thirty pages of her book all day, as she was too distracted to distract herself with another distraction. Nearly every time she finished a paragraph, she realized that she hadn't paid attention to any of the words she’d just read, and had to go back and read it all over again; sometimes twice or three times. Lord, if a _book_ couldn’t soothe her…

She considered getting dressed and getting out of the flat, but the thought alone exhausted her. It was too cold and she was far too glum. Noticing that the sun had set outside, she gave up on her book and was made aware of her growling stomach. Sluggishly, she arose from the sofa and traipsed to the kitchen in search of something to quell her appetite. As she passed it, she stared longingly at the spot Remus had disapparated from the previous evening.

 _“Perhaps I should just go talk to him,”_ she thought to herself. They hadn’t exactly left things the way she had hoped they might’ve, and in her mind they still had much to discuss. Leaving to speak with Remus would only further provoke Tiberius, however. He would be home from the ministry shortly, which meant _they_ would have to talk about last night, and she was dreading that conversation too. It would be politically wiser just to send Remus a letter. She approached the window sill where her barn owl Orpheus was resting, and gently stroked his neck feathers with her index finger. No, a letter would not be enough, and Remus deserved to hear everything from her own mouth rather than the mouth of an owl. She owed him that.

She continued on into the kitchen and perused the cupboard, deciding on a bag of crisps and digging in at once. As soon as she’d made it back to the sofa, there was a knock at the door.

Emmeline’s heart leapt. She wiped the crumbs from her mouth and tossed the crisps aside before vaulting over the sofa up to the entryway. It’s not that she wasn’t pleased to see Marlene, but she’d sort of been hoping it was someone else. 

“Marley,” she acknowledged her, surprised by her friend’s presence in her doorway. “What’s the matter?” 

Marlene looked rather somber, and threw herself into Emmeline’s embrace before she responded. “I’m so sorry. Remus told us.”

Emmeline hadn’t the energy to be upset about this, and had half expected it. She’d been planning to tell Marlene herself anyway. Grateful for her friend and the loving touch of a hug, she squeezed her back. “Thank you.” 

Pulling herself out of the Emmeline’s arms and looking her in the eye, Marlene then said something that shocked Emmeline to her core: “You are so _brave.”_

Whatever she had expected Marlene to say, it wasn’t that.

Emmeline’s mouth hung agape. “...I’m not,” she disagreed, shaking her head. “I ran away, remember? It wasn’t brave at all. The opposite, actually.”

Marlene pushed her bangs out of her face exasperatedly. “Oh dear, you Gryffindor types can be so thick sometimes,” she muttered, before shutting the door, dragging Emmeline to the couch, and sitting her down.

“I trust you didn’t mean to say that out loud?” griped Emmeline, unsure if she was more offended by the compliment or the insult.

“I don’t know. Listen to me. You _are_ brave. You left your entire life behind to protect your unborn child. What about that doesn’t sound brave to you?”

Emmeline supposed she had never thought about it that way, but dissented nonetheless. “I didn’t even think, Marlene. I didn’t think about you, or Lily, and I especially didn’t think about Remus. I didn’t think at all. I just got up and left without a goodbye. It was the epitome of cowardice and self preservation.”

She was simply not understanding what Marlene was trying to convey to her. _“Emmeline."_ Marlene got down on a her knees before her and took her hands. “That not-thinking-just-doing instinct you felt was a _motherly instinct._ Was it wrong to abandon Remus without a goodbye? Yes. Horrid, actually. I won’t defend you there. Should you have let your friends know what was going on? Absolutely. But I know why you did it, and it wasn’t self-preservation. It was _self-sacrifice._ I think self-sacrifice is just about the bravest thing there is.”

Emmeline felt her temper starting to flare up, but was not mindful enough to realize that this was triggered more by her own shame than by Marlene’s attempt to reason with her. “I didn’t even come back after I’d _lost the baby."_

“I’m not going to fault you for whatever your healing process had to be after you went through that, because I don’t think I could possibly understand how difficult that must have been.”

“Really Marlene, you’re giving me far too much credit, and you shouldn’t.” 

“Think about it. Emmeline. Do you love me?”

“ _Of course_ I do.”

“And Lily?”

“Yes! ”

“You love your friends, but you had to leave us, because even though you knew it would hurt us, it was not safe for you to be here fighting with the Order and it was not safe for your child to be here. Which is why I know that leaving must’ve been a hard, mature, brave thing to do. Because I know you, and I know the last thing you would ever want to do is hurt the people you love without good reason.”

“That can’t _possibly_ be the case, because _I love Remus_ and all I seem to do is hurt him-” 

They both gasped. Emmeline covered her mouth with both hands and jumped up off the couch, feeling as though she’d sabotaged her own life all over again. “...Oh my God.”

Marlene stood too. “...Em.”

“What?”

“Go.”

“Go, go where?”

“You have to tell him.”

 _“No,"_ she protested, beginning to walk away though she wasn’t exactly sure where she was going.

Marlene pursued her. “Why the hell not?”

“Because...he just ought to find someone else. Someone better.”

Marlene had caught up with her and ran around to block her way. “Someone _better?_ For the love of Rowena, don’t be so dramatic! Your complete and utter lack of a filter may have just saved your life. You’re really going to resign yourself to being McLaggen’s trophy wife when you’ve just said you still love Remus? Are you mad?”

“Tiberius-”

“Is a _wanker_ Emmeline, honestly I don’t know what you were thinking.” Marlene looked as if she’d been waiting to say this for ages, and frankly Emmeline didn’t think to disagree.

“...I can’t. I don’t know where Remus lives now.” 

“A few streets over from your old flat. I cannae remember the name of the road off the top of my head, but if you turn right at the end of Church Street-”

“Marlene,” Emmeline said, much quieter. “I can’t.”

“You have to,” she repeated, placing her hand on Emmeline’s stomach. “I know this is heinous advice coming from me, but don’t think, just do. What are your instincts telling you to do?”

…

Emmeline apparated to the narthex of St. Jerome’s as she had for the wedding, then set out to look for Remus. It was an unusually chilled evening, even colder than normal for November weather, and her “instincts” had failed to mention that she should bring her coat. Don’t think, just do. She walked briskly to keep her teeth from chattering. 

It wasn’t long before she reached the painfully familiar flat on Church Street. She stared contemplatively up at the second floor of the two-story house, as memories of crepe breakfasts and eggshell-colored walls and sleepless nights danced behind her eyes. She saw lights on inside. Some other couple had moved in there now. 

Their old flat was on the corner of the street, so she veered right like Marlene had instructed and began checking the names scribbled onto mailbox cards of the surrounding buildings. Lupin...Lupin...Lupin...

She hadn’t the faintest idea what she would say to Remus if and when he opened the door. She hadn’t planned that far ahead. Don’t think, just do. Her search for Remus’ mailbox came to a halt when she noticed a townhouse on the other side of the street with its door ajar. 

She eyeballed the entrance to the home momentarily, waiting for its forgetful resident to come shut their door. But nobody came, and there were no lights coming from the inside. Then again, she couldn’t really tell, since it was so bright outsi- 

She jerked her head up to look at the sky. 

Full moon.

She knew exactly who the resident was. 

With her wand drawn and at the ready, she let herself into the townhouse. “Remus,” she called out. There was no response. _“Lumos."_

The sight was disturbing to say the least. Torn fabric and debris littered the floor, with evidence of Remus’ transformation on every piece of splintering furniture. Proceeding into the kitchen, she nearly stepped in a puddle of deep blue liquid and shattered glass. She was sure it must have been the Wolfsbane.

She darted to the telephone on the wall, thankful that it was still intact, and scanned the little piece of paper taped next to it for a useful number. Aha! She remembered Marlene and Sirius had a phone, and luckily their number was on the paper. Most wizards did not own telephones, certainly not any pureblood families, but Marlene had always been curious about them and finally just bought one for Sirius’ house. Emmeline vividly remembered Sirius’ skepticism when Marlene first brought it home. She, Remus, and Lily, who had all grown up with at least one muggle parent, had to explain the concept of telephones to them (to this day, Sirius was puzzled as to why there was any use for them when they already had owls.) Emmeline was quite thankful that Marlene had purchased it, as there was no time to send an owl. She dialed the number. To her surprise, Sirius answered with the confidence of a seasoned telephone user.

“Hello?” 

“Sirius.”

“Em? What are you-”

“Remus missed his potion,” she hollered into the speaker. She hadn’t even finished explaining the situation when she heard the _whoosh_ of an apparition and Sirius appeared in the doorway. Alarmed by the state of the flat, he swallowed hard. 

“Merde," Sirius swore in French.

“Where does he usually go?” Emmeline asked, tearing through cabinets in search of more Wolfsbane. 

“He doesn’t. When he takes his potion he’s able to stay home. He hasn’t missed it once since he started on it this year." 

There was a collection of filled bottles like the one broken on the floor in the last cupboard Emmeline checked, and she plucked out the one nearest her. “Can you grab him some clothes? Or a coat? Wait, make that two coats.” 

“...You’re not seriously thinking about going after him.”

“He might’ve hurt himself, or he might've hurt someone else. Don’t think, just do.”

“What?”

“Nevermind.” 

“Look, _I’ll_ go find him since I’m the animagus, and you’ll stay put.”

“Like hell I will. Last time I checked, you can’t use a wand without opposable thumbs.”

“Em-”

“We don’t have time to argue about this.” She was about to search for some sort of receptacle to hold the bottle, but Sirius stopped her.

“Emmeline, listen to me carefully,” he instructed. “He’s been drinking, and it’s been so long since he went without the potion that he is going to be severely aggressive. When we find him, do not try to reason with him, and do not assume that he recognizes you. If you hesitate, he will kill you. Do you understand?”

She nodded, and tried as best as she could to conceal her panic. 

“I need to hear you say it.”

“...I understand.”

“Good,” he said, before tossing her a coat and a satchel of clothes from the entryway closet. He knew Remus always had one ready to go just in case. “We’ll start in the woods.”


	9. Just a Scratch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A search in the woods almost ends in disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've been waiting for: it wouldn't be a Remus Lupin story without some epic werewolf sh*t.
> 
> Thank you for the comments! Keep the feedback/questions coming! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters but alas, I do not

She could recall several not-so-bright ideas she’d had throughout her life, but going out _looking_ for a bloody werewolf had to be towards the top of the list. 

Godric’s Hollow was bordered by a thick forest, and luckily Remus’ house backed right up to it. Emmeline moved clumsily through the trees, and no matter how much they walked, she never felt like she was getting a handle on her footing. Though the tree cover made their path pitch black, she decided not to light the tip of her wand for fear that Remus would find her before she found him. Her vision never quite adjusted to the dark, so she relied on Sirius’ canine eyes to lead her through the thicket. In the form of a black dog he moved nimbly by her side, sniffing the ground constantly in pursuit of Remus’ scent, undeterred by the cold or the terrain. Occasionally, Emmeline had to swashbuckle her way through a spiderweb, or they were spooked by a retreating deer. Other than Sirius’ sniffing and the crunch of the frost underneath their feet, their search was disconcertingly quiet.

Several hours passed with no lead, and Emmeline - frigid, exhausted, and _still_ hungry - was beginning to wonder if they’d gone in the wrong direction. After all, the forest was expansive, and Remus could’ve been anywhere. He might’ve been sleeping soundly like a tired puppy in a pew at St. Jerome’s for all she knew, though she suspected that this was highly unlikely. Sirius had years of experience with Remus’ transformations, so she trusted his judgement and followed his lead. He knew what he was looking for, and he knew where he might find it. It unnerved her that, visually, she didn’t quite know what _she_ was looking for, since she’d never seen Remus during a transformation. The only things she had to go on were her recollection of frightful, hyperbolic drawings in school textbooks, and her own mother’s anecdotes. The silent hours presented too much time for her to use her all-too-vivid imagination to fill in the gaps.

Another hour or so went by, and by then she was certain they wouldn’t find him. Certain, that is, until Sirius’ brought his muzzle up from the undergrowth and began to whimper, pawing the ground.

Her adrenaline surged, waking her right up. “Find him, I’ll keep up,” she bade him, tightening her grip around her wand. Sirius bounded off to the left with Emmeline racing behind. She struggled to stay with him, but pushed her screaming muscles harder to keep the black dog in sight, praying that she wouldn’t run face-first into a branch. The icy air stung her throat and nostrils, and seemed to reduce her lung function, or so she told herself. She hadn’t had much to run from in the last year. Well, okay, like _really_ run from. 

They eventually came to a small clearing where Sirius slowed to a halt. He lifted his head into the air, ears perked, listening. Thankful for the rest, Emmeline let the satchel drop from her shoulders and leaned against a tree to gulp for air. 

Something on the bark felt sticky. Thinking she’d stuck her hand in tree sap, she pulled away, rubbing her fingers together. No, this was less viscous than tree sap and smelled of iron. She took a few steps forward to hold her hand up in a sliver of moonlight, which revealed that the liquid shone dark red. It was blood. 

“Sirius,” she called out, but he was occupied, sniffing a furry mass farther into the clearing. Moving in for a closer look, Emmeline realized it was a large buck. It lay dead and bloodied with its neck broken. If James was not on his honeymoon right now, she would’ve wondered...

Her blood ran cold. 

Sirius suddenly became very alert, and Emmeline soon found out why: there was a figure moving swiftly on the outskirts of the clearing. The figure stopped suddenly, a deep growl rumbling from it’s shadowy frame. 

Sirius bared his teeth and leapt in front of Emmeline, who was ready with her wand. Her mind raced as she began running down a list of magical creatures in her head, narrowing it down by what was native to the area, had a taste for game, and might’ve been that large and that fast. The list dwindled smaller and smaller, until Emmeline concluded that the figure probably belonged to the person she’d been searching for all night.

But the figure in the trees fell silent. It was so hard to see that Emmeline wondered if it was still there at all…

All of the sudden, a large form barreled toward her from the left. Emmeline had no time to react as it swatted her to the ground and knocked her wand several feet away. She looked up and was met by the werewolf’s gnashing teeth. 

Sirius managed to thrust him off of her, shifting Remus’ focus and giving Emmeline time to feel around for her wand. She crawled around on all fours, frantically patting the moss and decaying leaves around her. Hearing a canine yelp from behind, she spun around to find that Sirius had been hurled against a tree trunk. Remus turned his attention back to her, snarling.

She shot up and started sprinting as fast as she could, knowing full well that at any moment Remus would catch up to her. There was a time when Emmeline had been mentally prepared for this situation, understanding that this was the risk she took for the love of a werewolf. Her mental fortitude in this department had decayed since then, and she found herself panicked, imagining Remus’ face when he transformed back to find her torn to shreds on the forest floor. She regretted now that she was never going to be able to tell him how she still loved him. She’d never really stopped. 

She was thrown to the ground from behind, a sudden pain shooting up her left side. She cried out as Remus loomed over her, his snout dripping with the buck’s blood. Without her wand to defend her, there was only one last thing she could try. 

“REMUS WAIT!” she shrieked, holding her forearm up in defense.

The werewolf hesitated, his eyes twitching at the sound of his human name. Emmeline lay motionless, terrified to move or breathe lest Remus snap out of his momentary stupor. 

A series of howls coming from the trees behind them further distracted Remus. Sirius had transfigured back into his human form, and was making a commotion and as he ran towards them with the satchel over his shoulder and Emmeline’s wand in his hand. He drew Remus off of her and held his attention just long enough to fling her the wand. His years of quidditch had paid off - it landed right next to her, and she snatched it up.

 _“Petrificus Totalus!_ ” A small burst of white light shot out from her wand and froze Remus’ body in place before he had reached Sirius. 

Sirius caught up to Emmeline and dropped to his knees at her side, panting. There was blood trickling down the right half of his face from a large cut above his eyebrow. “Emmeline don’t move,” he ordered sternly, reaching into the satchel and pulling out one of Remus’ shirts. He began to rip it up into strips. 

That’s when she noticed the torn fabric on the side of the coat. She leaned forward and peeled it open, revealing four gashes where Remus’ claws had cut into her torso with the precision of a scalpel. The shock and adrenaline must have temporarily dulled the pain. She was certainly beginning to notice it now, and slumped onto her back with a groan.

“Wait, Sirius, give him the potion first.”

“The potion won’t help him now, that’s not how it works. I have to stop this bleeding.” He lifted her blouse just below her chest and began quickly but deliberately wrapping strips of the shirt around her. One at a time, he tied them taught, and she moaned in discomfort. “Sorry,” he said ruefully. “I’m rubbish at the bandaging charm and I don’t want to take any chances.”

“Nice throw, by the way.”

“Nice job on the body-bind before he tore my head off.”

“...Sirius, look…”

He gazed up in the direction she was pointing towards. Over the trees to the East, the sky was beginning to hint at the dawn. The moon had faded. 

There was a soft rustling noise a few feet away as Remus began shrinking back into his human form. When he appeared to have lost the claws and fangs, Emmeline raised her wand once more. “ _Reparifors_ ,” she muttered, unfreezing him, but feeling sorry that this made him collapse forward on his face. Remus stirred, his naked body shocked by the fall and the bitter cold. He pushed his sore skeleton up off the brush, then shifted around and squinted at the two people on the ground behind him. Unsure of where he had ended up and with whom, he covered himself with his hands. 

“Last one,” Sirius promised, tightening the final bandage around Emmeline. 

_“Merlin Morgana and Mungo,”_ she grunted as he tied it off.

Remus recognized the first voice instantly. “Sirius?”

When Sirius turned to look at him, he had a clear sightline to Emmeline - and she was laying on the ground with half of her ribcage drenched in blood. 

His eyes widened in terror. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no,” he clamored as he bolted to her side. His worst nightmare had just come true. 

Emmeline reached for him. “It’s okay, I’m okay-"

“What have I done to you?!” Remus cried. He began to shake, unsure if it was because of the temperature or the panic or both. 

“Here,” Sirius directed, handing him the satchel. “That first. You’re no help if you’re hypothermic.” 

Remus snatched out a pair of trousers, a coat, and the now unnecessary bottle of Wolfsbane. If it wasn’t so sodding expensive he would’ve lobbed it against a tree. As he finished pulling the pants on, he felt acid rising quickly in his throat - the raw deer flesh no longer agreed with his human stomach. He stumbled a few feet away, hunched over, and threw up.

“Damn it,” he sputtered.

“Alright there?”

“Don’t worry about me, just see to her,” Remus beseeched through a gag, then wretched again. Once he had finished, he wiped his mouth with his forearm and threw on the coat before returning to Emmeline. “I’m so sorry.” He reached out to touch her face, but stopped himself when he saw the blood all over his trembling hands. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s just a scratch, honest.”

“It’s a rather big scratch. I think we need to take her to St. Mungos,” Sirius suggested. “Do you think you’re able to apparate?”

“I can manage,” she claimed, trying to sit up but recoiling. 

Ignoring his own aches and pains, Remus lifted her into his arms and stood up. A side-along apparition would be safer. "Sirius?" he appealed, unable to trust himself right now.

“Make sure you’re concentrating on keeping yourselves all together,” Sirius instructed as he placed a hand on both of their shoulders. “A splinching would be the cherry on top of tonight’s misadventures.” 

They disapparated.


	10. A Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the hospital results in surrender and things left unsaid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even Tiberius McLaggen would want you to leave a comment.
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, though I sincerely wish I'd been clever enough to come up with them myself.

The animagus and the werewolf slumped in the first floor waiting area as the healers attended to Emmeline. They told the staff that they’d encountered an aggressive forest troll, though it took a bit more creativity to explain all the blood around Remus’ mouth and why he looked so sickly. Revealing his affliction and the truth of the attack would have put him in violation with the ministry and landed him in a cell in Azkaban. They were less than lenient when it came to lycanthropes. 

The healers had already fixed up Sirius and he sat faithfully by Remus’ side, though he knew better than to make any attempts to console him. Remus was, unsurprisingly, finding it incredibly difficult to just sit still and wait. He could have killed her. They could have been delivering her lifeless body to the hospital instead. What was taking so long, anyway? Had she had a complication? Had she bled out? Oh my God, what if he’d killed her after all? His negligence yesterday was completely, utterly unacceptable. These thoughts tortured his conscience as he loudly drummed his fingers against his knees.

“Blimey mate, you’re going to wake the dead,” Sirius jested, trying to lighten the mood, or, at least pull him out of his own head. He _hadn’t_ killed her after all. 

Remus shot him a contemptuous look and rose to his feet. “I’m going back to the lavatory,” he grumbled, stalking away. Sirius watched his friend as he went, thinking about how he might’ve made a joke about this on a better day.

Remus leaned over the faucet and splashed cold water in his face, gripping the sides of the sink to steady himself as he tried not to vomit again. The person in the mirror glared back at him with loathing. Noticing he had not gotten all the crusted blood out from under his cuticles, he scrubbed them furiously for a second time, then double-checked the mirror to make sure he’d scoured the rest from his stubble earlier. He didn’t feel well at all; he never did in the days leading up to or following a transformation, but this month seemed particularly vile. Beads of sweat had already re-formed on his ashen forehead, and he could feel a fever coming on. But he was too preoccupied to address this just now, and he pleaded with his aching bones to keep going. _Just until I know she’s alright. Just a bit longer._

When he rounded the corner back into the waiting room, Sirius was standing. “They said we can go see her.” 

They were directed into the creature-induced injuries ward. Emmeline smiled lightheartedly from her cot as they approached, looking rather like someone who hadn’t just been attacked by a werewolf (or, troll). She was happy to see them, and moreover, she’d made up her mind. She was going to tell him. Life was too short not to.

“How are you?” Remus asked, pulling up a chair beside her and taking her hand. Her warm touch assured him that her blood was, in fact, flowing, which meant she was, in fact, not dead, and that he had, in fact, not killed her.

“I’m fine, they closed up the wounds. They’ll send me home soon.” Emmeline turned slightly to show off her dressings. "How are _you?"_ she asked, noticing his colorless complexion. 

“Fine," he lied. "You’ll er...have some scarring,” Remus informed her quietly, as the healers would not have treated the lacerations the proper way in their ignorance. “Best to put some silver and dittany when you get home."

“I remember _some_ things from school, Lupin.”

“Are you in any pain?”

“None at all, honestly. Besides, I have a high pain tolerance. Black here could’ve told you that much from Quidditch.” Remus hung his head in shame. “Hey,” she coaxed, squeezing his hand. “I’m fine. I’m here.”

“But you might not have been…”

“I wouldn’t have been if it weren’t for Sirius.” She looked up at him with gratitude. “Thank you.” 

“All in a day’s work, madam. I’d say we make a pretty good troll-hunting team, you and I.”

Remus glanced up at him too. It had just occurred to him that he had not yet properly thanked Sirius, not only for last night, but also for his companionship the night before. He stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed, embracing his friend tightly. “Thank you. For everything.” 

“You’d do the same for me,” Sirius assured him, grinning as they let go of each other. 

Remus reciprocated with a sullen grimace. “I’d never have to.”

Suddenly, Sirius’ smile vanished as he caught sight of someone else entering the ward. “You’re a popular bird, Emmie.” Remus and Emmeline turned in the direction he was looking to find Tiberius strutting toward them with alarming hostility.

Emmeline cursed under her breath. “I told them _not_ to send for him.”

“ _You,_ ” Tiberius growled, disregarding Emmeline to confront Remus.

“Tiberius stop it,” she demanded. 

Only then did he acknowledge her, swiveling his head towards her insolently: “You and I are going to have a chat later about what you were doing with him in the first place,” he scolded, then he was right back on Remus as if the man had dented his favorite broom. “Look what you’ve done to her!” 

“He didn’t do anything, leave him alone.” Emmeline pushed the blanket off of herself and tried to stand.

“Emmeline don’t,” Remus advised, reaching out to get her back into bed. 

“ _Don’t_ touch her,” Tiberius ordered. “Letting her in the way of a troll, I can’t believe-” 

He drew his wand and started towards Remus, but Sirius stepped between them. “I’d back up and put my wand away if I were you.” If there hadn’t been other patients and healers about, Sirius probably would have capitalized on the opportunity to hex or at least sock him.

“Out of my way, _Black_.”

“Cool off, _McLaggen_.”

“I want the both of you gone. You’ve done enough.”

“You’re right,” Remus interjected before Sirius could come back with a rebuttal, verbal or physical. “...He’s right. We should go.”

“Wait...don’t go. Please, Remus-”

“Muffin you don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re still in shock.”

“I’m _not_ in shock.”

“ _Muffin?_ ” Sirius mouthed. 

Remus regarded her with resignation in his eyes. He was the reason she was there in the first place, and he never wanted to feel responsible for hurting her ever again. “It’s alright,” he surrendered, slowly backing away from the bed before addressing both Emmeline and Tiberius with devastated sincerity: “I’m so sorry this happened. I won’t be bothering either of you anymore, and I wish you both a long, happy life together.” That last bit _physically_ hurt to say. Remus met Emmeline’s eyes one last time, lingering there for a brief moment before turning and walking towards the exit. Sirius felt like a helpless bystander, while Tiberius stared Remus down.

Emmeline was filled with regret, for in all the fuss she had missed her chance to tell Remus what she’d been meaning to tell him all night. Now, present company did not permit such things. “Remus,” Emmeline called after him. He disregarded it. Every throbbing bone in his body was screaming for him to turn around, but he disregarded them too. 

Sirius looked apologetically at Emmeline before catching up with Remus. “You’re not really going to-”

“Yes, I am _._ I’m...I’m not good for her. I’m not good for anybody.” He continued his brisk walk towards the Floo channels on the ground floor.

“Mate _he’s_ not good for her. He’s a prick and you’re-”

 _“A monster,”_ he hissed, stopping to turn around to face him. “I’m a dangerous half-breed, and I almost killed her.”

“Remus, that wasn’t-”

“For Godric’s sake, leave it alone Sirius, please,” he barked over his shoulder.

A tear fell from the corner of Emmeline’s eye as she watched Remus exit the ward. Tiberius sat down in his place. 


	11. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus tries to reconcile his feelings with his logic. An Order of the Phoenix meeting forecasts an impending storm on the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Canon Divergence Disclaimer (maybe?): I may have totally made up some stuff about Voldemort recruiting followers in other countries, but I also feel like I have read about it somewhere and I just forgot. But COME ON, it doesn’t look like Karkaroff or Dolohov went to Hogwarts, so they had to come from SOMEWHERE, and those are very Slavic surnames. Leave me your thoughts on the matter in a comment! I'd love it if any canon divergence could yield some discourse :)
> 
> Comment on/Bookmark/Kudos this this work if you feel so inclined, there's lots more story to tell.
> 
> Disclaimer: copyright JKR *sigh*

After leaving St. Mungo’s, Sirius accompanied Remus back to his house to help clean up the place. He had been there for Remus for many years, but never more so than in the last few days. In the midst of his low spirits, Remus was deeply grateful for Sirius.

Remus stepped out of the fireplace, shucked off the coat dampened with sweat, then braved the debris in the living room to deposit the coat in the entryway closet where he also retrieved a t-shirt. The fabric of the shirt stuck to his body as soon as he put it on. “You’d th-think it was July,” he stuttered out. Stupid chills.

“I can get this,” Sirius offered. “You should lie down.”

“I’ll m-manage. It’ll be fa-faster with the two of us.”

“Remus.”

“Let’s just get it over with, then we can buh-both have a rest.”

Sirius sighed defeatedly then walked to the kitchen to fetch him a glass of water. “Have that, at least. It’d be a shame for dehydration to be the thing that gets you in the end.”

“Now that would just be p-pathetic,” Remus quipped, accepting the glass.

A task that might have taken a muggle several hours or even days to complete took them only ten minutes with magic. A few mending charms later, every splinter, bit of upholstery, and crack in the wall had returned to how it looked before the transformation. Thank heavens, since the boys were in dire need of some sleep after the night they’d had. Sirius settled in on the no-longer-mutilated couch while Remus lumbered upstairs to his bedroom. As soon as his head hit the pillow, his stomach acid was no longer subdued by gravity and he had to stumble to the bathroom to vomit once more. Only water and bile came out, as his stomach was completely empty, but he had neither the appetite nor the desire to remedy this. Feebly, he rose from his knees, rinsed out his mouth, and went back to bed shivering. If only he’d laid off the booze and taken the damn Wolfsbane in time, he wouldn’t be quite so symptomatic right now. Come to think of it, if he’d laid off the booze and taken the Wolfsbane in time, a great many things might have been different.

His head had cleared a bit since he left the hospital ward, and Remus began to wrestle with the facts - that Emmeline _was_ better off without him. He’d said it only minutes ago, but now he had to come to terms with it. This thought didn’t sting as much as it might have if he hadn’t always known this. I mean, _everyone_ was better off without him really, despite what his friends said. And yet, somehow, he felt an itch that would not let up: a selfish, unrelenting _something_ that rendered him unable to stomach the idea of letting Emmeline drift off and away. After the horrors of last night, he’d never even gotten the chance to tell her what he had set out to tell her in the first place, and he wasn’t sure if he would ever get a chance now. Maybe she genuinely loved Tiberius; after all, she still wore his ring. This was probably for the best, since his carelessness had landed her in the hospital this morning, and it could have been so much worse. _“Suppose I’d bitten her?”_ That thought got the itch to subside a bit. Remus knew that he was a hazardous person to be with, but maybe it was time he accepted that it would be in everyone’s best interest for him to remain a bachelor. Someone told him once that a werewolf could only truly be in love with the moon.

_But he didn’t want the moon_. 

He wanted Emmeline.

His exhaustion overtook his many thoughts and he drifted off to sleep. 

...

There was an Order meeting scheduled for that evening. They had not had a collective meeting with nearly all the members present in quite some time, as Voldemort and his allies had been eerily quiet for the last few months. It was suspected that they had moved East, and there was fear that they were recruiting heavily in Central Europe and Russia. 

The animagus and the werewolf woke up a bit late and had to stuff some stale sausage rolls in their coat pockets to eat along the way to the Potters’. Lily and James were still on their honeymoon, but they had offered Dumbledore their cottage as a meeting place. When Remus and Sirius tapped on the door, it opened for them, but just a crack.

“What’s my favorite flavor of Bertie Botts?” a husky Scottish brogue inquired from the opening.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Come off it Alastor, how are we supposed to know the answer to that?” He was feeling _slightly_ better than before, but only slightly, and didn’t have the patience for overly-pedantic interrogation questions. 

“How am _I_ supposed to know you’re not Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange?”

Sirius scrunched his face in thought “...Marmalade?” 

The door swung open. 

“How did you know that?”

Sirius shrugged. “I pay attention.”

“News to me.”

“You didn’t happen to bring any, did you?” Alastor Moody asked, only half-joking.

“What, Bertie Botts? Sorry, we didn’t think to take a detour to the sweet shop on our way,” Sirius countered, tossing him a sausage roll as he passed. 

“The tardiness might’ve led one to believe otherwise.” Alastor took a large, less-than-polite bite, then followed them in. 

Everyone but the absent Lily and James was crammed into the front room, with a few people spilling over into the dining room. Present at the meeting were the Longbottoms, Peter, Sturgis Podmore, Elphias Doge, Mundungus Fletcher, Dorcas Meadows, Dedalus Diggle, Edgar Bones, and Benjy Fenwick. Rubeus Hagrid had stuffed himself into a chair in the corner to keep his head from hitting the ceiling, and Albus Dumbledore was standing at the head of the room near the fireplace. 

Once Remus and Sirius joined the throng, Marlene weaved through the crowded room to give her beau a tight hug and a big kiss. “What on earth happened to you last night? When I rounded the corner you’d disappeared and the phone was off the hook.”

“Em and I just had a bit of bad business with last night’s lunar phase if you catch my drift,” Sirius explained in a hushed voice.

Marlene did in fact catch his drift. “You should have let me come with you.”

“No, he did the right thing by having you stay home,” Remus assured her. 

“And Em?”

“She got a bit scratched up but she’ll be okay.” Sirius thought it best to remain vague, for Remus’ sake.

“...Did you two ever get a chance to...speak?” she asked, thinking back to her conversation with Emmeline the night before.

Remus shook his head. “Not exactly.” He meant to elaborate, but lost his train of thought when he noticed the Prewett brothers standing near Dumbledore. 

“Now that this is all of us,” Albus Dumbledore began, quieting the other conversations in the room. “I think it would be wise to cast the protective spells. Alice and Benjy, if you would be so kind…” The two members he mentioned shuffled out of the room and went outside to do as he said. 

“We’ve asked Gideon and Fabian to debrief us all on their findings while undercover in Romania,” announced Alastor. “Gentlemen.” He motioned for them to commence.

Gideon spoke first. “Voldemort has gained an alarming amount of followers in the East who are very sympathetic to his pureblood rhetoric.”

“Possibly the most disturbing development is that, like Hogwarts over the last couple of years, he’s been able to disseminate his ideals into Koldovstoretz,” said Fabian. 

“The Russian Wizarding School?” Elphias inquired.

“Yes. The local wizarding authority was somewhat successful in quelling the spread of his influence, but it was too late for some of their more dark-magic-inclined students.”

“What about Durmstrang? Have they gone that far North?” asked Edgar.

“As far as we can tell, no.” Gideon answered. “We’ve advised Albus to send their headmaster a warning, though.”

“...Where’s Caradoc?” Frank asked. 

It wasn’t until Frank had said anything that Remus noticed Caradoc Dearborn was absent. The two brothers looked at each other, the room waiting.  
“Dearborn went missing just before we left,” Fabian reported somberly. “We have reason to believe...he’s…” He cleared his throat. “...no longer with us.”

The room went silent. The absence of sound made everyone aware of the pitter-patter of rain beginning outside. 

“May he rest in peace, and may he not die in vain,” said Albus. 

Dedalus waited until everyone had time to think a silent prayer before speaking up again. “What is our plan? Surely Voldemort’s headed back West.”

“We think so, yes.” said Fabian. “After Caradoc, we had to get out before we could find out when.”

“Which means we’ll all need to take extra precautions in the days ahead,” said Albus. “Do not allow yourselves to let your guard down just because the past months have been calm. Be watchful.”

“The Ministry and the Muggle Prime Minister have been given this information as well, and they're going to be watching for spikes in violence in the Muggle population,” Fabian added.

Other similarly grim matters were discussed, such as a rise in numbers of disappearances, the latest attempts to infiltrate and undermine the Ministry, and updates from the auror department. When plans and strategies had been laid out ad nauseum, Dumbledore decided they’d had enough hypotheticals for one evening.

“I would like for us all to meet back here in two weeks’ time. Watch for my owl,” Albus instructed. “I have a feeling things will become difficult very soon. For now, the meeting is concluded.”

Albus and Alastor disapparated (as they had much work to do), but many other members lingered for a while to catch up and/or share their growing anxieties. Marlene made her way over to Gideon. “We’re glad you two are home safe.”

“Thank you McKinnon, very kind of you to say so. I’ll tell you one thing, I never want to so much as smell the Polyjuice Potion ever again for as long as I live.”

“I don’t blame you. How are your sister and Arthur?”

“They’re splendid! Although, their twin toddlers are giving them the go-around. You’d think they would have seen everything by kid number four and five, but apparently not. I’ll tell Molly you asked for her.”

“Please do!” 

Peter cut a path to Remus and Sirius. “Why do I get the sense I've missed out on something?” he asked, as he had noticed them nodding off during the discussion.

“Moony,” was all Sirius needed to say without disclosing the full details of their night. Remus shifted his weight awkwardly.

“Oh. Point taken.”

“When are James and Lily coming home?” Remus asked, changing the subject. 

Peter scratched his head. “Seven or eight days, I think. They gave me the number of their hotel, but I don’t speak French and I wouldn’t want to...you know...disturb them.” 

A suggestive smirk spread across Sirius’ face. _"R_ _eally?"_ he purred, oozing sarcasm. “Why ever not?”

Peter looked tortured. “Stop, Pad.”

“What could they possibly be up to? I thought people just played chess and ate pudding on their honeymoon.”

“Listen,” said Remus, too sad and exhausted to tolerate any sort of humor. “I hate to slip out, but I think I’m a bit too tired to greet everybody just now. I’m going to head home.”

“You going to be alright?”

Remus smiled warmly at Sirius. “You have done _more_ than enough for me in the past 48 hours. I think it’s time for me to release you back to Marlene.” 

Sirius scoffed. “She’s not my bloody owner.”

“...Pad, what is that?” asked Peter, completely straight-faced and pointing to Sirius’ neck.

Sirius’ brow furrowed. “What’s what?”

“I could’ve sworn I saw a collar.”

 _“Sod off,_ Wormtail.”

Remus smiled weakly. Before he turned to leave, Sirius caught his arm.

“We’re always here for you, mate. Let us know if you need anything, or if you want to talk...”

“I will,” he lied. “Don’t let me forget, I owe you brandy.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Remus felt compelled to hug him again, tighter this time. “...Thanks for everything, Pad. Really. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Me neither. I shudder at the thought.” 


	12. A Stupid Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long-awaited reunion, complete with all the trimmings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Content Warning: This chapter contains a sexual situation
> 
> I <3 mushy stuff. Let me know whether or not you do too in the comments.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but I do own the tension

Remus usually enjoyed the rain, but not today. 

He walked home from the meeting without an umbrella or umbrella charm and let the droplets rise him clean of the past two days. It wasn’t entirely pleasant and was more like getting pelted than getting purified, but he felt compelled to suffer through it anyway. The nap and the food in his stomach had alleviated _some_ of the morning-after illness: his chills had subsided, but the aches were still relentless and the frigid rain made his joints even more sore. Perhaps he’d have a hot shower before bed, and if he was lucky, maybe he would just melt away down the drain. 

Upon reaching his house, he was greeted by a shrill screech from somewhere overhead. He squinted up in the lamplight to find a distinguished barn owl perched underneath the eaves of his roof. Strange...it looked rather like Emmeline’s owl. He waited for it to swoop down and drop off a letter for him, but it did not; it merely remained in its spot, cleaning its feathers. Perhaps just a regular, non-postal owl. 

When he went to let himself inside, he noticed the form of another person through the window. Wand drawn, he entered the house and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw who was standing in his living room. 

“Emmeline!” he exclaimed, shoving his wand away. She looked just as startled by his presence as he did by hers. “I nearly stunned you.”

“Hi,” she greeted him nervously. “I’m sorry, I just...I let myself in…”

“Yes, I can see that…”

“...You’re drenched.” She pointed out the water pooling around him on the floor, but he was scarcely paying attention.

“Yes well I...Sorry, is everything alright?” he asked, half pleased to see her and half perplexed. She was standing in front of a trunk and a suitcase Remus had never seen before. 

Emmeline, whose hair had become unruly, wiped her hands nervously on the sides of her pants. She began a few fumbling sentences, but then would have to stop and start over. “I was just...Well, I...erm...You left so fast and…” _Damn it_. She’d been sitting here for nearly thirty minutes coming up with things to say to him, and now she had forgotten everything she rehearsed. She covered her face with her hands while she figured out a way to convey what she came to convey to him. That’s when he noticed.

“What’s happened to your engagement ring?” 

She looked up, a bit relieved that he had broken the ice on that topic. “...I actually gave it back to Tiberius this afternoon...”

“You-...Oh,” he uttered, flabbergasted. She gave him back the ring. _She gave him back the ring._ Remus felt as though his heart had leapt up into his mouth. “And you...came here.” 

“Yes, well...I thought about going to Marlene’s. I still could, if you want, but first I-”

“Why did you come _here?”_ he asked candidly. 

She chewed her lip. “...Okay,” she began, giving up on the pretenses. “I don’t want to marry Tiberius. I thought I did, before I...before _we_ ...but I don’t. So...I’m not going to. He wasn’t very happy about it, and that’s putting it mildly, but there’s not much to be done about that now. I don’t exactly know why I came straight here, because I wasn’t really thinking clearly, but I knew I had to talk to you so I didn’t bother taking my things elsewhere, which, now that I think about it, was rather presumptuous of me...I’m realizing now that I did not plan this very well...look, I just...I need to ask you a question, and before I do, I want you to know that regardless of your answer, I’m glad that I ended my engagement and I stand by the fact that it was the right thing to do. But what I’m really trying to ask is…” She heaved a sigh. “What I’m really trying to ask is _do you still want me?”_

Remus just blinked at her. “Wh-...Do _I_ still want _you?”_

His lack of an affirmative response caused Emmeline to ramble in defense. “I know you’re probably still angry with me, and I don’t blame you, I’m still angry with myself, but I just had to ask because I spent so much time thinking you would move on that it never occurred to me that you might still want to be together, which you might not, that’s completely understandable too, and I brought all my things here which was _stupid_ because I don’t even know if you do, and even if you did then this would all be moving rather quickly for me to bring my things-”

Remus dashed forward, took her face in his hands, and kissed her hard. 

His muscle memory did not fail him, and his lips easily found their habitual spot against hers. Emmeline was so gobsmacked that it took her a few moments to register what was happening. When she finally did, she grabbed the lapel of his dripping jacket to pull him closer, undeterred by the fact that this dampened her own clothes.

He held on for a long time, only pulling away to say:

“How could you think even for a moment that I would not still want you?” 

Emmeline let out a sigh of relief and beamed, then they got right back to kissing. Vigorously. Remus pushed her up against the nearest wall, sliding her coat off of her before shedding his own jacket. She yanked his hips up against hers. _Oh, hello_. 

“Remus,” she said breathlessly. 

He wondered if he had done something wrong. “Yes?”

“Take me upstairs,” she demanded, hurriedly unbuttoning his soaked shirt. There were all those scars she had so missed.

Miraculously, he forgot all about his fever and his aches. 

He did not delay in leading her up the stairs. Once in his room he guided her down onto the unmade bed and eagerly climbed on top of her as insistent hands pulled him against her lips _and_ her hips. Hardly missing a beat, he pinned her arms above her head and lifted off her shirt, intending to kiss her all the way up her torso. It wasn’t until he saw the bandages that he remembered he'd nearly killed her last night. 

“Oh, damn it all!” he cursed, immediately scrambling off the bed. “I’m sorry, I can’t _believe_ I didn’t think of your injury. I just got carried away...” Emmeline had this ability to make him forget what he was to the point of fault. It had only been twelve hours ago that he’d sworn off love and happiness and all that nonsense for the good of mankind, and yet here he was ready to swan dive into her knickers as if none of it had made any difference. 

She reached for him, disgruntled that he’d stopped. “No no no, I’m fine! I can’t even feel anything anymore! Look, see for yourself.” She began unwinding the bandages.

“Wait, don’t,” he protested, attempting to stop her, but the bandages came off before he had the chance to intervene. He stared at where the four lacerations had been, only able to recognize their original spots from the thin pink lines that were there now. Wow. The silver and dittany had done the trick, and the wonders of magical medicine never ceased to amaze him. 

He hardly had time to object as Emmeline latched onto his belt and pulled him back on top of her, undoing his buckle and trousers. “Don’t think, just do.”

“...Beg pardo-ghuahh!” Her hand had snaked down his pants, turning the end of the word “pardon” into a gasp.

“Nevermind,” she laughed, lifting her head to meet his gasp with a hungry kiss.

…

The waning moon peering through the window was their only source of light in the room. 

Neither of them spoke at first, as they had finally slowed down enough for Remus to process what had just happened. Physically, it was as though she’d never been gone; their rhythm and receptivity to one another had not seemed to have suffered at all, and if it had, they’d been in too much of a hurry to notice. Remus remembered that when he and Emmeline were first becoming intimate, it had taken them a little while to get used to each other and even longer to get used to themselves at that level of vulnerability. Eventually they’d found a tempo together, and apparently it stuck. He felt like he'd just listened to his favorite song again after not hearing it for ages. He’d never sought out a new one to enjoy in the meantime. He’d only ever heard this one. He’d only ever _wanted_ to hear this one.

After regaining his breath, Remus looked down at her, nestled up against his chest and still quivering, astonished that she was there. With him. He was not astonished by how perfectly lovely she looked, as this was a given. 

He reached up to push the wild hair out of her face, then planted an exquisitely gentle kiss above her brow bone. “I’ve missed this,” he whispered against her forehead. 

She turned her face up to him, the most content she’d been in the last ten months and seventeen days, and began tracing the line of his jaw with her thumb. “I’ve missed _you.”_ Her hand traveled up to his glistening forehead. “You’re a bit warm, are you feeling alright?”

“That’s the second stupidest question you’ve asked me today.” Body aches and fever be damned. No measure of eloquence could describe just how blissful that had just been.

“Touché.”

But Remus’ satisfaction was soon overshadowed by one, bothersome thought: something he hadn’t yet had the chance to say but couldn’t put off any longer, and he suspected it would likely spoil the evening.

“Emmeline?”

“Hmm?” 

“...I’m so sorry...about the pregnancy...” He wasn’t sure how best to finish the statement and the appropriate words eluded him. In a strange way he felt culpable, as he had been a part of creating that life with her, but verbalizing this was difficult. Though she was still looking up at him Emmeline did not respond at first, and Remus’ suspicion that he’d chosen an inopportune time to discuss the topic was confirmed. James had once told him that his brain had a knack for getting in the way and ruining the moment. He was preparing to change the subject when she finally did reply:

“You're not the one who should be apologizing,” she said as she sat up to face him and hugged her knees to her chest. “It was something that involved the both of us, and I took away your say in the matter when I left, which was wrong.”

“I’m still not sure why you chose not to tell me,” he confessed sadly, reaching out to brush his fingers along the fresh scars on her ribcage. He was having to ignore the voice in his head which told him _"Look what you've done to her. It's because you're a monster, and nobody could ever be proud of mating with the likes of you."_ He had to remind himself that Emmeline, despite everything, would not be here in bed with him if she thought he was a monster. Jury was still out on his own opinion of the matter.

Emmeline didn’t even think _she_ had figured out why, but she tried to articulate her best guess. “I think...perhaps...I thought I was making the best choice for the safety of…” She swallowed hard to rid herself of the lump rising in her throat. “And I thought that if I told you, you would have come away with me.”

Remus didn’t say anything in response. He would’ve liked to have said of course; of course he would have been the faithful, heroic partner and whisked her and the unborn child away to safety. But Remus was not very heroic in his own mind, and to be honest, the thought of having his own children frightened him for several reasons. Truthfully, he didn’t know what he would’ve done.

“And your place was here,” Emmeline continued. “With the Order. With your friends. Fighting by their side.”

“So was yours.”

Emmeline shook her head. “To be an effective soldier you have to be willing to lay down your life for the people you’re fighting alongside without hesitation. Maybe this is not the case for everyone, but I know my ability to do that vanished as soon as I found out I had this...other life I was responsible for. Then, after the other life was gone, I suppose I felt so guilty for whatever went wrong that I didn’t think I could possibly return to my own life, the one I had before it. So I figured I’d just start again somewhere else, which is undeniably selfish, I know. I don’t say any of this to excuse my actions, I just...”

“I know that,” he assured her, adjusting himself so he was sitting up too. “Just...go on. I want to hear. You’ve kept it inside for too long and I think it’s time you let it out.”

She felt understood, and for that she was grateful. “With Tiberius...After the miscarriage, my mind was...well, I wasn’t in a good place. I just felt so worthless and unimportant, and I wanted to be important to somebody again. But I wasn’t important to him in the right way. I didn’t see it earlier, but over the last few days it sort of clicked.” She untucked her knees from her chest and reached out to take his hands. “I’m sorry for so many things, but above all, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I can’t imagine what it must have felt like to just find me gone and have no idea why. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it had been me. Remus I truly thought-”

“That you were replaceable,” he finished her sentence for her. “You said you’d figured I’d moved on.”

“...Yes,” she admitted. 

Remus studied her face for a long while. He had absolutely no idea what this woman saw in him, nor could he comprehend why she was under the impression that she was the expendable one here. He’d never really allowed himself to want much in life, because he knew he probably wouldn’t get much from it. But he wanted her, wasn’t it so agonizingly obvious? He’d always wanted her, and he’d always been terrified by just how much, because when you want only one thing very badly and it gets taken away, it can dismantle your entire spirit. He wanted her, and when she left, he figured she was just another thing on a long list of things he couldn’t have. But she was back now, with him, in his bed, even though he’d scarred her skin, and he wanted her and no one else. How could she not have known? How could she have doubted for a moment? 

Then, lifting her hands and kissing them ardently, he said: “...And that was perhaps the biggest mistake you made. Because you’re not replaceable, Emmeline Vance. Not to me.” 

The lump that had been in her throat earlier came back twofold, and Emmeline leaned in to kiss him deeply, smiling against his lips as tears ran down her cheeks. She’d forgotten what it felt like to be cherished. 

Remus wiped her tears, and as they settled back into their previous posture with Emmeline curled up against his chest, she began to trace her fingers over all his scars. Perhaps it would all be too much if she came right out and said she still loved him. She didn’t know it, but Remus was thinking the same thought, and decided they’d had enough overwhelming conversations for the day, possibly the month. No, he’d save the L word for another time. 

“Remus?”

“Hmm?”

“...Do you think you could find it in your heart to forgive me?”

He resisted the urge to point this out as the third stupidest question of the evening. So many silly questions from such a brilliant, brilliant woman.

“I forgive you,” he said without hesitation, kissing the top of her head again. “I forgave you forty eight hours ago.”

They heard a tapping on the window - Orpheus wanted out of the rain. Emmeline climbed off of Remus and wrapped herself in a quilt that had fallen off the mattress to let the owl inside before shutting the window again. He fluttered up to the top of the wardrobe. 

“That used to be his favorite spot in our old place,” Remus observed, smiling nostalgically.

Emmeline got back into bed, but sat up across from him again in a very business-like manner (or, as business-like as one can seem while naked save for a quilt). “What do you say we give this another go?” she proposed. 

“...The...sex? Or-”

 _“This._ Us. You and me.”

Stifling the joy that bubbled up inside of him proved difficult, but Remus didn’t want to scare her off. “Well, you’ve already moved your things here, so I _suppose,”_ he teased. 

She jabbed him in the arm. “Let the record show that I fully plan on giving the sex another go, too.”

“Delightful. We’re on the same page, then.” They laughed a bit, then Remus sat back up and pulled her into his lap. “...I know you said it’s a bit fast, and maybe it is...but would you like to stay here?” he offered her seriously. “With me?” 

This was crazy. They must have been crazy. But it didn’t feel all that crazy. 

It _finally_ felt like she had come back. 

“...Could I?”


	13. Mail on a Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Short and sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions? Arguments? Leave me a comment! :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own these people, they are strong independent characters! (No jk they belong to JKR)

Remus awoke to the faint sound of rummaging in the kitchen. Now that the fever had broken and he was _mostly_ caught up on sleep, he got out of bed with more ease and threw on his pants from the night before. He smiled to himself when he recalled why they were on the floor in the first place. 

He descended the stairs and observed Emmeline, who was prancing about his kitchen in his button-up, and savored the few moments he had just to marvel at her before she noticed him watching. He couldn’t help but feel a bit triumphant, what with this splendid trouser-less woman galavanting around his kitchen, her hair exactly as unruly as it should have been. 

When she did notice him, she smiled a guilty grin. “I’m afraid you don’t have much in the way of breakfast food,” she lamented, opening one more cupboard to check its contents. Her eyes lit up when she saw it: “Aha!” she rejoiced, pulling out one dented can of beans. Remus raised an eyebrow at her. “...It’s a start,” she shrugged. 

He chuckled as he strode over to her, then wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He’d almost forgotten how comfortably their bodies fit together. Emmeline turned around so that she was facing him and gave him a kiss so soft it was silken. _“Good morning.”_

“It is, _indeed,_ a good morning.” Remus hoisted her up so that she was sitting on the counter and tipped forward into her lips once more. He was feeling rather confident and had half a mind to make love to her all over again, right here in the kitchen - but his consideration was interrupted by the _swoosh_ of the mail slot and the faint flapping of an owl’s wings. 

They turned and puzzled at the single envelope on the floor of the entryway before Emmeline hopped off the counter to retrieve it. 

“What is it?” asked Remus, leaning up against the counter. He was rather delighted that she already felt comfortable enough in the house to be retrieving the mail.

“It’s from Albus.” She held the envelope out towards him so that he could look at it for himself. Sure enough, there was the Hogwarts crest. “Go ahead then, open it,” she urged, motioning for him to take it. 

This must have been Albus’ note about the next meeting. Remus took the envelope and opened it meticulously, then unfolded its contents. “Dear Ms. Va-...” he started, doing a double take at the name before handing it back to Emmeline. “It’s for you…”

Perplexed, she plucked the letter from his fingers and began reading out loud:

_“Dear Ms. Vance,_

_It has come to my attention that you have returned from your sabbatical. As such, I am pleased to offer you your former position with the Order of the Phoenix. I eagerly await your reply._

_Yours,_

_Albus P.W.B. Dumbledore”_

She stared at the letter, frowning.

“Well that’s wonderful, isn’t it?” asked Remus, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah...wonderful…”

She continued to study the note, reading it over and over, and Remus began to get the sense that, for some reason, she did not find this wonderful.

“...Do you plan to accept his offer?”

“I...I don’t know,” she admitted, her eyes still on the parchment.

Remus furrowed his brow. “Well, why wouldn’t you?”

Emmeline blinked a few times. “...I’ve sort of got to get a job now, don’t I? Unless you’ve changed your mind about me staying here, I’ll need to pay my share of the rent and whatnot.”

“You don’t have to pay for the rent,” Remus assured her, as his rent was being covered for him.

“Nonsense, that wouldn’t be fair. The only reason I wasn’t splitting any bills with Tiberius was he didn’t _want_ me working. I mean, not like I could _afford_ his bills anyway...stupid prick.”

Stupid prick indeed. “If you’d like to get a job I won’t stop you, but don’t let that affect your decision. I think you’ll recall that most of the people in the Order have day jobs. It’s just that James and Sirius are rich sods and I’m...me.” 

Emmeline continued to grasp for excuses. “Well...I also haven’t exactly practiced any combat magic in ages, I’d be rusty…”

“That’s not a problem, Alastor would be happy to give you a review. You were always good at it anyway.”

“Maybe…I’ll have to think about it…” she muttered, her eyes drifting back to the letter. 

Remus could see that she had more reservations about the proposal than she cared to tell him, but he decided not to push the matter. Of course he wanted her to come back to the Order. Then again, with Voldemort returning from the East, it would be exceedingly dangerous for her - for them all. 

A rumble from his gut alerted Remus that he was famished. In the past three days, the only things he’d consumed were copious amounts of brandy, about one mouthful of cereal, raw venison (which had swiftly made its way back up anyway), and two measly sausage rolls. 

He broke Emmeline’s hypnotic state by gingerly lowering the letter away from her gaze. “Why don’t we say to hell with the beans, get properly dressed, and go for a pastry at the shop down the road?” Or, probably, four or five pastries. 

Emmeline grinned and set the letter down on the chair nearest the door. She could no longer conceal her own grumbling stomach. “That sounds marvelous,” she agreed, starting towards the stairs to go get dressed. 

Before she went up, something occurred to Remus. “Hang on,” he said, looking back at the letter. “...how did Dumbledore know you would be at my house?”

They both turned and stared at each other before bursting out laughing.


	14. The Gash and the Good Guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to fifth year when Emmeline discovers Remus' condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly flashbacks are my favorite things to write (can't wait to start on the hogwarts years prequel.)
> 
> Tell me what you think in the comments.
> 
> Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters. I don't.

_1975: Fifth Year, End of First Term_

_Emmeline had never really bat an eye at Remus Lupin before fifth year. He seemed nice enough she supposed, but his friends were rather irritating - James Potter in particular. Lily didn’t like James at all, but_ _Remus was her fellow prefect and she said he was kind. Emmeline reckoned he just needed new friends._

_Emmeline had never really bat an eye at Remus Lupin before fifth year. He was fairly quiet, after all - always reading or scribbling something down. It was a bit concerning though that Remus always managed to hurt himself. Nobody else ever talked about it since he wore long sleeves most of the time, but she still noticed the cuts and bruises, especially when he would reach for things and his sleeve would come up a little. Emmeline reckoned he was clumsy._

_Emmeline had never really bat an eye at Remus Lupin before fifth year. Sure, she’d noticed that he did well in class (well, except maybe potions). She found it odd that he was absent a lot, but their professors never really seemed to care. Emmeline reckoned he had health issues or something._

_Emmeline had never really bat an eye at Remus Lupin before fifth year. Until the morning she found him bleeding by the lake._

_Some mornings, before most students got up for breakfast, Emmeline would take toast and a rasher of bacon down to the lake to finish homework or read before class. It was often difficult to find time to be by oneself at boarding school since every space was shared. On this particular December morning, there was a fresh, powdery snow all over the grounds - too enchanting to pass up. Emmeline jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed before the temptation to retreat back under her warm blanket thwarted her plans. She threw on her school robes and scarf then sped down the stairs as if the snow could melt away at any second. After making a quick detour to grab her takeaway breakfast from the great hall, she bounded outside into the courtyard where her boots prompted a satisfying crunch from the snow. The cold highland air nipped at her cheeks, but she didn’t care; she pressed on anyway, curious to see if the lake had frozen over during the night. Winter was her favorite season._

_When Emmeline reached the shore of the lake, she was horrified to find what appeared to be a trail of blood staining the snow on the bank. She dropped her book bag and breakfast, and was about to run back when she heard someone groaning from the tree line._

_With a trembling hand, she drew her wand and called out to the voice in the woods. “Who’s there?”_

_“Over here,” moaned a strained voice._

_Fighting the urge to flee, she slowly crept toward the voice. She was scandalized by the sight of a completely naked Remus Lupin, crouching behind a pine tree, shivering violently, and on top of all that, bleeding from a large laceration on his calf._

_“Oh my word!” she exclaimed, ripping her cloak off and kneeling to fling it around his shoulders, then doing the same with the scarf. He looked as though he had been out there for far too long. “What on earth happened to you?!”_

_Normally, Remus was a master of coming up with believable excuses, but in this moment he was far too cold. “I...f-fell…” he stuttered through chattering teeth. Which was half true._

_Emmeline didn’t have time to find this suspicious, as her mind was racing to figure out how best to handle the situation. She wasn’t sure he could walk in his state, and apparition was out of the question since a) she did not know how and b) it was impossible on school grounds. She could run back to the castle to get help, but she was afraid he might become hypothermic in her absence, if he wasn’t already._

_“Moony!” a boy’s voice bellowed from some distance behind her. Reinforcements! How fortunate!_

_“Help! Over here!” Emmeline was neither pleased nor surprised when the search party turned out to be Peter Pettigrew with two of her Quidditch compatriots, James Potter and Sirius Black. They brought their galloping to a halt and stared at her with dropped jaws._

_“What are you doing just standing there?! Hurry!” she cried, throwing her arms around Remus to keep him warm. They exchanged apprehensive looks before continuing on towards their friend and the unexpected girl with him._

_“Here,” said Sirius, reaching into his rucksack and producing some clothing and shoes for Remus. Emmeline stood and turned sheepishly away as Remus rose unsteadily to his feet. His frigid bones shed off the cloak and attempted to dress himself, but James had to help him since he was shaking so much._

_“What the hell are you lot playing at, making people streak through the snow?! It’s inhumane_ ! _” she scolded, still turned around._

_“We...we were p-playing a game! A streaking game!” Peter stuttered._

_“Yes it was a stupid game, we’ll never do it again,” added Sirius._

_Once she’d allotted Remus enough time to get dressed, Emmeline turned back around ready to reprimand them some more when she noticed the dark circles under all their eyes. “Hang on...were you out all night?”_

_The four boys exchanged panicked looks._

_“Why were you out here all night?” she asked again, suspicious of their antics._

_“Look, we don’t have time to explain ourselves to you, because in case you haven’t noticed, he’s freezing,” James snapped as he pulled one of Remus’ arms over his shoulder. He motioned for Sirius to do the same on the other side._

_Emmeline could see that Remus’ leg was bleeding through the trousers they’d brought him. “Wait, don’t. He shouldn’t walk on that,” she advised, pointing to the injury._

_“Right then, you run and fetch Madame Pomfrey for us,” James instructed._

_Emmeline’s nostrils flared in anger. “EXCUSE me?”_

_“You’re probably the fastest, I don’t know!”_

_“Absolutely not. I’m not going to be the one to explain THIS to Madame Pomfrey. One of YOU can go get her.”_

_“Fine! Padfoot, it’ll be faster if you’re the one to HOUND her down,” James said through his teeth. Having understood some sort of code, Sirius nodded and bolted back up through the trees._

_Even with the clothing and the cloak, Remus continued to shiver. “S’okay mate, we’ll be inside soon,” James assured him as he set him down on a nearby boulder and tightened his scarf._

_“We need to do something about his leg,” Emmeline urged. “I don’t know a spell for wounds like that.”_

_James scanned his surroundings for the materials available to him. “Wormtail, off with your scarf.”_

_“What?” Peter yelped, protectively clutching it._

_“Just- hand it over!”_

_Peter reluctantly did as he was told, and James proceeded to tie the garment tightly around Remus’ leg below his knee._

_“AGH!”_

_“Sorry,” he mumbled._

_As he finished this, Emmeline took off her jacket and jumper so that she was only in her school button-up, then crawled under the cloak and hugged Remus tightly from the side. James and Peter just gawked at her, perturbed._

_“Give me your wrists,” she ordered, removing her knit gloves._

_“W-What are you doing?” Remus stammered, shocked by both the body heat and the female presence in close proximity._

_“What does it look like? I’m trying to defrost you. Now give me your wrists before you go into shock.” She didn’t wait for permission before taking his hands and slipping her gloves onto them. Next, she pushed up his sleeves and placed one of her palms on each of Remus’ wrists to warm up his circulation. There were so many scars…_

_After a few moments, she tried interrogating them again: “So what WERE you doing out all night?”_

_James shot her a dirty look. “None of your business, Vance.”_

_“Well I daresay it is NOW.”_

_“Just keep your mouth shut when Madame Pomfrey gets here, got it?”_

_“How about a ‘thank you for helping my friend’ instead?”_

_“Thank you,” Remus muttered next to her._

_Her gaze softened as she turned back to him._

_“You’re welcome.”_

_…_

_“You made me late for class.”_

_Remus was reading a book in solitude on the wooden bridge when Emmeline turned up out of nowhere and startled him._

_He marked his page and closed the book. “...Sorry, what?”_

_“I said you made me late for class. You know, before Christmas holiday. At the lake.”_

_“Oh...I’m...sorry about that.”_

_“It’s alright.”_

_He couldn’t think of the next thing he should say, as he hadn’t yet discerned her motive for being there and didn’t have much experience conversing with women (except Lily of course, but she was non-threatening). Girls didn’t often approach him unless he was with Sirius or James, and usually the two of them did all the talking. He was further confused when she sat down across from him, and the splitting, post-transformation headache didn’t help matters._

_“...I bet you’re wondering why I’m just bringing it up now.”_

_“...A bit, yeah…”_

_“...I didn’t see you at dinner last night.”_

_Uh-oh._

_Remus quickly selected one of the excuses he had on file. “I was in detention.” He nervously tugged down the sleeves of his sweater to mask his latest cuts and bruises._

_“...Were Potter, Black, and Pettigrew with you? I didn’t see them in the common room all evening.”_

_“Yep,” he shot back, his voice cracking._

_“...Do you guys get detention every month?”_

_No no no no no._

_Remus hauled his sore skeleton up from his seat and grabbed his book bag. “Sor-sorry, but I’ve actually got to run,” he stuttered, panic creeping into his voice. Emmeline stood up and blocked his way before he could make his escape. “Emmeline, please-”_

_“Do you have lycanthropy?” she blurted out._

_Remus’ whole body went numb._

_His heart started pounding. He could see the headlines now: “Werewolf Student Expelled from Hogwarts.” He had been so lucky for four and a half years, but now they were going to send him away. Dumbledore wouldn’t be able to get him out of this one. He was never going to be a wizard. He was never going to see his friends again._

_“And your friends, they wait up to make sure you’re okay or something?”_

_If he’d learned the memory charm, he’d’ve taken his wand out right then and performed it on her without remorse. Since this was not an option, the only thing left to do was try to persuade her to keep his secret, though it seemed futile. “...Emmeline, you have to understand-”_

_“My uncle was a werewolf, too.”_

_He stopped mid-sentence and looked at her, dumbfounded. “What?”_

_“My mum’s brother, he was bitten. When I was a kid he stayed with us for a few months here and there when he couldn’t find work. There was always one night a month mum had to lock him up in the cellar, and he came out the next day with bruises like yours. I didn’t know he was sick, not even after we covered the subject in Defense. Mum didn’t tell me about his disease until he passed away last year,” she explained, wide-eyed._

_Remus had to take a few seconds to process what she’d just said. He had never met anybody who knew another werewolf personally._

_“Oh, I promise I won’t tell anybody, honest,” she continued, offering him her hand. “I just wanted to know.”_

_Remus felt like he should have been suspicious of such a promise, but the pretty girl seemed genuine. He gradually reached towards her outstretched hand and shook it weakly. “You’re not...you’re not scared of me?”_

_Emmeline scoffed. “Of you? Hardly. I just had to be sure Potter and Black weren’t the ones beating the snot out of you each month,” she joked, pointing to a fresh cut just under his eyebrow. Remus was too flabbergasted to laugh. She attempted to make him comfortable again by changing the subject. “I love Woolf, by the way.”_

_“You...sorry?”_

_“...Virginia Woolf. Your book,” she clarified, gesturing to the novel still in his hands. “I like stream of consciousness narratives. Although, maybe you’d be better off with James Joyce or something. Virginia’s surname feels a bit too on-the-nose for your situation, wouldn’t you agree?”_

_Not only was he presently unable to appreciate her clever joke, he was also incapable of recalling anything he had ever read, and continued to ogle at her. Emmeline took the hint._

_“...So...I guess I’ll see you at dinner then…” With that, she turned and started making her way back towards the castle._

_“...W-wait, Emmeline?”_

_She turned back around. “Yes?”_

_“...How old was he when he died? Your uncle…”_

_“...You’re going to be okay, Lupin.”_

_She left him speechless where he stood._

_Emmeline reckoned he was relieved._


	15. A Haircut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it sounds like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying the story, I'd love it if you could let me know in the comments!
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR.

James had caught wind of what happened with Remus’ transformation (from Peter) as soon as he returned home from his utterly blissful honeymoon. Apparently, nobody had heard from Remus at all the past week and figured that he needed space, but space was not something James was particularly good at giving. Once he and his beloved had dropped their bags off at home, Prongs set off to check on Moony before his domestic married life commenced. Lily was well versed in Remus’ situation and had offered to accompany James, but he thought they ought not to overwhelm Remus - to which she reminded him that she was a far less overwhelming person than he was. He could not argue with that. She stayed home anyway, thinking perhaps she might remind him of Emmeline, because as far as anyone knew they still weren’t on great terms. 

James’ walk took all of ten minutes. When he arrived at Remus’ doorstep however, his knocks went unanswered. He guessed Remus was in low spirits, but quarter till noon was a bit late to still be in bed, even for him. He knocked again. Nothing. 

James began to worry a bit. With Voldemort and the death eaters’ activity picking up, he began to feel paranoid about his friend’s wellbeing. “ _Alohomora_ ,” he whispered, unlocking the front door and tip-toe-ing inside the house. 

“Moony?” He listened closely and could hear the faint sound of running water coming from the second floor. Cautiously, he made his way towards the stairs to investigate the noise. He soon came face to face with Emmeline, who was sporting nothing but Remus’ bathrobe tied loosely around her body. 

They both screamed.

“AGH!”

“JAMES?!”

“SORRY! I’M SORRY-” James turned away and stashed his wand before shielding his eyes. 

“WHAT ARE YOU-”

“I CAME TO CHECK ON REMUS! I’ll just be going-”

“What the devil is going on?!” asked Remus, who had just raced down the stairs with his wand. When James turned, he saw that Remus had a towel wrapped around his waist. And both of their hair was wet.

James looked somewhere between bewildered and beguiled, Emmeline flushed a shade of deep scarlet as she tied the robe tighter, and Remus readied himself for the teasing he was about to be subjected to. “James! Hah…” He swallowed dryly. “Welcome back.”

James said nothing and continued to look back and forth between the two, piecing everything together.

“I trust Paris was nice? Nipply this time of year.” 

Mortified, Emmeline smacked her palm to her forehead. “ _Nippy_ , Remus. Blimey.”

“What did I say?”

A stupid grin crept its way across James’ face. 

“Oh bloody hell here we go,” Remus sighed.

“...Merlin Morgana and Mungo you two, we leave for a fortnight and miss all of _this_? Wait till I tell Lily!”

Remus began shooing him back towards the door. “ _Speaking_ of Lily, shouldn’t you be getting back to her?” 

“You know, I was coming to check on you, but it’s become clear that you’re _well taken care of_.” 

“Oh bite me Potter,” grumbled Emmeline, sneaking back upstairs.

“I think Remus beat me to the punch, dear!”

Remus spoke tersely as he opened the door for him. “Glad you’re back. Send Lily our- er- _my_ regards.”

“ _BYE_ Emmie!” James whacked Remus on the shoulder. _“Well done_ Moony, well done!”

“Yepthanksgoodbye.” He closed the door on him, leaving James to make his way back home with a skip in his step. 

Remus rested his head against the door and huffed a sigh. He and Emmeline had managed to spend seven glorious days together with their little secret intact, the likes of which would have earned the envy of rabbits. Now that Prongs knew about them, Padfoot and Wormtail were sure to find out before dinner. They were never going to let him live this one down. 

But oh, how he could care less. He had _her._

Speaking of Emmeline, where had she run off to?

Remus followed Emmeline back upstairs to the washroom where she was waiting with another towel and his desk chair. “It would appear we’ve been caught red-handed.” Thankfully, she didn’t look too torn up about it.

Remus leaned in the doorway. “So it would seem.” 

“They were going to find out eventually,” she shrugged.

“I hope you're prepared for the comedic torment we’re about to be put through. I expect this’ll give them material to work with ‘til Christmas.”

“Who, James and Sirius?” she chuckled. “Them I can handle. It’s Marlene and Lily you ought to worry about. Absolute menaces.”

“What’s all this?” he asked, pointing to the chair she’d brought into the bathroom.

“You looked positively ragged at the wedding so I believe a trim is in order. And you can shave after.” 

Remus pawed at his wet, chin-length hair. “You don’t like it? I thought it sort of made me look like James Hunt.”

“You want the truth?”

He nodded.

“...You look a bit feral,” she admitted, scrunching her nose. 

Remus laughed. “Well in that case,” he complied, sitting down in the chair and letting her have her way as she wrapped the towel around his shoulders and got to work. He began to hear the soft slicing sound of the scissors as little tufts of hair fell around him. The sensation of her fingertips moving through his hair and along his scalp was something he’d always relished - in their final year at school, a few students who’d taught themselves how to cut hair got together and made a sort of impromptu Hogwarts salon where trims could be exchanged for Honeydukes sweets, help with schoolwork, or in some cases, firewhisky. Some of the other “hairdressers” used magic, but Emmeline preferred the shears, and being her boyfriend at the time, Remus had been a faithful customer. He watched her lovingly in the mirror as she worked with a furrowed brow and pursed lips.

Eventually she made her way around so that she was standing in front of Remus with one of her legs in between both of his.

“Good Godric, what’ve you done to the front?” 

“I couldn’t bring myself to ask Lily when she was planning the wedding, so I tried to enchant the scissors.” He moved his hand into the slit of the bathrobe and affectionately caressed her thigh. Merlin almighty, her skin was smooth.

Emmeline tried to swallow a smile. “Don’t distract me, I don’t want to knick you.” 

“I’m no stranger to cuts…” He began moving his hand up her leg...

She swatted him away. “ _Down_ boy. I’ve got to fix this hair first.” Her lips pursed again as she continued trimming, and Remus went back to silently admiring her.

A week had gone by and he still hadn’t found an opportune time to tell her the extent of how he felt. The more time that passed, the more he began to second guess himself - “love” was a strong word, and perhaps one week in was just too soon. They’d said the L word to each other in their youth, but it seemed to hold more significance and weight as adults. I mean, did he really have to say it? Weren’t the sleepless nights and occasional mid-morning pick-me-ups evidence enough? Then again, there was a difference between love and lust, but Remus was unequivocally inflamed with both. 

“I _think_ I’ve salvaged it,” she announced a few minutes later. After running her fingers through his hair a few more times, she moved over so that he could see himself in the mirror. “Ta-da!”

Remus tousled his shorter hair for himself. She was right, with three inches of hair gone he definitely looked more like a person and less like a lycan. “Brilliant,” he said approvingly, before pulling her into his lap. 

“Ahp-ap-ap! Shave first.” Much to Remus’ dismay, she climbed out of his embrace. He watched desirously as she pulled the desk chair away and went into the bedroom to get dressed. 

“You’re really so displeased with my facial hair that you won’t let me touch you again until it’s gone?” 

She raised an eyebrow at him. “We’ve just gotten out of the shower together and you’re hungry for _more_? You’re insatiable.” With a swish and a flick of her wand, the hair on the bathroom floor was swept up into the waste bin.

“Ravenous, darling. We have ten and a half months to catch up on. There’s simply no time for me to shave.” He came up behind her and attempted to untie the front of her bathrobe, but she spun around and closed it back around herself with a smirk on her lips. 

“Razor. Now.”

Remus grunted his disapproval and trudged back to the bathroom while Emmeline chuckled to herself. He began applying shaving cream to his face and pulled the straight razor his father had given him out of the cupboard. It was torturous really, making him watch as the robe dropped from her body while he was banished to the sink. 

“I thought you would’ve learned your lesson about enchanting sharp objects after that one time with that very razor,” Emmeline called to him, pulling her arms through the sleeves of an orange jumper before tying her hair up in a bun. “You walked into Care of Magical Creatures one morning and I thought you’d fought off a pixie horde.”

“...Have you thought about Dumbledore’s offer?” he asked, veering the conversation in a more serious direction. It had been a week since she’d received the letter with no indication of what she was planning to do about it. Through the mirror's reflection he watched as her smile disappeared.

“...Still considering it. I’ve got my interview at Flourish and Blotts tomorrow, remember? I’m focusing on that first...” 

“Right, of course.”

He dropped the subject. Silence ensued. 

Not a minute later, an owl rapped on the bedroom window. Emmeline trotted across the room to open it for the creature who simply dropped the letter from its beak and flew off, but not before it earned itself a territorial squawk from Orpheus. Once she had closed the window again, she picked the delivery up off the floor. “His ears must’ve been burning. It’s another note from Dumbledore.”

Remus stepped away from the sink with half of his face still covered in shaving cream and opened the envelope. “...The meeting’s been moved. It’s in London, and it’s tonight.” He set the letter down on the bed then looked back at her, an idea forming. “...You should come with me.”

Emmeline shook her head. “I’m not a member anymore, I don’t think I’ll be allowed.”

“Oh come now, you’ve just been offered your spot back. Alastor isn’t going to throw you out, and it’ll be a good opportunity to discuss matters with Dumbledore.” He was hopeful that a face-to-face conversation with Albus might persuade her to take back her old position.

“...I suppose you’re right,” she conceded. She couldn’t avoid the matter for much longer.

“Besides,” he continued, heading back to the sink to finish up shaving. “It’ll be our first appearance as us again. You know, so James doesn’t go blabbering before we can tell everyone ourselves.”

Emmeline came back to the bathroom and eyed him fondly. “You missed a spot,” she informed him, slowly reaching out to commandeer the razor. She then sat herself on the countertop in front of him and gently swiped the blade under his chin. “I like the sound of that. ‘Us.’ ‘Us’ sounds good,” she said, smiling as she wet the razor and carried on.

“I concur,” Remus mumbled, striving to keep his face still. 

“...There. All done.” She set the razor aside and handed him a towel to wipe his face with. When he emerged from the cloth, she beamed. “Remus Lupin, you are the most dashing man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And for the record, you were before the trim, too.” 

Remus grinned bashfully. When they’d dated before, he had to convince himself that Emmeline wasn’t fibbing every time she told him how handsome he was. It was still hard for him to believe her, but he couldn’t help himself from leaning in to kiss her tenderly. Then, the tenderness became tenacity. 

“Alright Ms. Vance, I’ve done as you asked. My hair is cut and my face is clean. May I _please_ touch you now?”

“I’ve just gotten dressed,” she said against his lips.

“That can be remedied very easily, I assure you.”


	16. An Unpleasant Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Emmeline attend what they think is an Order meeting, only to be cornered by some former classmates of theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Review pls!
> 
> Disclaimer: Most of this stuff is owned by JKR.

Around ten o’clock, Remus and Emmeline touched down in the London Borough of Bexley. Dumbledore had not given specifics on a preferred method of arrival, nor had he instructed them on where to safely land without being noticed by muggles. They’d chosen to bring their brooms down in a park near their destination and left them there with a concealment charm. The darkness made it difficult to search for the house belonging to the address on Dumbledore’s letter, and the light of the waning moon was of some help, but not much. As far as Remus knew, they’d never had an Order meeting at this location before.

Remus stared down at the parchment periodically as they walked through the cookie-cutter suburb. When they reached Woolrich Road, they turned.

“Twelve...twelve...ah. Here we are. Number Twelve.” But upon first glance, the quaint tract house seemed perplexingly uninhabited.

“...It looks like nobody’s there,” Emmeline observed, detecting no trace of light from inside the house. 

Remus shrugged. “They’ve probably enchanted it so as not to wake up the muggles.” He unlatched the gate and headed towards the front door, but noticed that Emmeline hung back. “...What’s the matter?”

“...I shouldn’t have come with you, I feel like I’m intruding. I’ll just wait out here-”

“You’re not intruding. If Albus or Alastor have a problem with it, they can take it up with me,” he declared (as if he were a match for them). He flashed her a reassuring smile and held out his hand. 

She hesitated, but eventually walked through the gate and took his outstretched hand. Remus delighted in the thought of them walking in as a unit; as a couple. No doubt James and the others would tease him, but in the end he knew how chuffed they would be that he’d rejoined the ranks of relationship-dom. (Now they just had to find someone patient enough for Peter.) With their grand entrance scene playing out in his mind, he knocked on the door.

It opened, but with nobody waiting to question them on the other side. That was odd. 

Remus squinted into the dark foyer in search of signs of life, but the interior of the house was as still and silent as its exterior. He listened for the voices of his colleagues, but heard nothing. 

Emmeline peered at the parchment still in his grasp. “...Are you positive we came to the right place? Maybe we’re early.” But her watch read ten fifteen. Supposedly, they were right on time. 

Letting go of Emmeline’s hand, he took a few steps into the house. “ _Lumos_.” The tip of his wand illuminated the seemingly empty front room. Now he was certain; nobody else from the Order was there. 

“...Something’s not right.” He turned back to rejoin Emmeline outside, but the front door slammed shut before he could make it back out.

“REMUS!” Emmeline darted forward and jerked the door knob forcefully to no avail. 

Remus tried to do the same on the other side. “Emmeline, it’s a trap! Get out of here!” He turned and saw four dark, smoky figures beginning to materialize around him. 

Emmeline drew her wand and pointed it at the door. “ _Alohomora!_ ” She jiggled the door knob again, but it remained locked. 

Pressing his back up against the door, Remus drew his wand and held it forward toward the shadowy people appearing before him. He quickly recognized the Lestrange brothers, as well as Bellatrix and Regulus Black. Poor kid...he was fresh out of Hogwarts and had already been drafted into the ranks. Sirius had never shown his brother much sympathy, but Remus always felt a bit bad for him. He imagined that after Sirius’ excommunication, Regulus must’ve felt enslaved by his obligation to his family, no matter how vile their values. 

“Perhaps you’re not quite as smart as I thought you were in school, Lupin.”

“Highly unlike you to be thinking at all, Rodolphus.” 

“Remus!” Emmeline cried out to him as she threw her body against the door trying to break it down. With each failed attempt, the door thumped against Remus’ back.

Bellatrix’s slimy grin was visible even through the tendrils of her tempestuous black hair. “Who’d you bring us? S’that Meadowes outside? I was hoping you’d have my cousin with you.” As she took a step forward to peek out the sidelight window, Remus hurled a curse to keep her away from Emmeline. Bellatrix deflected it expertly.

“ _Expelliarmus!_ ” Rodolphus sent Remus’ wand into the air - he was now defenseless. The younger Lestrange lifted his wand again, but the older gripped his arm to stop him.

“Don’t kill ‘im,” Rabastan instructed.

“What should we do with him then?”

“ _Incarcerous!_ ” yelled Regulus. Suddenly thick ropes appeared from thin air and forcibly bound Remus’ body. As he plunged to the ground and smacked the side of his head on the linoleum, he thought he didn’t feel quite so bad for Regulus anymore.

“We bring him to the Dark Lord,” Rabastan continued. “I reckon this one knows a thing or two about the blood traitors.”

“Can’t I use the Cruciatus on ‘im? Just _once_ before we go?” Bellatrix pleaded sticky-sweetly.

There was a muffled shout from outside just before the front room window blew to smithereens. Emmeline hurdled into the room over the broken glass and began hurling spells at the four death eaters. Since she had surprised them, she managed to stupefy both Rodolphus and Regulus before Rabastan disarmed her. 

“EMMELINE _RUN!”_ Remus screeched from the floor. But Emmeline was done leaving Remus behind, so she stood her ground. 

_"Vance!_ Haven’t seen you for ages!” Bellatrix cackled, her wand pointed at Emmeline’s throat as she slinked towards her. Rabastan quickly revived the other two and helped them back to their feet.

Emmeline clenched her teeth. “I see you haven’t shampooed the mop on your head since we last met.” 

“Why you filthy-!” 

“Bella,” Rodolphus scolded her as she was about to hex Emmeline. “Remember, he likes a fresh canvas for his curses.” 

She withheld her hex and settled for a hard slap across the face instead. Remus cursed and writhed as he watched Bellatrix take a fistful of Emmeline’s hair and shove her onto the floor next to him. 

“We’ll bring them both back to him,” Rabastan decided. 

"Filthy half-bloods," Bellatrix remarked.

Rabastan motioned for Rodolphus and Regulus to pick them up, but their task was interrupted when a large fireball broke through the front door and narrowly missed the four of them. Broomstick in hand, Alastor Moody flew in through the cavity where the window had been with Marlene at his heels. There came the rumble of a motorbike outside, then Sirius dashed in behind them.

“BLOOD TRAITOR!” Bellatrix spat. Spells and jinxes started flying through the air. 

With Marlene covering her, Emmeline had a chance to crawl towards her wand. When she’d reached it, she pointed it back at Remus to release him. “ _Emancipare!_ ” His bindings evaporated and he scrambled towards her, dodging a curse from Regulus in the process. After a quick summoning charm to reunite Remus with his wand, they stood up together to join the battle. 

Bellatrix and Regulus paid special attention to Sirius and Marlene, while the Lestrange brothers had Alastor, Remus, and Emmeline to deal with. The five wizards (and, to be frank, Alastor alone counted as two,) were too much for the young death eaters, and they eventually retreated. Sirius tried to launch himself into Regulus’ apparition channel, but Marlene held him back.

The five Order members remained, panting from the heat of the conflict. All of the sudden, Emmeline jumped into Remus’ arms and smashed her lips into his.

Sirius did a double-take. “What the-...Well it’s about bloody time!” he griped, not that Emmeline or Remus were listening. Equally shocked, Marlene stared at the pair with a slack jaw and a twinkle in her eye. Apparently, James had not shared their secret yet. Alastor just rolled his eyes, muttered something about gantin teenagers, and went outside to do any necessary damage control. 

When they pulled away, they spoke simultaneously:

“You know I love you, right?”

“I want to join the Order again! Wait, what?!”

“Like a ruddy melodrama, these two,” Sirius said under his breath to Marlene. She elbowed him in the gut.

No taking it back now. Remus swallowed hard and looked at her restlessly. “...I just had to be sure that you knew.” Next time he faced death (and he imagined it wouldn’t be long before there was a next time), at least he’d have all of his affairs in order.

Emmeline’s response to this was preemptively cut short by Alastor. “I’ve just had to obliviate two muggles peepin’ oot their windaes, and more are probably on their way after that ruckus.” As he came back in, he directed his wand at the damaged portions house and the bricks swiftly put themselves back together. “Save the snogging for later, we have to get out of here. Meet me at the Potters'. I need to have a word with them.” His broomstick flew into his outstretched hand and he was off, back out through the front door. 

“Our brooms are just up the road at a park,” Emmeline explained as she followed Marlene and Sirius out the door. Remus closed it behind them as quickly and inconspicuously as he possibly could, checking around to make sure no more muggles had come to their windows.

“We’ll take you to them. Best if we stay on the ground for a bit anyway.” Sirius mounted his bike and motioned to the little sidecar attached to it. “Hop in, _muffin_ ,” he wisecracked, which Emmeline did not appreciate.

Remus looked begrudgingly at the sidecar. “Is it just me, or is this just a bit degrading?”

Marlene tried her best to keep herself from laughing as she climbed on behind Sirius. “Well, if you’d rather walk-”

“Fine.” With some difficulty, Remus lowered his tall frame into the seat and helped Emmeline to sit down in front of him as if on a toboggan. Perfectly aware of how cool he looked, Sirius kickstarted the bike and they zoomed back towards the park. 

Somewhere along the way, Emmeline leaned back against Remus and muttered something in his ear. It was difficult to hear over the roar of the engine, but he got the gist of it and smiled. The L word had been reciprocated.


	17. Honeymoony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussions over tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***As much as I adore the four boys, there seems to be a lot of fanfiction/headcanons out there that are like “the Marauders plus Lily,” and I refuse to accept that Lily didn’t have her own close friends from school. I love getting to write sections about Lily and her mates. Also, you may have gathered this from the last chapter, but MY Alastor is A LOT more Scottish. 
> 
> Comments are nice
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR

All five landed in Godric’s Hollow within the hour, touching down outside the Potters' house and quickly heading inside the front gate. A light turned on in the bedroom upstairs after Alastor knocked (banged) loudly on the door. When it opened, the first thing they saw was James’ wand. 

“It’s Alastor. You’ve got a dent on the back of your skull from the first day I had you in training.” 

James, clad only in flannel pajama bottoms, opened the door and let them all in. “What happened?” 

“Merlin’s sake, put a shirt on, Potter.”

“ _Bite me_ , Vance.”

“I think Lily beat me to the punch, dear.”

“Not that I’m not happy to see you all, but I don’t remember inviting you over for a midnight snack.” Once James closed the door behind them, Remus headed straight for the freezer to ice the lump on the side of his head.

“Don’t register your new address with the records department at the Ministry,” Alastor said on his way into the sitting room. 

James furrowed his brow. “Beg your pardon?”

“Dinnae register. Your new address. With the ministry. Did I stutter?” Moody plopped himself in the armchair by the kitchen and removed his prosthetic leg. 

“...That was so pressing that it couldn’t’ve waited ‘till the morning?”

Alastor ignored this, as he didn’t believe in waiting for an “opportune time” if there was something he had to do. “Somebody get me some parchment and a quill. I’ve got to get an owl to Albus.” 

“It’s alright love, you can come down,” James called upstairs. 

Lily emerged sleepily from the staircase wearing a nightgown that she’d covered up with a cardigan. “...You all look like you’ve been fighting.”

“Very astute observation, Mrs. Potter,” said Sirius, prodding at a tear in his shirt. “We’ve had a run-in with the Lestranges and my dear brother.”

“Why shouldn’t we register our address with the Ministry?” James asked, concerned.

“Because Voldemort’s got someone on the inside with access to all of our locations. They sent letters to Lupin and Black at their home addresses and lured them into a trap at Dearborn’s old house. You might’ve gotten one too if they’d had your new address. They want us to know that they know where to find us.” 

Remus returned from the kitchen with a bag of ice pressed to his head and looked over at Sirius. “You got a letter too?” 

“Yes. Marlene thought something was amiss, so we brought it to Alastor. That’s why we showed up when we did.”

“I’m still waiting on the parchment and the quill,” grumbled the aforementioned auror. Lily went to a cupboard in the sitting room and brought him what he asked for. 

“Did anybody else get a letter?” asked Emmeline. 

Marlene shook her head. “We don’t know.”

“We know _I’m_ the only one who fell for it,” Remus said indignantly. He took the letter out of his pocket and crumpled it in his fist. 

“Oi! Give that here!” barked Alastor, his palm out. 

Remus thrust it into his grip. “How could I be so _thick_.”

“I had looked at it too. It fooled the both of us,” Emmeline comforted him, taking his hand. Seeing their hands entwined made Lily and Marlene smirk sideways at each other.

“And for good reason,” Alastor added as he examined the letter. “It’s one hell of a counterfeit.”

“We ought to check if Wormtail got anything,” suggested James. 

Sirius shook his head. “I doubt he even received one. Wormtail’s the most gullible of us all, and if he’d gotten a letter, he would’ve been there too. No offense to Peter, but I don’t think he’s a high-level target.”

“I’ll put the kettle on,” offered Lily, who was always thinking of others. Marlene discreetly followed her to the stove. 

“Did you ken about _them_?” she whispered.

Lily giggled quietly as she set out seven cups. “James found them together just this morning.” 

“Like...found them together, or _found_ them together?”

What Lily and Marlene did not know was that Emmeline had snuck up behind them. “So how was the honeymoon?” Her voice caused them both to jump. “...I’m on to you two.”

“It was absolutely perfect, I ate every pastry in sight. You two should’ve seen the suite James booked, overlooking the Seine and everything. I’ll develop the photos soon. I don’t know what he was thinking reserving something so grand when all we really needed was the bed,” she said through a salacious smirk.

“Brilliant,” said Marlene.

“Gross,” said Emmeline. 

Lily turned to her with an incredulous smile. “You’re one to talk. How was _your_ honeymoon?” 

“Don’t you mean her _honeymoony_ _?_ You’re in big trouble. How long have you two been shagging in secret?”

“Shh!”

Marlene and Lily glared at her with folded arms while they waited for an answer. 

“...Well, sort of a week but-”

“ _A WHOLE WEEK?!_ ”

“What’s going on at the tea station?” James called over to them, having heard Marlene’s outburst. 

“Butt out Potter, the grown ups are talking.”

“You’re quite literally in _my house,_ McKinnon. _”_ Marlene ignored this.

“It was so fast, we were afraid you’d think-”

“So you _have_ been bonking.” 

“Marley! Gross...”

“I hope Tiberius was properly out of the picture before that all started,” said Lily, who, like Marlene, had not been fond of the match, but unlike Marlene, would not have approved of infidelity. 

“Quite. Like, _very_ out of the picture,” Emmeline assured her, flashing them her ring-less left hand. 

“Thank _God_. I mean, you’re a catch and I hope he’s not too torn up about it, poor sod, but thank God.”

“He was more upset that I hadn’t said something before the refund period ran out on the ring. He’ll buy another highland hunting lodge and get over it.”

“Oh Merlin, speaking of rings, did you see _Bellatrix’s_ tonight?” 

“What?!” That was something Emmeline had apparently failed to notice.

Lily scrunched her nose. “Bellatrix Black is _married_ ? Who would be mental enough to marry _her?”_

“She’s Bellatrix Lestrange now, apparently it happened ages ago. Sirius found out from Andromeda.”

“Rabastan?”

“No, Rodolphus.” 

Emmeline raised her hand up to her mouth to feign nausea. “That is vile. Come to think of it, tonight’s events were probably _their_ twisted idea of a honeymoon.”

“I know this is all very serious business, but every time we get trouble from that lot I get oddly nostalgic about school,” Marlene admitted. 

“Except they’ve graduated from jelly-legs jinxes to killing curses, which presents a problem,” Emmeline jested darkly.

“If Avery or Rosier’d been there, it would’ve been a right-proper reunion.”

“You’re okay though? I’m sorry, I was prattling on about Paris and I haven’t even asked you if you’re alright yet.” Lily gestured to a light pink welt settling on Emmeline’s cheek where Bellatrix had slapped her.

“I’m fine,” she assured her, swallowing a smile. “I mean, not an ideal way to spend an evening by any means, but nobody got hurt, and in a weird way it sort of helped me make up my mind about something.”

“ _And_ Remus made a vow of undying love.”

“What?!”

“Marley.”

_“Remus!”_

“Shh! Lily, don’t-”

“Yes?”

“Come in here for a moment, will you?”

Remus stepped toward them hesitantly, the ice still to his head. “Why do I get the sense I’m in trouble?”

The tea kettle began to sing. Waving her wand, Lily flicked off the stove and enchanted the kettle to divide its contents among the cups. 

“If you’re all finished merrymaking in there, may I remind you that two of you were lured into a trap not too long ago?” Alastor hollered matter-of-factly, summoning Remus and Emmeline back to the front room. 

“I’m not finished with you,” Lily told Remus, depositing tea bags into the cups and handing two of them to each person. Remus gave Emmeline a knowing smile before rounding the corner with the girls and handing Alastor one of the cups he’d been given. 

_“As I was saying,”_ Alastor continued as the tea was passed out. “I know you lot aren’t in auror training with me, but you’re as good as anybody I’ve got from the ministry and it’s _imperative_ that you take as many precautions with your safety and your whereabouts as if you were. We already know Voldemort’s had his eyes on recruiting a couple of you,” he added, his eyes flashing to the Potters.

“What about our addresses and such?” asked Sirius.

“Leave that to me and Albus. You’ll be receiving one letter in the next week about the meeting on the first. If you get any more than that, let me know immediately.”

“Thank you for looking after us so well,” said Lily. Alastor might’ve found this condescending or insulting had it come from anyone but her, but he had a soft spot for Lily and knew she was sincere. He began to fold up the letter he’d composed.

“Wait, Alastor.” Emmeline stepped forward. “Before you send the note, could I have a bit of that parchment?”

Puzzled, Moody handed her a piece of paper and the quill. “Sending Dumbledore a love note?”

“No, I’m accepting his offer to join the Order again.” She handed Remus her tea, then propped the parchment against his back and began scribbling out a message as everyone else exchanged looks of delight. 

“The gang’s back together!” whooped James, high-fiving Sirius.

Alastor smirked with approval. “Welcome back, Vance.”


	18. The White Phoenix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During an Order of the Phoenix meeting, Dumbledore lays out plans to teach the group a new way to communicate with one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep the comments coming! I love discussing things!
> 
> Disclaimer: Unfortunately most of this stuff is owned by JKR.

The  _ real _ Order meeting arrived just one week later on the evening of December first. Emmeline and Remus walked gloved-hand-in-gloved-hand to the Potters’ house, anxious to hear Dumbledore’s thoughts on the previous week’s incident. 

“Do you think we’ll have to move out of Godric’s Hollow?” Emmeline asked as they walked. 

“We’ll see what Dumbledore has to say about it.”

When they arrived, they were met by Sirius at the door. 

“What did James’ mum get you for Christmas last year?”

“A copy of Eliot’s ‘Middlemarch’ and a package of butterscotches.” Remus stepped towards the door, but it remained only half-opened.

“Alastor insists that I ask Emmeline, too.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, amused. “Do your worst, Black.”

Sirius squinted at her for a few moments, thinking of a question to test her with. When he had it, his face lit up. “Fifth year. What’d you do to get back at me for lighting your notes on fire in Charms?” Remus chuckled beside her. He knew the answer to this one.

“You were ‘accidentally’ hit in the gut by a stray bludger at quidditch practice that weekend, and justice was served.”

“I haven’t forgiven you for that,” Sirius jested as he opened the door. “We’re still waiting on Dung and Ed.”

Remus and Emmeline entered together and drew the eyes of the rest of the Order. Dorcas and a few others made their way to Emmeline to welcome her back to the organization, while others still asked Remus and Sirius about the attack the previous week. Peter gave the couple an awkward congratulations before Dorcas took Emmeline’s arm and led her over to Alice and Frank. Remus could not deny that he was proud to watch everybody welcome Emmeline back - she seemed happy to be there. When Edgar arrived and Mundungus trickled in a short while later, Alastor sent Gideon and Sturgis out to cast the protective spells while everyone else waited for Albus to begin the meeting.

But...where was he? One by one, people began to notice that Dumbledore was not present. Suddenly, everyone was startled when a translucent, silvery whisp darted clean through the glass of the window and into the center of the room. The phantasm of a phoenix spread its wings and began to speak in Dumbledore’s voice: 

“Due to a troubling instance of fraud which occurred in the last week, The Order of the Phoenix will now be implementing a new method of communication that cannot be traced or forged.” After it had spoken, the phoenix dissipated into the air. 

“Was that a patronus?” Lily asked, clutching her husband’s arm. 

“It was indeed, Mrs. Potter,” replied Albus, who had just strolled in through the front door. People made way for him as he walked through the room to stand next to Alastor. “How many here have learned how to produce a patronus charm?”

Alice and Frank, Elphias, Edgar, Dedalus, and the Prewetts raised their hands. The non-aurors and younger witches and wizards in the room looked around at each other, disheartened. It wasn’t exactly a spell they learned for their O.W.L.s. 

“But they’re for Dementors, aren’t they?” asked Benjy.

“Indeed they are; but as you have just seen, they can be used for more than warding off dark creatures.”

“I can produce one, but it’s never taken the shape of a phoenix,” said Fabian, looking sideways at his brother.

“Nor would it,” Albus explained. “Each corporeal patronus takes the shape of a creature specific to the witch or wizard who conjures it.”

Dedalus leaned over to Sturgis. “Mine’s an iguana.”

“But how did you get it to speak?” asked Elphias, pointing at the spot the phoenix had been moments ago. “I have never seen that before.”

Albus took out his wand. “Ah, that is something of my own invention I have been working on for quite some time.” He raised the wand and began moving his arm in a circular motion. “You must first master the ability to conjure the spell, then learn to produce it nonverbally.” A thread of white light began to emerge from his wand. “Once you have done this, you must speak your message whilst you are casting the patronus, keeping in mind the person you would like it to appear to.” The phoenix flew gracefully from the wand and repeated the words Albus had just said. 

“And it will automatically show itself to the person we wish to send the message to?”

“Precisely, Mr. Lupin. I have been successful in sending mine to two or more places at once, but that may take a bit of time to perfect. Patronuses are nearly impossible to produce if you are impure of heart, so I suspect no death eater will ever be able to replicate one. From here on out, this is how we will communicate with one another.”

“How do we learn?” asked Marlene, hungry for the capability.

“Your Ravenclaw is showing,” Sirius whispered in her ear, which earned him an elbow to the ribs.

“Tomorrow,” Alastor bellowed as he stepped in front of the group. “The Dark Forest to the east of Hogwarts castle. 9 pm, sharp. You can apparate to the Hog’s Head, and Aberforth will point you in the right direction. A patronus will guide you from the edge of the forest to the rendezvous point. From then on, you’ll be able to apparate to the location directly since it’s far enough away from the grounds. I apologize in advance for the highland cold, but we can’t risk this activity being seen by any of Voldemort’s sympathizers, so we’ll have to do it near the school. Don’t be late.” 

The room buzzed with excitement. Amid the enthusiasm, Remus felt something brush up against his leg and looked down. “Lily, when did you get another cat?” He knew they had an orange one, but had never seen this gray tabby in the house.

Lily turned from her conversation with Alice and puzzled at him. “We only have one cat…”

“Now, we have one more matter to address,” continued Albus. “Minerva, if you would.” 

The grey tabby which had crossed to the corner of the room morphed into Professor McGonagall. 

“That’s no cat mate,” Sirius gushed, ever holding McGonagall’s animagus capabilities in high regard. 

“For those of you who don’t know,” began Alastor, “seven days ago, Lupin and Black received what they thought were letters from Albus at their home addresses. These false letters led to an ambush.”

“It has become clear that the Dark Lord has a spy in the Ministry of Magic with access to all of your records,” McGonagall informed the group. “I suspect there may be more than one.”

“Minerva has been aiding the Department of Magical Law Enforcement’s covert operations for a few years now,” Albus interjected.

“Wicked,” whispered Emmeline. 

“It is for this reason that I have made arrangements for all of your records to be...modified. Any personal information that the Ministry possesses pertaining to members of the Order of the Phoenix is fictitious, and should remain so until further notice. For Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black, I have arranged for completed address change forms to be on file for the both of you. For all anybody in the Ministry of Magic knows, Black has moved to Manchester and Lupin has moved to Stockport.”

“Isn’t that illegal?” James asked under his breath.

“ _ Quite _ illegal, Mr. Potter, thank you for pointing that out. Seven years of your shenanigans in my classroom has tuned my ears to your mutterings,” she snapped with a satisfied smile. 

“Sorry professor,” he mumbled, seeming to take pleasure in the familiar scolding.

“Should any of you receive another letter, or discover evidence that Voldemort’s followers possess additional knowledge about you or your colleagues, do not hesitate to tell Albus or Alastor, and they shall alert me.”

“Thank you, Minerva. Your swift action on this matter was most helpful,” Albus said fondly. 

Professor McGonagall nodded a  _ “you’re welcome,”  _ then gave James a teasing wink before transfiguring back into her feline form and leaving out the back door.

“If nobody else has any business to bring to everyone’s attention, the meeting is concluded. We shall reconvene tomorrow evening.”


	19. Patronus Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it sounds like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite details from canon to work in here was the Order using the messenger patronus.
> 
> Let's talk about it! Leave me a comment!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

“It’s three past nine! I said 9 pm sharp!” Alastor scolded as Remus and Emmeline jogged into the clearing. Either Albus or Alastor had conjured torches to line the forest dell, and the snow had been cleared away leaving dry ground. Most everyone else was present, dressed warmly, and had their wands out ready to begin.

“Sorry Alastor...but that goat patronus...was moving far too quickly. We lost it...once or twice,” Remus panted, ripping his scarf off.

“More like four times,” Emmeline muttered, hunched over with her hands on her knees. 

“Yeah, you weren’t the only one,” Frank assured them. He cast an irritated gaze at Edgar, who chuckled. 

The new arrivals took their places next to the Potters and Peter. “And where’s the rest of your motley crew?” Alastor asked them, looking around for Sirius and Marlene. They entered at the opposite end of the clearing not a moment later, looking frazzled. “It’s a wonder any of you graduated school with this tardiness!”

“Truer words were never spoken,” Sirius quipped.

Marlene cocked her head at Alastor as she passed. “Have _you_ ever tried following a _salmon_ through a forest?”

“Sorry ‘bout that!” shouted Elphias.

“Right then!” hollered Alastor, deciding that that class was now in session. “This will be the first lesson of several. Due to the complexity of the Patronus charm, success on the first try is nearly impossible. Most of you will not be able to cast one before you leave today. Some of you may never cast one at all. Let’s get right to it. First you’ll need to learn the incantation of the spell. Everyone repeat after me: _Expecto Patronum_.”

“ _Expecto Patronum_ ,” chanted the group. 

“Good. Easier said than done. Wands at the ready.” Alastor drew his own wand and faced the group. “Now, the wand moves in a small, clockwise, circular motion like so. Everyone new to the spell, try it with the incantation.”

Several of the pupils mimicked his wand motion and invoked the incantation, but nobody managed to produce the charm. Alastor smiled a cheeky, knowing grin.

“Why isn’t it working?” asked Marlene.

“Because I havenae taught you the most important step yet.” He surveyed the crowd for a victim. “Potter!” When James stepped forward, Alastor realized he hadn’t been specific enough. “ _Mrs._ Potter, if you please.” Lily nervously stepped out of the group, but turned back to look at James who gave her an encouraging smile. Alastor leaned in and spoke to her quietly. “I want you to think of your fondest memory. The happiest you’ve ever felt. What might that be?”

Lily didn’t need to think long before answering. “My wedding day.”

“Good. Good.” Alastor turned her around to face the group. “Now, I want you to picture your wedding day clearly in your mind - everything about it, recalling all five of the senses - and try the spell again.”

Lily closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and raised her wand. “ _Expecto Patronum_.”

A beam of silver light swelled from the tip of her wand and began to take shape. Within seconds, a graceful doe materialized from the white cloud. It pranced around as everybody cheered for her.

“Yes! Nicely done, Lily!” James shouted proudly, pumping his fist into the air. She beamed as the Marauders and co. hooted and hollered. 

Genuinely pleased, Alastor applauded her as well. “Outstanding! I’ve never seen anyone get their corporeal on the first try. That’s just brilliant. You’re an especially gifted witch, Evans- erm, Potter.” Lily nodded gratefully and went back to join her friends.

“In order to cast a Patronus, you have to be thinking of a happy memory. Your happiest memory, if possible. The happier the memory, the stronger the charm. Be warned - this may seem simple now, but in a conflict, it takes considerable focus to summon a cheerful memory. Visualize it clearly and use its imagery to your advantage. All of you, close your eyes. Take a moment to think about it. _Really_ concentrate - otherwise you might produce flesh-eating maggots instead of the charm.” 

He waited as the group recollected.

“...Is he joking, or can that actually happen?” Peter whispered worriedly to James, who shrugged.

“Whenever you’re ready, go.”

The next person to make an attempt was Marlene. She uttered the incantation, and a small funnel of white light emerged from her wand as she grinned at Sirius excitedly.

“Good work, McKinnon! Keep it up!” Alastor cheered her on as he circled the company to survey everyone’s progress. A din settled over the gathering as everyone else began to speak the incantation.

“ _Expecto Patronum,_ ” said Emmeline. She watched the tip of her wand, but nothing happened.

“Yes!” Fabian shouted from behind as a white pheasant darted from his wand. 

“Try again,” Remus encouraged her. She steadied herself and lifted her wand once more. 

“ _Expecto Patronum._ ” Nothing. 

Emmeline looked to her right and saw that with Lily’s help, James was now casting a successful incorporeal patronus. “You try,” she suggested, afraid of having her hopes dashed by a third failed attempt.

Remus raised his wand and closed his eyes. “ _Expecto_ -...” he started, but before he had finished the incantation, his eyes shot back open. He looked uneasy.

“What’s the matter?” 

“I uh...I have to pick the right memory.” He remained frozen for a few seconds, thinking. When he arrived at a decision, he tried again. “ _Expecto Patronum._ ”

His wand began to emit a bright silver vapor which continued to grow larger. In fact, it grew so large that it rustled the leaves in the treetops overhead. Everyone around them stopped what they were doing to marvel at Remus’ incorporeal patronus. 

“Congratulations, Lupin! If you keep that up, you’ll have your corporeal in no time!”

Remus reared his wand and smiled at Emmeline, who gave him an inconspicuous peck on the cheek. “Magnificent job.”

“How’d you get it that big?” James inquired. Marlene folded her arms and pouted enviously.

“I’m not really sure,” Remus replied, examining his wand. 

Sirius nudged James and winked at Marlene, then deployed a joke he’d been waiting to use all day. “You know what they say about big patronuses.” 

“Piss off, Padfoot,” James and Marlene spoke at the same time.

Peter scratched his head. “I haven’t been able to get one at all.”

“Me neither Peter, it’s ok,” Emmeline reassured him. 

“We’ll get it in no time, I can feel it.” His rosy cheeks rounded as he smiled confidently. Emmeline couldn’t help but smile too, and she patted his arm.

“Alright everyone, that’s a suitable start,” Alastor announced. “Go home and practice. We’ll meet back here tomorrow, same time, then take the next day off.” He glanced over at Emmeline, Marlene, and their beaux. _“D_ _ on’t _ be late.”

…

Later that night, Emmeline awoke suddenly and sat up in bed. Perhaps it was a dream, but she could have sworn she heard someone speak. She reached out for Remus, but the other side of the bed was empty.

“...Remus?” 

She noticed a flicker of light coming from the staircase. Grabbing her wand off the nightstand, she arose from the mattress and crept slowly down to the ground floor. Before she'd reached the last steps, she saw Remus sitting on the sofa with his wand in hand, his frame illuminated by white light. He was staring disappointedly at the source of the glow, which was just out of her gaze. 

Slowly so as not to startle him, she moved down the last few steps. She gasped when her eyes found what he was watching: a white, spectral wolf stood opposite him on all fours, staring sadly back into his eyes. 

Her gasp altered Remus to her presence.

“Your corporeal is a wolf,” Emmeline stated, astonished. 

“I'm not sure how I knew that it would be.” Remus reared his wand and the patronus faded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I know you’ve got a shift at the bookshop tomorrow morning.”

She sat down next to him, entwining her arm with his. “Is this why you hesitated? At practice earlier?”

He heaved a sigh and set his wand down on the coffee table. “Yes. I was afraid that if my hunch was correct and the others saw, they would begin to suspect…so I chose not to do the corporeal, I guess. I don’t quite know how much one can influence how the charm gets produced, but I was just set on conjuring the incorporeal and it worked.

Emmeline rested her head on his shoulder. “So you don’t have to show anybody. You produced a fantastic incorporeal with no problem, and Dumbledore said the communication works with both.” 

“I know, I just…”

“...Tell me…”

“...It feels dishonest to keep it hidden. I know it sounds foolish.”

Emmeline snuggled him tighter. “That’s not foolish at all.” She picked his wand off the table and put it back into his palm. “...Do it again.”

“ _Expecto Patronum_.” The strand of silver light glided from his wand and manifested into the solemn wolf. 

“He’s really beautiful Remus,” said Emmeline, her eyes wide with wonder. 

Remus looked down at her, admiring the way the light bathed her skin and danced upon her features. _“You’re really beautiful,”_ he thought, though the cliché kept him from saying it aloud. Instead, he planted a kiss on the top of her head. “Don’t worry, you’ll be able to produce one soon.”

“I hope so.” 

They sat watching the wolf for a few minutes. 

“What memory did you think of? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Just now?”

“Yeah.”

A grin worked its way across his face as he recalled the memory he’d chosen. “When James, Sirius and Peter found out about my condition in second year and sat me down to tell me they still wanted to be my friends.”

Emmeline looked up at him warmly. “That’s a great memory.”


	20. Expecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and James are thrown for a loop when they make a shocking discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Easily one of my favorite chapters.
> 
> Did I get their reactions right? Let's discuss!
> 
> Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing, especially the lyrics to the Celestina Warbeck Song. I picked those up off of the HP fandom wiki.

_Two days later_

By the time Remus awoke, Emmeline had already gone to work in Diagon Alley. The quiet combined with the empty spot next to him in bed always elicited a bit of anxiety. 

He swung his legs over the side of the mattress and stretched, his perpetually achy bones creaking and crackling like he was ninety, not nineteen. Pushing himself off the bed, he strode to the bathroom to carry out his normal morning routine: brush his teeth, shower, comb his hair, so on. As of late, he’d been shaving more often too. 

When he’d finished in the bathroom, he dressed and picked his wand up off the nightstand. He wanted to practice the new spell a bit more, just to be prepared for the next training session. Emmeline was still having trouble with it and was getting frustrated, so Remus thought if he could master his own patronus, he’d be better able to assist her. While she was at work, he spent his mornings practicing the charm.

_“Expecto Patronum.”_

The white wolf materialized. When he’d dissipated, Remus raised his wand again.

_“Expecto Patronum.”_

This time, his wand produced a shapeless silver vapor. He repeated the process a few more times.

He was fairly certain he’d figured out the differences in casting the incorporeal versus the corporeal patronus. The incorporeal was simpler and required a less detailed memory than the corporeal, though the result was not as strong. He ended up selecting two memories to have on hand: the one of his friends from second year for his corporeal, and various memories of Emmeline cutting his hair for the incorporeal. If he could keep those two straight, he could be sure that the wolf remained a secret when he needed it to.

The phone ringing from the ground floor distracted his practice, and he set his wand aside to go take the call. Might be his ever-concerned mum.

“Hello?”

“Moony, hey,” Sirius greeted him on the other end of the line. Odd - he didn’t often elect to use the telephone Marlene had bought him.

“Alright Padfoot?”

“Me? Yeah, fine. Prongs is...erm...what uh, what are you up to right now?” 

It didn’t matter what he was up to. If something was wrong with James, he would make himself available no matter what. “Is he there with you?”

“Yes, Wormtail’s on his way too. Bit of an impromptu Marauders meeting.”

“I’ll get dressed and be there in ten minutes. What’s this about?”

“Oh, hold on, James wants to talk to you.” 

Remus heard a faint rustling and some mumbling before James came over the line. “Moony, mate - Emmie around?” This was a bit shouted, and Remus had to yank his ear away from the receiver. 

“Merlin-...No, she’s got a shift at the bookshop. Why?”

There was more muttering in the background as Sirius informed him that yelling was not necessary. “Just wondering. Lily’s a bit...out of sorts. Marlene’s gone over to see her, but I just think she’d want Em there too.”

“She’ll be off this afternoon, I’ll leave a note...Are you two okay? You and Lily?”

“Yes, yeah we’re...just wanna see our mates is all.”

“Should I...er...bring anything over?”

“...You haven’t got any booze, have you?”

...

As promised, Remus apparated to Tutshill ten minutes later and had even stopped at the liquor store on his way. In one hand he held a replacement bottle of brandy for Sirius, and in the other he held a bottle of gin. When he entered the kitchen, Peter had already arrived, and James looked far too relieved to see him with the alcohol. 

“Saint Moony,” he said in lieu of a thank you, rising from the table and hugging him tightly before snatching the brandy from his hand. 

“Actually, that one’s-”

“Let him have it,” Sirius soothed him, taking the gin. “You didn’t need to do that, by the way. I would’ve bought another.”

“I know, but...Godric’s sake Prongs, it’s not even eleven yet,” he chastised as James began liberally pouring himself a brandy. 

Sirius brought three more glasses down from the cupboard. “Pour four, what the hell. We’re celebrating, after all.”

Peter stood from his spot at the table. “What are we celebrating, exactly?”

“By the looks of it, the married couple’s first row,” Remus guessed.

James took a hearty swig of the brandy and winced. “We didn’t row.” His voice came out quiet and timid.

“Who died?” asked Peter, only half joking. James glared at him over his glass as he took another sip. 

Sirius nudged him. “Do you want to tell them, or would you rather I do it?”

…

Still in her olive green work cloak, Emmeline knocked sheepishly on the Potters’ front door. She had walked over as soon as she’d seen Remus’ note on the kitchen table. If he was trying to instill panic, “CHECK ON LILY” in all capital letters was definitely one way to raise her cortisol. 

To Emmeline’s surprise, Marlene answered the door holding a glass of wine. _“Finally,”_ she griped, yanking Emmeline in and shutting the door behind her.

“Merlin’s sake, I had work. What’s the matter? Where’s-...”

And just then, she spotted Lily. She was curled up on the couch, clutching a pillow to herself with a half-eaten block of cheese and a box of savory biscuits next to her. The wine and cheese suggested a celebration, but Lily looked rather contemplative. 

“I’ll get you a glass,” Marlene offered, disappearing briefly into the kitchen. 

Emmeline hung up her cloak, then crept towards where Lily was sitting and knelt at her feet. “Hi,” she said with an anticipatory tone of sympathy.

“Hi,” Lily murmured, smiling half-heartedly. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

Now that she could see her up close, Emmeline realized she’d been crying. She began putting two and two together: Remus gone, _James_ gone, Sirius and Peter probably with them, the note - they must’ve fought. James and Lily had always bickered, even more so before they were a couple, but to Emmeline’s knowledge they’d never had a fight that had ended in tears. She reached up and clutched Lily’s hand tightly. “What’s he done?” 

Oddly, Lily responded with a weak chuckle. 

Marlene returned and handed Emmeline a glass of merlot before sitting down in the adjacent armchair. “What’s the occasion?” asked Emmeline, about to sip from her glass. She noticed that Lily did not appear to have a glass of her own. “And where’s yours?”

“...I can’t have any.” 

Emmeline puzzled at her; then, her eyes widened.

“...Are you…?”

Lily nodded unenthusiastically as another tear rolled down her cheek. 

Emmeline felt her chest constrict. She set down her wine, then shifted the plate of cheese and biscuits over so that she could sit next to Lily and take both of her hands rather than just the one. “Congratulations,” she said with a heartfelt smile, though her bottom lip began to quiver. She bit down hard on it. Right now was not the time for her own tears.

“This should feel like something I want to be congratulated for, but I’m really...I’m really…”

“...Scared.” Emmeline finished her sentence for her.

“I missed my monthly again maybe a week and a half ago, but I only thought I’d skipped last month from all the wedding stress. Yesterday after the lesson I finally whipped up a potion to check and...James watched the color change with me, he’s…” she trailed off.

“...Was he upset?”

“No, he was really good about it, actually. He was in shock, though. We both were. He just held me and told me it was gonna be okay, all night long...I’m glad it’s him by my side.” Lily smiled through her tears. “He went over to tell Sirius this morning, but I think it turned into a bit of an event with the boys...I just think he’s really nervous.”

“And you?” 

Lily drew in a shuddering breath. “I want to be happy but it’s such bad timing. With everything; the Order, the war...” 

“I thought you might be able to offer a good perspective on all this Em,” Marlene added, having already heard Lily’s anxieties.

Lily squeezed Emmeline’s hands. “You know how you told me everything last week? Well, I understand why you ran away. I didn’t get it before, but I get it now. And I-”

“Lily, honey, I want you to listen to me.” Emmeline took Lily’s splotchy face in her hands. “This is different. _You’re_ going to be different.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because you took the test with James and you told your friends,” she replied matter-of-factly. “Because you didn’t make the mistake of thinking you had to do this all by yourself. You _don’t_ have to do this by yourself. Me, Mar, the boys - we’re all here for you and James.” She released her face and took her hands again. “And because you, Lily Jane Evans-Potter, are going to be the best mother there ever was.”

“Well said,” blubbered Marlene.

Lily tipped forward into Emmeline’s embrace, pillow and all. “I love you both, you know that?”

“We know,” they said together. 

After a few moments, Marlene pushed herself up off the floor. “I refuse to let us mope all day. Today, we are disregarding whatever is outside these walls, and celebrating.” She walked over to the turntable and selected a Celestina Wabbeck vinyl, sipped her wine as she set it up, then got the other two off the couch to dance. 

…

Meanwhile: 

“Moony here was almost a daddy too,” Sirius remembered, pointing his glass towards Remus. He squinted to stare through it as if it were a magnifying glass, chuckling intoxicatedly. “Absolutely mental.”

“Wh-... _what?_ Really?” hiccuped Peter, his mouth full of crisps. He turned to Remus, who was draped across the armchair in a very creative fashion.

“I’d really rather not talk about that,” he objected, his half-full glass pressed to his forehead. He was drinking much slower than the others after his episode last month. “And for the love of Merlin, never use any of my monikers in the same sentence as the word ‘daddy’ _ever_ again.”

Sirius would’ve had a clever comeback, had he not been distracted by the sniffling coming from James’ general direction. 

Messrs Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot looked to Prongs, who sat on the floor with his back up against the couch and his palm over his eyes.

“James?” Sirius muttered worriedly, coming down off the couch to put his arm around him.

James kept his hand clasped over his face to hide his tears. “How am I supposed to protect them?” he whispered as he wept.

Remus felt as though he were looking into some alternate reality in which he’d known about Emmeline’s pregnancy, and he guessed he might’ve said the exact same thing. He got down on the floor and sat across from James in solidarity. Peter followed suit.

Sirius gently removed James’ hand from his face so that he could look into his watery eyes. “The real question is, how are we going to make the world safer for your family?”

“I can’t possibly,” he began, gasping. But he never finished his thought. The world was just too big, full of too many terrible things, and he was just one man. A sense of helpless insignificance was a frightening new feeling that James had _never_ had to reckon with before.

“...Not alone you can’t,” Sirius continued. “But the four of us don’t do much of anything without each other, so I don’t see why this should be any different.”

“I’m going to fail as a father,” he whimpered.

“Nonsense,” Remus challenged him. “You’ve already had years of practice with Peter.”

The other three sat gobsmacked in utter disbelief of his quick wit before busting out laughing.

James chortled through his tears. “Nice one, Moony.”

“You’re a git, Remus,” Peter complained, though he was laughing too.

When the laughs had subsided, Sirius tugged on James’ shoulder. “James, look at me. You can do this.” 

“And you couldn’t’ve possibly picked a better person to do it _with,_ ” Remus added.

Just then, James straightened up. “...Lily. Good Godric, what am I doing here?!” he wondered aloud, suddenly in hysterics.

“What do you mean?” asked Sirius.

“My wife’s at- my _pregnant_ wife’s at home!”

Remus didn't understand his agitation. “She’s fine, Emmeline and and Mar-”

“I’m her husband, I ought to...I need to go home. I need to be there.”

Sirius shook him gently. “Calm down-” 

But before any of them could stop him, he had lunged out of the huddle and disapparated. 

“JAMES, NO-” Remus dove after him.

“OH SH-” Sirius' hands flew up to his mouth.

“How drunk was he?!” asked Peter.

“Other than his wedding, have you ever seen him _cry_ sober?!” 

“This is sort of a special circumstance though, don’t you think-” 

“What if he hurt himself?!” Remus cut in, jumping up off the floor.

“Well I’m in no fit condition to apparate after him right now! Wormtail?!”

“I’m pissed Pad, sorry.”

“Both of you, hold on,” Remus directed them, holding out his arms. 

…

_“I’ve got a cauldron of hot strong love,_

_It’s a recipe so rare_

_There’s no potion or elixir that_

_Could ever quite compare!”_

The girls had dried their tears, and were now singing at the top of their lungs as they danced around like idiots. Without warning, James apparated gracelessly into the middle of the room and tumbled to the ground.

“HOLY-...James?” Lily crouched to make sure he was okay.

“Not my best idea,” he groaned, peeling himself off the floor.

The strong scent of alcohol on his breath assaulted Lily’s nostrils. “Did-...did you apparate _drunk?”_

“Like I said, not my best idea.”

“Where are-” Marlene began to ask, but James was already rising to his knees and preparing to go off on his tangent.

“Lily, love, I should have been here-”

“James, it’s okay-”

“No no no, it’s not okay. I vowed to give you the very best of myself, and leaving to get pissed with my friends is not the best of myself-”

“Darling-”

“But I’m going to do better, Lily, I am, because I want to be a good father. I really, really, want to be the best dad, ‘cause I already know you’re going to be the best mum-”

_“Potter!”_

He finally took a breath. “Y-...yes?”

“...Relax. I love you.”

“I love you so much,” he declared, hugging her with all his might. Marlene and Emmeline watched elated from the sidelines.

And then there were seven. Suddenly the rest of the Marauders landed a few feet from where James had, all twisted together like a great three-piece pretzel.

“OW!”

“Get your sodding foot off my-”

“I thought you said you were _sober!”_

“I said I was _the most_ sober!”

“Did I splinch my- I CAN’T FIND MY HAND!”

“It’s RIGHT HERE you numpty-”

“They’re _all_ pished, aren’t they?” Marlene speculated.

“Plastered,” James affirmed.

Remus was the first to stagger to his feet. “Prongs! Thank God. Did you make it back with all your limbs?”

James released Lily and looked down at himself to check. “...I think so.”

Sirius was the next to rise. “Wow, that’s...Color me impressed.” He had to lean against Remus to get the room to stop spinning.

“Look what you’ve d-done, you’ve g-given Padfoot _ideas,”_ hiccupped Peter. He’d given up on trying to get off the ground.

“Is that wine?” Sirius asked, pointing to Marlene’s glass. “Is there more?”

“I think you halfwits are all forgetting something,” Marlene informed them, cocking her head towards the ground where Lily and James were still kneeling. 

“Oh sweet Merlin, you’re right. Congratulations, Lily-flower!”

“Congratulations!” everyone cheered.

Lily turned adoringly to her husband. “We’re having a baby,” she giggled.

“We’re having a baby,” he repeated, finally able to delight in this fact. “LILY EVANS IS HAVING _MY_ BABY!” James stood, scooped his wife up into his arms, and spun her around.

“Merlin James, she’s not a bloody broomstick, be gentle,” Emmeline chided, but neither of them were paying attention.

Having just remembered his girlfriend, Remus left Sirius to his own devices so that he could check up on Emmeline. He moseyed over to her amid the merrymaking and meant to ask her how all this baby business was making her feel. “Are you-”

“Not now,” she pleaded quietly. “Please...later.”

Remus nodded and swallowed his question.

...

The celebration went on until long after the sun had set. Sirius eventually started griping about the Warbeck vinyl (“geezer music” as he called it), and commandeered the turntable to play Lily’s collection of muggle rock music instead. The dulcet tones of The Who’s “Pinball Wizard” accompanied a rather silly air guitar act that Sirius was performing, and Lily even got up to join him on lead vocals. Peter found this incredibly amusing, and waved his arms about as if he were at a concert.

“Don’t _encourage_ him,” Marlene begged from the couch. 

“Ah, leave them be,” James laughed, enjoying the production from his spot on the floor next to the turntable. “What, he doesn’t do this at home?”

“I don’t _let_ him do this at home.”

“Criminy is that the time?” exclaimed Emmeline, her lips stained with wine. “I have work in six hours.”

Sirius paused his show-stopping performance to offer a sage piece of wisdom: “Work shmork,” he slurred.

“Some of us don’t have vaults full of gold, you know.”

“Then somefffus should pro’lly be gettin’ their arse to bed, eh Vance?” Bedtime was a construct reserved for the middle class, apparently.

Emmeline flashed Sirius an unfriendly finger gesture before rising from the armchair and turning to Remus. “You can stay if you like, I don’t mind.”

“I won’t have you walking back by yourself at this hour.”

“We live in Godric’s Hollow, not Glasgow,” James teased him.

Marlene, the resident Scot in the room, shot him a dirty look. _“Watch it_ , Potter.”

“Buh-bye!” Peter waved as Remus put Emmeline’s cloak on for her.

Before they turned to go, Lily approached and grabbed Emmeline’s arm. “Remus, hug your mates before you leave. I want a word with Em.”

“Yes ma’am,” he complied, walking to James and lugging him off the floor to congratulate him once more. Lily led Emmeline out the front door and closed it behind them.

“It’s cold, dear.”

“This will only take a moment,” she assured her, putting her hands on Emmeline’s shoulders. She smiled warmly, and said: “I wanted to tell you that I think you would’ve made a brilliant mother.”

Nope. No. Today was for Lily. Emmeline had gone the whole evening without letting her defenses crumble, and she had to hold on for just a bit longer. “Thank you,” she whispered. Any more volume and she would’ve begun to sob. 

“And I’m certain you’re going to make a brilliant auntie.” Lily wrapped her in a tight embrace and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for today. Thank you for being my friend.”

God, Lily was making this really hard. One more word and Emmeline would lose it. Lily was not naive, so she said nothing more.

Remus came back out the door with perfect timing, and they walked home.


	21. A Not-So-Stupid Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Lily's announcement dredges up some traumatic memories for Emmeline. Remus feels he is to blame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F e e l i n g s 
> 
> Let's talk leave me a comment
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own it

As soon as Remus’ head hit his pillow, he knew he wasn’t going to be getting any sleep. Insomnia was a constant companion since his circadian rhythm was in a permanent state of chaos. No, there was far too much on his mind: James and Lily’s pregnancy, Emmeline’s reaction...

She’d gone up to bed as soon as they’d arrived home and seemed to be asleep, so he figured they would discuss matters after her shift tomorrow. But his midnight musings came to a halt when he heard her sniffle beside him.  He turned and propped himself up so that he could see her face. Even in the darkness, it was clear that her pillow was soaked with tears. How long had she been crying in silence? 

Distressed by her suffering, he laid himself beside her and moulded his body around hers. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered, wiping her face with an already damp sleeve. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Remus drew her close and planted a comforting kiss on her shoulder. “I haven’t been able to sleep.” Sensing that he already knew the cause of her unhappiness, he rested his hand on her lower abdomen. “What can I do?” he whispered. 

She clasped his hand tightly. “This. Just this.” 

There were very few days that Emmeline went without thinking of the child she lost. She was overjoyed for James and Lily, but their surprise announcement exhumed some memories that she strived to keep dormant: memories of twinges in her belly, choking on tears, and blood spilt on bed sheets. The painful images played on a loop behind her eyes and kept sleep from finding her.

“Lily’s so strong,” she murmured. 

“I’ve never seen James so scared.”

“Lily’s scared too, but she’s strong. She’s going to handle this beautifully...I just turned and ran.”

“You thought you were making the right choice.”

“But I wasn’t. I didn’t. I’ve never known that more than today.”

Remus continued to hold her, gently lifting her nightshirt so that his hand was touching the bare skin of her stomach. That way, the fabric wouldn’t soak up any of the love he was trying to impart to her. The heat of his palm and the weight of his arm were a source of succor for Emmeline, and her tears gradually dried.

There was one question that had been festering in Remus’ mind for many days. “...Do you think it had something to do with...was it because the baby was like me?” He had never heard of any other werewolves fathering a child, and there was some speculation as to whether or not lycanthropy could be passed congenitally to offspring.

Emmeline shifted around to face him and gently stroked his cheek. “...I don’t know,” she answered honestly. She watched sorely as his face twisted into one of disgust, and he let her go.  It stung her to think that Remus felt responsible for the miscarriage. Scooting closer to him, she set her chin on his chest, aching for eye contact he was too ashamed to make.  “Come back to me. Please.” 

“...Remember when you asked me if I still wanted you?”

“Yes.”

Still, Remus did not meet her eyes. “I was so astounded when those words came out of your mouth, because it should’ve been  _ me _ asking  _ you _ that question.”  Emmeline reached up to touch his face, but he shrunk away from her hand and sat up. “Suppose it was because of my condition. What if, someday, you want to have a baby and it doesn’t make it to full term again? Or worse, what if it does and I pass the disease on to it?” 

“We can figure that out when we get there. Together.” She nodded reassuringly, conveying that from now on, she was going to involve him in those decisions. But he turned his back to her and hung his legs off the bed.

Emmeline was now beginning to understand the full extent of just how badly Remus’ psyche had suffered when she left him behind. What she told him previously was true: she thought that, after a while, he would find someone new that loved him as much as she did. It was so easy for her, so surely it would be just as easy for someone else. She should have known that Remus would blame himself, not her, for her departure. He blamed himself for everything. Subsequently, he acted as though any suffering that came his way was the price he had to pay to atone for a sin which he had no control over. He had forgiven Emmeline for leaving, but she wondered if there was some imaginary offense for which he had not forgiven himself.

That’s when it dawned on her: 

Emmeline thought she was replaceable. 

Remus thought he deserved to be abandoned.

She felt regret crash into her like a tidal wave. She needed him to know that it wasn’t his fault, none of it was - but Remus suddenly stood up. “I need a cigarette,” he muttered. Emmeline lifted herself up and caught him by the arm before he could walk away.

“What do I have to do to prove to you that I’m not going to leave again?” He met her eyes but did not answer, so she rephrased her question: “What do I have to do to prove to you that you deserve to be loved?”

Remus’ breath caught and he stared at her in disbelief. It seemed a bit non sequitur; he wasn’t quite sure how she arrived at that conclusion from what they’d been talking about previously, but whatever her thought process, the question left him speechless. When Emmeline looked at him, she could see traces of the lonely, friendless, eleven-year-old boy, bewildered that someone could care for him. She abruptly stood and forced herself into his arms, squeezing him tightly as if to say:  _ you’re not a monster. When I said that I love you, I meant it. You deserve to have this. There are no conditions. _

At first he remained limp, stunned. His mind spiraled. He searched for words to hide behind, but found none. When he came to his senses, his eyes welled up and he embraced her back, holding on for dear life. _“My God, she’s serious,”_ he realized. She had seen right through him, as she had many times before. It was true that he didn’t think he deserved anybody’s love, though maybe he had never been able to verbalize that for himself. When Emmeline left, he chalked it up to a cruel joke; life giving him a taste of a fruit forbidden to him, then taking it away forever. It now occurred to Remus that this was not the case. Instead, life had kindly returned a misplaced miracle to him. He held on tighter.

After what seemed like hours, Emmeline pulled away just enough to raise her face up to his. He cracked a small smile, embarrassed that his tears had dampened her shoulder. She tenderly wiped away the ones remaining on his face.

“I don’t know what to say,” he whispered.

Emmeline kissed him softly. “You don’t have to say anything at all. Wait here a second.” She walked past him and descended the stairs, then returned a few moments later with a previously half-eaten bar of chocolate. Remus chuckled as she led him back to bed, took a square for herself, then handed him the bar. “Eat this. It’ll help.”


	22. Patronus Practice, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmeline's frustration reaches a boiling point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> d r a m a
> 
> Disclaimer: JKR owns these characters

“I’ve done it! I’ve actually done it!” Marlene shouted, celebrating the white lynx that had just made its first appearance as her corporeal patronus. 

Alastor patted her shoulder. “Well done McKinnon, now you can try to achieve the same thing without the incantation. Off you go.” 

As it was a Saturday, the Patronus lesson was held in the morning rather than the evening. Those who had managed to produce a patronus were now practicing their ability to conjure the charm non-verbally. Lily was able to do so by the third class, and now by the fifth class her doe was prancing around James’ corporeal stag. In class four, Alice discovered her corporeal patronus was a mare. Sirius and Frank succeeded in conjuring their non-verbal incorporeal patronuses, as Remus had the day before. At this point in the lessons, most everyone was able to produce some manner of patronus at least once. 

Everyone except for Peter, Mundungus, and Emmeline.

Since Remus was well on his way, he spent this class trying to help Emmeline. They stood detached from the rest of the group by several feet as a result of her growing frustration. 

“I think, perhaps, you’re not keeping your wrist in line.”

“Sturgis is over there flapping his wrist about, and he figured this out two classes ago.”

“Don’t look at Sturgis, or any of them. The only spell you need to focus on is your own.”

“I  _ am _ focusing. It’s rather difficult not to look at everyone else when you’re one of the only people who hasn’t figured it out!”

“I’m only trying to help, why are you getting angry with me? ”

“I’m not getting angry with you!” 

“Vance, how’s it going?” Alastor asked, intervening. 

Emmeline massaged her temples. “I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” That was  _ mostly  _ true.

“Show me,” said Alastor.

“It’s not going to be any different than when I showed you last class…” she grumbled.

“Emmeline,” Remus warned. 

“On day one I figured it was because I haven’t practiced advanced magic in ages, but now I’m starting to think I can’t produce a patronus at all, and that all this effort isn’t going to help anything.” She was so irritated that she had to bite her bottom lip to keep from crying. 

Alastor sighed and got very close to her face. “If you’re wantin’ to give up now and leave my class, by all means do so. I won’t stop you. But if you want to figure this out, you’re gonnae have to have to suck it up and show. me. the spell.”

Emmeline nodded bleakly like a reprimanded child, then adjusted her posture as Alastor backed up to observe her, a tear falling from the corner of her eye. As Remus held his breath in anticipation, Emmeline closed her eyes and raised her wand. “ _ Expecto Patronum _ .”

Nothing. 

She gritted her teeth and stuffed her wand away. “I don’t think I can do this anymore today.” 

“Hold on a minute. Your form is fine. You’re so focused on what’s happening with your body that you’re not focusing on what’s happening with your mind, and that’s the more important task.” Alastor approached her again, this time with a bit more sympathy. “What memory are you picturing?”

“...Arriving back in England last month. Walking through Diagon Alley.” That was  _ mostly  _ true.

“What did it smell like?”

“...What?”

“You heard me. What did the air smell like?”

“I dunno...like...I dunno!”

“Then you didnae pick a good enough memory.”

“Ugh!” She grunted angrily before turning and kicking a tree trunk. 

“Emmeline-”

“You need details Vance! Your form is good but your mental work is lazy!” he scolded her.

“ _ I’m trying! _ ” she shouted back.

As soon as she did, Remus pulled her back away from him. “Stop it! What’s gotten into you?” The others were beginning to stare. 

Deciding that his time was better spent elsewhere, Alastor turned on his heel and shouted over his shoulder. “Go home Vance, and come back tomorrow without the attitude. A happy memory is useless to you if you’re gonnae act like there’s a chip on your shoulder.”

Searing tears of humiliation began to stream down Emmeline’s cheeks. As she stormed out of the clearing, her friends exchanged concerned looks, wondering whether it would be better to send someone after her or let her go.

Remus tried to catch up to her. “Emmeline, wait.”

“I didn’t dismiss you Lupin! You don’t get to leave just because Vance does,” Alastor reprimanded him. “She’s a big girl, she can get home on her own. You have work to do.”

Remus felt his heart tug in two directions as he watched Emmeline disappear into the tree line.


	23. Not Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Emmeline and Remus say things they quickly regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would love some feedback :)
> 
> Disclaimer: JKR owns these characters (ugh)

An hour or so later, Remus apparated back home. He crept up the stairs with caution, both wanting to see Emmeline and not wanting to see her. He found her in bed with a new book, looking a bit too calm and collected. 

A timid “...Hello,” was all he dared to say.

“I’m not _going_ back to lessons,” she replied in a stale voice, not looking up from her page. 

Remus sighed and sat at the foot of the bed, making sure to give her space. “I really think that would be a mistake.”

She slammed the book shut with an audible _thud_ and looked at him acidly. 

Uh-oh. 

“I can’t stand one more week of failing at that stupid spell. I’m staying home.”

“It’s a difficult charm, Emmeline.”

 _“Clearly_ it’s more difficult for me than it is for the rest of the Order.” She tossed her book onto the nightstand and got out of bed to sulk by the window. 

“Not everyone has gotten the hang of it yet.”

“The only people who haven’t ‘gotten the hang of it yet’ are Peter, Mundungus, and me. Mundungus is...well, Mundungus. Peter is a gifted animagus, but he was never anything special in the Charms department.”

“You don’t have to be cruel.”

“That’s not how it is for me,” she continued, ignoring his comment. “You _know_ I’ve always been good at spells. I wasn’t far behind you or Lily in Charms. I’ve never had this much trouble with magic in my life, and it’s exasperating.”

“Maybe you just need more time and you’re selling yourself short.”

“Or _maybe_ I’m the only witch in the Order who can’t produce a patronus. Alastor said some people would never produce one at all. I think it’s going to be easier on my sanity if I just come to terms with the fact that a patronus is not in my cards, and stop making a bloody fool out of myself. Maybe I’m just wasting everybody’s time, and the Order is better off without me after all.” She turned away from the window and strode past him, grumbling: “I need a cup of tea,” as she went. 

Now Remus was getting angry. It made sense now, why Emmeline had been so hesitant to rejoin the Order: she was afraid of letting her colleagues down. It frustrated Remus that she was giving up on herself so easily because of her pride. He stood up and followed her down the stairs. 

“You know, perhaps if you were less concerned with having your ego bruised, you could put more of your effort into figuring out a good memory rather than throwing a tantrum.” 

Emmeline spun around, fuming. “It’s maddening having everyone ogle at my flaws when they know that my inadequacy could jeopardize their lives. It makes me feel utterly useless!”

“Merlin’s beard Emmeline, then practice at home when you’re away from all of them! Let me help you instead of getting defensive! Alastor is right, pouting is not getting you any closer to mastering this spell!”

“You have no idea what it’s like, not being able to do this. You figured the spell out ten minutes into the first class! Don’t treat me like I’m being ridiculous, because you can’t possibly fathom how this feels!”

Remus clenched his fists. 

“...You think I ‘can’t possibly fathom’ what it’s like not to be able to do something?” he growled, each word more deliberate than the last. 

Realizing the massive error of her statement, Emmeline immediately backed down. Stupid, _stupid_ non-existent filter.

“...Remus, I didn’t mean-”

“So you think it’s just been a walk in the park for me, do you? You think it was a breeze when I wasn’t allowed to leave the house as a child because my parents were afraid someone would find out about my condition?” 

“That’s not what I-”

“You think the knowledge that I’ll never be able to hold down a regular job is easy for me!?” His low growl crescendoed into a howl.

“Remus-”

“Or the fact that I may be incapable of giving you children someday, you think that’s not difficult?!”

“I’m- I’m sorry, I was so angry I didn’t think before I spoke-” 

“ _You_ have no idea how _this_ feels, so don’t preach to me about inadequacy!”

“Remus, please-”

“And unfortunately Emmeline, unlike you, I can’t just make my condition disappear by giving up and _running away! ”_

He regretted it as soon as he said it. He regretted it as soon as he saw the hurt in her eyes when his words plunged into her gut like a saber. 

Emmeline wiped tears as she pushed past him to get back up the stairs. Remus could not bring himself to move at first. He couldn’t believe he’d just unleashed all of his own baggage on her like that. “Emmeline...Emmeline wait,” he called, snapping out of his momentary stupor and running after her. He caught her arm at the top of the stairs, but she jerked it away. “I’m so sorry, I don’t- I don’t know why I said that.”

“I think we both know why you said it,” she cried, hauling a suitcase out of the bedroom closet.

“W-...What are you doing?” 

She began to remove her clothes from the wardrobe. “It was a mistake to move in here so quickly.”

“...Hang on, let’s think about this for a moment,” he pleaded, approaching her. She stepped back away from him.

“We were foolish to think that after all this time apart, we could mend our love in a month.” Her hazel eyes glinted green through her tears. “I think I should sleep somewhere else. We just need more time to heal.”

“I don’t need any time, Emmeline. I want you to stay-”

“You said you forgave me.”

“I have! I-”

“It’s evident that you haven’t, whether you realize it or not, and I don’t think I’ve really forgiven myself yet either, so I just think it will be for the best-”

“Emmeline.” He reached towards her, but she dodged his arm again and walked briskly to the bathroom to collect her things. “Where are you going to go?” he asked, more desperate this time. 

“I don’t know, I’ll get a room somewhere. The Leaky Cauldron, maybe.” She snatched up her toothbrush and comb. 

Remus started to _tremble._

“...Please don’t. Please don’t do this,” he begged as she continued to put things in the suitcase. Though he had not watched her pack when she left before, he had imagined what it might’ve looked like so often that it became real to him. He had a vivid, placebo memory of Emmeline gathering her belongings and walking out the front door of their old flat. It was so realistic that the sight of her packing now was giving him shell-shock. 

“You said you wouldn’t leave again…” 

Emmeline stopped what she was doing and looked up at him. Even through her own glassy eyes, it was not hard to see that Remus was on the verge of tears. The damage his words had done minutes ago did not hurt nearly as much as the way he was looking at her in this moment.

“...I’m not going away, not like that,” she clarified, still crying. “I just think we should live separately until we can fix whatever needs to be fixed between us.”

“We’ve lived separately for a year, and there will always be things to fix...we can fix them here, under this roof.” He attempted to approach her again. This time, she did not move away, and Remus could see that she was considering what he was saying to her. “Please, I don’t think I could watch you walk out the door. Not again.” 

Their dispute was interrupted by the appearance of the White Phoenix.


	24. The Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Order is summoned to battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out, there will be a lot more Wizarding War plot. Hope you stick around :)
> 
> Feedback and comments are greatly appreciated
> 
> Disclaimer: I wish I owned these character but I do not

Dumbledore’s voice spoke through the patronus. “Get to the Minister for Magic’s house. Hurry.” 

Remus and Emmeline instantly disregarded their conflict and dashed to grab their wands.

“I don’t know where-”

“I do,” said Remus, taking her arm and disapparating. 

…

They arrived on the front lawn of a large country estate, darting under a nearby topiary as a curse was hurled at them. 

They’d shown up in the middle of a battle. Aurors from the Ministry and members of the Order were attempting to breach the death eaters' besiegement of the Minister’s house. Skirmishes were taking place both in the air on broomsticks and on the ground around them. 

“Damn it, if I’d known I would’ve grabbed my broom!” Emmeline lamented, peeking out to watch the conflict overhead. She saw Sirius and Marlene apparate nearby, and called them over to their hiding spot. Remus covered them as they ran.

“What’s going on?!” Sirius asked, ducking Marlene under the topiary before diving under it himself.

“Their homecoming,” Remus quipped darkly.

“Behind you!” Emmeline shouted, motioning for Sirius to duck as she threw a jinx at the oncoming death eater. 

“Thanks, Em.”

“Can you see what’s happening around the house?” Remus asked. 

Marlene stuck her head out from behind the topiary to look. “Just fighting.”

“Can you see Minister Minchum?”

She pulled her head back in time to dodge a stray curse. “No.” 

“We’re wasted just sitting here, they need our help.” Sirius was anxious to join the fray, but Marlene held his shoulders to keep him from getting up. 

“There’s too many of them flying over us to make a run for the house. They have an aerial advantage.”

“You three run to the house,” Emmeline suggested. “I’ll distract them.”

“Out of the question. I’m not leaving you,” Remus declared. 

“Just trust me. When you reach the front, you can cover me as I come meet you.” Before Remus could protest, she stood from her crouching position and pointed her wand at another topiary farther from the house. “ _ Confringo! _ ” 

An orange burst shot out from her wand and blasted the tree to fiery pieces. This momentarily distracted the death eaters flying overhead.

“Go!” Emmeline shouted.

Sirius pulled Remus up by the collar and dragged him up into a full-on sprint towards the mansion. A stupefied death eater fell from their broom and landed beside Remus as he ran - likely Emmeline's doing. More still scampered to intercept their dash, only to be petrified by Sirius and Marlene before they had a chance to raise their wands. 

The trio made it to the covered veranda and hurdled over the waist-high railing before taking shelter behind the stone columns. As Emmeline raced to meet them, Remus and Sirius barraged the death eaters in the air while Marlene cleared the ground for her friend’s approach. It wasn’t until Emmeline was halfway across the lawn that the unmistakable green flash of a killing curse coming from the roof narrowly missed her. 

“Up above!” shouted Sirius. Remus jumped back over the railing to attack whoever had tried to curse her from the roof, but just as he aimed, the death eater fell to the ground next to him. He looked back up to find that James had knocked them over with a leg-locker curse. 

“Prongs!”

“Moony, get down!” He lobbed a curse at another death eater flying overhead. As she ran past Remus, Emmeline grabbed him by the hand and they jumped back over the railing. 

James cast a summoning charm on the broom of the death eater he’d just knocked off, then flew down off the roof to join them. “Where is everybody? I haven’t seen a third of the Order.”

“Something tells me they’re inside,” replied Marlene. 

Just then, a group of four death eaters flew down across from them and began their assault. Remus blocked a curse from hitting Marlene as James cast a shield charm. “Get in the house!”

“ _ Bombarda! _ ” Sirius broke the tall window nearest them, helping Marlene and Emmeline inside before climbing in himself. After fending off the death eaters, James and Remus came in behind them. 

A few other hooded figures came rushing down the large staircase when they heard the window shatter, but the quintet was able to disarm and stupefy them fairly quickly. They must have been young, inexperienced wizards.

James kicked their wands out of reach and turned back to the group. “We have to find the Minister.”

“You think they’re holding him in here?” asked Remus.

Marlene surveyed the house. “What else would they be doing here?” 

“They came from upstairs, I’ll bet that’s a good place to start,” said James.

“Lily alright?” Emmeline inquired.

“She’s fine, I told her to sit this one out at home.”

“It’s not normal for them to attack during broad daylight,” Sirius remarked, following James up the staircase. “What do you suppose they’re up to?”

“Nothing good.” Remus motioned for Marlene and Emmeline to go in front of him so that he could cover their backs. “They wanted people to see. It’s a statement.”

Winding stealthily through the hallways of the ornate house, they searched for Minister Minchum and other members of the Order. When they heard a band of patrolling death eaters approaching nearby, the group dashed into a nearby office. As soon as they entered, someone grabbed James’s shoulder from behind. He spun around ready to stupefy Alastor Moody, who had his index finger raised to his lips. They waited for the footsteps in the hallway to pass out of earshot before speaking.

“Where’s the Minister?” James whispered.

“The Minister is safe, but they’ve got the Longbottoms and the Prewett boys. I haven’t seen Bones, either...Pettigrew’s not with you?” 

“No, what do you mean they’ve  _ got  _ them? Where are they keeping them?” 

“Well if I knew that information, I wouldn’t be in here with you lot, would I Black?”

“How can we help?” asked Remus.

“Let’s split up,” Alastor ordered. “In pairs. Black and Lupin, go search the second floor. McKinnon and I will stay on the first. Potter, I want you and Vance to check the cellars - door to the left of the stairs. I’ve already been around the ground floor. If any of you see something, send a patronus to me.”

“You haven’t taught us how to do that yet,” Marlene pointed out. “Perhaps-”

Just then, a blast from the ongoing battle rattled the exterior of the house and shook the group back into focus. Time was short.

“No time for a lesson, lass. You’re all bright as day, so...figure it out, I suppose. ‘Mon now, we’ve no time to lose.”

Remus looked at Emmeline apprehensively. She gave him an assuring nod as she followed James back towards the staircase. 


	25. The Cellar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A catacomb under the Minister's mansion sets the scene for an altercation with an old rival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEK, SCARY!
> 
> Thank you for your comments! Keep 'em comin'! Don't be afraid to ask me questions either, I love discourse :)
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR

James and Emmeline felt the temperature drop significantly as they descended into the bowels of the mansion. The dark, damp atmosphere of the house’s substructure did not match well with the rest of its elegant cleanliness.

_ “ Lumos _ _.”_ James had to light his wand so that they could see the remainder of the steps. When they reached the bottom of the staircase, they found themselves in a vast, stone catacomb with a choice of three hallways. 

“Well that’s not helpful at all,” Emmeline griped. “Take your pick, James.”

“...We’ll try one, and if it leads to a dead end, we can come back.” He raised his wand up and began moving it in a circular motion. Without an incantation, his stag patronus materialized and gave them a dignified nod before disappearing into the rock of the wall. “He’ll come get us if we get lost.”

Emmeline stared at where the stag had been, amazed. “How did you learn to use it like that?”

“Lily’s been figuring out all sorts of things about this charm and teaching them to me.”

“Maybe I should take private lessons from Lily instead of group lessons with Alastor.”

They hurried through the corridors, but the cellar was quite the labyrinth. Blasts could be heard up above as the battle raged outside.

“I think these tunnels span the entirety of the grounds, we’ve been going for far too long for them to be confined to the dimensions of the house,” Emmeline wagered. 

“Unless we’ve been walking in circles...don’t suppose there’s any firewhisky down here we could nab, do you?”

She slowed her pace and stared at him incredulously.  _ “Really?” _

“It’s a  _ cellar _ . What do you think is down here? Pumpkin juice?”

Emmeline rolled her eyes and caught back up to him. “...Do you think it’s odd that we haven’t received any word from the others?”

“We may think we’ve been walking for longer than we actually have. It’s so dark and cramped in here…”

“...Wait,” Emmeline urged, concentrating intently on their path ahead. “...Put your wand out.” 

_ “... Nox .” _

When James extinguished the light, Emmeline could make out a faint glow coming from the tunnel in front of them. “Do you see that?” 

“Well done Em,” James whispered, moving towards the distant light. 

They followed the glow through a series of dingy passageways until they could hear footsteps coming from a larger, neighboring duct where the light was brightest. With his back up against the wall, James cautiously peered into the adjacent channel.

_ “ Lily!? _ _”_ he breathed in horror. Her auburn hair was unmistakable, even several yards down the other shaft.

Emmeline was standing behind him, so she could not see. “What is she doing here!?” She must’ve showed up to help despite James’ wishes.

Before he could call out to her, James saw another unmistakable person round the corner with a torch in one hand and his wand pointed at Lily in the other. 

“ _ Snape _ ,” James growled, before he bolted into the tunnel to rescue his bride. 

“James, wait!” Emmeline hissed, but it was too late; he was already on the warpath. She peered around the corner, intending to go after him, until she saw four more hooded figures enter from another pipeline up ahead. She whipped her head back around the corner, mouthing an expletive.

_ “ SNAPE! ” _

“JAMES, NO!” Lily tried to run to him, but Severus caught her by the arm and held her back.

“Let go of her, you bastard, don’t you touch her!”

“ _ Expelliarmus! _ ” A death eater with a thick slavic accent shouted from behind, catching James’ wand and stowing in his robes. Even unarmed, James continued charging towards Severus, but came to an abrupt halt when Snape held his own wand up to Lily’s throat.

“Tread carefully, Potter,” Severus spat. 

James felt cords begin to bind his hands as one of the other death eaters cast a partial body-bind on him. He roared as they shoved him to his knees: “You’d better _pray_ I never get out these restraints, because if I do, I’m going to _flay you alive!”_

“Severus, look at me,” Lily implored from under his wand. His focus flickered, but he callously ignored her plea. _“_ _ Look at me! _ _”_ She shouted her demand this time, and his eyes betrayed him. “You don’t have to do this. This isn’t you-”

“Quiet,” he  snapped , regaining his nerve.

“I swear Snape, if you hurt her-”

“You’ll what?” Severus interrupted, shifting away from Lily and jabbing his wand into James’ chest. “You’ll  _ what _ , Potter?” The other death eaters chuckled malevolently. “I could kill you right now , couldn’t I? ”

“Severus, _ NO _ _!”_ Lily shrieked and tried to lunge at Snape, but another death eater detained her.

“LET GO OF HER!”

“Wouldn’t that be fitting? Finally, the great James Potter having to face consequences for his actions. Tell me - was it all worth it?” 

But James, shaking with vicious rage, only leaned further into his wand. “Every ruddy curse, you son of a bitch.” 

“Don’t do this Sev, please,” Lily begged, a tear falling from the corner of her eye.

Back down the other tunnel, Emmeline held her breath as she listened to the altercation. Her mind scrambled for a solution, but she knew that even if she ran out to be the hero, one of her friends would still have a wand pointed at their throat. Never mind the other four death eaters; with James and Lily disarmed, taking on Severus alone would be futile.

“...Pity that it’ll have to wait until _ after _ I bring you both to him,” Snape said, reluctantly removing his wand from James’ chest. Emmeline heard their footsteps shuffle into another passageway and saw that the light was growing dimmer. If she left to get the others now, they would never find James and Lily again in the intricate maze. She had to go on alone.

Trailing behind from a good distance away , Emmeline followed the footsteps as silently as she could. It wasn’t long before the group up ahead reached their destination, and a vast chamber illuminated by torchlight came into view. Making sure to keep out of sight, Emmeline saw Snape and the other death eaters drop James and Lily to their knees where Edgar, Peter, the Prewetts, and the Longbottoms were already being held.  Nearly twenty other death eaters lined the walls.

“Bravo Severus,” a raspy voice cooed from the helm. 

Emmeline’s heart stopped. The voice slithered into her ear like a serpent and sent a tremor down her spine. She could not see the speaker, but she was willing to bet money on who it was. 

She had never met the Dark Lord in person before. 


	26. The Other Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmeline has to confront her fears if she has any hope of saving her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Drop me a comment!
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR

“My friends, welcome,” Voldemort hissed, addressing the Order members on their knees. Even from the adjacent corridor, Emmeline could hear Peter whimpering. “There’s no need for tears, for this is a joyous occasion,” he continued. “This day, my cause gains eight new followers.”

Emmeline thought she was going to be sick, and tiptoed around the corner to conceal her panicked breathing. She cursed herself for not taking on Snape and the other four death eaters when she had the chance. Now she was the only one armed up against a room  _ full _ of death eaters, and  Volde-bloody-mort himself. She was going to die, and her sacrifice wouldn’t even save her friends. 

She calmed herself enough to recount what Alastor had said earlier:  _ “If any of you see something, send a patronus to me.”  _ The trouble was, her partner with the ability to produce the patronus was in the other room without his wand. There was no way for her to call for backup. 

...She had to do it.

She had to conjure a patronus herself. 

_ “You can’t,” _ her mind reminded her as she raised her wand with a trembling hand, gripping the handle so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Alastor was right; the panic was making her forget every happy memory she’d ever had. She took in a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. 

“ _ Expecto Patronum _ .”

Nothing.

“You  _ dare _ defy  _ me _ ?” she heard Voldemort jeer. She had to do it, and she had to do it _ now. _

She closed her eyes again. Details. Alastor said details... 

She imagined herself back in Flourish and Blotts. The feeling of the books’ textured spines under her fingers. The dust hanging in the air. The smell of old paper.  _ “I thought I might find you up here.” _

And Remus. 

His goofy smile.

The mess he made of his hair.

The way he perpetually smelled like tea leaves.

She could feel the texture of his bed sheets.

Bed sheets…

All of the sudden her mind drifted elsewhere, as it had  _ every _ time she’d tried to perform the spell.

Blood on the bed sheets.

Twinges in her belly.

Choking on tears.

_ “Damn it, no…”  _ She hadn't told anyone that e very single time she attempted the patronus, her mind wandered back to that day. Why couldn’t she get her memories to cooperate? She began to panic again. She was running out of time. Her friends…

Friends. 

Another deep breath.

Marlene.

Lily.

James.

Sirius.

Peter.

And Remus...

The beads of sweat on his forehead. 

His slight fever.

The raised tissue of his scars.

_ “You’re not replaceable, Emmeline Vance. Not to me.” _

“... _ Expecto Patronum _ .”

Emmeline felt a surge in her palm and opened her eyes. From the tip of her wand, a brilliant, silver light burst forth and began to take shape. It glowed so bright that she was afraid the death eaters in the other room might spot it. Her jaw dropped when the light materialized into a splendid she-wolf. 

There was no time to marvel at her own creation. “Find Remus,” she whispered, focusing hard on his image. As the wolf dashed away, Emmeline prayed that after five lessons of observing others and never practicing for herself, this would work. 

…

“We should go back down to Alastor. There’s nobody up here.”

“I think we should check for hidden rooms or something.”

“Pad, there are no trap doors or secret rooms. They might not even be here anymore.”

Suddenly, a silvery wolf leapt into their view, startling them to the point of hurling spells. The light from their wands merely passed through the mist of the patronus.

Remus puzzled at the wolf, wondering if he’d gone mad. Had his patronus somehow become independent of his conjuring it? But this wolf had a slightly smaller frame and a different pattern in its fur...

Sirius squinted at the wolf. “...Who’s patronus is-”

“ _ Emmeline _ !” Remus exclaimed as he came to the realization. 

As if it had heard him, the wolf bounded back down the hallway towards the staircase with Remus running to catch up with it. “Hurry!” he called back to Sirius.

Thankfully, Marlene and Alastor passed the stairs just in time to catch Remus and Sirius chasing after the white wolf.

“Is that your corporeal, Lupin?” Alastor asked, hobbling behind them in the pursuit. 

He smiled with pride. “No, it’s Emmeline’s!” 

…

“And what about you, Peter Pettigrew?” Emmeline heard Voldemort question him. His cool tone lingered on the P’s in Peter’s name in a way that made the hairs on the back of her own neck stand up. “What say you?”

“...I-...I-...”

“Peter, look at me! Resist him!” Emmeline knew that was James.

“Quiet!” scolded one of the death eaters. She heard a  _ smack  _ then a grunt, and suspected that someone had hit him. 

“Well, Peter?”

“C’mon, c’mon,” Emmeline whispered impatiently, praying that her friends would arrive. If they didn’t show up soon, her plan B was to run in when Voldemort’s back was turned and hit him with a killing curse, knowing full well that she would be dead less than a second later.

She saw a light farther down the corridor as the wolf returned with Remus, Sirius, Marlene, and Alastor. Having done its duty, her patronus evaporated. Thank God - it had worked. 

“Em-”

She cut Sirius off by throwing her index finger up to her lips. 

“What was that?” someone asked from the other room. Everybody in the exterior corridor froze. 

“...Avery, go keep watch,” Voldemort ordered. 

They heard footsteps as one of the death eaters approached, and Alastor motioned for them all to get behind him. When Avery the older came within reach, Alastor pointed his wand and cast a silencing charm, immediately followed by a disarming charm from Remus. 

Avery turned to see them and began to yell, but no sound came out. Marlene swiftly petrified the death eater as Sirius and Remus came around behind him to lower him noiselessly to the floor. Clutched in his grip was a rolled up leather pouch containing the wands of the captives.

“They have everyone, including James and Lily,” Emmeline informed them as she dislodged the pouch from Avery's fingers. “ _ He’s _ here too.”

“How many death eaters?” asked Alastor.

“Twenty, at least.” 

As furtively as he could, Alastor crept into a position that gave him a sightline into the room.

“Severus tells me that you would make a fine edition, Lily,” they heard Voldemort say. “If you prove him right, I may even be able look past your tainted blood.”

“Lily...please…” Snape beseeched her. 

Alastor turned back to the group. “ _ On my signal _ ,” he mouthed.

“I will give you all one final chance. You will join me, or you will die.”

“ _ Fumos _ ,” muttered Alastor.

There was confusion within the chamber as a cloud of thick gray smoke bombarded the room. Some hooded figures dropped their torches and drew their wands, but at first there was only shouting - none of the death eaters cast any spells for fear of who they may hit. Voldemort took the liberty of casting killing curses towards the ground where his captives had been, and Bellatrix joined in with him, cackling.

“ _ STOP! STOP! _ ” Severus clamored, reaching his arms through the smoke in search of Lily.

All at once, spells began flying from the inside of the circle out towards the death eaters. The Dark Lord blindly whipped his head around as he heard grunts and shouts around him. When the smoke began to dissipate, it became clear that the hostages had been reunited with their wands. They were fighting back, and they had help. Voldemort could see that two thirds of his death eaters were now stupefied, petrified, or otherwise detained. He raised his wand in fury to settle the score, but froze when he saw Albus Dumbledore apparate into the room and lock eyes with him. 

Voldemort’s lips twitched. He had lost this battle.

He swiftly disapparated. Those death eaters not already on the floor followed his lead. Snape was the last to disembark, staring longingly at Lily before disapparating. 

Coming down off of his adrenaline, Remus spun around to ascertain the status of everyone else’s wellbeing. Emmeline was right behind him, looking disturbed by her first face-to-face encounter with Voldemort, but otherwise unharmed. Remus strode to her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her forehead thankfully. “Are you alright?”

“I think so, you?” 

“I’m fine. You were brilliant, Emmeline. Absolutely brilliant.” 

“God, I thought I was going to vomit. I still might.”

Turning back around, Remus saw Marlene help Sirius up off the floor. To their left, James and Lily shared a tight, grateful embrace. The Longbottoms appeared to be okay, the Prewetts were dusting themselves off, and Edgar was checking on Peter, who was snivelling in the corner of the chamber.

“Alastor,” Marlene said worriedly, pointing him out to the others. 

He was clutching the left side of his face as blood dribbled from underneath his hand.  “I’m alright, I’m not dead yet.” 

Albus approached him, gently removed his hand from his face, and stared into his wound. “This needs attention, Alastor.”

“Let me check on things upstairs first.” 

“Gideon, would you kindly escort Alastor to St. Mungos?” 

Gideon nodded and approached Moody to take his arm. Alastor groaned a bit in opposition, but ultimately listened to Dumbledore. “I expect to see you back in lessons tomorrow, Vance,” he said before they disapparated. Emmeline smiled half-heartedly.

Albus surveyed the death eaters on the floor. Some of their masks had fallen off, revealing the faces of people far too young to be fighting a war. They looked like students, and he recognized a number of them from Hogwarts past and present. He wagered the rest were from Koldovstoretz.“I will alert Bartemius to come and collect those who have been left behind,” he said, peering into the petrified face of a young boy. “As for the rest of you, you should return to the world above. Nothing good can come of this darkness.”


	27. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle's conclusion leaves the Order with one fewer member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome new readers! So glad you're here!
> 
> Leave me a comment if you feel so inclined
> 
> *TW: this chapter contains descriptions of murder.
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters unfortunately belong to she who must not be named (seriously, read the room?!?)

Thanks to James’ patronus, the group was able to find their way out of the cellar and back up to the surface. Emmeline had to cover her eyes as they emerged into the cold December sunlight, blinking a few times as her vision adjusted to the aftermath of the battle: Ministry aurors were either taking death eaters into custody or levitating people away on stretchers. Some had sheets covering the bodies. 

The very jumpy Minister of Magic approached, scowling at his damaged property as Sturgis escorted him back up to the house. Minchum was a pale, thin man, with thin lips that curved up disapprovingly at the destruction.

“Minister, are you alright?” Frank inquired.

“Fine Longbottom, just fine thanks to Mr. Podmore here. It’s fortunate he arrived when he did - we were able to make it out of the house just before they broke through my security.” He trudged over to his scorched topiary, taking one of the seared branches between his index finger and his thumb and frowning as it crumbled into ash. “Bollocks. Five years of growing gone to waste.”

Emmeline rolled her eyes discreetly. Voldemort had nearly killed her friends, and this pumpkinhead was worried about his trees. 

_ “Someone help!” _ a woman shouted from their right. Everyone turned to see Dorcas running towards them with tears streaming down her face, and cries punctuated by sharp, shuddering breaths escaping her throat.

Alice caught Dorcas just as she flung herself into her arms. “Doe! What’s happened?”

“It’s  _ Benjy!  _ He’s...He’s…”

Though she never finished her thought, they all knew how the sentence might end.

“Oh my God...Doe,” Emmeline began, reaching her arm out towards her and laying a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Where is he? Take us to him,” said James. Still clutching Alice for support, Dorcas began to lead them back in the direction she’d just come from, and James motioned for the rest of the group to follow.

“You go on,” said Emmeline, squeezing Remus’ hand. “I’ll stay here with Lily. I want one of the healers to look at her.”

“Really Em, I’m fine. We should go with Dorcas.”

“No, she’s right Lily. We’ll take care of Dorcas, don’t worry,” Remus called over his shoulder as he caught up with the rest of the group. 

Dorcas led them into the nearby orchard and stopped in an area where the mangled trees showed signs of a struggle. They did not see a body at first. Still unable to articulate Benjy’s fate, Dorcas, her lip quivering, pointed shakily at the ground before collapsing back into Alice’s arms. 

“...Oh sweet Merlin,” Frank breathed.

That’s when Remus noticed that the stones on the ground were not stones at all. 

They were Benjy Fenwick’s body, blasted into pieces.

“ _ Merdasse!”  _ Sirius swore in French, jumping back after realizing that he had been standing on top of an ear. 

Everybody stared at the scene before them in disturbed silence. “I didn’t know how to carry his body back,” Dorcas sobbed.

Peter stumbled backwards and wretched violently behind a tree. James patted his back as he tried desperately to keep his own lunch down. 

“This is...this is just sadistic, even for a death eater….” Sturgis remarked. “This lacks all honor.”

Regaining his nerve, Frank shed his jacket and laid it on the ground. “We’ll gather him on here so that his family has something to bury.”

…

Several minutes later, most of the scavenging group returned to where they'd left Lily and Emmeline, but looked considerably more ill at ease than when they left. 

“Where’s Doe?” Lily asked as a healer continued diligently examining her.

“Alice and Frank took her home with them,” James replied. He turned to the healer. "How is she?" 

"By the looks of it, just fine."

Emmeline cupped Remus’ face in her hands. “You’re pale as a sheet.” 

“...Benjy’s dead,” he muttered, choosing to omit the details of his demise. Benjy had been their classmate at school, and Remus was simply too shocked to fully process that he was gone. He would tell her another time - once his hands stopped shaking - about how they’d just cleaned up his remains bit by bit. 

With her suspicion confirmed, Emmeline heaved a devastated sigh. 

“Poor Dorcas,” Lily muttered as the beginnings of tears prickled the corners of her eyes. She noticed Peter looking disoriented. “You okay, Pete?” 

Peter continued to stare off into space, as his mind had retreated somewhere else; somewhere safer.

“...Mate?” Sirius clasped his shoulder, causing Peter to jump back and whimper. He looked as if he would fall over if you blew in his direction.

“We’ll take him home,” James offered, putting his arm around Peter. “I think we all could use some rest.” 

…

The sun was beginning to dip towards the west by the time Remus and Emmeline apparated home. Fatigued from the battle, Emmeline kicked off her shoes and trudged upstairs with Remus following behind. It wasn’t until he saw the half-packed suitcase that he recalled what they'd been fighting about before they left. 

They both stared at the luggage uncomfortably. After a torturous pause, Emmeline started towards it, and Remus feared she would continue packing. Instead, she began removing all of its contents. Remus sat silently on the edge of the bed and watched her return every article of clothing to the wardrobe until finally, she picked the empty suitcase up off the bed and put it back in the closet. Only then was he able to relax.

When everything was put away, Emmeline crawled into Remus’ arms and wrapped her legs up around him. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean a thing I said. Not a word.” 

“I didn’t mean to scare you by packing, I feel terrible. And Benjy and Doe...If something had happened to you this afternoon, I never would’ve forgiven myself for letting that stupid argument be our final interaction.” 

Thankful to be holding her, Remus buried his face in the space between her neck and her shoulder. “I’ll think about that the next time I’m about to blurt out something hateful.”

“So will I...Are you alright? I know you and Benjy weren’t best mates or anything, but he was in your dormitory…”

“...I suppose I’m still wrapping my mind around it.”

They remained there until they eventually fell asleep in their clothes, with the light of the sunset streaming through the windows and their wands still in their grips.


	28. Us and Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new development from the ministry and another patronus lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters

The following night, the Order gathered again in the Dark Forest to resume patronus lessons. The white phoenix from Dumbledore had asked that they meet despite the rigors of the battle the day before. Benjy’s absence was felt heavily, especially by Dorcas, and everyone was far less eager for lessons than they had been before.

A copy of that morning’s Daily Prophet was making its way around the group in the clearing. On the front page, the headline read: “ _ Too Close for Comfort: You-Know-Who Brings the War to Minister Minchum”  _ in big black lettering _.  _ A subtitle below supplemented it with “ _ Fourteen Death Eaters Taken Into Custody, Twelve Of Them Koldovstoretz Students.”  _ Underneath all of that was another column containing obituaries for Benjy and a few other Ministry aurors, complete with pictures. 

Albus entered the clearing a few minutes early, and Alastor came in a short while later with an eyepatch.

“Alastor, aren’t you supposed to be convalescing?”

“No rest for the wicked, Podmore.”

“Before you all commence your practicing,” said Albus, “we would like to have a moment of silence for Benjy Fenwick. May he rest in peace, and may he not die in vain.”

Everyone took a few seconds to honor their lost friend and colleague. Dorcas’ soft cries permeated the stillness. 

“Now, I will turn your attention over to Alastor.”

“An update from the Ministry: As you know, Bartemius Crouch over at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement officially authorized the use of unforgivable curses on death eaters, and has now also extended that special permission to the Order of the Phoenix.”

Nearly everyone furrowed their brows in a mix of shock and confusion. Use of those curses normally meant an Azkaban sentence. 

“How does that make us any better than them?” Lily questioned him courageously.

Alastor frowned at her, but spoke gently. “Because it might help to even the score, especially since they’ve set their sights on killing our friends as well as muggles.”

Lily had no rebuttal. 

“That being said,” he continued, “If I see any of you taking advantage of this by going on some sick revenge-killing spree, you’ll be sorry!” He looked around at the apprehensive faces of the group. “...Where’s Pettigrew?”

“He wasn’t feeling up to coming after yesterday,” James said on Peter’s behalf. 

Alastor responded with a humph. “Moving on. I trust that we’re all familiar with the three unforgivable curses and their incantations, yes?”

Everyone nodded. 

“Good. I’m not going to ask you to practice them. Now, the Imperius curse could be quite useful to us in terms of access to intel from the other side. The Cruciatus curse is, to be quite honest, absolutely brutal. Don’t grow fond of this one. I would advise against it in all situations,  _ except _ in extreme cases when it is perhaps your only way of gaining critical information from someone. Long exposure to the curse can drive a person mad, so like I said, don’t grow fond of it. Finally, the killing curse…” 

He trailed off, thinking of the right thing to say. “...There are times in a conflict when it’s tempting to kill your opponent and be done with it. To take the easy way out. Or to kill them for revenge.” Then, Alastor spoke in a heartfelt manner which was rare for him. “I implore you not to use this curse unless absolutely necessary. Use it as a last resort in self defense, or in the defense of someone else.” With his one good eye, he looked at Lily. “ _ This  _ will be the difference between us and them. We don’t kill out of hate.”

The corner of Lily’s mouth turned up in the hint of a smile. What Alastor lacked in tact, he made up for in impecable honor. 

“Got it? Good. Next order of business,” he barked, quickly leaving the realm of sentimentality. “Back to the patronus charm. Albus is going to give us all a lesson on how to use the patronus as a messenger. Can I have a volunteer?”

Several people raised their hands.

“Vance!”

Startled by having her name called, Emmeline froze. “...I didn’t raise my hand.”

“Hm. Could have sworn you did...no matter, step right up.”

Emmeline shot a distressed look at Remus, who nudged her forward. “You’ll be fantastic,” he whispered. 

_ “Easier said than done,”  _ she thought. 

She drew in a shaky breath and began walking towards Albus. On her way, Alastor stopped her and pulled her aside. “Remember, you’ve already done this. If you’ve done it once, you can do it again.” 

She nodded and continued up to Dumbledore. 

“Professor.” It would never feel right for her tongue to call him by his first name to his face.

Albus smiled warmly at her, and felt the same tender pride he often felt when he saw one of his students all grown up. “Ms. Vance. Alastor tells me you discovered your patronus only yesterday.”

“Yes, sir.”

“May I see it?”

Emmeline’s heart started pounding as she turned back around to face the group. She raised her wand, but felt her eyes begin to lose focus as she gazed out at all the faces before her.  _ All of their safety was dependent on her adequacy. _ Snapping out of it, she focused on a face in the crowd that would calm her down. 

Remus was smiling at her proudly. 

Her heart rate slowly began to lower back to normal. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. 

The books.

The dust.

The blood on the bed sheets…

_ “No, I’m in charge of my own mind. Focus.” _

Remus.

The yarn stitched into his jumpers.

The manner in which he stuck his hands in his pockets. 

The smell of tea leaves. 

“ _ Expecto Patronum. _ ” 

When she heard murmurs from the group, she opened her eyes to see the silvery light coming from her wand. Cordially, she greeted the white wolf once again. 

Marlene and Lily cheered. “Bravo, Em!” 

“Excellent work Emmeline,” Dumbledore commended her, coming closer to examine the wolf as it faded away. “Now, if you will please demonstrate the charm nonverbally.”

“...I erm, haven’t actually ever done that,” she confessed.

“Then it seems there is no better time to try than right now, wouldn’t you say?” 

“...Right. Okay.” 

Emmeline adjusted her stance and closed her eyes again, concentrating intently. 

The books.

The dust. 

The scar below his eyebrow…

Her brain migrated to a different memory, almost without her realizing it.

The scars. 

The steamy bathroom mirror.

The smell of rosemary soap. 

The feel of his hair. 

The sound of the shears. 

She opened her eyes as the silvery light was emerging from her wand once again.

“Excellent. Now, speak aloud a message as the patronus is taking shape. Concentrate on the face of the person you would like it to go to, the face of someone in the group so we can see it.”

“...We’re out of milk?”

The wolf took form and leapt towards Remus, relaying the message back to him in Emmeline’s uncertain voice before fading. He beamed and laughed a bit, as everyone gave her a round of applause. Emmeline glanced at Alastor, who nodded approvingly.

She thanked Albus before stopping next to Alastor on her way back to the group. “Thank you,” she said, feeling acutely penitent for the way she had acted last class. “Alastor, I’m sorry for-”

“Water under the bridge. Nicely done.” He forgave her before the rest of the apology could even leave her lips. “Now, off you all go! I want to hear everyone else’s grocery list before midnight.”


	29. Gobstones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback depicts Remus receiving his Hogwarts letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me

_ “Lyall, someone’s at the door!” Hope called up from the bottom of the stairs. Lyall Lupin looked up from the book in his hands and furrowed his brow. They were not accustomed to unexpected guests.  _

_ Remus climbed off of the arm of his father’s chair and scurried to the window, pressing his face against the glass. “Who is it? Is it the mailman? Or an owl? Is it my Hogwarts letter?”  _

_ “Remus, get down from there at once,” Lyall scolded, getting up and setting the book on the chair. The boy shrunk away from the glass, dejected, and Lyall immediately felt guilty for reprimanding him. He didn’t have the heart to tell Remus that he would never be getting a Hogwarts letter.  _

_ He crouched down to level with his son. “Do you remember what we talked about? Keep out of sight and don’t make any noise until I send the person at the door away. Remember?” _

_ “Yes, dad,” Remus mumbled.  _

_ “I’ll be right back, then we can pick back up where we left off in Beedle the Bard. How does that sound?” _

_ Remus smiled just a little. “Okay.” _

_ “Okay. Just give me a couple of minutes.” Lyall left his son’s room and closed the door behind him.  _

_ He flew down the staircase and stalked to the door with Hope following closely behind. Flinging the door open with his prepared “We don’t want any today, thank you,” ready on his tongue, he choked on his words when he saw Albus Dumbledore standing on the doorstep. _

_ “Good afternoon Lyall! Oh, you must be Hope. How lovely to make your acquaintance.” _

_ “...Professor Dumbledore...what are you-” _

_ “I was just in the neighborhood. May I come in?” _

_ Hope looked apprehensively at Lyall, who tensed up.  _

_ “...Actually Albus, I’m afraid we’re in the middle of something. Now’s not a good time.” _

_ “Oh, it will only take a minute. I’ve already come all this way, you see.” _

_ “...You said you were in the neighborhood.” _

_ “Well I was, after I came all this way to be here.” Albus moved towards the entryway, but Lyall stepped in front of him. He scrambled for excuses as to why he couldn’t oblige his former professor.  _

_ “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re just going to have to speak another time. I could come to you, so you won’t have to travel again.” _

_ Sighing, Albus reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope - a letter with the Hogwarts crest, addressed to Remus. “Lyall, please let me meet him.” _

_ Lyall and Hope looked at each other, panicked. Ever since his infection just before age five, they had homeschooled Remus and hardly let him out of the house to prevent the wizarding community from knowing about his existence. _

_ Lyall swallowed dryly. “...I er, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  _

_ “I know about the boy, Lyall.” _

_ Lyall suddenly got threateningly close to Albus’ face. “How?! Who told you?!”  _

_ “Darling,” Hope murmured, pulling him backward.  _

_ “His secret is safe,” Albus assured them. “I will explain everything if you’d just let me come in.” _

_ Lyall remained in his spot blocking the doorway until Hope spoke up: “Please come in, Professor Dumbledore.” She yanked Lyall out of the way to make a path for Albus to enter the house, and he smiled at her as he stepped into the entryway. Lyall stuck his head out the door and looked both ways before shutting it swiftly.  _

_ “Albus, who told you about my son?” Lyall asked again, now more concerned than combative. _

_ Professor Dumbledore stopped fiddling with the fern plant beside him and looked up at Lyall. “Let’s have a seat first, shall we?” Without invitation or confirmation, he traipsed into the sitting room and lowered himself onto the sofa. “Charming upholstery,” he muttered. _

_ “Would you like something to drink?” Hope offered.  _

_ “Some tea with lemon, if you have any. Thank you.”  _

_ She smiled sweetly and left the two wizards alone to talk.  _

_ Once she’d left the room, Albus addressed Lyall. “Fenrir Greyback is a braggadocious character.” _

_ The elder Lupin clenched his fists in rage. “What exactly did that mongrel say to you?” He winced after the question came out, realizing that if that word applied to Greyback, it applied to his son too. _

_ “Oh, not to me. I have...helpful eyes and ears in helpful places. One of them reported to me that Greyback was boasting about turning Lyall Lupin’s boy.” _

_ “So you know about...his condition...” _

_ “Yes, I do.” _

_ Lyall softened his expression and wiped his brow gloomily. “I was just trying to protect him. I know how people treat...people like him…”  _

_ “Of course you were, as any parent in their right mind would. I would not wish to subject Remus to any prejudice. Only a select few professors and members of staff will know about his condition when he comes to Hogwarts.” _

_ Lyall looked back up at Albus, an inkling of hope in his eyes. “...You’d admit him at Hogwarts?” _

_ “Yes, we would welcome him with open arms.” _

_ “But how would he manage his transformation each month? Surely he can’t be in a dormitory with the other students.” _

_ “On the contrary, I think it would be good for him to socialize with the other students, especially after being by himself for so long. I have secured a safe place to take him on the nights of the full moon.” _

_ Lyall could hardly believe what he was hearing. For six years he’d done his best to give his son a magical education at home, expecting that Remus would never be able to attend Hogwarts like he had. Now that it was a possibility, he had so many questions about how Remus would fare away at school. The joy rising in his chest made all the questions hard to articulate. _

_ “Is the boy here? Can I meet him?”  _

_ Lyall hesitated, then stood up and went to the base of the stairs. “Remus, there’s someone here to see you.” _

_ They heard a door open upstairs. “But you told me not to come out until they were gone,” a small voice protested.  _

_ Albus and Lyall chuckled to themselves. “It’s okay, this is a person I have always wanted you to meet.” _

_ Cautiously, Remus crept down the staircase. He had scruffy, sandy-copper hair and little round cheeks that made an odd canvas for all the scratches. He was puzzled by the appearance of the strange bearded man in the sitting room.  _

_ “Hello young master Remus,” said Albus, standing and holding his hand out to the boy. Remus approached slowly and shook it with the wrong hand, which made Albus smile. “My name is Albus Dumbledore. I’m the headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” _

_ “You’re from Hogwarts?!” Remus exclaimed, spinning around to gawk at his father. Lyall beamed. _

_ “Indeed I am. How old are you, Remus?” _

_ “I’m ten, but I turn eleven next week. I’m waiting for my Hogwarts letter, you know.” _

_ Albus chuckled. “Well then, it’s a good thing I’ve brought it for you.” He took the letter back out of his pocket and handed it to him.  _

_ With wide eyes, Remus grasped it gently so not to crinkle the paper. “...Can I open it Dad?!” _

_ Lyall was holding back tears. “Of course you can.” _

_ Hope returned with Albus’ tea, and they all watched him open the envelope with care; he did not want to rip a single part of it. Gingerly, he slid out the letter, unfolded it, and read aloud: _

_ “Dear Mr. Lupin, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!” Remus dashed to his father and held the paper up to him with pride. “Look, Dad! I’m going to be a wizard, just like you!” _

_ “Yes, you are!” said Lyall, scooping Remus into his arms.  _

_ “Remus, say thank you,” said Hope, nodding towards Professor Dumbledore.  _

_ Remus climbed out of his father’s embrace and startled Albus when he hugged his leg tightly. “Thank you Professor Dum..Dumble...what was it again?” _

_ “Dumbledore,” Albus laughed.  _

_ “Dumbledore.” Remus nodded and let go of his leg. “Professor Dumbledore, sir, do you like to play Gobstones?” _

_ “As a matter of fact, I do.” _

_ “Would you like to play?” _

_ “No Remus, I’m sure Professor Dumbledore is very busy,” said Lyall. _

_ “Actually, I find myself completely free this evening. And I smell something wonderful coming from the kitchen…” _

_ “I’m roasting a chicken, if you’d like to stay for supper?” offered Hope. _

_ “I’m quite fond of roast chicken, and of Gobstones,” he said, winking at Remus. “Go on then, fetch the game board.” _

_ Remus dashed up to his room and returned in record time. _

...

_ Professor Dumbledore stayed until dessert to play many a round of Gobstones with Remus, and told him all about Hogwarts and the things he would do there. Hope and Lyall spectated contentedly, just happy to watch their son interact with another person. The many questions they had could wait. _


	30. But the Moon Could Not Have Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmeline experiences Remus' transformation for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEREWOLF CONTENT EYYYY. Seriously though, I wish the books had explored more of what it looks like to be in a relationship with a werewolf - logistically, emotionally, etc. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

Remus woke up late on the morning of the fifteenth with a fever and a throbbing migraine. At least there was no nausea this time around. 

He’d tossed and turned all night, and was sure he’d ruined Emmeline’s night’s sleep as well as his own before finally succumbing to slumber at dawn. Every ruddy month he woke up with the same uneasiness, and wished he could go back to bed and sleep through the transformation. Begrudgingly, he dragged himself out from under the covers and sulked to the bathroom to splash water in his pallid face. Studying himself in the mirror, he reaffirmed his hypothesis - he always thought he looked a bit more canine when the full moon was near. 

The scent of warm, savory things lured him down the stairs where Emmeline, bed-head and all, was enchanting the last of the pots and pans to clean themselves. The kitchen table was covered in food. Remus smiled at her gratefully.

“Good morning!” she chirped, checking her watch. “Or afternoon, rather.”

He kissed her on the cheek then proceeded to the table where he pulled out a chair for her. “You are an absolute wonder, Emmeline Vance.” 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d feel up to eating, but I know you’ll skip dinner tonight so maybe you ought to try.”

“At this rate we’ll have leftover breakfast until the  _ next _ full moon.”

“I suppose I did go a bit overboard this time around.”

“I thought you had a shift at the bookshop this morning.”

“Not on weekends.”

“Good Lord, it’s a wonder I don’t miss my potion  _ every _ month. I’m rubbish at keeping track of the days.”

“Speaking of your potion...” She slid a goblet with his final dose of Wolfsbane across the table. Reluctantly, he lifted the cup to his lips and began draining its contents in large gulps. Wolfsbane was vile stuff; the potion had a viscous, mucus-like consistency, and tasted like bitter herbs and salty cough medicine. As soon as he finished the concoction, Remus snatched up his mug of tea and a sausage to rid his mouth of the putrid flavor. 

“Does that ever get any easier?” Emmeline asked, gnawing on a piece of toast. 

He grimaced with his mouth full. “Not as much as I would like it to” Without the potion, he usually woke up on days like today without an appetite. Thankful that this was not the case today, he filled up his plate with scrambled eggs, a few more sausages, fried tomatoes, and toast. He would leave the scones, raspberry jam, and bacon for his second course. “I spoke to James yesterday. They have the spare bedroom made up for you to stay in tonight. Lucky they haven’t converted it to the nursery yet...” 

Emmeline looked up from her coffee and puzzled at Remus.

“You should probably start making your way over there at about three or four, just in case. The sun sets early this time of year.” 

“Why would I go stay with Lily and James?” 

Well...it was obvious, wasn’t it? 

“...Because you’ll sleep better, and it’ll be safer.”

“But you’ve taken your potion.” 

“Be that as it may, I don’t want to risk a repeat of last month. I would feel much better if you weren’t in the house tonight.”

“...And I would feel much better staying here with you,” she countered, looking in his eyes. He almost wanted to escape her gaze.

“Why would-...no, I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, I’m sure you’ve inferred this, but it’s not at all pleasant.” 

“I understand that, but since you’re going to be calm...you’re going to think me strange, but I want to be here for it.” 

As the one who went through the relentlessly painful mutation each month, Remus could not fathom why anybody would desire to be present for it. The first time James, Sirius, and Peter saw his change, they’d expected some heroic metamorphosis. They were horrified to learn that, as Remus had warned them, it wasn’t like transfiguring into an animagus form; it was an excruciating and grisly process. “I don’t think you’re strange, I think you’re insane.”

“I haven’t been here since you’ve started on the Wolfsbane,” Emmeline explained. “Before you had it, you used to take yourself really far out into the woods, and at school you went to the shack. I’ve never been able to stay through one of your transformations. Now that you’re taking the potion, I could, right?”

“...Hypothetically, but I wish you wouldn’t.” 

“What if I stay out of the room? I’ll just sit on the other side of the door.” 

“All night? Emmeline…” Remus turned away. Potion or not, he was concerned for her safety. But it was also that his transformation wasn’t something he was proud of. He was certain if she saw what happened to him on nights like tonight, she’d run for the hills. Anybody in their right mind would.

Emmeline continued. “This is a part of who you are. Being with you but ignoring this part of you has always felt wrong to me. Does that make sense?”

“If you have the luxury of ignoring it, you should take advantage of that. I’d rather you think of me like this, like  _ me.” _

“Let me stay just this once, and if it doesn’t go well, I’ll sleep at James and Lily’s next time. Deal?”

Demanding that she go to the Potters would be futile; usually once Emmeline made up her mind about something, there was no stopping her. “...You have to promise that you’ll stay out of the room. Otherwise, the deal’s off.” 

“Fine,” she agreed, smiling triumphantly and forking another rasher of bacon onto her plate. 

…

The tired winter sun set early. At about half four, Remus drowsily plodded up the stairs to the bedroom, evicted Orpheus from his spot on the wardrobe (which the owl was not pleased about), and closed the door behind himself. Grabbing the throw quilt from the couch, Emmeline followed after him and made herself a nest on the floor outside the bedroom door. She looked at her watch. It was going to be a long night. 

“Emmeline?” 

“I’m here." She put her hand up against the door as if to reach through it and lay it comfortingly on him. 

“I’m going to cast a silencing charm on myself before it starts. If it wears off later in the night, no matter what you hear, do not come in. I assure you it’s all...normal.” As he said this, Remus drew the curtains, then removed his clothes and folded them neatly on the bed. Since it was cold, he selected a wool blanket from the closet to wrap around himself.

“...Okay.” Her mum had used that trick with Uncle Robert, so she’d never known what his transformations sounded like either. All she knew was that Remus was the reason it became known as the  _ Shrieking _ Shack. 

He seated himself on the floor with his back up against the side of the bed. 

“How are you feeling?” Emmeline called from the hallway.

“Alright.”

“...How are you  _ actually _ feeling?

“Like my head is either going to split open or burst into flames or both.”

“Look up on the nightstand.”

Turning his head, he noticed a few squares of chocolate next to him and smiled. 

“I thought we ran out.” 

“Oh, certainly not. I just hid your stash from you.”

“No matter, I’ll just sniff it out later tonight,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Emmeline forced a laugh, then checked her watch again. How had it only been two minutes? She wrung her hands in anticipation. “...When will it start?” 

Remus bit into a square. “Probably not for a while. Maybe ninety minutes, give or take.”

“ _ Ninety? _ Why are you already in there if it’s going to be another hour and a half?”

“Precaution. See, it’s boring. Told you you weren’t going to enjoy this.”

“If you’re trying to get me to go to Lily’s, it’s not going to work.”

“Worth a shot.”

The faint  _ pitter-patter  _ of rain began on the roof above. “What are we going to do for ninety minutes…”

“...Hang on.” She heard Remus open a drawer and fiddle with something. A few moments later, he slid a stack of playing cards under the door. “Got any sevens?”

Emmeline laughed and picked up the cards. “...No, go fish.”

“Your turn.”

“Do you have any fours?”

Remus slid two cards under the door.

“I reckon we could really turn this into something: Go Fish  _ sous la porte _ .”

“Yes, but one of the rules has to be that the game must be played with a werewolf.”

...

After four rounds of Go Fish, another four rounds of B.S., and some lovely conversation interspersed, the full moon rose to greet Remus through the bedroom window. She cloaked her face in a storm cloud, but even with the curtains drawn Remus knew she was there. He did not need to see her to know that she had come for him. 

His pupils dilated. 

His body went stiff.

“Two Jacks.”

“Emmeline,” he warned, his voice labored. The cards fell from his shaking hands and scattered on the floor. “I’m going to…” he panted hard, “have to stop playing now.” 

The din of the heavy rainfall drowned out his strained speech. Emmeline set her own cards down and got close to the door. “Is it starting?”

Remus could no longer respond with words, and instead let out an agonized cry as he felt his body begin to mutate. The card game had distracted him and he’d forgotten the silencing charm, but was in no position to cast one now; it was too late. He struggled as he dragged himself away from the door and into the middle of the room where he wouldn’t break anything but his own skeleton.

Hearing his pained cry, Emmeline had to hold herself back from ripping the door open. Nothing about that noise sounded normal, no matter what he said. She jumped when a loud  _ crack  _ of thunder shook the house. At least the storm would mask his howls from the neighbors.

Inside the bedroom, Remus curled into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut. A blood curdling scream ripped through his body as his spine began to reconstruct itself. That was always the worst part.

Emmeline felt utterly helpless with her ear pressed against the door. “It’s okay, I’m here,” she said, unsure if he could even hear her. Sharp snapping noises began to intermix with his moans. Were those...were those his  _ bones? _

She pressed her hand to her gut as her insides writhed in sympathy for him. Being on the other side of the door had to have been worse than being in the room witnessing it. Her imagination began to fill in its own images to accompany the sounds she heard. Was his blood pooling around him? Was his skin splitting to accommodate the growth in his skeleton? Was this transmutation ripping his muscles apart? 

She’d signed up for this. She didn’t want him to be alone. She had asked for him to let her sit outside and listen to his body break.

“Remus,” she said, loud enough so that her voice could reach him. “I’m here Remus, I’m right here.”

He let out another wail, but the voice that came out of him was not his own. It was deeper, warped; it was closer to a roar. 

Remus thrashed as his limbs lengthened, his ankles stretching out into hind legs with hocks. Each one of his fingers and toes endured the agony of the tissue from underneath their nail beds sprouting into claws. Finally, his jaw jutted out into a snout, and his teeth stretched into fangs. 

The screaming and the snapping stopped, or was drowned out by the rain. Imagery of a battered and bloodied Remus haunted Emmeline as she listened for some sign that he was still alive. 

Another crack of thunder elicited a howl and a whimper from the other side of the door. 

“Shh, it’s okay.” 

She heard him paw closer to her voice and sniff the surface of the door. 

“I’m here, I’m-”

A flash of lightning accompanied another burst of thunder, and Remus yelped again. He'd said before that the transformation heightened his senses, and Emmeline guessed that the thunder probably sounded twice as loud to him.

“It’s okay Remus! It’s alright!”

The storm was agitating him, and he whimpered and cried from the other side of the door. Yet another boom of thunder had him howling.

_ “Screw the deal,”  _ she thought, standing up and grasping the door handle. He would still be in control of his own mind with the Wolfsbane. Or he was supposed to be, at least. 

Slowly as not to startle him, Emmeline cracked open the door, and the whimpering ceased. She crept into the room cautiously, and when she locked eyes with him, they both froze. 

Emmeline held her breath during the stare-down. Had she just made a huge mistake?

But Remus did not lunge for her. Instead, he backed himself into the corner of the room.

She had seen him in this form only once before, and not in this calmed state where she had the chance to really see what he looked like. He appeared as if someone had taken his body and stretched it out like taffy. His lovely, creamy skin was duller and had grey undertones. He had sprouted more hair, and his face was completely canine. It was odd, but she was still able to see  _ him  _ under all of it. Amid her observation, she noticed a bit of blood on his face and arms. He had scratched and bitten himself from the stress of the storm. 

Ever so slowly, Emmeline inched towards the bathroom, still keeping her eyes on Remus. She only broke eye contact to take a washcloth out from under the sink and wet it. She showed the washcloth to him to show that she meant him no harm.

Remus cowered from her. If he really was in control of his mind, she knew exactly what he would say:  _ “I don’t want you to see me like this.” _

Little by little, she moved towards him. When she was close enough, she knelt down, wondering if it was safe to touch him…

Another rumble of thunder caused him to straighten up and howl. Startled by his sudden movement, Emmeline gasped and fell backwards. When the noise subsided, Remus hunched back over himself and returned to his docile demeanor. 

Part of Emmeline was telling her to flee back behind the door, but she pushed that notion away and got back up on her knees. She tested her luck by lightly laying her hand on his forearm...

Remus jumped, which frightened her, but he didn’t become aggressive. Deeming it safe, she slowly moved the washcloth towards his face, and gently dabbed the scratch over his brow bone. He allowed her to. 

Next she moved to the bites on his arm, wiping away the blood and soothing his mistreated skin. When she’d finished, she returned the cloth to the bathroom and came back to find Remus curled up on the wool blanket on the floor. He looked exhausted. She couldn’t imagine how much physical exertion that transformation must have taken.

Emmeline got down on the floor next to him, and carefully lowered her head onto his abdomen. He allowed her to.

The moon watched with jealousy from the window. 

…

She woke up to find Remus - human Remus - stroking her forehead gently. “You didn’t hold up your end of the deal.”

Emmeline stretched, pulled herself up off the floor, then walked sluggishly towards the bathroom. “Did you really think I was going to stay behind that door?” she mumbled, retrieving the powdered silver and dittany from the cupboard. 

“Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you could interpret the word ‘deal’ differently.”

“Up on the bed so I can see to those bites.”

Remus arose with difficulty since his body was still incredibly sore, but he pulled on his trousers and did as she asked. She sat down beside him and began applying the remedies to the still-inflamed wounds. She was used to this morning-after routine, even before she’d been able to witness the transformation.

“You’re insane, you know. The only person insane enough to want to spend time with me while I’m like that.”

Emmeline raised her eyebrow.

“...Alright, the only non-animagus.”

“I’m glad I was here for it.”

“You realize that makes you insane.”

“Probably.”

“...You really aren’t scared of me?”

“You asked me that at school, too. My answer hasn’t changed.”

“But...I’m-”

“Don’t start that. Don’t start getting in your head and letting your thoughts run wild. I’ve always known exactly who you are, even before I saw you last night, and if I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be here.” Emmeline moved from his arms up to the scratch on his forehead. 

Damn her mind reading. 

“You’re a bit warm.”

“You really should stay out of the room next time. I could’ve-” 

“But you  _ didn’t _ , did you?” She finished her work, then put the silver and dittany back in the bathroom and returned with a damp cloth for him to hold to his feverish forehead.

_ Damn  _ her mind reading. “...You’re insane. It’s the only possible explanation.”

“They say love makes you do crazy things.”

“Don’t turn this into a  _ cute _ thing.”

Emmeline chuckled lightheartedly and crawled into bed. Remus followed suit, but kept his distance since he wasn’t sure if she wanted him to touch her after seeing what he could become. To his surprise, Emmeline scooted closer to him and buried her head in his chest. 

“It’s agonizing, isn’t it?”

“...It’s hell. I won’t sugar-coat it.”

“And it’s like that _ every month?” _

“Every bloody month.” 

“...I’m so sorry.”

How the hell did this woman exist. She’s seen him become a beast, and she was  _ apologizing. _

“...You’re an absolute wonder, Emmeline Vance.”


	31. Der Doppelgänger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A security breach threatens the Order's Christmas festivities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

Christmas Eve came as softly and suddenly as the snow that came along with it. According to Emmeline, there was almost nothing in this world more beautiful than Godric’s Hollow in winter, blushing like a bride, draped in a garment of clean white. 

She thought on this as she stepped out of the house to get a closer look at the snowfall while she waited for Remus to lace up his shoes. As the late afternoon began to evolve to evening, she delighted in how the warm glow of the street lamps made the white mounds on the ground sparkle all the more. 

“I find it amusing that every time you look at snow, it’s as if you’re seeing it for the first time,” Remus quipped, having joined her outside. His words were visible in the foggy breath that left his mouth. 

“That’s because I am. It’s never the same snow.” 

Remus peered at his watch, but ignored where the hands were pointing. The Christmas party could wait; because according to Emmeline, there was almost nothing more beautiful than Godric’s Hollow in winter, but according to  _ Remus _ , there was almost nothing more beautiful than watching Emmeline admire it. 

The few moments of quiet observation were brought to an end by the sound of Emmeline’s chattering teeth. Chuckling, Remus wrapped his arms around her from behind. “Marlene and Lily will be cross with me if we show up to the party and you’re frostbitten,” he murmured against her cheek. 

The snowflakes kissing the top of her head began to dampen her hair. “Just one more minute.” 

“You do know it’ll be here when we come home, don’t you?” 

“Yes, but it  _ might _ be different.”

“Then we can look at it all over again when we get back.”

With a nod of approval, Emmeline put her hand in his. They walked back into the house, closed the door, and disapparated. 

…

The party was hosted by Elphias, who had room to spare; he lived in a large and ornate Georgian house in the countryside just near Norfolk. When she and Remus apparated to the foyer, Emmeline had to resist the urge to dash outside and observe the snow again. 

The lights and recognizable holiday music invited the pair to let themselves in. Christmas Eve didn’t warrant an interrogation at the doorway.

Inside merrymaking were most of the members of the Order, as well as some of their associated loved ones. As soon as they entered the house, Remus had to dodge a stampede of children chasing after a chocolate frog. “Right,” he chuckled, removing his coat. “I suspect those are the Bones children.”

“Finally!” exclaimed Marlene, registerin g their arrival and approaching the entryway. She was dressed up rather like a Christmas tree, with an emerald lace-trim dress and red jewelry. “Nollaig chridheil agus bliadhna mhath ur!”

“Well if we’re showing off, Nadolig Llawen,” Remus responded with a Welsh phrase his mother had taught him as he hung up their coats.

“Happy Christmas to you too?” Emmeline guessed with a perplexed look.

“Aye! Very good!” Marlene praised her for remembering the Gaelic phrase, g iving them both a kiss on the cheek. She then took Emmeline’s arm and led them towards the rest of their cohort, eyeing Emmeline’s ruby shift dress. “Nice frock.”

“I thought so too,” Remus agreed. “When I saw it I knew I had to wear the matching red sweater.”

“Well you both look braw. I wish I could get Sirius to do the matching thing, but you know him. That would be ‘too couple-y’ for his liking.”

Emmeline caught sight of a delicate gold chain with a single freshwater pearl hanging from Marlene’s neck. “That’s lovely,” she said, pointing to the necklace. “I haven’t seen you wear that before.”

Marlene blushed pink and reached up to caress the little pearl. “Sirius just gave it to me for Christmas. Said he couldn’t wait until tomorrow morning. Isn’t it bonnie?”

“You know, despite the fact that he won’t match with you, he has shaped up into a rather good boyfriend.”

“That he has. Who’d’ve thought?”

  
  


“Oi! Moony! Emmie!” Sirius hollered from the hallway leading to the dining room. He wore an eggplant velvet suit with a black button-down which had far too many buttons undone. “Fancy an eggnog and brandy?”

“See what I mean?” Marlene muttered.

“I’ll have one!” said Emmeline.

“Sans the brandy Padfoot, thanks,” Remus replied, continuing after Marlene and Emmeline into a large parlor.  Before he reached his friends, however, Remus was stopped by someone so low out of his line of sight that he nearly knocked them over. 

“Just who I was looking for!” said Mundungus, who seemed to appear suddenly (as he often did), and was holding a cigarette out to Remus. “Lupin, no one at this confounded Christmas party will join me out back.” 

After a few moments of hesitation, Remus politely declined. “I’m sorry Mundungus, but I’ve actually quit.”

“That’s a cryin’ shame,” Mundungus shrugged, before sticking the cigarette in his own mouth and trudging towards the back door.

Lily eyed Remus suspiciously as he approached. “Have you really quit, or are you just avoiding Dung?” 

“I’ve not touched a cigarette in a month, on my honor. Go on, ask Emmeline.” 

Sirius rejoined the group with his eggnog in hand as he levitated four glasses into each of his friends’ grasps. “If anybody was desperate for an eclair, you’re out of luck - I think Mad-Eye may have eaten them all.”

Emmeline furrowed her brow and lowered her eggnog from her mouth. “Sorry, who?”

“Alastor,” Lily clarified, rolling her eyes. “He’s gotten himself a new eye, and these morons started a nickname behind his back. I don’t think it’s very nice, and now the whole Order’s caught on.” 

Marlene shrugged. “The eye  _ does  _ make him look even more mad than before…”

“Speaking of morons, where is your husband, anyway?” asked Remus, who had not yet seen James or Peter. He meant this as a harmless jest, but Lily softened her gaze and lowered her voice. 

“He’s around here somewhere, but he’s pretty upset. He just came from seeing his parents - they’re not doing well. Dragon pox is much worse when you’re older, you know…he wouldn’t let me come with him,” she explained, laying her hand over her not-yet-rounded belly. 

“Oh goodness, I had no idea they were ill. I’m terribly sorry.”

“Thank you, Remus. Try not to mention it when you see him, it’s got him out-of-sorts.” 

“Of course.” 

“He was supposed to pick up Peter, but he showed up without him. Perhaps he didn’t want to come.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time Wormtail’s backed out of a party, so I wouldn’t worry about it,” Sirius assured her.

“Vance!” Alastor appeared suddenly behind Emmeline, nearly causing her to spill her eggnog. When she spun around to look at him, she could not stop herself from ogling at the bulging glass eye now strapped to his face by a black band. 

“Mad-...” 

Mouth agape, she stopped herself before she could spew out his new nickname. Alastor cocked his head as the rest of her friends tensed up. “Ma-...Moody. Alastor. Heh…” she stuttered, trying to recover. “Happy Christmas, Alastor.”

“...How many eggnogs have you had?”

“Oh, er...too many. What is it you wanted to tell me?”

Squinting, Alastor got very close to her face and studied her. Emmeline’s eyes spun around as they followed the glass eye in its socket.

Remus stepped toward them. “Alastor, what are you-”

Without averting his gaze, Alastor’s hand flew up in front of Remus’ face, demanding silence. “How many classes did it take before you had your patronus?” 

Emmeline stared at him in disbelief. “...Seriously? Do we have to-”

_ “Answer me.” _ Suddenly his wand was pointed at her. Sirius held Remus back from lunging at Alastor as he grabbed Emmeline forcefully by the arm. 

“Five! Five classes!” she squeaked, panicked.

After looking around to make sure he had not caused too big of a scene, he released her and stowed his wand back in his kilt. 

Remus shook Sirius off and protectively grabbed Emmeline by the shoulders. “Merlin’s sake Moody, it’s Christmas eve! What are you playing at?”

“...You five. Come with me.” Before any of them could protest, Alastor had turned on on his heels and was stalking away. Sirius shrugged and followed after him, with the rest of the group trailing behind in utter confusion.

Alastor led them up the stairs and into a library. After checking to make sure no unwanted ears were around, he closed the door behind them. 

“This isn’t a caroling rehearsal, I take it?” 

“Afraid not, McKinnon. It would appear there’s an uninvited guest partaking in our festivities. Have any of you been asked any strange questions?”

Lily folded her arms. “You think we’re being spied on? What makes you say that?”

“I’m fairly certain somebody slipped Veritaserum in my scotch. I  _ never _ water down a good whisky - turned away once and the color was lighter. Looked as if there was melted ice in it.”

“Did you drink it?”

“Do I look like a fool, Black?”

“Well I’m not going to perjure myself with that one.” 

Mad-Eye glared at him.

“How can you be positive it was Veritaserum?” asked Remus. “It doesn’t have a color or odor.”

“I can’t, of course. I might not have noticed, if I hadn’t thought I’d caught a whiff of Polyjuice earlier - I thought I was imagining things. But I didnae take anybody in the Order to be aff their heid enough to sneak water into my whisky just tae piss me off.” Alastor squinted his one good eye. Sirius and Marlene were right - he did look rather mad.

“I sure as hell wouldn’t…” mumbled Sirius.

“But there are protective enchantments on the house, aren’t there?” Marlene asked.

“Protective spells can be bypassed if you know what you’re looking for. I don’t know who else had their drink spiked, but I already alerted Dumbledore.”

“Why didn’t you stop the party to warn everyone?” asked Emmeline.

“Because you can only catch an imposter if they  _ think _ they’re safe,” he said, tapping his temple with his index finger. “Just be alert. If you see anything strange, let me know...where’s your husband at, Potter?”

“I don’t know, he’s been sulking by himself all night.”

As if an imaginary light bulb had turned on above their heads, Sirius and Remus looked up at each other. Even in his worst moods, James was not one to avoid his friends. 

“...Has anybody else talked to James tonight?” asked Sirius. Everyone but Lily shook their heads.

Remus thought to himself for a moment, then turned to Lily. “Did you say you and James arrived separately?”

Her eyes darted between the two of them. “Yes, we-...I know what you’re thinking, but he’s just anxious about his parents.”

That was enough of a lead for Alastor. “Then he won’t mind answering some questions.” He pushed past them and hobbled out the door in search of James.

The rest of the group jogged out after him. 

“What if it’s nothing and we upset him?” hissed Emmeline.

“What if it’s not?” Sirius countered. 

At the bottom of the stairs, Alastor turned back to them. “Split up. Find him.”

And they did just that. Marlene went back upstairs while everyone else walked into separate rooms as nonchalantly as possible. Sirius headed for the kitchen, but stopped when he caught sight of James’ frame out the back window - he was standing out in the backyard with Mundungus Fletcher. 

Odd. 

James whipped around when he heard the door open behind him. That’s when Sirius saw him holding a cigarette. 

Definitely odd. 

“Hey Prongs,” he said, approaching as casually as he could, his feet crunching in the hardening snow. 

“Sirius. Hi.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Sirius feigned a shiver. “A bit cold out here, innit?” 

“A bit.” 

“I’m actually freezing down to my bones,” Mundungus added. 

“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Sirius began, angling himself so he could see James’ eyes. “How are your parents doing?”

“Oh, they’re great. Thanks for asking.”

_ “ _Loc_ omotor Mortis! _ ”

James let out a cry as he fell face down in the snow with his legs suddenly stuck together. In the back doorway, Lily was brandishing her wand. 

“Wrong answer,“ she spat, seething. 

Sirius jumped on top of James to hold him down. “Dung, grab his wand!” he barked as he struggled to keep James’ wrists in his grasp. Obeying, Mundungus took a wand out from James’ back pocket and handed it to Lily.

“...This isn’t James’ wand,” she breathed in horror. 

By this time, the rest of the search party had located them, and the rest of the Order was catching on to the fuss going on outside. 

“Get him up,” Alastor ordered, before snatching Mundungus’ drink out of his hand. “What’s everyone been calling me behind my back?” 

“Mad-Eye Moody!” Mundungus blurted out, immediately covering his mouth. “Why did I say that?!”

“Hmph. I would have gone for something with less alliteration,” Alastor grumbled, studying the cocktail. “Veritaserum.”

Even with his legs locked, it took both Sirius and Remus to lift James off the icy ground since he was struggling against them. They dragged him back into the house behind Alastor, who motioned for him to be sat down in a chair in the parlour. 

Lily’s eyes poured over the features of the imposter as he passed her, searching for something she had missed. “If that’s not James,” she began, turning back to Emmeline, “where is my husband?”

With Sirius and Remus restraining him, Moody managed to force-feed the imposter the rest of Mundungus’ cocktail. He coughed and cursed, but ultimately ingested the Veritaserum.

“What is your name?” Albus asked, surprisingly calm. 

“M-...m-...” the imposter was struggling to hold his tongue. “Mulciber!” he finally sputtered out, remnants of the drink still dripping from the sides of his chin.

“Junior or senior?” Alastor questioned.

“Sm-..senior,” he growled.

There was chatter among the Order - somehow a  _ death eater _ had snuck into their party. Not only that, the elder Mulciber was one of Voldemort’s first and most trusted followers.

Lily began to panic and bolted towards the front door, desperate to locate James. “Lily, stop!” Marlene started after her with Emmeline at her heels, but they all froze when the door knob began to turn. They drew their wands. 

In stepped James and Peter, in the midst of a casual conversation, ignorant to the fact that there had been a security breach. When James saw the girls pointing their wands at them, he halted. “Whatever it was, Sirius did it.”

“Darling!” Nearly crumbling from the relief, Lily lowered her wand and stepped towards him, but Mad-Eye caught her by the arm. 

“Keep your wands up,” he ordered. “What beverage is Pettigrew allergic to?”

“Pumpkin juice,” the boys in unison, after which Lily leapt forward and embraced her real husband tightly. 

Though happy to see her, James remained perplexed. “What is it that we missed, exactly?” 

“Someone mistook this for a costume party. Quite convincing,” quipped Marlene, stepping aside so that James could see through to the parlour. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw his doppelgänger.

“...How’d that son of a bitch get a hold of my hair?!”


	32. Picture Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a group photo, an argument breaks out among the Order when it seems one of their own may be spying for the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Canon Divergence Disclaimer: So I know this photo is supposed to have been taken in July of 1981, (and a certain character is supposed to meet their demise two weeks from it getting taken), but I have some issues with that - there are several members of the Order pictured in this photo that we know died during the war, and it seems unlikely to me that they would all just die only in the last 4 or 5 months before Voldemort’s downfall. Wouldn't the war be too heated at that point to gather for a photo? Also, if that timeframe is legit, the Potters would’ve already had Harry and would supposedly be in “hiding” by now, but they’re pictured. When I realized my error in date I meant to change it, but encountered the issue of already having killed off some characters pictured...so...sorry for the inaccuracy. Besides, I use this picture-taking scene to set up some d r a m a. 
> 
> Loving all the thought-provoking comments! Keep 'em comin'!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

_ January, 1980 _

The new year brought significantly less joy and significantly more anxiety than everyone had hoped for. The events of the Christmas party had left the Order of the Phoenix rather on-edge, since the death eaters had never before made so bold an attempt to spy on them - usually they focused their attention on the Ministry, but it seemed they’d caught on to the threat the Order posed. It was indeed a victory that Mulciber had been captured and delivered to Barty Crouch at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Still, they had only severed one head of the Hydra. 

Emmeline spent the holidays with her mother in Florence, and while Remus would’ve liked to have gone to Italy with her, he visited with his own parents per the request of his perpetually worried mother. Peter went on holiday with his family, though nobody seemed to know where. Since Lily was in no condition to spend time with Fleamont and Euphemia Potter, she had Christmas with Marlene, Sirius, and the rest of the McKinnon family at Marlene’s parents’ house. James, fearing that this would be his last Christmas with his parents, stayed with them. Everyone had a few days of normalcy. 

When the presents had been opened and the new year’s champagne had been drunk, the Order was called to a meeting to have their photo taken for archival purposes. Everyone arrived at Hogwarts via the Floo network before most of the students returned from their holiday recess, and Albus led them into a classroom where the desks had been cleared. 

“Alright everybody,” Minerva McGonagall hollered over the din of conversations. “Let’s line you all up. I’m not entirely sure how to work this contraption, but I’ll give it my best go.” She frowned at the magical camera in front of her. “Let’s make a few rows, shall we? Taller wizards and witches in the back. That means you, Rubeus.” 

“I know,” said Hagrid, stomping to the back of the group. “Just be sure to get all of me in the picture.” 

“I’ll try my best,” McGonagall replied unconfidently, bending down to look through the lens. “Oh, wait a moment...Mundungus, Mr. Black is not transparent. Kindly move out from behind him. Now we have too many people on the left…” Popping her head back up, she scanned the group. “Ms. Vance, I know you’re fond of Mr. Lupin but would you please move over to the right where Dedalus is? You too, Ms. McKinnon.” 

Just as she’d instructed, Marlene and Emmeline took their places on the left side of the group. Looking back through the lens and deeming this arrangement more suitable, Professor McGonagall raised her wand over the camera. 

“Ready? One, two, three!” With a flick of her wand the camera flashed, and a cloud of purple smoke came up from the machine. “Oh dear, is it supposed to do that?”

“Yes it is, thank you ever so much for your assistance Minerva,” said Dumbledore. 

“You don’t think you could discern that I’m pregnant from the photo, do you?” Lily asked, turning to James. 

“Love, you aren’t even  _ showing _ yet.”

“That was  _ exactly _ my worry Lily,” chuckled Alice, caressing her own bump-less stomach.

“This was a nice idea,” Emmeline mused as she re-joined her friends. “It’ll be good to have a photo of all of us. You never know what’s going to happen.” 

“What is  _ that _ supposed to mean?”

Emmeline turned and locked eyes with Marlene, who looked rather less friendly than usual. Her interrogative tone caught Emmeline off-guard. 

“...I just mean that we’re never guaranteed tomorrow,” she clarified, searching Marlene’s face for what she’d said to offend her. “We’re fighting a war.”

“I’m not certain all of us are fighting on the same side,” Marlene shot back, her eyes still fixed on Em. 

“Marley, what’s gotten into you?” asked Sirius, attempting to grab her hand. She swatted it away. 

Remus protectively set a hand on Emmeline’s shoulder. “Marlene, what are you-”

“If you have something to say, by all means say it,” Emmeline interrupted, moving out from under his grasp.

“Mulciber didn’t just  _ happen  _ upon our Christmas party. Someone told him where we would be, and that we wouldn’t have strict security that night. That’s how they knew he could get in.” 

At this point, other members of the Order overheard this and had discontinued their side conversations. 

“McKinnon, I thought we agreed to keep this discussion in  _ private,”  _ Alastor hissed.

“ _ What  _ discussion?” Remus asked Alastor pointedly.

“Never you mind, Lupin.”

“What exactly are you accusing me of?” Emmeline demanded. 

“ _ Somebody  _ in the Order is giving the death eaters information.”

Emmeline’s face burned with hurt and indignation. “You-...you think it’s  _ me?!” _

“Marlene, that’s nonsense,” said James, sticking up for Emmeline. Sirius made another attempt to pull Marlene away from the conflict, but was unsuccessful. 

“It might have just been a coincidence,” Peter offered sheepishly. His suggestion was quickly drowned out. 

“What exactly have I done to give you this rubbish idea?” Emmeline asked, her fists clenched.

“Let’s start with the fact that you suddenly decided to come back and join us right when Voldemort’s activity began to pick up again.”

“Bloody hell Marlene, how long have you been thinking about this?!”

_ “None _ of us knew what you were doing in Scotland,  _ if _ that’s where you really were. You just showed up out of nowhere and wanted to be mates again.”

“So you think you have this all figured out then, do you? You know for a Ravenclaw, you’re not that clever.”

“Yeah? Well I’m not so certain about your Gryffindor chivalry either.” 

“Marley-” 

“ _ Don’t _ Lily! Don’t pretend that the thought hasn’t crossed your mind too!” 

Emmeline whipped around to look at everyone. “Who else has been talking about this behind my back?” 

“ _ Nobody _ . Marlene, that’s enough.”

“Merlin’s beard,  _ wake UP Remus!  _ None of this sounds suspicious to you?! She could be using you to betray us all!” 

At this point, Sirius had stopped trying to pull Marlene away and was listening to what she was saying. She was right: it was clear that information had been passed along to the death eaters, and, come to think of it, the timing of Emmeline’s return in November was indeed suspicious. James and Lily stood quietly, retracing the last few months in their minds. Even Dorcas was eyeing Emmeline doubtfully. 

Remus would not stand by and let Emmeline take this abuse any longer. “Come on, we’re going home.” He gently grabbed her arm, but she jerked away. 

“Do you honestly think I would do that to the Order? To  _ you?”  _ She said this a great deal quieter, and looked as though she was about to cry. “Marlene, you’re my best friend…” 

Marlene’s eyes flickered, but she remained unwaveringly silent. Tension continued to build through the long, strained pause. No one moved.

“Emmeline,” Remus beckoned again, breaking the silence. He reached for her hand and began leading her out towards the door. With everyone’s eyes on her, Emmeline bit down hard on her lip to abate tears, unsure of what she could say to prove her innocence.

Just before they had reached the door, Marlene scoffed.  _ “The pregnancy was a likely story.”  _

In the time it took Remus to charge at Marlene with his wand, Sirius had jumped in front of her and produced his own wand, ready to do whatever he had to to protect her. 

But before anybody else had the time to react, a spherical incorporeal patronus burst into the room and flew in between them. 

The voice of Bartemius Crouch spoke through the charm: “The death eaters have attacked a train carrying the muggle Prime Minister. Bound for Edinburgh.” 


	33. The Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Order is called in to help the Ministry protect the Muggle Prime Minister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Canon Divergence Disclaimer (probably?): The whole timeline of the Potters going into “hiding” remains pretty vague, and the author has changed her mind about this a few times. Most sources say they went into hiding as soon as Lily got pregnant, others say they waited until after Harry was born. We do know that they were only under the protection of the Fidelius charm for less than a week before they were betrayed, so how long were they in “hiding” before this, and what did it look like? It seems like the Longbottoms were still pretty active with both the Order and the Ministry through their pregnancy and early parenthood (or at least it isn’t mentioned otherwise), and at this point Lily and James were not yet aware of the prophecy or how important their child might be to saving their world. While it might be a bit divergent from canon, I love the idea of the Potters still choosing to fight before Harry was born (until they learn of the prophecy) because they wanted to help make the world better for their child. Enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

“We’ll take the school brooms,” hollered Dumbledore. He hurried out of the room with Alastor hobbling at his heels. “This matter will have to wait.” Emmeline had to yank Remus away from Marlene and Sirius as everybody ran out after them.

James took hold of of his wife. “Lily, go find Minerva and Floo home.”

“I’m coming with you,” she insisted.

“I’ll not have you fighting after what happened last time.”

“Alice is going!”

“Alice is an auror!”

“Aurors or not, we’re good fighters, and if the death eaters are mounting an attack of this scale, the Order will need our help.” Lily grabbed his hand and held it against her not yet rounded stomach. “I’m doing this for the baby.  _ We’re  _ doing this for the baby.”

“...Damn it, Lily.” 

James took her hand in his and they ran out after the others.

…

“Down there!” Elphias shouted, diving the nose of his broomstick downward towards a stopped train on the snowy ground below. The rest of the company followed suit with militaristic coordination. 

They were met by death eaters moving swiftly through the air on their own brooms, and had to begin dodging curses before they even reached the ground. While those more skilled at flying (including Emmeline and James) remained in the air, the rest of the Order continued their descent towards the train. 

Ministry aurors were already on site. Remus landed unsteadily atop the icy train alongside Lily and Frank, threw his broom aside, and began to fend off the death eaters nearest them. 

Marlene and Sirius were able to fly in through the open windows of a train car toward the rear, dodging the heads of terrified muggles in the process.  “GET DOWN!” Sirius barked at the passengers as curses and jinxes flew between himself, Marlene, and the death eaters patrolling that car. It quickly became clear that these were not the new recruits from the battle at the Minister of Magic’s house; these were witches or wizards with abilities equal to their own, likely former classmates of theirs from Hogwarts. 

Still, Marlene and Sirius managed to disarm and stun their opponents. “Stay in your seats,” Marlene instructed the muggles as she and Sirius made their way to the next car. 

...

_ “Frank, get down!” _ Lily shouted, stupefying the cloaked figure behind him as soon as he ducked. 

“Thanks,” he exhaled, kicking the wand away from the fallen death eater. That was the last of them on top of the train, for now. He looked along the length of the caravan. “Which car is the Prime Minister in?” 

“My guess is towards the front, but-...” Remus was unable to finish his thought. His expression went blank when he caught sight of someone up ahead.

Lily approached him. “Remus, what is it?” 

He’d recognize the hulking frame and the matted grey hair anywhere. Fenrir Greyback’s image had been permanently burned into Remus’ memory since childhood. 

Frank looked off into the direction he was staring in, trying to discern who Remus had his eyes fixed on in the surrounding skirmishes. “Lupin?”

Greyback was dragging some muggle passengers up into the foothills adjacent to the railroad. Without another word, Remus jumped down to the nearest connecting car and sprinted after him. 

“Remus where are you going?!” Lily shouted. She started after him, but her path was blocked by the three Lestranges, who had just touched down after fighting fiercely in the air. 

…

The freezing January wind made the battle in the sky almost unbearable without Quidditch goggles. It was hard for Emmeline to see at all with her eyes watering so much, let alone keep her balance as the wind battered her. To make matters worse, even in the heat of battle she could tell that the other members of the Order were steering clear of her, unsure of where her loyalties lie.

This became quite problematic when the death eater she had been pursuing whipped around to the back of her broomstick and was joined by a friend. They sped up and soon had her flanked. 

She tried her best to fire off defensive spells on either side of her, but wasn’t nearly fast enough to conjure spells toward the both of them  _ and  _ dodge their attacks. Without backup, all she could do was swerve to avoid getting hit by a killing curse. This could only go on for so long, however. The Hogwarts training broomsticks weren’t exactly Nimbus-grade equipment, and the death eaters were gaining on her.

…

“GREYBACK!”

The werewolf turned slowly when he heard his name called. His cold blue eyes locked on the man barreling toward him, panting and red-faced from trudging through the thick layer of snow. 

The distance between them made it laughably easy for Fenrir to dodge the curses coming from the man’s wand. The teenage boys trapped in either side of his grasp whimpered and cried when the blasts narrowly missed them. Almost entertained, Greyback stood his ground. He chuckled at the idiocy of this wizard charging towards him.

Oh, but even better. This wasn’t just any wizard. When the gap between them had closed a bit, Fenrir realized that this wizard had the likeness of Lyall Lupin.

Yes, this would be far more amusing than either of the muggles he was going to kidnap. Having lost interest, he released the young boys from his grasp and they scurried off as fast as their feet would carry them.

“It must be my lucky day!” Greyback called out with a voice like sandpaper, as he drew his wand and nimbly deflected another curse. 

Remus was growing exhausted from having to move through the snowy terrain, but pressed on anyway. When he came within a few yards' radius of Greyback, he raised his wand to conjure another curse but was stopped by the werewolf, who moved toward him with surprising agility and swatted the wand out of his hand. It disappeared into the snow.

He did not have much time to react before Greyback delivered a blow to his jaw and knocked him onto his back. 

“If you’re going to fight me,” he growled, “you should fight me like a man.”

…

She tried every maneuver she ever learned in Quidditch, but nothing could lose the two death eaters at her sides. They had chased her a great distance from the rest of the battle too, so help was definitely not coming. Emmeline’s options were: a) succumb to their attack, or b) fall off her broom and try to make it to the ground, but probably get hit with a killing curse mid-air. 

As if they had drilled it, the death eaters suddenly sped in front of her, leaving her no time to fly out of the way of a curse. But before that became necessary, one of the death eaters was disarmed by someone behind her. They lost their grip on their wand and dove after it.

“JAMES!” she shouted gratefully as he zoomed past her head. Thank goodness she still had one friend in the Order. 

Having found another target, the remaining death eater then turned their attention to James and began to pursue him instead. It wasn’t long before the second one had caught their wand and was back to fight as well. At least now, the fight was even. 

Together, James and Emmeline managed to turn the conflict around so that they were the ones chasing, not being chased. 

“WE’LL STUPEFY THEM TOGETHER ON THREE,” James screamed over the gusts of wind. “ONE, TWO-”

On three, one of the death eaters disarmed James of his wand, and the other sent a blasting curse in his direction. To avoid the curse, he dove off his broom and plummeted towards the earth. 

“JAMES!” Emmeline tried to dive after him, but her rescue attempt was hindered by curses flying toward her.

…

Bellatrix cackled as she threw curses at Lily, who dodged and deflected them to the best of her ability atop the icy train. Rabastan and Rodolphus had taken their fight with Frank down into the train car below, so she was all alone. One slip, and she, as well as her unborn child, were done for. 

The thought of any harm coming to her baby inspired a new aggression in Lily - adrenaline kicked in, and she soon went from defense to offense. Bellatrix ceased her cackling when she realized that the mudblood was actually  _ beating  _ her. When she had inched Bellatrix toward the edge of the train car, she threw one final spell: “ _ Expulso!” _

A blue light shot out of the tip of Lily’s wand and blasted her opponent off the top of the train, knocking her unconscious on the snowy ground below. Lily meant to follow through with a body bind curse so that she could be arrested when the battle was over, but was distracted when she saw a body dropping out of the sky. 

The person falling wasn’t in a hooded black robe, which meant they were either a Ministry auror or a member of the Order. It wasn’t long before Lily recognized the person falling from the clouds as her husband. 

“ _ ARRESTO MOMENTUM! _ ” In the nick of time, she was able to slow James’ free fall and he landed with a gentle  _ thud _ on the ground below. 

Pushing himself shakily up out of the snow, he looked up at her with wide eyes, shocked that he was still alive. “I knew marrying you was a good idea,” he wheezed.

...

Marlene and Sirius had worked their way through the inside of the train, incapacitating the death eaters guarding each car as they went. Eventually, they made it to the passenger car which held the very frightened Prime Minister Thatcher and her entourage. 

Sirius extended a comforting hand out to the passengers crouching in fear. “Don’t worry Prime Minister, we’re here to-” 

“ _ Crucio!”  _

Sirius plunged to the ground writhing and screaming mid-sentence, causing the passengers to whimper. 

“Sirius!” 

Marlene spun around and was met by Wilkes, who had been waiting for them next to the entrance to the train car.  _ “Petrificus Totalus,”  _ the death eater continued, and just like that, Sirius was frozen in his twisted form on the ground.

Marlene gulped. Wilkes was not an amateur death eater - he’d been in the same year as her at school, and was one of several students anxious to follow The Dark Lord after graduation. Like his cohorts Avery, Mulciber, Rosier, and Snape, he was well trained in dark, vile magic. 

In the time it took her to blink, she was having to deflect his curses, and struggling to do so without injuring one of the passengers. But she had to keep this fight away from the Prime Minister, so she retreated back into the next train car. Wilkes chased after her as she hoped, and luckily the next car was devoid of any muggles. 

“Blood traitors get what’s comin’ to ‘em, McKinnon!” he shouted over the blasts from his wand, as Marlene ducked into booths to shield herself. “I’m going to bring Black back to the Dark Lord and he’s going to make him squirm, make no mistake!”

“ _ Finestra!” _

While he was making threats, Marlene had one split second to shatter all the windows of the train car and send all the glass dust right at him. He held up his arms to cover his eyes, which gave Marlene a few seconds to create more space between herself and Wilkes. 

“ _ Expelliarmus!”  _

He disarmed her when she had her back turned. Now she was totally defenseless. 

She wasn’t ready to give up this fight. She grabbed one suitcase from the overhead shelf and flung it at him, then another. By the time she reached for a third, he was right in front of her and delivered a blow to her face which knocked her sideways into a booth. Wilkes had her cornered. 

“Perfect,” he growled, his lips curving into an unnerving smile. “If I bring him Black, I won’t need you. We can make short work of this...”

Marlene quickly realized that he did not intend to petrify her like he had Sirius. He had something a little more permanent in mind. She might as well have been petrified as she lay frozen in the booth, waiting to meet her end.

“ _ Avad _ -”

“ _ AVADA KEDAVRA!”  _

A flash of green light sent Wilkes flying, and he landed lifeless in the back aisle of the train car. The muscles responsible for his ghoulish smile slowly relaxed until his expression was neutral. 

Marlene sucked in a sharp breath of relief, hyperventilating a bit before slowly sitting up in the booth to see what had become of Wilkes. He lay dead, his dull eyes still open but vacant. She turned to see who had come to her rescue. 

Emmeline stood with her wand still outstretched toward Wilkes as if he could get back up at any moment. Her hand was shaking violently. 

Neither of them moved for several seconds. Finally, Marlene stepped out of the booth, gently lowered Emmeline’s wand, and pulled her into a tight embrace. Emmeline hadn’t even breathed since she uttered the curse, so she gulped for air.

“I killed him-”

“It’s okay Em, you’re okay-”

“I didn’t… I didn’t even think I just saw him standing over you and I...I-”

“-Saved my life.” 

“Are  _ you  _ okay?” Emmeline asked, pulling away so that she could examine Marlene’s well-being. Marlene only hugged her tighter.

“I’m so sorry, Emmie,” she said, beginning to cry in her embrace. “I’m so, so sorry for the things I said, I was so wrong-”

“How could you think I would ever do something to hurt you?” Emmeline responded, her voice cracking. Beginning to cry too, she placed her hand on the back of Marlene’s head and pulled her close. “You’re my best friend, I love you.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“I just killed someone to save you, I think I can manage forgiveness,” she said with dark matter-of-fact-ness. They held onto each other weeping. 

Eventually, Marlene pulled away and wiped her eyes. “C’mon, we have to get back to the Prime Minister.” She grabbed Emmeline’s hand and led her towards the other train car.

“ _ Reparifors. _ ” Marlene cast a healing charm to revive Sirius. Still in pain from before being paralyzed, he let out one final wail before Emmeline helped him back on his feet. The passengers exchanged fearful whispers among themselves. 

“What the devil is the matter with you lot?!” one of the Prime Minister’s entourage shouted. It would be far easier to obliviate them than to explain all of this, so they politely ignored her question.

Marlene embraced Sirius tightly, supporting his weight since his body was still reeling from the Cruciatus curse. “Emmeline saved my life.” 

Understanding that this meant Emmeline was not the spy, Sirius looked up at her with gratitude. “Thank you, Em,” he panted. “…Em?”

Both Emmeline and the other passengers had gone to look out the windows and the large cloud of black smoke forming in the sky. 

“We’d better get back outside,” she suggested, moving away from the window towards the exit.

“Go,” said Sirius, squeezing Marlene’s hand. “I’ll stay with Prime Minister Thatcher.” 

“Maybe put in a good word for Scottish independence while you've get her attention, aye?” She kissed him quickly before shuffling out behind Emmeline.

When they stepped off the train, they realized that the skirmishes had ceased, and that the death eaters who were not in custody were gone. Around them, all the aurors’ expressions were twisted with disgust and facing toward the sky. That’s when Emmeline and Marlene looked up and saw it.

A dark mark loomed over them like a black storm cloud, the snake coiling proudly around the skull. A symbol that the death eaters had killed.

Emmeline whipped her head around, searching to make sure that her friends and colleagues were alright. James and Lily were close by, as was Peter. “...Where’s Remus?”

“...The other passengers,” Marlene exhaled suddenly, realizing that she had never gone back for the people at the back of the train. Seeing a nearby broom on the ground, she stretched out her hand, summoned the broom, and sped off towards the caboose. 

She didn’t need to enter the passenger car to see through the window that all of its inhabitants were laying motionless in their seats. Hot tears fell from her cheeks into the snow.

…

With her hands still shaking from Wilkes, Emmeline ran frantically up to Lily and James. “Have you seen Remus?”

James turned to her, concerned. “He’s not with you?” 

Peter shook his head. “I haven’t seen him either.”

“He dashed off into the hills after somebody, I tried to go after him-” 

“Which way, Lily?”

“Somewhere in that direction.”

Emmeline looked up to where she was pointing - no Remus. She’d started heading in that direction when she caught sight of a silver, glowing orb hovering above the snow some five-hundred feet away. 

A patronus.

Emmeline picked up her pace with Lily, James, and Peter following after her. Panting, they reached the spot the patronus was marking and found Remus battered and bloodied in the snowbank. He was covered in quickly-forming bruises, as well as new bites up his arms - something Greyback had done for the fun of it. Since Remus was already turned the venom would have no effect, but would still hurt like hell. Only half conscious and freezing down to his bones, he struggled to breathe.

“What happened?!” Lily exclaimed, bending down to examine him.

“Greyback,” Remus muttered, barely above a whisper. 

James dropped to his knees and felt the icy skin of his bloodied face. “He’s got to see a healer.” 

“We can’t take him to a healer, not with the bites,” Emmeline cautioned. “I can treat the wounds at home, but we have to get his body temperature under control before he goes into shock.” With no time to fuss, Emmeline knelt down and pulled Remus’ head into her lap, taking off her scarf and her coat to lay across him. She grabbed his wand out of his limp grasp and handed it to James, then gently moved Remus' hands to his chest. She put her palms against his neck to warm up his blood flow with her body heat, then instructed Lily to take hold of his wrists. 

“We have  _ got _ to stop meeting like this, Lupin.” 


	34. The Assignment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumbledore charges Remus with a task.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

_February_

A few weeks passed, and the train incident began to fade into an unpleasant memory. The passengers who survived had their recollections modified with a memory charm and returned to their normal lives. The Muggle-Worthy Excuse Committee had managed to convince those involved that the train had been attacked by the IRA, and after getting briefed by the Minister of Magic, the Muggle Prime minister returned safely to London. The Muggles, the Ministry, and the Marauders were on the mend.

One Saturday morning, breakfast was in full swing at Remus and Emmeline’s condo. Some days they fought for their lives, others they tried to maintain some sense of normalcy. Even people at war have to eat breakfast. 

“Why do you scramble your eggs right in the pan? That’s barbaric…” Marlene remarked disapprovingly.

Still concentrating on the stove, Emmeline scoffed. “What are you on about? This is a perfectly fine way to scramble eggs.” 

“You’re _supposed_ to whisk them _before_ they go in the pan. Everyone knows that.”

“Apparently not. I learned this way from Remus.”

“Well that explains it, doesn’t it?”

“Fine. Tie breaker. James, Lily, how do _you_ scramble eggs in your house?” 

“I’d actually prefer it if we could stop talking about eggs,” Lily practically gagged as she sat with one hand hovering over her mouth and the other resting on her stomach. 

“Emmie, did you guys get the Prophet this morning?” asked Sirius, standing from his seat in the front room.

“Should be on the doorstep, unless Remus brought it with him to his meeting. Go and see.” 

“Since when do _you_ read the paper?” James teased.

“...Since Regulus went missing. I just check for news,” he replied humorlessly. 

James dropped the joke. “Right...sorry mate. Still no word?”

“Not yet.”

“I hope he’s alright.”

“Thank you, Lily. You know Reg, he’s probably just gotten himself tangled up in something stupid. Always had a talent for that.”

Marlene was still monitoring Emmeline’s cooking. “Once you’ve finished with that batch, I’ll scramble my own, thanks very much.”

“Godric’s sake, they taste the same, I promise.” 

“Bloody hell,” exclaimed Sirius, having retrieved the paper from the doorstep. He had shut the door behind himself and was staring bug-eyed at the front page. “They’re replacing the Minister of Magic.”

“Replacing Minchum?” Marlene echoed in disbelief, leaving Emmeline’s side. Suddenly the method by which her eggs were cooked wasn’t of such importance anymore. “Wasn’t he supposed to be the ‘tough guy’ fit to take on Voldemort?”

Sirius’ eyes darted back and forth along the text of the article. “Apparently the train was strike three.”

“Can they do that?” asked Peter.

“Yes,” said Emmeline. “They ousted Minister Jenkins a few years back, remember?”

James got up from his seat and joined Sirius in the entryway to see the paper for himself. “...This morning ‘Millicent Bagnold was named the new Minister for Magic.’ I’ll be damned.” 

“What’s her story?” asked Marlene.

“Dunno, but I reckon Thatcher had something to do with this,” Emmeline wagered.

“Alice was telling me last week that the Wizengamot felt Minchum hadn’t ended the war as swiftly as they’d hoped he would,” Lily added. “I didn’t know that meant they were going to replace him.”

Just then, a burst of green flames crackled in the fireplace as Remus arrived home. “What’s all this?” he asked, coming up behind Sirius and peeking at the paper over his shoulder. His latest scar, the largest to date, stretched diagonally from above his left eyebrow all the way across the opposite cheek. A souvenir from Fenrir Greyback. The newly-healed tissue was still fresh and pink, and having paled the rest of his complexion, the winter chill in the air made the mark even more prominent.

“Minchum’s out,” Peter called from the table, before taking a bite of toast. James pointed it out in the paper for Remus to see.

“I’m not the least bit surprised after what happened last month.”

“How was your _personal_ meeting with Dumbledore?” Marlene asked him, grinning. Remus frowned at her from the paper.

“Not quite as exciting as you’re making it out to be.” He moved past James and Sirius and hung his coat up in the closet before joining the others in the kitchen.

“So what _was_ it about?” she questioned him further.

Everyone’s eyes were on him, but he just grinned slyly. 

“That’s classified.”

“You’re no fun,” Lily pouted.

He came up behind Emmeline and planted a kiss on her cheek. “Those eggs look delicious.” 

“ _Thank you,”_ she jeered, shooting a dirty look at Marlene. 

…

When their friends had gone and the dishes were cleaning themselves in the sink, Emmeline traipsed upstairs to lie down for a few minutes. There was an Order meeting later that afternoon and she wanted to rest for a bit beforehand. She’d been having trouble sleeping at night - every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Wilkes’ lifeless body.

Truthfully, Remus hadn’t been sleeping well either, but he supposed that was normal after an altercation with the monster under the bed from his youth. The battle at the Train was the first time he’d encountered Greyback since he’d been attacked at four years old, and to say that their recent interaction hadn’t gone the way Remus wanted it to was an understatement. He’d spent years playing out the scenario in his mind: finally, he’d have the chance to exact his revenge on the werewolf, and he’d make him pay for what he did. There was a dark, vindictive corner of Remus’ mind that had dreamed up a gruesome version of vengeance for this very moment. Instead, Greyback had once again put him through the stuff of nightmares, and Remus’ inner four-year-old self hadn’t stopped shaking since. He hadn’t been sleeping well because Greyback’s face had made a resurgence in his dreams as of late - and yet this made Remus all the more certain about what Dumbledore had asked of him.

Remus followed Emmeline up and leaned in the doorway with his arms crossed while he watched her climb into bed. There was a sadness about him, and as he stared at Emmeline he counted her among the treasures he’d soon be leaving behind, if only for a little while. She noticed him staring and patted the spot next to her on the bed, beckoning him to sit beside her. When he obliged, she scooted closer to him. “You were quiet at breakfast. What’s bothering you?” 

Chuckling, Remus turned to her and stroked her hair. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re a Legilimens.”

“What’s wrong?” she asked again. “What did Dumbledore say?”

The right words eluded him as they sometimes did, and Remus looked away. Dumbledore had given him permission to tell her, he just wasn’t sure whether or not he should. “I’ll warn you in advance, you’re not going to like it,” was a sufficient place to start.

Emmeline crawled out from under the covers and sat up beside him, desiring his eye contact. He wasn’t looking forward to seeing her face when he told her.

“Dumbledore’s given me an assignment,” he reported matter-of-factly, taking her hand and running his thumb across her knuckles. 

“Oh...what sort of assignment?” 

And in a very James-like manner, Remus decided to rip the bandage off in one fell swoop. “...He asked me to go undercover among the werewolves.”

He felt the atmosphere in the room shift. Emmeline tried to control her face, but the brief moment of horror which flashed across her eyes was not as inconspicuous as she might have hoped.

“...Are you joking?”

“Why would I joke about that?”

“You turned down his offer though, didn’t you?”

“Of course I didn’t.”

She rose frantically from the bed. “You’re seriously considering this after what happened last month? Remus-” 

“I told you that you wouldn’t like it.”

“I'm finding it difficult to see why this is a good idea.”

“Greyback has allies in various werewolf packs and there’s valuable information I could glean for the Order.”

“I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, but you can’t just waltz into a pack and expect them to befriend you. They’ll _kill_ you. They’ll make what Greyback did to you look like a bloody tea party,” she argued, her voice raising in her frustration.

“That’s a very real possibility, but I’m the only person-...well...the only _one_ in the Order who can do this.”

Emmeline bit her lip, and Remus watched as her entire posture sank into the disappointment. It hurt him to think he was letting her down, but no amount of her disapproval was going to keep him from this, and Emmeline knew it.

“It won’t be long term, just a few weeks here and there,” he mentioned, hoping this might make her feel better. It did not.

“That’s even worse. There’s no way in hell they’ll trust you.”

“ _You’re_ just going to have to trust me and Dumbledore. Hey.” He stood and gently took hold of her shoulders so that she was facing him. “Emmeline, I _want_ to do this.”

“Why? Why in Merlin’s name would you _want_ to put yourself in harm’s way like that?”

Remus cracked a smile.

“Because for the first time in my life, my condition might be able to help someone.”


	35. The Prophecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dusty pub and a lousy interview become the birthing ground for a prophecy which alters the course of history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but IMPORTANT. 
> 
> ***Slight canon divergence disclaimer: In HBP, Trelawney recalls seeing Aberforth catch Snape and bring him into the room she was being interviewed in, but if that was the case, why did Dumbledore let Aberforth just throw him out and not apprehend him? It could have been to make sure the first part of the prophecy was heard by Voldemort so that it was fulfilled but that is a DISTURBING thought, and allowing Voldemort access to that information would sort of ruin any chance Dumbledore had of getting ahead in acting on it. Perhaps Trelawney misremembers this? I didn't think it made any sense, so I changed it. Also, anyone who can tell me why Voldemort wants the sword of Gryffindor gets 10 points for their house.
> 
> Text in italics is from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (book)
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR

_ March _

_ “The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies...” _

Dumbledore, who had been headed for the door, turned slowly to face Sybill Trelawney. “What did you say?” he asked, mouth agape. In the candlelight he could discern that she was staring back at him with a blank expression. The ticking of the clock on the wall, which had seemed so pronounced during her barely-sufferable ramblings in the earlier part of their meeting, seemed a distant sound now. 

Trelawney, now with beads of sweat on her forehead, removed her thick rimmed glasses and rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, fumbling to put her spectacles back on. “I must have been momentarily daydreaming...What was it you were saying?”

Dumbledore rushed back to his seat. “The boy born in the seventh month. What did you say about the boy born in the seventh month?”

Sybill jumped in surprise at both his speed and the sudden urgency in his voice. Her eyes darted around nervously, wondering if this was some sort of interview question. After a long while, she finally bucked up the courage to admit her ignorance. “P-Professor Dumbledore s-sir,” she stuttered. “I’m afraid I have n-no idea what you’re talking about…”

It occurred to Dumbledore that Sybill had no recollection of what she’d just said, nor its magnitude. She made this prediction in a trance-like state. He was almost impressed, seeing as the rest of her interview for the Divination position at Hogwarts had been rather lousy. 

Albus needed to hear exactly what she’d just said repeated, and if Trelawney could not remember her words, he would have to recall them from his own memory. He had to get back to Hogwarts - back to the pensive in his office. He stood up as suddenly as he'd sat back down and made his way towards the door for a second time. 

“D-did I get the job?” Sybill asked, standing to walk after him.

Albus was stopped at the door by Aberforth, who was panting from just having rushed back up the stairs. “Caught someone snooping,” he reported, pointing toward the window. Albus turned his head just in time to see a boy with shoulder-length black hair disapparating some distance away from the Hog’s Head pub. “He was listening through the door, so I threw him out.”

“How long ago?”

“Not long.”

Calmly, Albus turned back to Trelawney. “Congratulations Sybill. You’ll start as the new Divination Professor immediately.” Sybill Trelawney now had a target on her back. Despite her mostly-rotten interview, it was now clear that she did in fact possess Divination capabilities, and she would be safe at Hogwarts. Albus was already on his way out the door before he could hear her express her thanks. 

…

“My lord.” 

Rising from his seat at the head of the banquet table, Tom Riddle swiveled his head around to see who was addressing him. “Ah, welcome back Severus,” he cooed. 

At least twenty other death eaters were seated around the table, all wearing black robes. With the eyes of The Dark Lord’s most loyal followers upon him, Snape got down on one knee to kiss his master’s skeletal hand. But as soon as he took it in his grasp, Voldemort jerked it away so suddenly that it made Snape flinch. 

“You have come empty handed.  Did I not tell you to return only when you’d brought me the sword of Gryffindor?”

Snape bowed his head even lower. “Yes, my Lord. However, the sword...proved difficult to locate, and I have acquired some information which must be brought to your attention at once.”

Snape kept his gaze fixed on the cold stone floor as he awaited The Dark Lord’s reply. At first, he gave none. Then, with a fluid upward stroke of his wand, he raised Severus to his feet. 

“Very well,” he agreed. “Let us hear this information.” 

“Perhaps, my lord, it should land on no one’s ears but yours.”

The Dark Lord thought for a moment. Then, with one turn of his wrist, everybody at the table stood from their seats and disapparated, though Lucius Malfoy lingered a moment longer than the others - probably out of hope for an invitation to stay, since he’d been selected to host the meeting in the first place. When no such invitation came, he disapparated too.

“Now, what is it you wish to tell me?”


	36. Blood is Thicker Than Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Order leaves battle short-handed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

_ April _

“C’mon...c’mon…” It was nearing midnight and close to freezing, so his frosted breath wound around the words as they left his mouth. James pressed his back up against the cold steel of the shipping container as flat as he could, though even underneath his corduroy jacket his skin did not thank him for this. 

“We were supposed to get a signal ten minutes ago,” Dorcas whispered through chattering teeth. “Should we call it off?”

Gideon shook his head. “ _ No _ , just give them a little more time.” 

“I thought Remus was meant to be in our group,” James asked, turning to Marlene.

“He was supposed to be in Em’s group, but he got held up on some business for Dumbledore.”

“Look!” whispered Edgar. He was pointing off to the left down a row of containers where the faint glow of a lumos charm could be spotted about a quarter mile away. Alice’s signal. 

In turn, Gideon raised his wand and lit his signal. “Now we just wait on Dedalus.”

They stared intently off to the right at the rendezvous spot for the final group. 

“Give him a minute,” Gideon reassured them.

“...Maybe someone should go check on them,” James suggested.

“We’re not moving until we see that light.”

“What if something happened?” 

“Potter, if you move from this spot you could jeopardize the entire operation!”

“Your brother’s over there!”

Dorcas stepped away from the container wall. “Both of you, stop it!” 

They all fell silent when off to the right, the third group finally signaled.

Everyone froze as Gideon peered around the container’s corner to wait for Alastor’s final signal. 

In the distance by the water’s edge, he saw a tiny beam of light.

“Move,” he ordered. 

The group peeled off around the container and began running towards the Thames. As she ran, Marlene turned her head and saw Alice’s group on her right, but to her left, there was nobody. 

“Stop!” she urged, slowing to a halt and pointing to where the other group should have been. “Something’s wrong.”

Sure enough, only two out of the three squadrons seemed to be proceeding as planned.

“Damn it all,” Gideon cursed.

“I’ll go back and check on them,” James offered again. Emmeline was supposed to be in the missing group.

“I’ll go with you.”

But Gideon had already turned back towards the containers. “No McKinnon, I need you with the rest of the group. James and I will go. Everyone else go on ahead, and stick to the plan.”

James squeezed Marlene’s shoulder before running after Gideon.

When they again reached the rows of shipping containers, they maneuvered through the maze in the vicinity of where they’d seen the supposed signal, wands drawn. 

“Dedalus lit his wand, they’ve got to be here somewhere.”

Gideon turned to look at James, but his eyes focused on something past him. “That wasn’t Dedalus.” 

James spun around just in time to duck out of the way of a jinx from the masked figure behind him. Gideon blocked the attack, but didn’t see the second death eater at his own back, so James darted past Gideon to cover him. 

Moments later, James felt himself being pulled by the collar as Gideon dragged him through another corridor and into a sprint. “What’ve they done with Dedalus and the others?!” he hollered. 

“I don’t know, but we’ve lost the element of surprise! We have to get back and tell the rest of the group!” 

“What about the missing company?”

“No time!”

They skid around a corner and had the dock in sight - but not for long. Suddenly, one of the shipping containers stacked atop the maze was propelled down into their path. The massive metal container landed with an earth-shattering  _ crash _ and nearly flattened them. 

“This way!” James motioned for them to head down another lane, but again, a shipping container was thrown down to block them. 

Upon more careful inspection, Gideon noticed masked death eaters walking along the top of the maze. “We’re being herded.” 

The pair kept running, changing direction to try and outrun the maze-makers, but were continually thwarted in their attempts to get back to the dock. To make matters worse, curses began raining down on them, further complicating their escape plans. 

They were able to round a corner and lose the attention of the death eaters for a brief moment. “Wait! In here!” Gideon hissed as he yanked James into a nearby open container. 

Inside the steel box, the pair was greeted by pointed wands. 

“Fabian?!” 

“Gideon!” the twins whispered simultaneously. When his eyes adjusted, James realized they’d found the missing group.

“James!” Emmeline stood from her place next to Dedalus and embraced him tightly.

“Em! Thank Merlin...”

Peter emerged from a shadowy corner in the back of the unit. “Were there any chasing you on the ground?” 

“Not recently,” James exhaled, approaching Wormtail to hug him as well before leaning up against the wall to catch his breath. “Won’t be long before they come down here looking for us, though.”

“We never made it to the signal point,” Emmeline explained, motioning back to Dedalus. Blood was dripping down the side of his leg onto the metal floor. “We were spotted by a patrol. It was too risky to send a patronus.”

“He isn’t fit to apparate and whoever spotted us called for reinforcements, so we’ve been stuck in here,” Fabian continued.

“One of them must’ve caught on and given us a fake signal,” Gideon concluded. “Which is why we have to go - the others could be walking into a trap.”

“How many did you count outside?” asked Peter.

“Dunno,” said James. “Four? Maybe five?”

“What about Dedalus?” asked Emmeline.

“You lot go, I’ll be fine here!”

“We’re  _ not  _ leaving you,” she assured him rather sternly. James and Gideon got the impression that this had been a point of contention before their arrival.

Gideon fell silent for a moment as he looked back at the door, slightly ajar, and letting in the only sliver of moonlight illuminating the container. 

He turned to his brother. “We’ve taken on five death eaters before, right?”

“...Not all at once,” Fabian replied, an intrigued smile creeping across his face. A challenge.

“What are you suggesting?” asked James, coming away from the wall. 

“A diversion,” said Gideon, sporting a similar smile. A challenge indeed. 

“...What, just the two of you!?”

Emmeline shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

Fabian turned his attention to Dedalus, assessing his leg. “Pettigrew, do you think you could give Dedalus a hand with a side-along? Take him to St. Mungo’s?”

“Y-Yes,” Peter nodded, ever willing to get out of a fight. He and James helped their wounded comrade off the floor and placed his arm around Peter’s shoulders. The pair disapparated.

“Let me and Emmeline come with you, that will make it a more even fight!” 

“No James, that will take too long,” said Gideon. “Once we lure the death eaters away, you two will have to get to the dock as quickly as you can.”

Having no other ideas himself, James turned to Emmeline in the hopes that she would have a better suggestion; but she nodded in agreement with the Prewetts. “They’re right.”

Fabian readied himself at the door, his brother close behind. “Wait two minutes for us to clear the area. We’ll see you after it’s over.”

“We’d  _ better  _ see you after,” James said with a concerned smile, placing a hand of camaraderie on each of the brothers’ shoulders. With that, the Prewetts nodded to each other, then bolted out of the metal container with wands blazing and voices raised. 

After a few minutes had passed, the Prewetts’ shouts could no longer be heard from inside the container. Emmeline poked her head out the door. “...I think we’re clear. Let’s go.”

Off they went. Emmeline ran after James as he tried to navigate a clear path back to the dock. The frigid air burned their throats as though they were sprinting through a wildfire and not the freezing cold - yet they did not slow down. Over the rows of shipping containers, they saw a faint orange glow over the water. It looked like the sunrise, but how could it have been? It was the middle of the night...

“That can’t be good,” James remarked, picking up his pace.

After several minutes, they finally located a way out of the rows of containers - but when they had a clear view of the port, they saw that half a dozen ships were engulfed in flames.

“We’re too late,” James exhaled. “He knows we’re here.”

“Maybe, but we can still join the fight.” Emmeline pointed to distant flashes of light exchanged between the wands of foes. 

James nodded in agreement, and though they were already exhausted, they pressed on.

As they ran, a cry from the maze prompted Emmeline to turn back around. A smoky dark mark was already forming in the sky.

“No,” she breathed, slowing her pace. The Prewetts were still in the maze. “No!” She began to shift her course back towards the containers.

“Wait, Em!”

But she stopped in her tracks when the group of death eaters emerged from the maze and headed towards them. 

“We have to keep going!” James beckoned, staggering back to grab her arm and dragging her back into a sprint. Hot tears singed her icy cheeks as they ran.

When they reached the water’s edge, they stopped only for a moment to heave a few deep breaths and stare begrudgingly at the icy river. No brooms or portkeys available to get them to their destination.

“You think we could apparate?” James wheezed, his hands on his knees.

Out of breath herself, Emmeline shook her head. “I can’t even see the deck, it’s too risky.”

Swinging back around, James looked to see how far off the death eaters were, then turned back to ledge. “We’re going to freeze to death.”

“I’ll take hypothermia over a killing curse any day,” Emmeline quipped, casting a bubble head charm. James followed suit.

They dove in.

Stunned into momentary paralysis by the cold water, Emmeline’s muscles were reluctant to propel her forward. She turned her head to James, who was motioning for her to follow him underneath the eaves of the dock. She puzzled at him; the fight was in the opposite direction. He grew impatient and swam towards her to yank her under the dock with him, keeping his eyes on the water above. 

It seemed that the death eaters were reluctant to take the plunge as well, as evidenced by muffled shouts from the surface above. Finally, one was flung into the water, and judging by the position at which their body had broken the surface, they’d been pushed. Emmeline moved her arm to cast a jinx, but was again stopped by James. They were perfectly hidden under the darkness of the eaves, and if they stunned one death eater before the others dove in, it would give away their position. Emmeline realized this and steadied herself, hoping that the rest of the group would join their comrade in the water before her blood turned to ice. 

After searching for the pair to no avail, the first death eater kicked up to the surface and spoke to the other four still standing on the dock. One by one, the rest of them dove in. James held up his fingers and counted down.  _ Three, two, one. _

Their spells flew through the water and stupefied their opponents before they even had a chance to register their presence. Dragged down by their heavy black robes, each death eater slowly sank towards the bottom of the marina. 

No longer pursued, James began swimming toward the fiery ships, but he was stopped by Emmeline. She tugged angrily at his foot, pointing down at the bodies sinking into the depths. She’d already killed one death eater, and living with that had been tormenting enough. Could they really just leave them to drown? 

James had no qualms with this, as his friends’ lives were at stake and every second they wasted saving the life of a death eater was time that they weren’t protecting those they loved. But Emmeline insisted. Using a levitation charm, she lifted one of the sinking bodies up out of the water and back onto the dock. Reluctantly, James assisted her until all five death eaters were safely on land. Emmeline figured they’d still be passed out when the aurors came to round them up. Together, she and James swam undetected towards the ships.

They reached the closest ship after what seemed like an age, hoping that there was still a fight to be joined. Newly marking the sides of the sip’s exterior were large, black char marks where the fire had recently been put out. Once they kicked up to the surface, both shivering violently, James and Emmeline climbed up a metal wrung ladder onto the ship’s deck. It wasn’t long after James reached the ship’s surface that he suddenly keeled over with a pained shout, clutching his ears with his hands. 

“ _ AGH! _ ”

“James!” exclaimed Emmeline, who was prevented from helping her friend by a death eater that began casting curses in their direction. Towards the bow, she noticed Alice suffering a similar posture to James.

Once she’d disarmed the death eater,  Emmeline knelt down next to James, frantically searching for the source of his pain. “What is it?!”

“It’s  _ him _ ,” he let out a strained wail. “ _ He’s _ in my head!”

In the distance, Alice cried to the wind. “ _ I’ll never join you! _ ”

Emmeline could not remain at James’ side for long, as another two death eaters were making their way towards Alice. She sprung up and aimed jinxes at them as she charged. 

She had enough time to  disarm the two death eaters before a splitting pain shot through her own skull. She dropped to her knees, taking hold her head. 

_ “Your friends have thrice defied me.”  _ whispered the raspy, serpentine voice.  _ “They have sealed their fate as well as yours. Now, you will all die.” _

When the voice left her mind, Emmeline clutched her abdomen, fearing she was going to be sick. She was lifted up to her feet by James.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice still strained.

“How can he do that?!” she sputtered, hunching back over, a mix of cold and nausea weakening her posture. 

“I don’t know.” 

“They’re all gone,” Alice reported as she joined the pair. “All the death eaters just disapparated.” She began to dry them off with a hot-air charm from her wand. “Was I the only one that _heard_ him?”

“I think we all did,” said James.

“They all just left,” Alice remarked again. In her stupor, Emmeline hadn’t noticed the death eaters on the deck taking their leave.

“If that’s the case and they really are gone,” Emmeline began, “we would do well to get back to the rendezvous point before the Coastguard arrives.” 


	37. Blood is Thicker Than Water, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle at the port leaves the Order with more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW: this chapter contains descriptions of murder.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

The front room was in chaos by the time the trio apparated to Edgar’s house. Several Order members were already present and more were showing up by the second, all soaking wet and freezing cold. Not many had come out of this battle unscathed - Edgar’s wife was nursing a wound that had torn up Elphias’ shoulder while Frank examined a gash on Sturgis’ forehead. Others were mending each others’ broken ankles or busted lips.

Lily, who’d been waiting at the house for the others to return, leapt up from Dorcas’ side when she saw her husband arrive. Almost as soon as he landed, James moved quickly towards her and clutched her in a tight, grateful-to-be-alive embrace. He kissed her earnestly as he held one hand against her small but perceptible bump, as if to extend the embrace to their child in utero. When she’d concluded her reunion with her husband, Lily rushed to hug Emmeline as well. Together, they surveyed the rest of the room.

“Marl-lene? S-sirius?” Emmeline stammered, her teeth still chattering. The dry, crowded room did little to quell the shivering, which felt as if it went all the way down to her bones. 

“They’re fine,” Lily assured her, covering her with a blanket from the sofa. “Doe said Mad-Eye asked them to help comb the dock.”

Emmeline heaved a shaky sigh of relief. At least they’d round up the remaining death eaters. “The Prewetts were back in the maze of containers-”

Before she'd finished her sentence, Emmeline heard the _whoosh_ of an apparation behind her, then two disconcerting _thuds._ Everyone in the room gasped as James grabbed Lily and Em to move them away. 

Both Gideon and Fabian lie dead in the middle of the room. 

It was immediately apparent that they’d suffered from something other than a standard killing curse; their knit jumpers were drenched with blood, which, by the looks of it, they’d vomited up. Fabian’s jumper was raised slightly at the bottom, revealing an unnatural purple hue lurking under the skin of his torso. Even their eyes, once the warmest shade of blue, were now colored crimson from burst vessels. They’d been made to _hemorrhage to death_ , but by what sort of foul curse, nobody knew. There holding on to each of the brothers were Marlene and Sirius, both looking considerably pale after having to escort their bodies back. 

No one said a word for quite some time, even as the stench of iron began to overwhelm the musk of drenched wool lingering in the air.

Finally, Marlene spoke up, her voice thick as if she were suppressing a gag: “Somebody needs to let Molly know...”

“We should have gone with them,” Emmeline whispered to James, her lip quivering. She did not see his hand tighten into a fist at his side.

Another _whoosh_ followed by a _thud_ drew everyone’s attention to the dining room, where they were met with an equally disturbing sight: In hobbled Mad-Eye - his face smeared with blood and a sizable chunk missing from his nose - with the lifeless body of Evan Rosier in tow. Rosier’s loyalties played no part in how unsettling it was for many of his former classmates to see him dead on the floor, too.

“Longbottom, we need to-” Moody began, but stopped suddenly when he saw the twins lying butchered in the middle of the room.

One might’ve thought Alastor turned to stone the way he froze up at the sight. Nobody dared to speak or even audibly breathe as he looked back and forth between Gideon and Fabian, assessing the damage done to them. Judging by his reaction, he’d never seen this curse before either. After an achingly long silence, Alastor bent down and waved his hand over Gideon’s face, then Fabian’s, closing their eyes forever. Mad-Eye was normally mostly unfazed by death - he had to be in his line of work. But as he struggled back to his upright posture, his face lifting back into the groups’ view, he looked as if he was about to howl. He had been very close with the Prewetts.

“What. Happened.” 

“...Someone must have told him we were coming-” 

“I don’t mean _tonight_ , I mean _TO THEM!_ ” Mad-Eye bellowed, cutting off Sturgis’ meek attempt at an explanation.

Neither James nor Emmeline spoke up at first, as they were coming up with the right words and they feared that Mad-Eye might maim them in his rage. 

_“...WELL?!”_

“Alastor, we-”

“They fought off five death eaters to save us,” Emmeline interjected, saving James’ breath. “My group was ambushed before we reached the signal point and trapped in one of the shipping containers. Gideon and Fabian sacrificed themselves so that James, Peter, Dedalus and I could escape with our lives.”

“Where are Pete and Dedalus now?” Alice asked worriedly. 

“Dedalus took a curse to the leg and wasn’t able to walk. Peter took him to St. Mungo’s.”

“But the five death eaters...we stupefied them, they should have been there on the dock,” said James. “Did you catch any of them?”

“They’d revived by the time I got to them. Only managed to nab Rosier here, and when he wouldn’t come quietly...well, you can see for yourselves. Dolohov and the others got away.”

“Dolohov? You’re telling me _Dolohov_ did this?”

“Who else? _Sick bastard,_ he likes to make it as gruesome-...” For a moment, Moody’s mouth stiffened up in a way James had never seen before, like he was about to cry. Then, he cleared his throat loudly, and his mouth returned to normal.

“Alastor,” Lily muttered, approaching him with caution. “Your face-”

“I’m _fine,_ ” he snapped. “As you can see, Rosier paid the price for it...”

Despite his rebuttal, Lily went to the kitchen anyway, fetching him a damp washcloth and bravely offering it to him for his nose. He accepted it wordlessly, but heaved a sigh.

“I’ll take them to St. Mungos then go see Molly myself. She shouldn’t see them like this.”

“I’ll come with you,” Marlene offered.

“I appreciate that,” he croaked, genuinely thankful for the company. Then, with what little sense of self-preservation he had, Alastor shed all sentimentality so quickly that it was frightening and got back to business. “Frank, you’ll need to take Rosier’s body to Crouch at the Ministry. The rest of you,” he shouted suddenly, returning to his usual gruff tone. “We’ll meet tomorrow in the forest. Midnight. We have much to discuss.”

Alastor knelt down again next to Fabian, grimacing as he looked into his empty, bloodied face. Marlene followed suit and knelt beside Gideon, taking hold of his shoulder as the pair disapparated with their fallen friends. 

“We _should_ have let those death eaters drown,” James corrected Emmeline spitefully as he steered Lily away.

…

Emmeline apparated home as the sun was rising with her hair in a stringy mess and her clothes not fully dried. Teeth still chattering, she went immediately upstairs, scribbled a quick note saying she’d be out sick from work, then sent it off with Orpheus straight away. She then peeled off her layers and crawled into the shower. Turning the knob to the hottest setting, she sat wordlessly on the floor of the bath, hugging her knees to her chest, letting the water rain down on her in silence. The way James had spoken to her... _should_ they have let those death eaters die? More importantly, was the Prewetts’ blood on her hands?

  
  


A few minutes later, the sudden swinging of the bathroom door sent her into a panic and she screamed inadvertently as the intruder tore open the shower curtain. 

“Remus,” she whimpered as relief rushed through her.

Distressed by her scream, Remus knelt down beside the bathtub and pulled her into his embrace, paying no mind to the fact that she’d gotten his clothes wet as she began to cry silently into his shoulder.

“How’d it go?” he asked, apprehensively awaiting a death toll.

“The operation was a failure, and the Prewetts…” She didn’t have to finish. Remus understood. 

He pulled away from the hug and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry, I should have been there...”

He’d been gone for nearly a month, about a week longer than he’d expected his trip to last. He would have come home sooner, but he felt that, after having spent a transformation with them, he had just begun gaining the trust of the werewolf pack in the north of Scotland. He thought it would be beneficial to linger to see if there was more information to be gleaned. It turned out that there was not. 

Emmeline got her first good look at Remus’ haggard appearance. His jaw was covered in stubble and his sleepless eyes seemed to have sunk into their sockets framed by tired, purple bags. The skin around his nose and mouth was chapped from the cold and dappled with cuts. New scratches and bites ran up and down his arms.

“You look awful...”

The corner of Remus’ mouth turned upward, hinting at an amused smile. “Couldn’t bring the potion, so the transformation was rather rough this time around.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“No,” he lied. She’d never notice that some of the bites on his arms and shoulders weren’t his own. “Sorry to come home to you like this.”

“I’m just so glad you’re back.” She pulled him back into the wet hug and buried her face in his shoulder. Remus held her tightly.

“You missed your birthday last month,” she said sadly against his neck.

He let out an exasperated sigh, disappointed that he’d completely forgotten about his own birthday. “I’m sorry about that, too.” Twenty years old should have felt like a milestone, but instead it just felt like another rung on an endless ladder leading nowhere.

Emmeline sat up out of his embrace and hugged her knees to her chest again. “Lily and James came over. We made a cake. I sliced up what was left. Saved it in the freezer for you.”

With an exhausted chuckle, Remus reached over and turned off the water. “Is it chocolate cake?”

“Why would you ask a question you already know the answer to?” 

“That seems like it’ll make a decent breakfast,” he decided, helping her up and wrapping a towel around her shoulders. Together they went downstairs, and as they ate the slightly stale birthday cake, she cleaned and dressed the wounds on his arms. Neither had the energy for conversation, but the simple pleasantries of birthday cake, bandages, and being with one another was surprisingly restorative.

…

“That was our _ONE CHANCE!_ We knew he would be vulnerable. We may never get a chance like that again!” Alastor howled. His mood seemed considerably worse than usual in light of the Prewetts’ demise.

“What would you have had us do?!” Edgar countered. “They were clearly expecting us!”

“Someone’s been passing information to the other side again!” shouted Frank. 

“They could have just spotted Mundungus, we don’t know that,” Dorcas interjected.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily spotted Remus and Emmeline entering the clearing. Relieved to see Remus in particular, she trotted up to embrace him but stopped when she got a good look at his face. “You look terrible.” 

“So I’ve been told.” He tugged his jumper sleeves down to hide his arms, then pulled her into a hug anyway, noting the growth of her stomach. “My my, I see the little one’s gotten big.”

“I’m honestly not sure if it’s the baby or _me_. These days I’m always hungry.”

Sirius followed Lily over and took his turn to embrace Remus. “Where’ve you been? I thought you’d be with us at the port last night.”

“Business, for Dumbledore.”

“Yeah, that’s what Em said. What sort of business?” Too tired to remember the fabricated tale he’d come up with, Remus cast his gaze down at the ground. Sirius took notice and shoved his shoulder. “C’mon mate, it’s me.”

“I can’t talk about it, I’m sorry,” was about all the cover story that he could summon at the moment. 

A flicker of hurt passed over Sirius’ face. “Oh. I see.”

Meanwhile, the adjacent argument was heating up: 

“I know what I heard!” Mundungus was shouting up to Alastor now, thumping his own chest indignantly. 

“Go over it for us again, if you would, Mundungus,” requested Dumbledore. He held his temples with his index finger and his thumb, clearly upset but remaining composed.

“I _told_ you,” Mundungus began. “I was in Knockturn Alley a few weeks back an’ overheard a conversation between Carrow and Avery junior outside Borgin ‘n Burkes. They said You-Know-Oo would be on one of the ships at midnight because the ship was fortified ‘nuff to protect him, but needed extra securi’y for some rich’ual that would make ‘im vulnerable.” 

Mundungus’ intel had prompted the previous night’s failed attack. With no inkling of what this ritual may have been, The Order had planned to ambush Voldemort with the assurance that, somehow, he was going to be vulnerable. 

“How do we know you’re telling the truth?” Frank interrogated Mundungus, side-eyeing him. 

Dung turned to him as if to punch his groin. “You think I would lie about this?!”

“I don’t know, but _someone_ tipped them off! They caught Dedalus’ group _and_ used our signal!”

“A possible coincidence, considering their extra security,” Dumbledore noted, thinking out loud.

“We all heard him, right?” James asked suddenly, motioning to his head. 

“I’ve suspected him to be a Legilimens for some time,” said Dumbledore. “He must have honed the craft.”

Emmeline shuddered, remembering how the raspy voice had infiltrated her mind. “When he said he’d been defied three times, what did he mean?” 

“He’s been trying to recruit a few of us to join him for some time now. Once last summer, once at the Minister’s mansion, and again last night at the port,” Alice explained.

“Even I heard it,” added Lily, who had been at Edgar’s house the whole evening.

“Because he spoke to us,” James continued, “does that mean he completed this ritual, or does it mean he never got the chance?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Alastor snarled as he chucked a rock on the forest floor. “All that matters is we missed our opportunity to get the sonofabitch.”

“Hang on, James has a point,” said Dorcas, the cogs beginning to turn behind her eyes. “Perhaps we stopped him from getting to whatever this ritual was. Maybe last night was a success-”

“Gideon and Fabian are _dead,_ do you reckon that’s a success, Meadowes?!”

Dorcas swallowed her next words, and a silence fell over the group.

“May they rest in peace-”

“ _Don’t,_ Albus,” growled Mad-Eye. 

“...So what happens now?” asked Sirius.

Nobody seemed to be able to answer the question.


	38. The Shattered H

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorcas makes an important discovery, but the other side finds out before she can relay her information to the Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TW: this chapter contains descriptions of a murder.  
> .  
> Thank you to everyone reading and commenting! I appreciate you all so much!  
> .  
> Also - if you ever wished to see BHDWTM live in action, I have started posting some scenes on tiktok with other creators under the hashtag #BHDWTM  
> .  
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR.

_May_

Emmeline swallowed hard before stepping into Dorcas’ flat. 

“As far as we know, you were the last person to see her,” Frank explained as he trod over the chunks of broken furniture littering the entryway. “Bartemius was hoping you could shed some light on...well...see for yourself…”

He led her into the main room where three other Ministry aurors were conducting their investigation. The level of destruction made Emmeline shudder. Everything was blown to bits from the surface of the walls to the kitchen appliances. If this was how the flat looked, then wherever Dorcas was, she certainly wasn’t in much better shape. 

“Lord Almighty,” Emmeline muttered under her breath, trying to remain calm. 

“What was the purpose of your meeting two days ago?” asked Frank.

Before she responded, Emmeline had to swallow a few more times to return some moisture to her dry mouth. “There wasn’t really a purpose, we just had lunch. You know she’s been lonely after Benjy, and Remus is out of town again, so she invited me over.” She thought back on that afternoon, combing through the memory to remember if anything stuck out. “...At one point, she did start talking about some strange things…”

“Strange things, you say?”

“Frank, you don’t think...did the _death eaters_ do this? Kidnap her from her _home?”_

“...We’re looking into all the possibilities” Frank answered in a generic, non-panic-inducing, professional manner. It didn’t fool Emmeline one bit.

“I thought the Ministry’s records had been changed.”

“That was only going to put them off for so long...we suspect there are quite a few... _sympathizers_ within the Ministry. Internal investigations have been a nightmare. Anyway; you mentioned Dorcas had discussed something odd with you?”

“But have you ever seen anything like this from them before? A planned attack on one person?”

“Emmeline, I know she’s our friend, but I’m supposed to ask you questions…”

“...Right, sorry. I’ll try to be helpful.”

“Tell me more about your strange lunch discussion.”

Emmeline reached into her recollection for specifics. “Doe thought the whole ordeal at the port was odd. She was trying to sort out whatever this ‘ritual’ was, because she suspected it might have been important.” 

As she spoke, she caught sight of a large pool of blood on the window sill that was gradually dripping onto the floor. Her eyes lingered there, and she forgot the rest of what she was going to say. 

Frank noticed. “Might not be hers, we don’t know yet.”

Emmeline nodded.

Continuing with the tour of the crime scene, Frank led Emmeline into Dorcas’ bedroom so she wouldn’t have to stare at the blood. This portion of the flat was not in any better condition than the last - the bed was completely torn apart on its splintering wooden frame. Frank directed Emmeline’s attention towards the wall facing the bed, which appeared to have several papers attached to its surface. There was only one problem: whoever broke in had deliberately charred it so that the papers were unreadable. 

“I’m assuming you tried a mending charm.”

Frank sighed sadly, then lifted his wand. “ _Papyrus Reparo.”_ The char marks began to lift from the paper, but when the pages were restored, they appeared blank. 

“Ah.” 

He waved his wand again, and the char marks reappeared. “They wanted to make sure nobody found what was on these papers. We were hoping you could help us with that.”

“I’m sorry Frank, I don’t think I can. I didn’t come into her bedroom, so I never saw these.” She moved towards the burned wall to examine it up close. 

“Any insight you have could be useful. Venture a guess?”

Emmeline pondered; she'd known since school that Dorcas had always had a deeply analytical mind. If she was obsessing over this ritual, she must have been on to something. “Doe said she’d been researching various dark magic rituals, I’d be willing to bet these pages had something to do with that…”

“Did she give you any specifics?”

“No - when I spoke with her, she still hadn’t reached any sort of conclusion. But she must have found something, otherwise they wouldn't have taken the time to destroy whatever was on the wall...Perhaps you could look through the books she had in the house.”

“That was my first thought, too. We didn’t find anything out of the ordinary - no notes in the margins or torn pages. Lots of Dark Arts books, but like you said, she’d been doing research.”

Emmeline turned to examine the wall again. The intact corners of a few pages appeared lined, and all had a torn edge. “...What about a notebook? Did anybody find a journal of some kind?”

“Oi,” Frank called out to the main room. “Did anybody pick up a journal or a notebook?”

“Not yet,” the nearest auror responded. 

“There has to be one around here somewhere,” Emmeline insisted, beginning to scan the room. “Unless the death eaters took it.”

“They very well may have.”

She began to open still-intact drawers and rifle through their contents. The bedroom seemed to turn up empty, so she started moving back to the main room when-

_Crrreeeeaaaak._

Emmeline peered down at the floorboard which had made the noise. Shaking her foot a bit, she determined it was loose and bent down to pry it up.

“Blimey Em,” Frank remarked as she extracted a leather-bound notebook from under the board. “Forget Flourish and Blotts; You ought to work for the Auror Office.”

“One of these days, I’ll bring Mad-Eye a resume,” she quipped unenthusiastically, handing Frank the journal. 

It was, unfortunately, full of mostly blank pages. There were a few sporadic scribbles in what appeared to be Greek, but it was clear that the important pages had gone up on the wall. 

“...Here, look at this.” Frank held a page up to her. “Does this mean anything to you?”

Emmeline took the notebook in her hands. The very last page had a sketch of a large letter H, but the bits of the letter were fragmented into pieces - like the letter itself had been split or torn apart.

“No, I’ve never seen that before...Why would she hide a drawing rather than the pages on the wall?”

“Dunno. Maybe it was just a doodle.”

“Maybe…” She handed the journal back to Frank, who set it aside, deeming it useless evidence.

“Frank, you don’t think she’s already…”

“...We’re doing everything we can.”

…

Early that afternoon, miles away in London, the sun was high over Diagon Alley. Vendors had begun to stock their summer goods, witches and wizards strolled about, and the leaky cauldron was buzzing with customers from the lunch rush.

Hardly anyone noticed the figure shrouded in a hooded black cloak standing atop Gringotts bank. 

Not until, that is, he had levitated a woman out over the ledge. 

The woman’s cries began to attract the attention of the bystanders, who expressed their horror with screams of their own. Some pointed their wands up toward her, attempting to counter the cloaked spellcaster, but were unsuccessful. They watched on helplessly. 

Producing his gnarled yew wand, the man in the black cloak flicked it downward and thrust the woman to the ground screaming. He made sure to hit her with a killing curse just before she hit the cobblestones. In the event that she survived the fall, he couldn’t have her talking. 

The terrified onlookers shrieked as the woman plunged toward the earth, but somehow their screams could not drown out the audible _crack_ of her body slamming onto the street. Triumphantly, the cloaked man removed his hood, bringing the screams to an abrupt halt. He wanted to make sure the crowd knew exactly who had carried out such a task. The Dark Lord wanted recognition for his public execution. 

He was sending a message, after all. He had to make an example of those who defied him so blatantly. 

Dorcas Meadowes, mangled and bleeding on the street, simply served as a warning to the rest of them.


	39. Fractures and Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Order grows smaller and smaller, Sirius grows more suspicious of Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***I know there are a few young readers so I want to put a profanity warning.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

_June_

Alastor stood so quiet and still that nobody else in the clearing dared disturb him with chit chat or side conversations. Not that Mad-Eye was the picture of pep, but it was rare to watch him wait patiently rather than get right to business. At three past nine, Remus watched Alastor tap on his pocket watch with his wand, genuinely unsure if this was a stalling tactic or if he was just trying to get the damn thing to work. “I’ll cut to the chase,” he grumbled, his eyes still fixed on the watch, which he began to wipe with his sleeve. “The Bones family is dead.”

Though no one had been conversing, somehow, the clearing grew _more_ silent.

“The Bones...f- _family_?” Alice stuttered, gripping her rounded stomach. 

Lily’s hand flew to her own bump, which had swelled up in recent months.

“Edgar...Phoebe...the ki-...” he choked on the word. His eyes did not leave his watch. 

After that, nobody said a word for some time. 

Until:

“Caradoc. Benjy. Gideon and Fabian. Dorcas. Now Edgar and his whole lot!” shouted Sturgis. “And how many of them have we blotted out? _Two?”_

“We have several in custody-” 

“You obviously don’t have _enough_ of them in custody, Alice!” 

“Sturgis is right,” Sirius agreed with clenched fists. “Maybe it’s time we started hunting them one by one like they are us. An eye for an eye.” 

“Sirius,” Marlene gasped, surprised by the vindictive suggestion. 

“That is not the answer,” Lily argued. 

Voices began to raise as an argument broke out over the group. Sturgis and Frank were getting dangerously close to a brawl.

“SILENCE!” bellowed Dumbledore. Everyone quieted themselves immediately, waiting for him to speak some words of wisdom or encouragement. No such words came. “...I have thought on this a great deal,” Albus began in a much more tranquil tone. “We all knew what we were getting ourselves into when this conflict began.” 

He paused momentarily, looking around the group to meet the eyes of each member - each _soldier -_ many of them his former students.

“I have decided, that while I still fully believe in the cause we are fighting for, it would be for the best if we take some time away from the battlefield if possible. Time to regroup. Time to heal. We will take this time to decide how to move forward effectively. In the meantime, I would advise everyone to conceal themselves and their loved ones.”

“That’s cowardly,” Sturgis fired back, which earned him looks of horror from the rest of the group. It was not often that anyone opposed Albus.

“It’s a precaution, yes. Cowardly, no. I am simply growing weary of having to bury our friends, aren’t you Sturgis?”

Sturgis cast his gaze down at the ground and didn’t say anything else.

“Patronus communication functions regardless of the recipient’s location, and we will still meet. Should the need arise, we will fight. But I have humbly accepted that, for now, we are on defense, not offense.” Dumbledore concluded his speech and looked around the group again. It felt like a defeat, but they knew he was right. “Go home. Make plans to keep yourselves safe. Hold those that are dear to you close, and don’t take a second for granted.”

Gradually, members of the group began disapparating cheerlessly away from the clearing. Remus followed Albus out and back towards the castle to discuss his next “business trip,” with Sirius’ eyes following him closely. 

“Where are we supposed to go?” Marlene asked. “We don’t know the extent of how well they can track us down.”

“I don’t know,” Emmeline muttered distractedly, unable to think of anything but the Bones children's faces.

“Maybe we could stay with my parents for a wee while,” said Marlene, answering her own question. “Do you and Remus have someplace?”

“My mum’s too far, and I doubt he’d be willing to go to his parents’.”

“I, for one, am not leaving my house,” James declared indignantly. “If Mulciber or Avery want to try their hand with me, I would _welcome_ it.”

“Don’t be daft, Prongs. Ed was one of the best wizards in the Order, and that didn’t help him in the end,” Sirius exhorted with surprising spite. 

A disheartened silence fell yet again.

“Where’s Peter been? I haven’t seen him in an age,” Sirius remarked, changing the subject to steer the conversation in a less grim direction. Peter hadn’t come to the meeting. Peter hadn’t been around much at all as of late.

James sighed deeply. “He’s terrified, poor sod. You know how he gets. I don’t think he’s really left his house since he heard about Doe. Probably still won’t; not when he hears about Edgar.”

“We’ve been to see him a few times to check on him,” said Lily.

Emmeline smiled at her. “That’s nice of you guys. Remus has been meaning to visit, but Dumbledore’s kept him pretty busy.”

Sirius, who had felt a deep-seated uneasiness about these absences ever since Remus missed the battle at the port, could not hide the hostility from his face. “He’s been gone a lot then, has he? Remus?”

“Well, yes...why do you say it like that?”

“Sirius, leave Emmeline out of this,” Marlene warned him quietly.

“...Leave me out of what?”

“I just think it’s a bit _odd_ that he’s been gone so much, that’s all I’m saying.” 

Emmeline was taken aback by his rancor. “...Remus has been risking his life to get helpful intelligence to Dumbledore. Does something about that not sit well with you, Sirius?”

“It doesn’t _sit well with me_ that he’s acting in secret behind all our backs.”

“To help _keep us safe."_

“Okay, that’s enough,” James urged. He was ignored.

“Do you even know what he does when he’s gone? Hmm? Where he goes? Who he sees?”

“I don’t have to know because I trust him,” Emmeline declared. “And so does Dumbledore, and so should you.”

“Trust has to be _earned,_ and forgive me for blaspheming, but Dumbledore’s not omniscient. He can’t know for sure what Remus does when he’s away - he just takes him at his word.”

“Knock it off, Padfoot.” 

“Oh, cut the shit, James! You know as well as I do that he’s been acting strange!”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You’re supposed to be his friend!” Emmeline shouted.

“Friends don’t keep things from their mates!” 

“They do if they're _ordered_ to!” 

“You don’t find it strange that as soon as Remus starts leaving for long periods of time, all of the sudden the death eaters are carrying out well-planned _assassinations!?”_

“ _Sirius!_ _”_ hissed Marlene. 

Emmeline’s jaw had dropped. “How _dare_ you-”

“How long before one of us is next?!”

“ _That’s enough Sirius!_ ” James commanded, stepping in front of him before he could get another word in edgewise. 

In turn, Sirius backed himself up, not wishing to fight with James. Marlene held Emmeline back from lunging for Sirius, but could not hold back the daggers she was staring into him. 

“This is exactly what they want!” Lily exclaimed. She stepped into the center of them, supporting her swollen belly with her hand. “This insidious distrust is going to tear us apart, which is precisely how they want us: paranoid and alone.” 

Emmeline pushed herself out of Marlene’s grasp, her expression shifting from animosity to anguish. “Lily’s right,” she conceded. 

“ _That’s_ how they get to us,” Lily continued. “We’re easier to pick off when we’re isolated.”

James looked from his wife back to his best friend. “Look, we’re all scared-”

“I’m _not_ scared,” Sirius retorted. “I’m just not letting my feelings get in the way, not like the rest of you.” With that, he turned and stormed out of the clearing. 

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him, I’m so sorry,” Marlene apologized before taking off after him. “Sirius, wait!”

Emmeline and the Potters stood stunned where the other two had left them, feeling the strain of a fracture in their group.

“He doesn’t mean it Em,” James assured her, though he was really assuring himself. “He’s just upset about my parents...”

In the midst of her anger, Emmeline registered this comment, and what it meant. She came down off her temper. “Are they...oh James, I’m so sorry, I hadn’t heard.” It made _a bit_ more sense now: Sirius had run away from home and moved in with James’ family at the age of sixteen. He considered Euphemia and Fleamont to be his mother and father more than his own biological parents. In the midst of a war, it seemed silly that they should lose anybody to Dragon Pox.

“Thank you, Em. I know it doesn’t excuse him, but…”

…

Remus was supposed to leave the next day for another one of his “business trips.” He came home from his meeting with Dumbledore and immediately went up to bed, a bit earlier than usual. Emmeline wasn’t sure if he was preparing for the lack of sleep he would incur on his next excursion, or if he was still catching up on sleep from the last one. He had been perpetually exhausted and in a great deal of pain ever since Dumbledore started sending him on these missions. Without the potion to aid his transitions, his body was having to battle the symptoms of Lycanthropy unmedicated, and now that Remus was older, the effects were more severe. He never once complained; but Emmeline was observant. She noticed him wincing with every small motion, saw how he rubbed his tender joints and took his time with getting up out of bed, even on days he was far from the full moon. 

And this made her all the more angry with Sirius. He would _never_ understand just how much Remus put himself through to help their cause. Nobody would. Frankly, Emmeline knew that she could never fully understand it either, try as she might. She had chosen not to tell Remus about her altercation with Sirius, as she knew it would hurt him terribly and that they wouldn’t get to resolve the matter until after he returned home anyway. She hated the idea of Remus constantly thinking about Sirius’ disdain throughout his entire time away.

A short while after he’d gone up, Emmeline joined Remus upstairs. Finding him already asleep, she pulled a quilt over him and sat down on her side of the bed with a book, trying to take her mind off of what Sirius had said. It made her restless. When Marlene had suspected her of disloyalty six months ago, Emmeline could understand why - the timing of her return to the Order had coincidentally lined up with Voldemort’s return from the East, and she had mysteriously disappeared for several months prior. This was different. With the exception of that horrid prank in school, Sirius and Remus had never had a falling out like the one Sirius seemed to think they were having. Emmeline hoped that this was all merely due to a toxic combination of Fleamont and Euphemia’s deaths mixed with the horrors of war weighing heavily on all of them. If she was being pessimistic, she worried that a rift was forming among the Marauders. 

A knock at the door woke Remus and put Emmeline on high alert. She lifted her index finger to her lips before setting her book down on the bedside table and exchanging it for her wand. Remus followed suit, standing up off the bed and brandishing his own wand. While it was doubtful that they would be so polite as to knock, if the death eaters were making house calls, they needed to be prepared. They both descended the stairs, wands at the ready. “Go around the back,” Emmeline whispered, and Remus tread quietly out the back door to see who had come knocking from the side of the house. Meanwhile, Emmeline cautiously approached the entryway, choosing not to look through the peephole lest a killing curse come through it straight into her eye. 

“It’s me. Please open the door.”

“It’s alright, it’s just Sirius,” said Remus, coming back inside.

Begrudgingly, Emmeline opened the door a crack to peer out at Sirius with a less than friendly face. Sirius, on the other hand, looked utterly somber and was holding a bottle of elderflower wine. 

“...I am scared,” he admitted repentantly. 

Softening her expression, Emmeline opened the door fully and embraced him. 

“I am so incredibly sorry,” he apologized into her shoulder. 

“I heard about Fleamont and Euphemia.”

“Yes, it’s…” She felt him swallowing the lump in his throat away, and he said nothing further about James’ parents. “Can you forgive me for saying those horrible things?”

“...I don’t think I’m the one you should be apologizing to,” said Emmeline, turning back to Remus. Remus looked at the both of them, confused. 

Sirius wore an expression of both guilt and cautionary affection. “ Alright, Moony?

“Alright...Did I miss something?”

“Just me being an arse.”

“What else is new?”


	40. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And just like that, two became three."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: these characters belong to JKR

_ July 31, 1980 _

Emmeline called out sick from work and had been pacing about the front room on and off for hours now. Humorously, she’d been treading the same exact path: around the coffee table, behind the armchair, through the kitchen, up to the sink where she’d momentarily stare out the window, then back again. 

If Remus were here, he would’ve thought this amusing; but he was still gone. This trip for Dumbledore had been exceptionally long. He sent her a patronus whenever he could to let her know that he was fine, but they did not do much to quell her anxiety. She wouldn’t sleep well again until he was home safe. 

Marlene, however, did not find the pacing amusing at all. “I am  _ this  _ close to a leg-locker curse Emmie, I swear to Merlin,” she snapped from her seat at the kitchen table. “You’re driving up my blood pressure.” 

“Like it wasn’t already going to be up today,” Emmeline countered, abandoning her course and flopping onto the sofa. 

Her anxiety was at a peak today; early that morning, she’d received a patronus from James letting her know that Lily had gone into labor. She had already been over to the house to drop off a small breakfast for them, and James (though nervy out of his bloody mind) assured her that all was going smoothly. Marlene had floo’ed over from her parents’ shortly after nine, and now, at two in the afternoon, nearly seven hours into Lily’s labor, Emmeline was beginning to worry. She wondered if perhaps she should drop back in to see how things were going, but at the same time, she did not want to disturb the soon-to-be parents. So, she got back up to pace instead. 

“Sweet Rowena, you’re gonnae have marched the distance of the West Highland Way before this is over,” Marlene quipped derisively. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t sit still. I’m going mad over here.”

“Sirius will let us know when we can go over. Until then, we just have to wait. _Patiently.”_  
“Easier said than done…” Emmeline rounded the corner of the armchair and went back to her spot by the window. “Does it normally take this long?”

“I don’t know. You’d think with magic, they would’ve figured out a quicker process for this by now. Can you imagine? Trying to expel something the size of a quaffle from your lady garden for  _ hours _ ?” 

Emmeline shuddered at the thought, recalling the physical and emotional trauma that had come with miscarrying something the size of a strawberry. Birthing a  _ quaffle  _ was unfathomable. “...I just hope Lily’s alright.”

“Lily’s tough as nails, she’ll be just fine. Honestly, I think I’m more worried about  _ James,” _ Marlene chuckled. “Have you ever known James Potter to be patient? If  _ you’re  _ going mad from all the waiting, imagine how  _ he _ is.”

“I suppose-”

They were interrupted by Sirius, who had just  apparated into the entryway.  The sudden intrusion startled Emmeline, prompting her to whip out her wand and instinctively lob a stunning spell. Sirius narrowly dodged the blast and stared at her, wide eyed. 

_ “Merlin’s beard _ , Em! Jumpy, are we?”

“Sorry!”

Marlene rose from her seat. “In hindsight, you probably shouldn't’ve-” 

“The baby?” Emmeline blurted impatiently.

“...You do remember that you almost knocked me on my arse just now, don’t you?”

_ “Sirius!” _

“Lily and the baby are fine! I came to tell you, he’s just arrived a little while ago!”

_ He.  _

Sirius watched with mild amusement as Emmeline dashed past him and ran out the front door without another word. He turned to Marlene. “She knows she can apparate, right?”

“Let her run,” said Marlene, shuffling past him to chase after Emmeline. “It’ll do her good to get the nerves out!”

Scoffing at the prospect of choosing such a primitive means of transport, Sirius shut the door behind them and began to run too.

  
  


Emmeline sprinted all the way to the Potters’ cottage. When she reached the door she reared her pace, not wanting to cause a ruckus with a dramatic entrance. Instead, she took a moment to catch her breath, which gave Marlene and Sirius the opportunity to catch up to her. 

“He’s a tiny little thing,” Sirius panted, opening the front door to let them inside. “Small as a mandrake, but far cuter. I don’t think I realized how small they were, babies.”

Emmeline got a good look at Sirius’ face. “Have you been  _ crying _ ?”

“Of course he has, you big softie,” said Marlene, pinching his cheek. He recoiled from her grasp.

“Piss off, the both of you.” 

Emmeline smiled and followed Sirius up the stairs. The door to Lily and James’ bedroom was slightly ajar, so he knocked lightly before entering. The midwife came to the door and opened it fully for them to come in. When she stepped aside, Emmeline got a good look at the new parents. 

They say that new mothers look radiant; that they glow. Emmeline did not know how utterly true this statement was until she saw Lily Potter with her little boy, hardly aware of anyone around her, wholly fixated on the new life she held in her hands. Even with her complexion glowing bright crimson, and her brow dampened with sweat, she was incandescent.  James sat behind her, supporting her exhausted body with his, enshrining the Madonna and child. And just like that, two became three.

When Emmeline entered the room, James looked up at her with a massive, stupid grin, his face still wet with tears. “He’s perfect,” he said adoringly, inviting Emmeline and Marlene to come closer.

Marlene remained glued where she stood, taking in the scene before her. “Oh Lily, you absolute wonder,” she breathed, leaning into Sirius’ embrace. “You’ve done it.”

Gingerly, Emmeline crept towards the bed and sat on the edge so that she could get a better look. Lily had her lips pressed against the infant’s forehead, whispering “You are so loved, you are  _ so _ loved,” over and over like a mantra. It wasn’t until she felt the new weight on the mattress that Lily really registered Emmeline’s presence. She beamed at her. 

Resonating James’ assessment, Emmeline simply whispered, “He’s perfect.” She was in awe of the tiny creature, gurling calmly against Lily’s breast, and could do nothing but stare at him. 

“Told you so,” James said proudly.

“We’ve named him Harry,” said Lily, gently stroking the top of her baby’s head with her thumb. 

“It’s perfect,” Emmeline reiterated. “He looks like a Harry.”

“That’s what I said too,” said Sirius. 

Lily looked back up at Emmeline. “Do you want to hold him?”

Her smile vanished instantly. Emmeline suddenly felt the most unqualified she had ever felt in her life, and did not know what to say. Of course she wanted to hold the baby, but in her mind she was neither equipped nor worthy to take such a precious thing in her arms.

Sirius sat down beside her. “If it makes you feel better, I held him a bit ago and there was no catastrophe, so I think you’ll be just fine.” 

“Except Sirius made my poor son cry,” Lily teased him.

“Did not!” 

“Then  _ he _ cried,” added James.

“You’re both still loopy.”

“If you’re not gonnae hold him first, I will,” Marlene offered, eagerly leaning over Sirius.

“...Alright.” Emmeline agreed to take the infant with excited apprehension, holding out her arms as Lily leaned forward to hand her the swaddled bundle. 

“Just be sure to support his head and neck,” James instructed, repeating the midwife’s directions to him like a parrot. Emmeline resisted the urge to poke fun at his new fatherly authority. 

Bloody hell, he  _ was  _ small. The weight that was placed in her arms was far less that she had expected. Harry wriggled in opposition to being passed off, but grew more peaceful as Emmeline drew him nearer to her body. “Wow,” she exhaled aloud without realizing, marveling as the baby reached out and latched onto her index finger with his little hand. 

The infant in her arms dredged up a pang of remorse inside of her, and she had to swallow the lump rising in her throat. “Remus would be absolutely smitten.” Harry merely kicked his small feet in response. 

It was then that Emmeline realized just how abundantly impressed she was with Lily Potter. For giving birth, yes, but also for her courage. She intrepidly brought this beautiful child into a world that had made Emmeline run away when she learned of her own pregnancy. Emmeline reached out with her free arm and clasped Lily’s hand tightly. “You’re extraordinary, do you know that?” she asked with tears in her eyes. 

Lily smiled graciously and squeezed her friend’s hand. “All I know is that I’m glad he’s here.”

“Canna see the bairn now?” Marlene asked impatiently, kicking Sirius off the bed and taking his place.

Emmeline held Harry up a few inches so that Marlene could get a better look at him. 

“Oh,” she squealed. “Aren’t you just a magnificent wee thing?” 

James and Lily looked on lovingly as their best friends fawned over their son.

Marlene’s bottom lip began to quiver. “...Can I?” she asked, extending her arms towards him. Obliging her, Emmeline gently handed Harry off to Marlene. 

“Make sure you support his head-”

“Don’t be daft James, everyone knows that,” Marlene snapped, overcome with emotion. “Oh, you two made a very nice baby, they’re not all this bonnie you know!” she blubbered. Emmeline wiped the tears from Marlene’s cheeks before they could plop down onto Harry’s forehead. 

“We’ve asked Sirius to be the godfather,” James announced, still admiring his son. Sirius beamed with pride, and Marlene just melted into a further puddle of tears. 

“Oh Merlin help us, he’s doomed,” laughed Emmeline. 

“Hush,” Sirius chided as he leaned over Marlene’s shoulder to observe his godson. Emmeline had not expected Sirius to be so fond of children, and was pleasantly surprised by how he looked down at Harry with such love in his eyes.

“James?” called a meek voice from the doorway.

“It’s alright Peter, you can come in,” Lily beckoned him.

Strangely, Peter wore an expression as though he were attending a wake rather than the aftermath of a birth. He inched cautiously towards the bed to peek at the newborn in Marlene’s grasp, but kept his distance. 

“Well?” said James, “He’s handsome like his dad, no?”

“...He’s quite small.”

“Wormtail, have you ever actually  _ seen _ a baby?” Sirius derided him as if he hadn’t said the same thing just minutes before. 

“Not this close.” He was hardly close - while Marlene and Emmeline made silly faces at the newborn (who was much too young to appreciate them), Peter stayed away from the group, his hands in his pockets and his eyes daring only skittish glimpses of the baby. Not that he would have otherwise been comfortable with such an intimate situation, but he seemed purposefully detached.

Sirius was far too absorbed with his new title to be privy to this. “I’m the godfather, did you hear? Just like Marlon Brando.”

Emmeline lifted her head from the baby and cast a judgmental glare in his direction. “Bloody hell Sirius, I  _ hope _ not like Marlon Brando. Did you even  _ see _ that film?” 

“No, but the posters were wicked,” he replied, which earned an exhausted chuckle from Lily.

The midwife must have interpreted this as a pity laugh. “Alright, baby and his mother need a rest. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you all to take your leave.”

A sly grin crept across Sirius’ face.

“...Alright then, just call me-”

“Don’t say it-” James tried, but it was too late.

“ _ Dadfoot _ .”

Groans ensued.

“Alright, now I  _ really  _ must insist that visiting time is over,” said the midwife, this time with far less feigned sweetness. 

“I don’t think she liked my joke...” whispered Sirius.


	41. The Unofficial, Unwilling, Unprepared Dueling Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to a house rivalry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello All! Thanks for reading. Question to those here from tiktok: did you guys like the video vignettes from BHDWTM? Would you like to see more? If so, which chapters/scenes?
> 
> ***Canon Divergence Disclaimer: I gave some death eaters first names
> 
> ***Slytherin disclaimer: I think as a whole Slytherins are totally demonized in the HP series, but unfortunately it is canon that most, if not all of the Slytherin boys at Hogwarts in the Marauders' year went on to become death eaters. I plan to play with some extra characters when I write the prequel who don't fit this stereotype, but they don't show up in this flashback.
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR

_ 1977: Sixth Year, Third Term _

_ “I just can’t wait to see the look on Emma Vanity’s face when we wipe the floor with the Slytherin team next match,” said Emmeline, shutting the door to the Quidditch locker rooms behind her and James. “She’s been unbearable in Divination, going on and on about the championship, and I’ve kept my mouth shut.” It was inching towards summer and quite warm out for the evening, so she tied her team jumper around her waist.  _

_ James followed suit, tying his around his shoulders. “Just do me a favor and send a bludger her way every chance you get so I don’t have to deal with her.” They laughed together as they began their trek back to the castle for dinner.  _

_ “Sirius certainly hustled back up, didn’t he?” Emmeline commented. _

_ “He mentioned something about meeting McKinnon in the library after dinner. I think he swindled her into helping him with that Transfiguration assignment.” _

_ “...Transfiguration is Sirius’ best subject.” _

_ “I don’t think he’s really in it for the studying, if you catch my drift.”  _

_ “Well, he’s persistent, I’ll give him that.” _

_ “Speaking of my mates and their lady friends-” _

_ “-Oh God, here we go-” _

_ “-things seem to be going well with you and Remus, would you say that’s an accurate assessment?”  _

_ “What are you, my counselor?”  _

_ “Is that a yes?” _

_ “...It’s not a no,” she admitted bashfully. “And speaking of MY mates, how are things with LILY?” she asked, turning the conversation back around on him. _

_ This was clearly a touchy subject for James. He turned bright red and muffled a long groan into his hands, making Emmeline laugh all the more.  _

_ “I’ve stopped hexing innocents altogether, just for her. Can you imagine? Me? Giving that up for someone? I have been trying SO HARD to show her that I can be good, but I doubt she’ll ever see me as anything other than a pompous git.” _

_ “Well, she did say she’d rather date the Giant Squid.” _

_ “Yeah, I remember,” he sighed, unappreciative of the reminder.  _

_ “I don’t know. You’ve successfully made me start to like you, so there’s always hope, I guess.” _

_ “You mean that?” _

_ “I said START to like you, Potter. Don’t go finishing for any more praise than that, or else I might change my mind.” _

_ “Maybe If you talked to her-” _

_ “Good Lord James, it’s not my job to be your go-between. YOU’RE the one that’s going to have to convince her, and it’s going to take more than leaving the firsties alone and barely tolerating Severus to win her over.” _

_ “Oh, I still can’t stand Snape. That’s definitely a ruse to get her to go out with me.” _

_ “Trust me Potter, the feeling is mutual.” _

_ James and Emmeline stopped in their tracks and spun around. Indeed, Severus was standing behind them with his wand drawn and at his side.  _

_ Emmeline looked to James, who was staring daggers into Snape as he calculated his next move. After some thought, James reached for his own wand to accept the challenge, but Emmeline grabbed his wrist.  _

_ “Don’t,” she warned him. “Let’s just go.” But as she turned to continue towards the castle, her path was blocked by Tristan Avery and Evan Rosier. Changing her mind about the situation, Emmeline slowly drew her wand as well. While she did not, by any means, get along with this years’ pack of Slytherins, they had mostly left her alone until now (with the exception of some snide insults about her being a half-blood). The boys on the other hand, especially James and Sirius, were constantly giving and getting trouble from this group.  _

_ “James,” Emmeline whispered worriedly. _

_ He whipped around and realized that they were slowly being outnumbered. By the time he had turned back to Snape, Donovan Mulciber and Rodolphus Lestrange had joined him.  _

_ “Leave her out of this,” James demanded, motioning to Emmeline.  _

_ “I dunno,” said Avery, as he inched a bit too close to Emmeline. “We’d be doing Vanity a favor if we put two of the Gryffindor players, shall we say, out of commission for next weekend?” _

_ “She put you up to this then? Emma?” Emmeline asked. If she kept the conversation going long enough, perhaps she or James could think of some escape plan.  _

_ “Oh, she didn’t have to,” Mulciber said through a venomous grin.  _

_ There were a few moments of a tense stand-off, each side waiting for the other to cast the first hex.  _

_ “Five against two is hardly a fair fight,” Emmeline remarked, as she and James situated themselves back to back.  _

_ Snape stepped in closer to James. “You would know all about fair fights, wouldn’t you Potter? All of those times it was me against your cohort of four.” _

_ “Don’t play the victim Snivellus, it’s unbecoming.” _

_ Snape did not respond to this, so James donned an antagonizing smirk and threw a blow that would hurt more than any jinx in the book.  _

_ “Maybe that’s why Evans can’t stand the sight of you anymore.” _

_ “SECTUMSEMPRA!” _

_ James managed to redirect the curse with a shield charm, so that it ricocheted towards Mulciber instead, catching his arm. He cried out and dropped his wand as deep gashes tore across his forearm. Abandoning the conflict, he ran back up to the castle. _

_ Emmeline was lucky enough to stupefy Avery before he had a chance to lift his wand, but could not reasonably defend herself from both Rosier and Lestrange before they got her first.  _

_ “Locomotor Wibbly!” shouted Rodolphus, which would have been rather amusing, had it not sent Emmeline plunging to the ground with legs like jelly. Unable to brace herself properly, she fell face-first and ended up with a mouth full of grass. _

_ James and Severus dueled fiercely, each spell more dangerous than the last. Neither were concerned about causing the other bodily harm. James, who normally had Sirius to back him up, struggled to fend off Severus by himself. Snape was a master of combat spells after all, having invented many of his own.  _

_ With her arms still functional, Emmeline was able to lift herself up and halt Rosier before he cast what was sure to be some horrible curse. “Impedimenta!” A turquoise light shot from her wand and momentarily froze Evan’s arm in midair.  _

_ But Rodolphus was back on her, this time with an exploding charm: “Bombarda!” _

_ Emmeline pushed herself up just in time to roll downhill and avoid the blast. She stared wide-eyed at the smoking crater in the ground where she’d been just a moment before. These Slytherins were not easily satisfied with simple pimple jinxes or tickling charms.  _

_ If Rodolphus wanted to play dirty, Emmeline would have to match him. As he wound back to cast another curse, Emmeline pointed her wand at a collection of stones in front of her. “Oppugno!” _

_ The stones leapt from the ground and began launching themselves at Rodolphus, who had to lower his arm back down to block his face. He was not swift enough to block a stone the size of a tennis ball from striking the side of his head, and he fell to the ground, unconscious and probably concussed. Emmeline would have been in the clear, if only her Impediment jinx was not quickly wearing off of Evan. She meant to direct a counter-curse towards her own legs, but Rosier broke free faster than she had expected.  _

_ “CRUCI-” _

_ In a fantastic display of her reflexes, Emmeline managed to send a Bat-Bogey hex right up Rosier’s nose in time to interrupt his incantation. Rosier sputtered, letting out a piercing screech as full-fledged mucosal bats climbed their way out of his nostrils. Emmeline sat in shock for a moment, not so much from what she’d done to Evan, but from the frightful and unforgivable curse she had just managed to interrupt. She had never heard such a thing from a student. _

_ Suddenly Emmeline felt her legs solidify once more - but not by her own magic. Not only that, someone stupefied Rosier and knocked him out cold, with bats still emerging from his swollen snout.  _

_ “As much as I’d love to watch while that misery runs its course, we have more pressing matters to attend to,” a familiar voice called.  _

_ “Sirius! Peter! Thank Merlin...” Emmeline exhaled with relief as she saw the two of them dash over the hill. Sirius, still in his Quidditch attire, ran to her side and helped her to her feet.  _

_ Severus and James had traveled downhill, and were now adjacent to the pitch. James darted under the tented stands and hid behind a wooden beam to catch his breath. He hoped Emmeline was alright - he had sort of left her to deal with the other three Slytherins. But he had a bone to pick with Severus, and Snape alone counted as three students when it came to a fight.  _

_ “Show yourself, Potter!” Snape called, tearing about in search of his nemesis. “Homenum Revelio!” _

_ James felt a swooping sensation over him, and ducked to avoid it. But it was too late - Severus knew where he was. The heat of a blasting curse narrowly missed him, and instead hit the beam where he had been just milliseconds before. “Aguamenti!” He put out the fire, choosing to maintain the structural integrity of the Quidditch pitch over his own well-being. This gave Severus an opening to attack him. _

_ “Levicorpus!” _

_ “Agh!” James was suddenly dragged into the air by his ankles, causing him to smack his head on the ground as well as drop his wand. Dizzied from the blow, he flailed about but could not free himself, and was choking a bit on the jumper he’d tied around his shoulders. Even in the darkness, he could see Snape’s triumphant expression through the shattered lenses of his glasses.  _

_ “Too bad no one else is here to witness this, I would have liked very much to return a favor from last year.” _

_ “Unlike you Snivellus, I think there are plenty of people who'd be delighted to see my knickers. ‘Specially Evans.”  _

_ “LANGLOCK!”  _

_ James’ tongue was suddenly glued to the roof of his mouth, rendering him unable to speak. He had learned several of Snape’s tricks, but this was a new one. He made some inarticulate guttural noises in feeble protest. _

_ “Don’t you dare speak about Lily in that manner,” Snape growled through gritted teeth, steam practically rising off his face. “You vile, pretentious imbecile. You, who have only known spoiling and surplus, have managed to take away the ONE thing that has ever made me happy.” _

_ “No Severus, you did that yourself!” _

_ As the words and their speaker reached him, a sudden pain struck Severus’ face as if someone had just run him through with a javelin. Lily had found them and thrown herself between the two of them - to protect James. Never in a million years did Lily think she would be at odds with Severus to defend James Potter, but here they were. Remus had followed her in too, but remained silent, standing behind Snape with his wand at the ready should he need to use it. It would not be necessary for him to assist Lily with his words, as she was quite capable of handling this herself.  _

_ “...Lily...I-” Severus choked on his own tongue, and lowered his wand away from her.  _

_ “...Leave him alone,” Lily ordered, her stern voice juxtaposing the sorrow in her eyes. Her own wand remained stashed in her robe, for she knew she would not need it. _

_ “...Last year...I’ve told you, I’m so sorry for what I said-” _

_ “But you can’t take it back, can you? Not now.”  _

_ Remus could see that this was hurting her greatly, and wondered if she would start to cry. But she did not. James, who could only see Lily’s back, wondered the same about Snape.  _

_ “Not now that you’ve chosen who you’re going to stand with,” Lily elaborated. _

_ “Lily, please, you must understand-” _

_ “You’ve chosen your side, that’s all there is to it,” she asserted, raising her voice. Snape shrunk away from her as if every word stung. “Leave him alone Severus,” she repeated, more firmly this time.  _

_ She expected him to turn and leave, but he did not. He couldn't move. He just stood there, looking deeply into her eyes, his jaw moving up and down in search of words that could never adequately explain.  _

_ Finally, she could not endure his permeating gaze any longer. “Go!” she shouted. He turned and ran, barely making it past Black, Vance and Pettigrew before he allowed himself to cry. Emmeline held Sirius back from lunging after him.  _

_ Lily quickly wiped away a tear herself before turning back to James.  _

_ “Llll-nnn-llllggg-” _

_ “Shut up,” she snapped, probably more harshly than she intended to.  _

_ “Liberacorpus,” said Remus, releasing James from the air. Lily managed to catch his head so that it didn’t smack the ground again, but the rest of his body hit the earth with a thud. He grunted, his face beet red in Lily’s hands from all the blood that had rushed to his head.  _

_ “What’s wrong with his tongue?” she asked, observing that he was still mute. She drew her wand to fix his broken glasses. “Oculus Reparo.” _

_ “I don’t know...I’m not sure what spell this is,” Remus admitted, kneeling down alongside James and examining his mouth. “Is the rest of you alright?”  _

_ James nodded. _

_ “Fine with me, we can let Madame Pomfrey deal with it.” said Lily. “I don’t want to hear what he has to say after all that anyway.” James raised his eyebrow and looked up at her with a cavalier grin. She rolled her eyes and dropped his head, which elicited a yelp from James. “God, even mute you’re insufferable.” _

_ Just then Sirius, Emmeline, and Peter joined them under the pitch. James shot to his feet and made some panicked noises at Emmeline.  _

_ “...What’s wrong with him?” she asked.  _

_ “No clue,” Remus reported, rising to examine her wellbeing. James began to point at her and then wave the “ok” sign.  _

_ “Oh, yeah I’m fine, no thanks to YOU.” This did nothing to convince Remus, who was still looking her over. “Honest, I am. Though I think I barely escaped a Cruciatus curse from Rosier, can you believe that?” _

_ “We have bigger problems than those sods,” Sirius announced grimly, shooting a sharp glare towards Peter. The shorter boy’s eyes darted down to his shoes. “Go on Wormtail, fess up.” _

_ “Lllggg?”  _

_ “...What did he say?”  _

_ “He probably said to fess up, you thick-headed twit! Tell him what you did!”  _

_ “It wasn’t his fault, Pad-”  _

_ “Don’t defend him, Moony. He’s gone and mucked everything up, and you know it!” _

_ “I didn’t mean to!” _

_ “You don’t have to shout at him, Sirius. It’s okay, Peter-”  _

_ “It is most certainly NOT okay, Lily! You have no idea how bad this is!” _

_ “Nnnnlll?!” _

_ “All of you, stop it!” Emmeline shouted, throwing her arms out towards the center of the group. “What happened?”  _

_ Everyone looked toward Peter. _

_ “W-Well…” he began. “It was really just a big misunderstanding is what it was-” _

_ “THIS brainless wart got our map confiscated!” Sirius interrupted him. _

_ “Nnn...NNNLLGGG?!” _

_ “I’m sorry James, it was an accident!” _

_ “We saw Wilkes creeping about, so Peter opened the map to look for you and saw Snape and the rest of his lot headed right for you,” Remus explained for him.  _

_ “But his butterfingers weren’t quick enough when Filch came around the corner. This is why I never let you hold it!” Sirius scolded. _

_ “W-we’ll just build a new one! Right?” _

_ “Build a new- are you mad? Do you remember how long that thing took?” Remus interjected. _

_ “Okay ENOUGH,” said Lily, who’d quite had it with their arguing. “It’s getting dark, we’ve probably missed dinner, and we’ve all got McGonagall’s assignment due in the morning. You lot can stay here and shout about your bloody map all you like. I’m going back to the common room, and as a fellow prefect, you’d be wise to do the same, Remus. Come on Emmie, maybe Alice saved us some sandwiches...”  _

_ “What about James’ tongue?” asked Sirius. _

_ “James can do whatever he likes with his tongue! He’s perfectly capable of walking himself to the hospital wing!” With that, she stormed away.  _

_ “Nn lllggg nn lllnn ggnn,” James mumbled with a dastardly smirk. Sure that this was some comment about Lily and doing what he liked with his tongue, Remus elbowed him in the ribs. _

_ “Nnnn!” _

_ Emmeline turned to Remus. “I’d better go with her. I’ll see you back in the common room.” _

_ “See you later.” He flashed her half of a smile as she exited behind Lily.  _

_ Then Sirius realized something. “...McGonagall’s assignment. Did Lily say we’d missed dinner?” _

_ “I think so.” _

_ “Putain!” he swore in French, darting out from under the pitch. “I forgot about Marlene!” _

_ And so Peter and Remus were left to deal with James. _

_ “If you’re lucky Wormtail, whatever Marlene has in store for him may do the trick in making him forget about the map,” Remus remarked. _

_ “Nnn bbd llllgll.” _

_ “...What’d he say?” _

_ “I’m fairly certain he just said ‘not bloody likely,’ but I could be wrong.” _

_ James nodded. _


	42. How To Catch A Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year has passed since Harry was born; Emmeline reflects on her and her friends' time in the Order before she and Marlene set out on a mission for Mad-Eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the beginning of what I am calling "Phase Two" of BHDWTM - you'll notice we've jumped forward in time, and as you may have guessed, that means bad things are coming for our characters. I want to warn everyone that the story gets pretty dark from here on out (I mean, you probably knew that.) I am putting trigger warnings before certain chapters dealing with disturbing subject matter.
> 
> I still don't own these characters.

_ July 18, 1981 _

The Leaky Cauldron, once a jubilant establishment to have a pint with friends, had recently been reduced to a somber escape from the outside war. Now, wizarding folk only ever came to sit alone and drink simply to take the edge off. 

Emmeline sat in the shadows near the staircase, nursing a dram of firewhisky and waiting. Her face was hidden by a hooded black cloak - this might have looked quite suspicious had it not become the latest fashion among witches and wizards. These days, there was safety in anonymity. 

While surveilling the front door, she reflected on the last several months:

She could not remember at what point she realized that she’d gone from being a child to being a soldier. The transition from girlhood to adulthood and active duty in a war had seemed so seamless; even with that brief glimpse into motherhood somewhere along the line. She supposed she could identify the shift around the time she finished at Hogwarts, but even that chronology seemed inexact; it felt like she’d been fighting even before that, though maybe not in the field. The day her father died seemed like an appropriate event to pin it on, like some sickening and hastened right of passage. Perhaps childhood had ended the very first time she had to ask her mother what the word “mudblood” meant. 

She didn’t understand why she’d only just realized the discrepancy in the timeline - she’d been involved in this war for years now. Even at twenty-one, she still  _ felt _ like a girl, though legally she could be deemed as an adult. But she wasn’t a girl anymore. Her friends were getting married and having babies and dying, and little girls should not have to reckon with losing their lives on a daily basis. Nobody had prepared her for it all, not really; and she had a sneaking suspicion this revelation was dawning on her friends as well.

After last July, Lily and James had all but ended their involvement with Order of the Phoenix. James came to a meeting every so often for an update, but he and Lily stayed far away from the battlefield and instead remained home with their son. Those who knew the Potters well knew they did not make the decision to step away lightly; in fact, their sequestration had been mandated by Dumbledore, who seemed to have a particular concern for both the Potters and the Longbottoms after the birth of their children. After what happened to Edgar, Emmeline figured Dumbledore had developed a soft spot for the offspring of his soldiers. The Potters had barely left their house at all in the last year, and had employed the use of nearly every protective charm under the sun to keep themselves safe. They, of course, had recently grown up very quickly thanks to parenthood. Emmeline was fortunate to live nearby and visited as often as she could between work at the bookshop and Order assignments, which James assured her made their mandatory confinement more bearable. Harry was getting so big; soon, it’d be his first birthday. That sweet boy was just about the only thing that could make her forget the outside world.

And of course, she could not prevent her mind from drifting to thoughts of Remus. He’d grown up ages ago, ages before any of them had by virtue of his furry little problem. He was presently across the sea with a werewolf tribe in Romania, or at least he had been last she heard from him. This trip had dragged on for nearly three months, and despite having spent the last year working to turn off the part of her brain which constantly worried about him, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been ripped to shreds somewhere in the woods of Eastern Europe without anyone’s knowledge. 

He’d buried his mother last November. Poor health had plagued Hope Lupin for much of Remus’ adult life, something which he felt entirely responsible for. In the end, her heart had given out. Remus was gone on a mission at the time of her death, and so when Lyall showed up on the doorstep in tears, it was Emmeline who heard the news first. Three days later, Remus came home to find that he was motherless. Since then, he’d carried the extra weight of yet another thing for which he thought he was to blame, no matter how many times Lyall assured him his mother’s heart problems were “genetic.” The Lupins had moved around a lot in Remus’ youth and kept few attachments in order to keep his condition a secret, so the funeral was quite small. Lily had been the first of them all to lose a parent back in fifth year at Hogwarts when her father was killed by a drunk driver. Emmeline came next, when in seventh year her muggle father got caught in the crossfire of a death eater’s curse. Sirius’ father’s death in the summer of ‘79 had been met with such seeming apathy from him that it was as if he’d died ages ago. James lost both of his parents in one go last June. Now Remus had to reckon with the sting of losing a parent - just another thing that forces you to grow up too soon.

As for Sirius, Emmeline hadn’t the faintest idea what he’d been up to. Remus was gone more and more, and despite the previous olive branch, Sirius trusted him less and less. It did not take long after last June for Sirius to start suspecting Remus of disloyalty again, and this time, Remus was less forgiving. A mutual disdain for each other had caused a malignant rift to divide the two of them. The crack in Moony and Padfoot’s friendship was helped neither by Wormtail’s recent habit of reclusiveness, nor by the need for Prongs to be home with his family. Emmeline had hardly seen Peter for months, and she and Sirius were never assigned to work together. She got the sense that Sirius bore no ill will towards _ her, _ but she could not help feel defensive of Remus.

Lucky for her, Sirius’ opinion of Remus had little bearing on her and Marlene’s friendship. Marlene was not responsible for who Sirius put his trust in, and Emmeline suspected that, deep down, she really was torn between Sirius and her otherwise good relationship with Remus. Since Remus was gone so often, it wasn’t like she had to face choosing between the two of them. Marlene understood Sirius’ frustration and Emmeline was too angry to bring up the subject at all, so they had fallen into a habit of avoiding the conversation altogether, leaving the boys’ business to the boys. Instead, they focused on joining together as heads of the doting auntie club for Harry.

Order movements had changed, too: the Bones family’s deaths marked the beginning of a new era for the Order of the Phoenix, shifting from all-out assaults to routine patrols and small-scale sting operations. Dumbledore knew he was losing soldiers faster than he could replace them, and this change in strategy led to some success in apprehending Voldemort’s supporters while still preserving the lives of those in the Order. Mad-Eye was responsible for single-handedly populating entire cell blocks in Azkaban. The Ministry hadn’t been quite as accomplished in this department as of late - Alice and Frank complained that the Auror Office was having to  _ beg  _ people to enroll in the training program to make up for their losses. Every day of the last year had teetered dangerously close to a collapse of the wizarding world as everyone knew it, and freedom from You-Know-Who’s total reign required constant work towards the fight for justice. Many worried that, after years of resistance, the fighters were growing weary. 

Eyeing the dying light of the sun outside the window, Emmeline grew nervous that she missed the person she’d been waiting for. She’d hurried over after the closing shift at Flourish and Blotts, but wondered if he came through the bar before she arrived. But as soon as the thought came, so did the creaking of the door. 

A tall wizard in a black silk cloak strode in, walking right past the bar towards the entrance to Diagon Alley. Emmeline couldn’t quite see his face, but the long, silvery blonde hair spilling out from the hood of his cloak gave him away. Tossing back the rest of her firewhisky, she rose from her seat and followed him. 

Keeping her wand in her grasp, Emmeline trailed behind the wizard from a good distance away, occasionally stopping to peer into a window to look otherwise occupied. When she passed Slug and Jiggers, Marlene stepped out of the apothecary in her own black cloak and followed behind her. 

Mad-Eye had suspected Lucius Malfoy of not only fraternizing, but  _ leading _ squadrons of death eaters for some time. He sent Vance and McKinnon out to confirm his suspicion.

Just as they knew he would, Malfoy took a sharp turn down a side street and descended a set of stairs leading to Knockturn Alley. Emmeline picked up her pace so she would not lose him around the corner, glancing over her shoulder to see if Marlene was following as planned. Knockturn was as macabre as ever, with dark shop windows displaying even darker objects. Weaving through the crooked backstreet, Emmeline tried to stay far enough away to be inconspicuous but close enough so that she wouldn’t lose Malfoy. She passed questionable looking witches and wizards as well as shady storefronts along the way. She had not spent much time in Knockturn Alley, but even with first hand experience battling the dark arts, it made her shudder. 

It wasn’t long before Lucius reached his destination. Snaking around the side of Borgin and Burkes antique shop, he was halted at the back entrance by another wizard in a black cloak asking for identification. 

Unfortunately, Emmeline was not privy to the fact that he was right around the corner, and realized too late that she had allowed herself to get too close. She hoped Marlene had more discernment and had stayed around the other side of the building. It would have looked odd if Emmeline turned around and went back the way she came, so without missing a step she walked right past Lucius - just as he was pulling his sleeve back down over a large tattoo of the dark mark on his forearm.

She must have glanced at him for one fraction of a second too long, because he snapped his head towards Emmeline and caught her gaze. She kept walking, hoping that he hadn’t seen her face and simply thought her to be a nosy passerby. She and Lucius had been a few years apart in school and hadn’t interacted a great deal, so it was possible that he hadn’t recognized her at all. After turning another corner with no trouble, she thought she may have been out of harm’s way; that is, until she saw Walden Macnair standing at the other end of the alleyway. 

“It’s her,” he confirmed.

She spun around and found that two other masked death eaters had caught up to her. Lucius had recognized her after all, and had set his dogs loose. 

Suddenly, Macnair was blasted with a stunning spell which knocked him out cold against the brick wall, but not by Emmeline’s doing. Darting around the corner, Marlene began sending spells towards the death eaters at the other end of the lane. “ _ Run! _ ”

Emmeline dashed past Macnair’s crumpled body, then she and Marlene began to flee. 

“What happened?!” 

“Lucius saw me... _ on your left _ !” Emmeline petrified a death eater that had just come from around another corner. “If Dung isn’t at the rendezvous-”

“He’ll be there,” Marlene assured her, before accidentally knocking over a wizard who was missing a considerable amount of teeth. 

They rounded a few corners then reached the back of Trackleshanks Locksmith, where Mundungus was nowhere to be found. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Emmeline growled. “Dung knows this place like the back of his hand. We had to study the map of this ruddy quarter _ , _ and yet we’re the ones in the right spot.”

Marlene listened for incoming footsteps. “Do you think we lost them?” 

The green flash of a killing curse flew towards Marlene from an unknown direction, but Emmeline yanked her out of its path. It hit the shop’s exterior instead, shattering the brick and leaving a large crater where Marlene’s head had been. 

“Apparently not!” Emmeline barked, yanking Marlene into a sprint.

They wove through the narrow lanes on the outskirts of the darkened alley, unsure of where they were going or how far they’d strayed from Diagon Alley. It became clear that more than two scouts were now after them. Knockturn wasn’t very large, and the lanes were narrow - it was only a matter of time before they were cornered.

“Hang on!” Marlene hissed suddenly. She backed up to squint down a path they’d just passed. “Dung’s just down there!” 

There was Mundungus, looking rather jumpy behind Tallow and Hemp’s Toxic Tapers candle shop. 

“Dung! Where have you been?” Marlene called as they ran towards him. He jumped at the sound of her voice. 

“Whaddah you mean? I’ve been waiting on you lot this whole time! I thought they’d got you,” he said defensively, lowering his large carpet bag onto the ground.

“That’s because you’re in front of the wrong sodding shop, you sack of dragon turds!” Emmeline growled through her teeth. She and Marlene swiftly climbed into the bag, which had been bewitched with a magical extension charm.

“Listen,” he called down to them as he hoisted the bag back up. “I’m not cut out for this  _ geh-rilla _ warfare rubbish like the restah yeh’s!”

Recently, it had been reported that the death eaters had placed various anti-apparition jinxes within the boundaries of Knockturn Alley, for the very purpose of trapping Ministry spies. Mundungus was the only member of the Order shifty enough to be seen in Knockturn without significant suspicion, hence the arrangement for him to be their “getaway driver.”

Mundungus moved slowly so as not to attract attention. Inside his bag, which had been expanded to about the size of a water closet, the two witches sat in silence, listening to the voices of those they passed. Emmeline felt as though she had to hold her breath. 

The bag tilted at an incline - they’d reached the stairs back to Diagon Alley. One, two, three, four-

“Stop, you there,” someone called from behind. Emmeline’s heart began to pound as she felt Mundungus turn the bag around. 

“What’ve you got there?” another wizard asked. The voices were muffled from inside the bag, but they certainly  _ sounded  _ like death eaters, if there was such a thing.

“Who, me?” Dung asked, playing dumb (something he was rather skilled at). “Not much left today, just some-”

“What’s in the bag?” demanded the first voice, drawing closer. Emmeline reached out, found Marlene’s hand, and clasped it tightly. There was nowhere for them to run. 

“...Well...if-if you’re interested, I’ve recently acquired some rather beguiling wares,” began Mundungus, launching into his salesman’s pitch. “How’d you like to see some goblin-made cufflinks fer a fair price? Or perhaps - now, don’t spread this around, but I got some of what the kids‘re calling ‘pixie dust,’ and it’s very popular right now-”

“Okay, nevermind, on your way…” said one of the wizards, dismissing him. After a few seconds, Emmeline and Marlene felt the bag turn back around and continue in its previous direction, though Mundungus’ pace had quickened a bit. Five, six, seven, eight, nine...

“Pure dead brilliant. I think Dung’s just saved our lives by  _ annoying  _ those death eaters,” Marlene whispered.

...

Dung didn’t slow down until he reached the upper room of the Leaky where Mad-Eye was waiting. Once they heard Alastor’s voice questioning him at the door, Marlene and Emmeline could finally breathe a sigh of relief. As soon as the door was shut, Mundungus set the bag down in the middle of the room and extended a hand down to help Marlene and Emmeline out of the carpeted void. In his usual overly-careful fashion, Alastor had kept the room dark save for a few candles on the bedside table.

“Well?” He inquired from the shadows.

“He’s got the dark mark,” Emmeline reported, dusting herself off. “But he spotted me. We had to make a run for it.”

“You saw this while he was unmasked?”

“Yes.”

“Did anyone see you get in the bag?”

“I don’t think so. Would’ve been nice if we found it  _ behind the right shop,”  _ Marlene jeered pointedly at Dung.

“Got ‘em mixed up in me head is all,” he muttered.

Alastor spun around to Mundungus. “You got-...you got the shops  _ mixed up? You?!”  _

“It was an honest mistake!”

“You, who are so closely acquainted with the scum of the earth that roams around Knockturn-”

“I couldn’t remember if it was Tallow’s or Trackleshanks! They both start with a ‘T!”

“Merlin’s beard, you’re about as useless as they come.”

“Oi, I got ‘em out, didn’t I?! I’d like to see you waddle down there an’-”

_ “WADDLE?! _ You’d better-”

“OKAY, ALRIGHT!” Emmeline barked, her voice surely saving Dung’s neck from Alastor’s grip. “We had a detour, but Dung got us out. Alastor, I think-”

“Who else was down there?”

“I- er, Walden Macnair.” 

“He’s one of the ones who stopped me on my way out,” Dung interjected. “Nearly pissed myself when-”

_ “Nip it, _ Mundungus!”

Marlene sat down on the edge of the bed, causing the nearby candles to flicker. “There were others, but I didnae recognize any of them.”

“How many others?”

“Six, maybe seven.”

“I’ll wager there were more in the antique shop - they were meeting in Borgin and Burkes like you said,” Emmeline added. She was holding her hands together so that the others wouldn’t see them shaking.

Alastor scratched his chin, pondering his next course of action. “Alright, I can bring this back to the Ministry. I just pray they take me seriously this time. You’ve both done well.”

“Should I be concerned that he saw me?” Emmeline asked.

“It’s not like we’ve kept our identities a secret while fighting them,” Marlene replied. 

Emmeline tried to assure herself. “...You’re right, it probably didn’t come as a surprise.”

“If I can bring Lucius in and get him to show the tattoo, there’ll be a cell in Azkaban with his name on it by Tuesday,” said Alastor. “Even his most powerful friends at the Ministry won’t be able to get him off the hook.” 

Marlene and Emmeline nodded. They’d completed their task, so Emmeline wasn’t quite sure why she felt so unsettled.

After a brief pause, Mundungus rocked back and forth on his heels. “...Can I be off now?” 

“You can be off when I  _ say you can be off!” _

“Okay, okay! Blimey...”

...

“...Alright, everyone’s dismissed.”

“I’m in need of a bevvy after that,” Marlene exhaled, scooting off the bed. 

Emmeline held out her arm. “I’ve got wine.”

“Perfect,” she said gratefully, accepting Emmeline’s arm and disapparating.


	43. Ashes to Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion, an attack, and a fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***TW: Violence; Profanity
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters

_July 21_

The shifting weight on the mattress caused Emmeline to awake in a panic. She snatched her wand from the nightstand, shot up, and pointed it towards whoever had entered her bedroom in the middle of the night.

Remus, having just arrived home from his trip, held up his hands in defense. His hair had grown out considerably and the skin of his face was dappled with small cuts. Seeing that it was him, Emmeline’s heart leapt in her chest - but her wand remained up. 

“Fifth year - What book were you reading the day we spoke on the bridge?” she asked, her voice full of gravel from sleep. 

Remus smiled wearily. “To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf.” 

Once she confirmed that it really was him, she cast her wand aside and climbed fervently into his arms, kissing him hard. Ignoring his soreness and reciprocating the kiss, Remus enveloped her in as strong an embrace as he could currently muster. 

Emmeline held his face in her hands and kissed him over and over again, moving so quickly from one kiss to another that you’d have thought she was gasping for air and Remus’ lips were her only source of oxygen. “That trip was too long,” she murmured against his mouth. He’d been gone three months to the day. 

He lowered Emmeline back down onto the bed and laid beside her just to feel her close. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have stayed so long this time if it hadn’t been so productive. Dumbledore was pleased with what I gathered.”

“And what did you gather?”

Again, he gave her a weak smile. “That, my dear, is classified,” he said apologetically, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’ve missed you terribly.”

“Missed me?” she repeated, mildly amused. “I spent three months in a tizzy wondering every second if you were still alive. I think I’ve got you beat.”

As Remus gently stroked her cheek, he wondered if he should ask... “How’s it been here?”

Emmeline blinked rapidly. Her first impulse was to lie and say that things had been fine, but they hadn’t.

“...Pretty dreadful,” she admitted, her bottom lip quivering. 

…

The morning sunlight shining through the window found Emmeline and Remus in each other’s arms. Excited to finally have him home, Emmeline woke up uncharacteristically early and quietly untangled herself from his embrace. Remus was so exhausted that he hardly stirred. When she rose from the bed, Emmeline took a moment to appreciate the sight of the tired lycan sprawled out on the mattress, still in his clothes from the night before. His poor body was probably in so much pain after three whole months off the Wolfsbane, but at least for now he was resting. What small comfort could she offer him to soften the blow of waking up to the aches? 

And then it came to her: _“Fresh pastries,”_ she thought. It had been forever since the two of them splurged on treats from the bakery down the road. A day like today called for pastries, not whatever sad excuse for breakfast she’d been settling for lately. She slipped on a comfortable dress and located her satchel before commandeering a pair of Remus’ boots. Thank God it was a Sunday; she wouldn’t have to contend with a shift at Flourish and Blotts, and could instead spend the day getting reacquainted with her sorely-missed beau. 

She tip-toed down the stairs and raised her wand towards the front door before setting off. 

_“Finite.”_

The atmosphere shifted as the protective spells surrounding the townhome dissolved. The shop was only five minutes down the road, hardly far enough to require that she re-cast them before she returned.

The walk was pleasant enough, though the direct July sunlight felt foreign on Emmeline’s skin. Recent patrols with the Order had practically turned her nocturnal. She relished in the mundane-ness of the morning - taking a casual stroll, wearing a dress she hadn’t put on in ages - it made her feel normal. She felt like a regular old twenty-one-year-old for the first time in a long time. 

The owner of the bakery chuckled as she unlocked the front door of the shop for Emmeline. “Early bird catches the worm I suppose,” she chirped, welcoming her inside then piddling back behind the counter. “The croissants are fresh this morning, if that sparks your interest.”

“I’ll take two of everything.”

The owner turned her lips upward, impressed. “Two of everything it is. Having a garden party?”

“Something like that.”

…

“I expect Sirius is still sleeping?” Lorna McKinnon asked from her place at the breakfast table. “I’m convinced that boy could sleep through a hurricane.”

“No Mum,” Marlene responded from the kitchen as she poured hot water for tea. “He set off early this morning, remember I told you? James had something to tell him.”

Clyde McKinnon, dressed in his Ministry attire, lowered his copy of The Daily Prophet. “Is James the strapping fellow, or the one with the scarred face? Or the portly one?” 

“The first one. Remus has the scars on his face, Peter’s the portly one. Honestly Da, you can name all the players on Angus’ Quidditch team, shouldn’t you be able to remember my friends’ names?”

“Do your friends play Quidditch?” asked Angus, his mouth full of toast. 

“Not anymore.”

“Then he’s probably not gonnae to remember their names.”

Marlene rolled her eyes, and turned to stare out the kitchen window while her tea steeped. 

All of the sudden, she heard the unexpected sound of an apparition and spun around and reach for her wand.

She met Peter’s eyes, and for a fraction of a second, she was relieved.

…

Emmeline paid for the box of various pastries and pies with muggle money. She didn’t get to use it often, and was always a bit excited to pay in pounds. It made her think of her father. 

She helped herself to one of the warm croissants as she walked back home. She might as well enjoy it while it was fresh, since they’d inevitably be cold by the time Remus woke up. When she’d gobbled it all up, she had to wipe the flakes from her mouth and dress to hide the evidence. She heard a squawk overhead and looked up to find Orpheus following her. “You’d better not tell on me,” she jested. 

But the rest of the pastries went to waste anyway. She dropped the box on the ground when she turned the corner to find the house being searched high and low by death eaters. 

She scampered back around the nearest building, kicking the box out of view and drawing her wand, her heart pounding. Peeking back towards the townhouse, she spotted Mulciber standing outside giving orders to others. The front door had been blasted apart, and a few adjacent neighbors were being threatened to go back into their homes. There were far too many death eaters for Emmeline to take on alone, and Remus-

Emmeline felt as though all the blood had gone out of her body.

Remus was asleep inside. 

She peeked out again, her eyes searching wildy for him, as three death eaters emerged from the house to report their findings to Mulciber. Emmeline was too far away to catch everything, but she definitely heard something about “Malfoy,” “we can’t find her,” and “Travers [something something] the other one.”

But she was distinctly able to hear Mulciber deliver this instruction: _“Burn it down!”_

…

Marlene cried out as she took a second blow to the face, and dropped onto her hands and knees on the floor of the kitchen.

“MARLEY!” Angus screamed.

“STOP IT! STOP IT!” her mother sobbed. 

The death eater who had hold of Lorna only pulled her hair harder. “Be quiet, or you’re next to go!”

Clyde McKinnon already lay motionless on the floor.

Travers rubbed his knuckles, preparing to deliver another punch. “Had enough yet, cupcake?”

 _“FUCK OFF!”_ Marlene spat.

A bone-chilling smile crawled across Travers’ lips. “I’m just getting started.”

Lorna just kept whispering “Please, please, please,” over and over through her tears.

Angus was fighting hard to free himself from his captor.

With blood dripping from her nose and mouth, Marlene swiveled her head viciously to Peter. He had shoved himself in the corner of the room, his eyes fixed safely on the floor where they would not have to endure her gaze.

“It’s been you this whole time,” she growled. 

Peter winced at her words, but said nothing. Did nothing. 

Travers began to snicker. “You know, I thought he’d be useless. Turns out he’s quite the chatter-box when you’ve got him at the end of a wand.”

Marlene roared with rage, starting towards Peter. “YOU FUCKING BASTARD-”

Peter shrieked and cowered from her, but lucky for him, Travers’ fist was quicker. Marlene fell back to the ground again, the screams of her mother and brother enveloping her like a strange embrace.

It was then that Marlene realized _none_ of her friends were safe, and only then did she begin to cry.

…

Emmeline bit her lip to abate tears, watching helplessly as the death eaters set the house on fire. They _laughed_ as they hurled flames up onto the roof. When they were satisfied with their work, they disapparated. 

After they had all gone, she rushed out from her hiding spot towards the blaze, her wand in hand. Some neighbors tried to grab her as she ran straight past them into the burning building. 

_“REMUS!”_ she screamed, coughing and choking on the smoke filling the air. Pointing her wand at the flames nearest her, she shouted: “ _Aguamenti!”_ But the spell was no match for the hastening magnitude of the house fire. She gave up and sped up the stairs, accidentally grabbing the bannister and scorching her hand on the metal. She let out a wail but ignored the burn, and continued up to the second floor.

The entire bedroom was already engulfed in flames. The bed had gone up in an inferno, and through the smoke she could not make out whether or not Remus’ body was on it. If it was, he was gone. 

Emmeline apparated to the wooden thicket behind the house, vomited at the base of a tree, then stumbled a few feet away and collapsed on her hands and knees. Having forgotten all about her burn, she clenched the earth underneath her palms to stabilize herself as she quaked with sobs. 

A nearby _whoosh_ frightened her, and she shot up on her knees, her wand wavering in her trembling hand.

“ _EMMELINE!”_ Remus screeched, sprinting through the trees. 

Relief rushed through her. She flung herself into Remus as he skidded to the ground and seized her in his arms. 

“Thank God-”

“I thought they killed you,” she bawled into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter than she ever had before. “I thought you were in the fi-fire!”

“Orpheus woke me up, I saw them coming. I didn’t know where you were, I was so worried!” 

Crying against Remus, Emmeline had a sudden, horrible epiphany: Something that one of the death eaters had said before had suddenly become clear:

_“Travers is taking care of the other one.”_

Malfoy. Travers. The other one...

She pushed herself up and began to panic again. _“They’re going after Marlene!”_

…

When they apparated to the McKinnons, the house was already ignited. The column of thick, black smoke over the flames made a canvas for a monstrous dark mark. 

_“NO!”_ Emmeline screamed, headed straight for the inferno, but Remus flung his arms around her waist and held her back. 

“EMMELINE-”

“LET ME GO!” she shouted, writhing in his grasp. “MARLENE! SIRIUS!”

Not only was it possible that Marlene was in there; it had just occurred to Remus that Sirius, who had been staying with the McKinnons, could have also been in the fire. His momentary shock allowed Emmeline a split second to break free of him and race towards the house.

“EMMELINE, _STOP!_ ” he cried, running after her. 

There was no possible point of entry - the flames had already engulfed every doorway and window. Emmeline searched the perimeter of the house desperately, but could not find a way in.

“MARLENE!” she called again through a broken window, cupping her hands around her mouth to amplify her voice. “SIRIUS!” No one answered.

Remus had caught up and attempted to pull her away again, but she shook him off and drew her wand. _“Aguamenti!”_ Now that her voice wasn’t hindered by smoke, a larger gush of water flew out of her wand towards the house.

“Emmeline,” Remus beckoned, reaching for her arm again. “You can’t-” 

“Help me!” With her wand still pointed at the flames, she spun around to face him. _“HELP ME!”_ she begged. 

Feeling utterly powerless, Remus looked up at the flames. They towered so high that they were kissing the feet of the smoky dark mark. “ _Aguamenti!”_

Even together, their streams of water had little effect on the raging pyre. Remus knew it too; but he glanced over at Emmeline, the heat evaporating the tears from her cheeks, completely concentrated on getting to her friends - dead or alive. He realized she would spend all day trying to put this fire out if she had to, and this gave Remus the will to do the same. 

From up above their heads, they heard a faint rumbling. Remus glanced up at the sky to see Sirius’ motorbike diving towards the ground. “They made it out,” he rejoiced. “Emmeline! They made it out!” Halting their water spells, they ran out to meet the motorcycle.

But when the bike landed, Remus’ heart plummeted. 

Sirius had seen the fire from the sky and practically jumped off the bike in midair. “Where are they?!” 

He’d been the only one on board.

Remus searched for the words. He couldn’t ever remember seeing so much panic in Sirius’ eyes. “She’s... she’s not with you?” 

“They must have gotten out, where are they? They can’t...” he repeated his question, but trailed off when he spotted the dark mark.

“Sirius,” Emmeline whimpered, beginning to cry again.

But Sirius was no longer listening. There was a peculiar ringing in his ears. 

“N-...No...no...”

“We don’t know-”

“Marley- MARLENE!” he shrieked suddenly, bolting towards the house.

“You can’t-”

“Sirius, STOP-”

 _“GET OFF ME!”_ he wailed, shoving Remus aside as he tried to grab his shoulders. He continued sprinting towards the blaze until the roof collapsed inward with a splintering _crash._ Sirius staggered back, swayed unsteadily, then fell to his knees and let out a wounded howl. 


	44. The Pearl in the Embers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The loss of something precious leaves our characters reeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***TW: descriptions of murder; major character death.

Remus sent three patronuses straightaway: one to Mad-Eye, one to Peter, and one to James and Lily. James was there within minutes (probably against Dumbledore’s wishes), and a team of Ministry aurors led by Alastor arrived within the hour. Peter straggled in sometime after the aurors arrived.

The McKinnons’ beautiful, Edwardian home was reduced to a blackened skeleton of its former glory. Once the fire had been extinguished, the aurors got to work searching the ruins for any sign of the family. No less than four aurors had to be assigned to corral Sirius, who continually tried to dive into the wreckage to find Marlene himself. James had the task of holding him back from a brawl with the investigators. When he wasn’t doing this, he stuck faithfully by Sirius’ side with his arm around his shoulders and tried to remain composed. Remus paced behind them, giving Sirius space. He and Sirius hadn’t been close lately, and he wasn’t sure that he was wanted. Peter sat by himself in the grass and stared at the ground. 

Emmeline, still covered in soot from the fire in Godric’s Hollow, had been pulled aside by a stern looking auror in a gray cloak.

“And you’re positive you heard  _ Lucius _ Malfoy’s name?” she asked, peering up at Emmeline from her notes.

“ _ Yes, _ ” Emmeline insisted, having been asked some version of this question twice already. “I heard them say Malfoy.” She began to pick at the bandage Remus had cast over her burn.

“But you didn’t hear  _ Lucius _ , just the surname Malfoy,” the auror clarified, scribbling something else down. 

“Considering that Marlene…” She choked back her tears. “...three days ago, we were involved in an operation which resulted in Lucius getting summoned for an inquiry at the Ministry. I’m going to assume they were talking about him and not his second cousin twice removed,  _ yes _ ,” she retorted, beginning to lose what little temper she had left.

“Implicating someone in this is a serious matter, so I just want to be sure you have your facts straight.”

Emmeline’s frustration grew past the point of restraint. 

“My  _ facts?”  _

“I’m only trying to say-”

“Don’t you  _ dare- _ If you’d just been through the morning I had, you-!” 

“Easy, Vance,” snapped Alastor, who had been listening nearby. He hobbled up alongside her and laid a hand on her shoulder, softening his tone. “You’ve had quite the day. Easy does it.” He then turned to the auror and got very close to her face. “This young woman has fought off more death eaters than both you and I can count on all our fingers and toes, so I suggest you show her some respect, McCoy.” 

“Y-yes, sir.”

“Take a walk. She’ll answer your questions later.” 

McCoy looked as if she wanted to say something apologetic, but decided against it and went to help with the search in the house. 

Alastor turned back to Emmeline, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “How’re you holding up?” 

She thought she would cry again if she tried to answer him, so she ignored his question. “Have they found anything?”

“Not yet. They’ve just cleared away the fallen debris, so-”

“Moody,” another auror called as he approached. He was holding a folded handkerchief and some wooden fragments. Emmeline recognized the auror as Kingsley Shacklebolt, a Hufflepuff four years her senior at Hogwarts.

“Vance, go wait over there with Lupin.”

“No,” she said firmly. “I want to hear this.” Alastor’s brow furrowed at her disobedience, but he did not push her. 

“Four bodies,” Shacklebolt reported remorsefully. “Their wands were mostly destroyed, but we have some pieces that may be identifiable.” 

Emmeline tried to stand strong to hear the rest of what he had to say, but felt herself beginning to unravel. Including Marlene, there were four members of the McKinnon family. Angus was _ sixteen years old _ .

“The bodies,” Alastor began, equally anxious to find out the family’s fate. “Are they recognizable at all?”

“No, they’re...too burned.” Kingsley’s eyes flashed sympathetically to Emmeline. “The healer determined there were two men and two women, likely dead before the fire started. We recovered these:” he said, unfolding the handkerchief. Inside the cloth lay two gold wedding bands, and a delicate necklace bearing a single, soot-covered, freshwater pearl. 

Emmeline’s hand flew to her mouth to muffle an agonized sob. 

That was Marley’s necklace. 

Marlene was dead. 

And Emmeline had been the reason they were spotted in Knockturn Alley. 

She’d sealed Marlene’s fate. 

She might as well have been the one who lit the fire. 

Oh my God, her  _ family. _

_ She’d gotten their entire family killed.  _

As soon as he saw her react to the necklace, Moody gripped Emmeline tightly in a sudden hug, holding her head against his shoulder so that she wouldn’t see him shed a tear himself. Emmeline hung limp in his arms, retreating into shock.

This was entirely her fault. 

Alastor released her from the hug and steadied her, then gently lifted the necklace from the handkerchief and held it out to her. “You should be the one to tell him.”

_ “No, I shouldn’t,” _ she thought, unaware of herself as she took the pearl in her shaking hands. She was the last person who should have the right to inform Sirius; yet somehow, without her prompting, her feet carried her toward him.

When Sirius saw her approaching, he threw his body towards the blockade of aurors once again. James wasn’t quick enough to catch him this time. “Pad, wait-!”

“LET ME THROUGH-”

“Settle down, or I’ll  _ make _ you settle down!” 

“Let him pass,” Alastor called, watching from a distance. Warily, the aurors let go of Sirius, who shoved them off of himself before racing up to Emmeline with James and Remus close behind. Peter stayed behind the line of aurors, watching.

Wide-eyed and mute, Emmeline remained petrified where she stood as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. When Sirius reached her, his face flushed and tear-stained, he was not really looking at her, but looking  _ past _ her, waiting for the moment Marlene might miraculously emerge from the rubble.

“Where is she, Emmie?” he softly implored.

Emmeline stared into his eyes, her mouth moving up and down in silence. How could she tell him? How could she possibly explain that  _ she’d _ killed her?

“Em-...Emmie, where-...” Sirius’ voice broke, and he grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her gently. “Where’s Marley?”

But Emmeline’s voice had been stolen by grief and regret. She could only shake her head. 

It hit James before it hit Sirius. His hands flew to his head like he was about to rip out his hair, and he shuddered as he began to cry. He had been holding onto hope that Marlene wasn’t among the dead. Remus had known; he knew she was gone when he saw the dark mark, yet even now, he broke down into tears. Sirius simply stared at Emmeline in disbelief. 

“N-...Don’t tell me that,” he begged, barely above a whisper. “Don’t tell me that…”

Slowly, Emmeline reached for Sirius’ hand, and with as much care as she would have afforded the crown jewels, lay the pearl necklace in his palm.

As Sirius stared down at the pearl in horror, his tears came back with a vengeance. He began to scream so forcefully that everyone in the vicinity’s stomach dropped. The weight of his heart breaking inside of his ribcage was too much to carry; it dragged Sirius down to his knees where his whole body shook with roaring sobs. James flew to his side and threw his arms around him. 

In her mind, Emmeline began spewing words - telling Sirius that she was to blame, that he should take out his wand and kill her right now as recompense. In reality, none of these things made it all the way to her mouth, and she was as silent as before. Remus trudged up to her and brought her into his arms. 

“I should have been here with them!” Sirius moaned.

“No,” James cried, grabbing Sirius’ face in his hands. “Marley wouldn’t’ve wanted that. You hear me? Don’t you say that...”

But Sirius only repeated it, over and over. “I should have been here, I should have been here…” 

Emmeline understood that Lily had to be home with Harry, and for that she was thankful. She couldn't face her. Not after this. The only thing keeping her from crumbling were Remus' arms.

It was all too much for Remus - They had lost so many people close to them at this point that he was ashamed to admit he had almost grown numb to it all. But this was different; Marlene was one of Remus’ very best friends. His mind played images of her behind his eyes as the tears fell. Watching Sirius break apart tugged at Remus’ heart, and he wanted very badly to get down on the ground and put his arms around him like James had. 

But he decided against inserting himself in Sirius’ grief where he thought he didn’t belong, and instead tended to Emmeline’s. 

Several feet away, Peter cried silently to himself.


	45. A Study in Erosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmeline struggles with the loss of her best friend. Alastor comes bearing bad news and wise words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Just wanted to check in, how are we all doing? I am sad. I was sad to have to write that, and I wasn’t ready to let her go. I’m sorry that means the readers had to as well, and I’m sorry it was sudden. I chose to write it that way because that’s how death is in war. It’s sudden and you don’t always get to say goodbye, which is why it’s so important to tell your people that you love them as often as you can. I wanted us to go through the whiplash of how sudden losing Marlene would have been WITH our characters, because empathizing with a character gives you a deeper understanding of who they are and why they do what they do. I miss our girl, but in the wise words of Dumbledore (or, in the movies, Sirius:) “The ones that love us never really leave us.”  
> It’s going to continue to be upsetting as we see our characters grapple with this loss, and if you note the date, you know it’s going to get much harder very soon. Here to talk in the comments if you need to, and if you don’t think your brain can take it and you need to step away from this story, I completely understand. Hopefully I’ll see you for the sequel. - theo
> 
> ***TW: disordered eating
> 
> Disclaimer: These characters belong to JKR

_August 12_

“Emmeline,” Remus whispered, gently nudging her towards consciousness. She grunted in response. “Alastor will be here soon.”

“What time is it?” she croaked, her eyelids still heavy with sleep.

“Nearly two in the afternoon.” He sat down on the side of the bed and stroked her unruly hair, which seemed to have become thinner. “If you get up now, there may be just enough time for some crepes. How’s that sound?” 

Under normal circumstances this would have enticed her, but these were not normal circumstances. Instead, she grumbled: “Not hungry.”

Remus rose defeated from the bed and pulled one of her jumpers out of a drawer. “That’s what you said yesterday. You need to eat something.” Tenderly, he slipped his arm underneath her shoulders and lifted her from the mattress like a rag doll, handing her the garment. “Please,” he implored her, accidentally allowing a little too much desperation to slip into his voice. 

Taking the jumper unenthusiastically in her hands, Emmeline let out a great sigh and feebly pulled it over her arms. Her movements might have led one to believe she was elderly. Remus assisted in pulling it down over her torso, hiding his concern for how much her body had changed.

Remus knew it wasn’t healthy, but he was almost grateful that he hardly had any time to reckon with his own grief since he had devoted himself entirely to helping Emmeline cope with hers. He supposed he had a different perspective on death, having danced intimately with it for much of his life. To him, death seemed like relief and rest. It was just that Marlene had so much left to do before she slept. 

“I’m so sorry,” she said weakly, the jumper sliding off one of her shoulders.

“Sorry for what?” 

“You never signed up for this,” she muttered, staring catatonic at the floor.

Remus looked sideways at her. “What are you talking about?”

“This. Getting ripped away from your life. Losing your house. Having to take care of me as if I were a child-”

“Emmeline,” he murmured, interrupting her. He got down on a knee before her in the hopes of gaining her eye contact and took both of her hands in his. “I signed up for _us_ a long time ago, and everything that came along with it. So I’ll still be right here whenever we make it out on the other end of this,” he assured her. 

Remus could see that Emmeline wanted to smile, but those muscles in her face had recently atrophied. He stood back up and tenderly wiped the tear that had rolled down her cheek. “Besides, you’ll never surpass me as the burdensome one in this relationship,” he joked darkly, helping her to her feet. 

“You’re _not_ a burden,” she asserted. 

“Crepes?”

“...I’ll try.”

Remus kissed the top of her forehead before heading to the kitchen. “Try” would have to do for now. 

After she finished dressing, Emmeline lingered by the bedroom window. The reflection of a woman she hardly recognized stared back at her with dark under-eye circles. She thought of Marlene and lost what little appetite she had, but feared that Remus might resort to tube feeding her if she told him so. 

Exeter was far larger than little Godric’s Hollow and made Emmeline feel rather like a fish in a bowl as she stared out the beveled glass pane of the little window of the little flat. Dumbledore had relocated them here last month in the hopes that the death eaters might lose Emmeline’s trail. She missed so many things: their old home, having a job, having _some_ purpose; most of all, she missed Marlene. 

She seemed to remember that she used to like how quiet Godric’s Hollow was, and missed that too. This new quiet in this new flat felt more like a great void, and it seemed the only thing to fill it with was her terrifying thoughts. This new quiet ate away at her slowly, as evidenced by the state of her health. She literally watched as her body began to disappear, little by little, and wondered if one day the quiet would finish her off altogether, and she would simply cease to be. Would anybody notice, or would the bits of her that lived in her friends’ minds erode away too? They seemed to be doing so already.

She hadn’t heard from Lily at all, though she’d sent Orpheus with a letter from the new address just as soon as they’d been moved in. James hadn’t written either, but Remus assured Emmeline (and he almost believed it himself) that they were probably just busy with the baby. Lily was not one to keep silent on a matter so grave as losing their best friend, and Emmeline wondered if Lily was as angry with her as she was with herself. Her letters to Sirius had also been ignored, but she had expected this. She sent them to his address in Tutshill, unsure if he’d gone back to live there. Even if he had received the letters, he was likely neglecting them deliberately. He no longer trusted Remus, so naturally he had now extended that distrust to the person who’d gotten his girlfriend and her family killed. Emmeline wished more than anything that she could go to Sirius, share in his grief, and tell him how utterly sorry she was, but she had been ordered not to leave the flat. She and Remus hadn’t even been permitted to attend the McKinnons’ funeral. 

And Marlene was everywhere and nowhere; in every face out the window, but nowhere to be found among the passersby on the sidewalk; in every breakfast, but gone by lunchtime, so Emmeline convinced herself she wasn’t hungry for either meal; even in the damned silence, Emmeline could have filled in jokes and jabs Marlene might have said, but would never have the chance to now. Her absence felt both suffocating, and altogether too barren.

Remus was well into crepe preparations when Emmeline emerged from the bedroom. A copy of The Daily Prophet laying open on the kitchen table caught her eye, and she sat down in front of it. On one page was a list of missing persons, and on the next were columns and columns of obituaries, muggles and wizards alike. The font was small. Her appetite declined further.

Remus noticed her staring at all the names and left the stove, wordlessly folding the paper back up and placing it on the kitchen counter instead.

“I wanted to see.”

“Trust me, you didn’t. I already checked the names.”

“None today?” _No one we know today?_

“None today.” _And thank God for that._

Mad-Eye arrived as Emmeline was reluctantly pushing the other half of her crepes around with a fork. She began to stand from the kitchen table, but Remus stopped her. “Please, finish,” he begged. “I’ll tell Alastor you’ll be out soon.”

They heard a clattering from the front room and a Scottish curse word that neither of them were familiar with. 

“Albus could have at least found you a place with a bit more room.” 

“We’re managing fine,” Remus assured him, coming out to greet him as he was standing a lamp back upright. 

Alastor got close to Remus and spoke quietly. “How is she?” 

“The same,” Remus whispered. “She blames herself for the whole thing. Blames herself for blowing their cover in Knockturn Alley.” 

“Hmm,” grumbled Alastor, scratching his chin. “Well, I haven’t brought great news about that.”

“What news _have_ you brought?” Emmeline asked, appearing in the doorway without having finished her breakfast. She noticed the concerned scowl that came over Alastor’s face when he saw her. Had she really deteriorated that much?

“Vance. Erm…go ahead and sit down.”

“I don’t need to sit down,” she lied, crossing her arms self-consciously and opting to lean against the wall instead. “Is he being brought before the Wizengamot, or not?”

Alastor chewed his lip. He was not one to pull punches, but knew that his answer would only further upset an already fragile Emmeline, and tried to come up with a way to say it that would soften the blow. His hesitation was answer enough. 

Emmeline wrung her hands together to stop herself from snapping her wand in half. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“I warned you that this was a probable outcome,” Moody reminded her, helping himself to a seat in the armchair.

“He’s a _death eater!_ ”

“And you and I know it; but Malfoy’s got too many friends at the Ministry with his gold in their pockets that’ve vouched for him. Took nearly a month just to get them to make a decision.”

“They’re not even going to have him questioned?” Remus asked, watching Emmeline carefully as she began to pace. 

Alastor chose his next words with caution. “They were willing to _consider_ an informal hearing...but not based on rumors.”

Bringing her pacing to a halt, Emmeline examined his face. “What does _that_ mean?”

Again, Alastor tried not to say too much. “It means they wanted more concrete evidence-” 

“It means they want witness testimony, doesn’t it?” 

“It’s out of the question, Vance.”

“Why? I can help-”

“No.”

“-I can tell them what I saw-”

“ _I said no!”_ Mad-Eye scolded, suddenly raising his voice. “Putting you in front of the Wizengamot would not only jeopardize the Order, it would also risk your life. I want to get the son of a bitch just as badly as you do, but judging by Malfoy’s _response_ to being spied on, he’s furious; his comrades won’t have given up looking for you so easily. You’ll not be setting foot outside this flat until Dumbledore or I give the word, is that understood?”

“...Then what about my memory?” She raised her wand up to her temple with new excitement. “Alastor, show them my memory! Then they can see-”

“Memories can be altered. Malfoy will only argue that it’s been tampered with by a biased source.”

Emmeline felt the beginnings of frustrated tears. “I’m wasted just sitting here.” She had half a mind to go find Lucius and deliver justice herself. She’d killed for Marlene before. 

“You’re _safe_ just sitting here,” he corrected her, lowering his voice. “And I’ll not be losing you too...”

She huffed an indignant sigh and sank down onto the sofa, pawing at the scar tissue in her burned palm. Why should she deserve to be sequestered and protected when the McKinnons were not afforded the same luxury?

Remus sat beside her and took her burned hand in his so that she wouldn’t pick at it. “Did they even check his arm?”

“I checked it myself. Nothing. The bastard’s done something to conceal the tattoo.”

Of course he had. Lucius had probably performed some transfiguration spell on himself as soon as he got home that day in July. 

“There’s one more thing,” Alastor continued. “And you’re not gonnae like it.”

Panicking, Emmeline shot back up off the couch “Who’s hurt? Sirius-”

“Calm yourself. Black is...well, I suppose ‘fine’ isn’t the right word. But it’s not about him.” Alastor sighed and braced himself for their protestations. “It’s about the Potters.”

This time, Remus jumped up off the couch. “Are they-”

“Fine, they’re fine. Let me finish, Merlin’s sake. I was only going to say that, since Vance has a target on her back, Albus has forbidden the both of you from making any contact with them until further notice. The Longbottoms too, though I wasn’t sure if you spoke with them as often.”

Emmeline looked at him, dumbfounded. Now Lily’s lack of a response to her letter was beginning to make sense. “No owls, nothing?” 

“Not even a patronus.”

“What ever for?” asked Remus, equally perplexed and thinking of Harry. 

“For reasons that are beyond the three of us. All you need to know is that reaching out to them in any way would put both families in serious danger. I cannae say any more than that.”

Remus and Emmeline nodded obediently, but their furrowed brows gave away that they still had several questions. Of course they wouldn’t want to jeopardize their friends’ safety, but why was the safety of the Potters and the Longbottoms in question in the first place? Remus would do what had to be done for James and Lily, but was saddened. It felt as though James was the only friend he had left.

Having said what he needed to say, Mad-Eye rose from the chair. “Lupin, I need a moment alone with Emmeline.” 

Emmeline couldn’t remember a time he had ever called her by her first name, and she wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad sign.

“Certainly.” He squeezed Emmeline’s hand before exiting the front room. 

When he had determined that Remus was out of ear shot, Alastor placed his hands gently on Emmeline’s shoulders. “Now you listen to me, and you listen good,” he began in a soft, paternal sort of tone. “The McKinnon family’s deaths were an untimely tragedy, but they were _not_ your fault.”

The tears Emmeline had suppressed earlier started to resurface. “But if I hadn’t-”

“Take it from an auror. The only person at fault is the one who stared down the end of the wand that took their lives. If you continue blaming yourself, you’ll drive yourself mad and your heart will harden into stone. Trust me, I wish someone had told me before mine had...”

Emmeline simply nodded, amazed by this atypical display of vulnerability from him, and didn’t argue any further. When he saw that his words had been heeded (or at least considered), Alastor released her from his grasp and turned to take his leave.

“Alastor?” Emmeline stopped him just before he left. “...What was their name?”

Alastor smiled sadly, then disapparated.


	46. And We'll All Go Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the help of his friends, Sirius navigates how to live without what he lost in the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note about chapters - though this story is TECHNICALLY already finished in my doc, I keep thinking of things to add, so there will be closer to 65 chapters as opposed to 50. Sorry for the misleading chapter number. And you thought we were close to the end...not quite.
> 
> TW: loss, grief.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

_ August 12th _

Sirius expected to hear a clattering sound when the brandy bottle slipped from his grasp, but heard only a dull  _ thud,  _ followed by the  _ swish _ of what little liquor remained inside. Fighting with his drooping eyelids, he pawed around for the bottle, feeling grass and dirt beneath his palms. He’d dozed off and forgotten where he was.  After a few clumsy seconds, his fingers had found the bottle again. He lifted it back to his mouth, (thought of how he’d only _ just _ been to the off-license shop not two days ago,) took the cork in his teeth, and ripped it from the finish before draining the rest of the bottle’s contents.

On nights he wasn’t assigned to Order patrols, he was here waiting,  _ hoping _ that Travers would come to admire his work. So far, he hadn’t shown. 

Tossing the brandy bottle aside, he heard the  _ crack  _ of glass as it hit stone. Sirius drunkenly lurched to his feet, teetering back and forth as he drew his wand.

“C’mon,” he muttered, as if he were trying to summon Travers.  _ “C’MON!”  _ he yelled louder, whipping around in search of  _ anyone  _ to hurt. He certainly would’ve accepted Malfoy in place of Travers. Hell, he would’ve accepted  _ Remus _ in place of Travers.

But the only one he managed to hurt was himself. He lost his footing and stumbled backwards, his skull missing an adjacent stone by mere inches as it slammed instead onto a hard patch of dirt. He beat his fists against the ground and roared savagely.

He was certain his head would throb in the morning, but at the moment, he couldn’t really feel anything. Panting, he sat himself up and crawled on all fours until he was back in front of Marlene’s grave. 

He sat back and lifted his hand out towards the stone, tracing Marlene’s name with his index finger for what was sure to be the hundredth time. On either side of her grave lay the ones of her parents and her little brother. Without knowing why, Sirius opened his mouth, and in a low, rugged voice, began to croon a folk tune he’d often heard Marlene sing to herself:

_ “Will ye go, lassie, go? _

_ And we’ll all go together _

_ To pull wild mountain thyme _

_ All around the bloomin’ heather” _

The  _ whoosh _ of an apparition behind him made him jump; perhaps Travers had come after all. Sirius felt around for his fallen wand, but when he turned, James was holding it. 

He glanced at the broken brandy bottle, then down at Sirius’ bloodshot, swollen eyes, and chose to withhold the wand from him. “I’m not sure giving this back to you is a good idea.”

Sirius scoffed and turned back to face the stone. With James practically under house arrest, Sirius had been very content to be left alone to self-destruct in peace; but James rarely let him get away with such things for very long. “You’re not supposed to be out n’ about, ‘specially without the cloak. What would the ol’ geezer say if he found out?”

James tucked both of their wands under his arm before he got down on his knees next to Sirius. “What Dumbledore doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Anyway,  _ Lily _ was the bad influence; she asked me to make sure you were fit to come to the Christening tomorrow.”

_ “Putain,” _ Sirius swore, rubbing his face with his hands. He’d forgotten what day it was. 

“You can’t show up to the church in this state,” James lovingly admonished him.

“I’ll sleep it off.”

“Pad-”

“Is Remus going to be there?” he interrupted. 

“No, Dumbledore’s asked us not to contact him or Em until this business with Malfoy is all sorted out. It’s been driving Lily mad, especially after Marley...”

“The bastard didn’t even have the decency to come to the funeral,” Sirius growled in a canine manner. In his mind, this was as good as a guilty plea.

“He wasn’t allowed to, Sirius. It’s not safe for Emmeline to be out, and Remus could be tracked back to her. You know they would’ve given anything to be there.”

Sirius scoffed again in response. James had tried,  on more than one occasion, to persuade him that his suspicion of Remus was codswallop, but he would hear none of it. He was convinced. He supposed he should be glad that Remus wasn’t allowed near the Potters. He just worried he’d have to attend Emmeline’s funeral next.

“Listen, about tomorrow: after the service, after you’re ‘officially’ made godfather, we’re going to draft up a will so we can name you Harry’s guardian if anything should happen-”

_“You've got to be bloody kidding me-_ I don’t even want to think about that right now,” Sirius interrupted, motioning incredulously to the grave. 

James sighed deeply with an undertone of impatience. “Look, I know this is hard, and I know you’re hurting-”

“How could you know?” he snapped, turning to James. Realizing how harshly that had come out, he lowered his voice. “James, mate, I love you, but how could you  _ possibly _ know?”

With his wife and child safely at home, James realized his error had no response to this. He’d brought it up at a bad time. He shouldn't have tried to rush him. James rethought his approach, and decided instead to give Sirius the space to say anything he needed to say. There was a long stillness between the two of them in an already still graveyard.

After a while, Sirius rubbed his eyes and turned back to James. “How often do you tell Lily you love her?” he asked quietly.

James reflected on this. “...Every day.”

“...I think I can count on one hand how many times I said it to Marley...you know I’m not good at that sort of thing.” He reached out towards the grave again.

“...She knew you loved her.”

“But I wish I’d-...” His voice broke and he lowered his head as he began to silently cry. The tears streamed down his face so effortlessly; just when he thought he didn’t have any left. 

“It’s okay,” James whispered, placing a comforting hand on Sirius’ shoulder and gently giving him permission to feel. Sirius had grown up without it and often needed reminding.

“...You just keep telling Lily every day for me, alright?” said Sirius, wiping his nose and cheeks.

“...I will.”

“...Good.”

More silent minutes passed with James’ hand firmly on Sirius’ shoulder, letting him know without words that he wasn’t going to let go of him, and that he wasn’t as alone as he might feel. After a while, Sirius’ tears gradually dried. 

“C’mon,” said James, getting up off the ground and offering Sirius his hand. “It’s too late to wake Andromeda, and if you have any chance of ‘sleeping it off,’ you’d better get some rest. You can stay on the couch and borrow one of my shirts in the morning.” 

“Can’t. I’m waiting for someone,” Sirius muttered, declining the helping hand.

“...They’re not coming, mate.”

And finally, Sirius voiced the real reason he came to the grave most nights: “...I don’t want to leave her…” he whispered.

After a moment’s thought, James got back down on the ground and placed that same steadying hand over Sirius’ heart. “You won’t. You carry her with you now.”

A flicker of understanding glinted in Sirius’ eyes. He nodded, wiped his tears, and with James’ help, stood up.

...

Lily got up off the couch when the boys apparated into the entryway. In the dim lamplight, she frowned sympathetically at the state of Sirius.

“Hi beautiful,” he mumbled.

“...Come here.”

She pulled him into a tight embrace, each of them blinking tears into the other’s shoulder. 

Lily released him from the hug and swiped her sleeves under her eyes. “Did you get my letter?” 

“Course I did,” he assured her, patting the pocket of his leather jacket. “Sorry I never wrote back.” He lifted his hand to her cheek to brush away one stray tear.

“I forgive you. It’s...hard to come up with anything to say right now. I hoped the picture might cheer you up.”

“It did,” he fibbed. He'd kept it in his pocket to look at periodically, hoping each time that it _would_ cheer him up. So far, no luck; but there was something comforting about the photo, so he kept it in his pocket all the same. “Harry asleep?” 

“Yeah, for a few hours now.”

“Can I poke my head in?”

“No further than the door - no offense, but the smell of you will wake him.”

“The smell of me is enough to wake little old Bathilda down the block. I may be drunk, but I’m not thick.”

Lily let out one small giggle. Say what you will about using humor as a coping mechanism - at least  _ some _ coping was taking place.

While James gathered some blankets for the couch, Lily walked Sirius upstairs to the nursery, carefully turning the doorknob so that they could peek in. The baby was sound asleep, with tiny tufts of jet-black hair strewn messily across his forehead, and little puffs of breath which were music to the ears of his mother and godfather. Miraculously, Sirius cracked a small smile. 

“I can’t believe how big he’s gotten.”

“He’s heavy, too. I remember month seven and eight before he was born thinking he’d weigh a ton when he came out, but he was so light.  _ Now _ he weighs a ton.”

“Don’t tell Prongs, but I wager he’ll be a beater like his godfather.”

She punched him lightly in the shoulder. “Over my dead body, Sirius. I haven’t forgotten all the trips to the hospital wing. I’d like all of my son’s bones to remain intact, thank you very much.”

“Then I can’t imagine you were as keen about his birthday present as let on in your letter,” he chuckled, sniffling.

“Are you mad? That little broomstick has been a saving grace. It’s our only source of fun these days. Can’t believe you even thought to get it aft-...” But Lily stopped herself.

The smile gradually departed from Sirius’ lips. “Actually, Marley helped me pick it out before-...before.”

“...Did she really?” asked Lily, her bottom lip quivering. 

Sirius nodded. 

“...Then it’s the best gift he’ll ever get.”

This time, Sirius pulled Lily into an embrace and closed the door so that their sniffles wouldn’t wake Harry. James came upstairs to find them clutching each other on the floor of the hallway.


	47. A Study in Erosion, Continued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus must face his sadness, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the countdown getting smaller. 😩
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters

_ October 24th _

A month had passed. 

The leaves outside the beveled glass began to adopt autumn hues.

The flat was still small.

Exeter was still quiet. 

But the mattress no longer felt like a death bed.

Emmeline must’ve taken whatever Alastor said to heart, and Remus watched as she slowly began to choose to live for Marlene rather than die because of her. First it was that she began getting herself out of bed earlier and earlier - one day back in September, Remus awoke amazed to find that she had risen before he’d even opened his eyes, and had already left a bowl of porridge next to his dose of Wolfsbane for that day. The second good sign came when she worked back up to eating her usual amount and getting seconds at dinner, building her strength back up for the day she was allowed to rejoin the fight. She missed her friends and little Harry terribly, and the sadness had not left her by any means, but at least it was no longer ravaging her.

This was not to say she had completely healed either, and Remus suspected they probably never would. Some nights she would wake up screaming, coughing even, having escaped a nightmare of the house fire. There was one particularly bad episode when it seemed no amount of shaking or calling her name could pull her from the flames in her mind. Remus had to put her in the shower, pajamas and all, just to bring her back to reality. But tonight was different; Tonight he found her awake, thankfully not screaming, and instead sitting on the floor with her knees tucked against her chest:

_ 2:41am _

Remus stirred from sleep, as his body had grown accustomed to waking up in the middle of the night. When he realized she was not next to him, he began to worry. “Emmeline?”

“Down here,” called a voice from the ground. His concern was quelled.

Scooting to the other side of the mattress, he found her sitting with her back up against the bed and lowered himself down next to her. “Did you have another nightmare?”

“Not tonight, no,” she muttered. 

“What is it?”

“...I can’t remember the last thing I said to her.”

Remus sighed, laid a consoling hand upon her knee, and withheld any attempts to advise her. Instead, he just let her talk. 

“I’m almost certain it wasn’t what I would have said if I’d known it’d be the last thing...She came over after the operation in Knockturn. You were still gone and I was feeling a bit lonely and she just...spent time with me. Because she was a good friend. We opened a bottle of wine. I can’t remember everything we talked about, let alone the last thing I said to her, but it wasn’t...I wish…” 

She trailed off for a moment, then started again. “It’s just...I remember the last thing I said to my dad, you know?” Her mouth hinted at a smile. Remus was surprised; Emmeline rarely felt comfortable enough to speak about losing her father. 

“He was dropping me back off at the train after Easter, and he told me he was proud of me for finishing school and studying hard for N.E.W.T.s and whatnot. I hardly left my room that holiday because I was preparing for exams, and I told Dad I was sorry that I hadn’t spent more time with him and Mum while I was home; but he told me he was proud of me, and to say hello to you. And then I told him I loved him and I promised to spend more time with him once we were off for summer. Obviously I wish I’d had the foresight to get my head out of my bloody books, but I’m glad that the last thing I said was ‘I love you.’ I just wish I had said something more meaningful like that to Marley.”

Remus nodded, as he’d felt similarly about his own mother’s death; he couldn’t remember the last thing he’d said to  _ her, _ let alone the last time they’d spoken before she passed. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had the chance to speak to Marlene either. Because of this cross he bore for Dumbledore and the Order, he’d been absent for most of the last year. Now, with this realization, Emmeline’s sadness began to creep into his own. 

“So what would you say to her?” he asked.

“...What do you mean?”

“If you could go back and do it again, what would you say to her?” he elaborated, pondering this for himself as well.

Emmeline was surprised by his question, and thought very deliberately about her answer; but she eventually just shook her head. “Nothing I’m coming up with seems good enough now.”

“Me neither.”

A cold silence took over their conversation.

...

_ 9:26am _

Then came morning, and though he didn’t know it yet, today would be the first day Remus would no longer be able to distract himself with Emmeline’s pain, forcing him to reckon with his own. It took him by surprise - he was about to scramble eggs for breakfast, right in the pan, when he suddenly recalled Marlene and could not even bring himself to crack the egg he’d been holding. It slipped from his grasp onto the floor and he began to cry. Emmeline emerged from the bedroom to find the egg broken on the floor and Remus leaning up against the stove with tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“I miss her,” he sniffled, wiping his face with his forearm. “The stupid eggs.”

Emmeline  looked at him wistfully and flicked her wand over the mess so that it gathered itself into the rubbish bin. “She was very particular about them, wasn’t she?”

“Too particular. They taste the same...It doesn’t matter. I don’t think I want them anymore.”

“Toast and jam will suffice,” Emmeline suggested, flicking off the stove and hugging him from behind. 

After breakfast they ended up going back to bed,  where Remus stared at the ceiling in somber silence for much of the day. Emmeline took a lesson from his patience with her, and made no attempts to console him. Though she hoped he might locate the end of the tunnel sooner than she had, she was prepared to wait for him should he get lost in the darkness along the way.

But what she could not see was that there was something else weighing on Remus: 

Somehow, Marlene’s death seemed to mark the end of the Marauders, or at least the end of his place among them. 

Wormtail was hiding in some unknown location, and his whereabouts were, for whatever reason, never disclosed to Remus. He assumed that Sirius must’ve poisoned Peter’s view of him. Earlier in the year whenever Remus was home from one of his trips, he would try to pass a letter for Peter off to James as often as he could, but never once got a reply. He’d eventually stopped trying.

Padfoot hadn’t spoken to him since long before the fire, and the loss of Marlene had not changed that; if anything, Remus assumed it had probably exacerbated their falling-out. Though Remus’ heart ached for Sirius, he could not prevent himself from harboring a painful resentment towards him. Sure, the war had taken a toll on all of them, but if Sirius doubted where Remus’ loyalties lie, he must’ve never known him at all. More cynically, Remus thought it all seemed too convenient; it’s much easier to hide your own secrets when you have a werewolf for a scapegoat, and the Black family closet was bursting with skeletons. However, if he was being honest, Remus often found himself missing his friend - or at least how things used to be. 

Prongs was the only member of the Marauders who seemed to still care for Remus at all. Undeterred by Sirius’ distrust, James had stuck by Remus’ side through everything as he always did. Before the events in July, he and Emmeline were always welcome at the Potters’, and Remus had visited as often as he could between assignments (which, regrettably, was not all too often). He had never quite figured out how to act around the baby, which never failed to amuse James and Lily, and yet watching the Potters step into their roles as parents was immensely endearing to him. Remus had grown up with loving parents, but there was just something about the way James and Lily doted on Harry...Remus missed them terribly. 

Little did he know that a conversation taking place in Godric’s Hollow would alter the course of his and his friends’ lives forever. 


	48. Semper Fidelius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan, a rendezvous, a change of plan, and a seemingly perfect charm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why I think this is how the timeline went, bc the author has contradicted herself so many times:
> 
> \- MOST sources agree Snape defected only days before the Potters went into hiding using the Fidelius charm, because:
> 
> \- Dumbledore wouldn’t have delayed; he would have acted right after Snape went to him, and:
> 
> \- Something had to have changed for them to resort to the use of the fidelius charm, as opposed to whatever protections the Potters were using before for their previous level of “hiding.”
> 
> \- Flitwick says in PoA that they were only under the protection of the charm for a week before Voldemort found them.
> 
> \- We know from Lily’s letter to Sirius (Deathly Hallows) that Peter knew where the Potters lived and could’ve given Voldemort their whereabouts at any point BEFORE the charm was cast, leading me to believe Voldemort hadn’t decided to target Harry until that point (just before Snape goes to Dumbledore.) 
> 
> \- This seems rather late, but we know Voldemort would have wanted to act quickly after the decision, and it would have taken him a while to figure out what children born the previous July fit the criteria of the prophecy, on top of all his normally scheduled evil overlord mayhem.
> 
> Canon nerds: feel free to argue any of these points in the comments, I want to hear your thoughts.
> 
> ***I would like to thank my beautiful friend Caitlin for her research on the Fidelius Charm which helped me to edit this and the next few chapters.
> 
> ***Don’t worry - we got a little ways to go before Halloween...but only a little.
> 
> Disclaimer: I still don't own these characters

_ October 24th - 8:47pm _

“I don’t quite know how long this could go on for,” Albus explained as he sat across from the Potters in their living room. An un-sipped cup of tea rested in his hands while he spoke. “What I do know is that the protections we’ve put in place thus far will no longer suffice. He will stop at nothing until he’s found the boy.”

The homey cottage with its curtains and cupboards starkly contrasted Dumbledore’s grave tone and the topic of conversation. The room seemed to grow dimmer and drop a few degrees in temperature; at least that’s how it felt for the young parents.

Lily’s eyes darted to her infant son - who was playing with a set of miniature quidditch balls at her feet - and was bewildered that the fate of their world rested on his small shoulders. For the last year, they’d been paralyzed with fear that  _ he _ might set his sights on Harry. She would never be able to understand what might drive someone to wish harm upon an eighteen month old - to wish harm upon  _ her _ son, let alone anyone else’s. 

“Nothing’s going to touch him,” she declared, her voice nearly coming out as a growl.

James reached for her hand, though his own was trembling. “We’ll stay hidden for as long as it takes, so long as Harry’s safe.” 

“This charm,” Lily began, her eyes still on Harry. “It will hide us in plain sight?”

“Precisely.”

“Do you not think it safer just to leave?”

“Leaving will do nothing to deter Voldemort. I believe that this is the best chance we can give Harry,” said Dumbledore, his eyes also on the infant. 

Lily nodded distractedly. “I trust you, Albus.” She looked to her husband. “We both do.”

“What do we have to do to prepare?” James asked, picking Harry up and sitting him in his lap. Even a few feet away, he was too far; not close enough to keep safe. 

“Before you cast the charm, you must select your Secret-Keeper,” Albus informed them, setting his cup of tea on the end table. “If this person were to reveal the secret of your location, whomever they shared it with would be able to find you, so it’s imperative that this be someone you can trust with your very lives. I would be more than happy to offer myself; or Remus, perhaps?”

“No,” James disagreed. “Remus has enough to worry about right now; I don’t want to burden him further.” In his mind, there was only one clear choice for who should bear this responsibility. “I hope you won’t take offense Professor, but I think it should be Sirius. He’s my best friend and Harry’s godfather. It’s only right that we make him our Secret-Keeper.”

“You’re positive you can trust him with this? Positive that Sirius Black could look Voldemort in the eye, face his own death, and not reveal your whereabouts?”

This was a scenario James sincerely did not want to think about, but in the event that it did happen: “Sirius would die before he let anything happen to us or our son. I’m willing to bet my life on that.” He looked to his wife.

“As am I. It should be Sirius,” Lily agreed, reaching up to caress the freshwater pearl that now hung around her neck.

“Very well then, it’s settled. You should inform Sirius straightaway, so as not to delay casting the charm.” Albus produced his wand, ready to give them a lesson on how to cast the difficult spell; but he stopped just before, and looked right at James. “You’ve always had a talent for mischief, James; but after tonight, no more excursions out of the house for you, I think.” James cracked a guilty smile, unsurprised that Dumbledore knew he’d left his house once or twice. “Perhaps it’s a good thing you so kindly loaned me your cloak,” Albus continued. “That way, you can’t be tempted.”

James nodded. 

_ After  _ tonight.

…

_ October 25th - 2:32am _

As he had most nights for the last few months, Remus left the realm of slumber at about half past two in the morning.  _ Unlike _ most nights for the last few months, Emmeline was sound asleep next to him, looking incredibly serene and drooling onto the pillow. Remus did not want to wake her, especially since she was beginning to get in the habit of sleeping through the night again. He crept slowly out of the bed, grabbed his wand, and tip-toed into the kitchen where guzzled down a glass of water. 

He hadn’t the heart to tell Emmeline just how depressed he was becoming. After all, she was still navigating her own sadness, and he would never want to add his on top of that. The grief of Marlene’s death had finally caught up with him, and that compounded with the splintering of his friend group had sent him into an emotional nosedive unlike any he had ever experienced before. He’d even been looking forward to his excursion for Dumbledore tomorrow, as he hadn’t been on one since July. He supposed Albus had taken pity on him after Marlene and given him a break, but the break was over now and he welcomed the next distraction.  He was  _ not _ looking forward to going without the potion again, but at this point, he’d trade his body falling apart for his mind to have something else to focus on; if only in the waxing and waning of the moon.

It was beginning to get cold during the night, and he only had on a pair of underpants. Careful not to prompt any creaks from the floorboards, he inched towards the front room where he retrieved the throw quilt from the couch and wrapped it around himself. But as he turned to exit the room, the walls around him illuminated with an icy silver light. He spun around with his wand and found himself face to face with a patronus - James’ stag.

James’ voice began to flow through the patronus: “I need you to meet me at St. Jerome’s right now, it’s urgent. Come alone.” 

As the stag dissipated, Remus took a moment to consider the request. Mad-Eye and Dumbledore definitely would not approve of this. Then again, James Potter was not known for keeping the rules, and Remus knew from experience that he certainly did not expect those around him to either.

Remus snuck into the bedroom, dressed hurriedly, then strode back to the front room where the sound of his disapparition would be less likely to wake Emmeline, and left immediately. 

...

Remus apparated to the narthex of the church, but it appeared that James was not there yet. The sanctuary was dimly illuminated by two stations of votive candles that had been lit to honor the departed. Aware of his wand and his surroundings, Remus cautiously entered the sanctuary. Drawn towards the light, he walked past the pews up to one of the candle displays. On a small stand next to the display was a jar full of long matches and a few unlit candles, as well as a sign inviting congregants and visitors alike to light their own candle for their own loved one. 

Remus wouldn’t say he was much of a church goer; given historical tensions between the wizarding community and the church, most wizarding folk weren’t. Emmeline had always been somewhat saddened by this, as she’d grown up attending services with her father and found it to be a source of comfort. Remus had gone with his own mother once or twice on Christmas eve when he’d been home from school, and he might’ve attended more if he’d been permitted to leave the house in his youth. When he was a child, she used to bring him leaflets from Sunday worship with prayers or bits of scripture on them, and she’d even read the bible with him before bed. Remus was not much of a church goer, but the jury was still out on whether or not he believed there was a God. Sometimes he and Emmeline had  thought-provoking  conversations on the subject. It seemed to him that, if there was a God, he did not much care for Remus, despite what Emmeline, his Welsh mother, and the Church of England had to say. 

Nevertheless, Remus felt compelled to select a candle, and thought of the McKinnons as he lit it. “May they rest in peace, and may they not die in vain,” he whispered, as Albus’ words were the closest thing he had to liturgical prayer. 

“Moony,” came a voice from behind. Remus turned just as James was striding through the entrance to the sanctuary . “Sorry to keep you waiting, I had to be sure you weren’t followed.” 

“Prongs.” Remus dashed forward and embraced him with zeal, having missed him for so many months. 

James returned his vigorous embrace and could not help but smile.  _ “Godric, _ I’ve missed you.” 

“Lily and Harry alright?”

“Fine, we’re doing just fine,” James lied, releasing him from the hug.

“That’s a relief, because the rendezvous in the middle of the night suggested otherwise.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I would’ve called at a more reasonable hour if time allowed.” 

Perhaps Remus shouldn’t have counted this against him since it was nearly three in the morning, but James looked worn out; like,  _ really _ worn out. More worn out than he had when Harry was still a newborn. 

“What’s going on?”

“Listen, I have loads to tell you and I haven’t got a lot of time. I’m not going to be...available...for a while, so I just had to see you and give you this.” James sat Remus down in a nearby pew and thrust a small leather coin pouch into his grasp. 

Puzzled by the necessity of meeting at this hour to deliver such a trinket, Remus drew the string to peer into the pouch. A magical extension charm had allowed James to fit an inordinate amount of gold inside. Remus’ jaw hung slack.

“I don’t know what you’re dealing with as far as rent goes. If it’s anything like the mortgage on the old house, this should cover everything for the next six months.”

“What on earth-”

“I couldn’t make it to Gringotts to transfer it to your vault, so I’m sorry for the dodgy handoff.”

It is important to note that James Potter was a vital person in Remus’ life for many, many reasons. One of those reasons being that, when Remus came to terms with the fact that he’d never have much career success due to his condition, James vowed to financially support him indefinitely. He made himself Remus’ patron, and even opened a vault at Gringotts for him which he filled every month with gold enough for all of Remus’ expenses. Without James, Remus would have no chance of a life above the poverty line. The excessive sum in the pouch only heightened Remus’ concern. 

“If this lasts longer than that, I’ll find a way to get you more somehow.”

“If  _ what _ lasts longer? James, you’re really starting to scare me. Tell me what’s going on.”

James looked more somber and serious than he’d ever looked before, and took his time with the words. “He’s after my boy.”

“Who’s aft-...” Remus’ eyes widened. “You don’t mean-”

“Voldemort’s going to try to kill Harry.” 

James had always worried about his ability to protect Lily and Harry - this had to have been just about his worst nightmare.

A prospect as horrifying as this raised so many questions, and yet Remus found himself at a loss for words. He stared at James terror-struck with his mouth agape.

“Dumbledore’s advised us to perform the Fidelius Charm,” James continued. “That way he won’t be able to find us, but it means I won’t see you for a while.”

Remus dug through his memory back to seventh year Charms class when they’d been assigned reading on the Fidelius Charm. “And you’ve got someone to keep your secret for you?” The words came out strangely. His mouth had suddenly gone very dry.

“Yes, we’ve got a Secret-Keeper.” 

Remus nodded, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Voldemort had set his sights on an infant; his best friend’s infant, no less. It seemed not only sadistic, but strange. Didn’t he have more worthy adversaries to focus his attention on? “Why? Why Harry?”

James let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s  _ a lot _ to explain. Point is, we’ve got to disappear for a bit, so I wanted to make sure you were all set.”

The fact that James was even considering Remus’ budget at a time like this nearly brought him to tears. He suddenly felt incredibly guilty. “James, you’ll never know how much-...I’m very grateful for everything.”

“S’okay, mate.”

Remus swallowed a few more times to return more moisture to his mouth and to get the lump in his throat to go away. James had done all he could to help Remus; perhaps there was something he could do to help James. “I’m going to ask Dumbledore to postpone my trip. What can I do to help?”

“No, don’t. We’re going to be just fine. We’ll perform the charm soon, then nothing will be able to touch us.”  James recalled Dumbledore’s words:  _ “ _ _ Positive that Sirius Black could look Voldemort in the eye, face his own death, and not reveal your secret?” _ It was not outside the realm of possibility that they’d go after Remus as well as Sirius.  “ Actually, you  _ should _ go on your trip. Might be best if you get out of town for a bit.  You won’t have to worry about us, you just stay safe.”

“Well after what you’ve just told me, not worrying is going to be easier said than done.”

James smiled his handsome smile and placed his hands reassuringly on Remus’ slouched shoulders. “Here’s what you can do: You can go home to Emmie, kiss her for Lily, and keep out of trouble on your trip. Yeah?” The light from the candles cast ominous shadows upon his face. 

Remus got the sense that their discussion was coming to an end, and was scrambling for things he felt he should say before what might’ve been a very long hiatus until they saw each other again. “James, I-..." He placed one of his hands on James'. "You three mean so much to me. Just...be safe. Please.”

“We will. And you do the same.” He stood and pulled Remus into a hug one final time, with even more intensity in his embrace than before. “I love you mate, see you soon.” 

The candles flickered as he disapparated . There was something about the gravity in James’ voice…

Remus was left standing alone in the pew with a knot writhing in his gut, and had never felt such a divine sense of dread in his life.

…

_ 7:08am _

  
  


“Is it going to hurt?”

_ “No _ Pete, it’s not going to  _ hurt,  _ you ninny _.” _

“How do you know?”

“Well, I don’t; but I’ve got to get you to the door, haven’t I?” 

After receiving James’ patronus the night before, Sirius had apparated to the Potters’ house immediately, and was more than willing to take up this task for them. They agreed to meet the next day, as James had mentioned he needed to get some affairs settled before the charm was cast. But early the next morning, after some careful consideration, Sirius went back with the offer of a different plan; a  _ better  _ plan; a more fool-proof plan, and just the fool to help them with it. Now that he’d managed to convince Peter, the only thing left to do was get to Godric’s Hollow and cast the charm.

“Right then, best to get it over with, I think.” said Peter, talking himself into it. Anxious to get it done as well, Sirius reached for Peter’s arm, but Peter spun around to scan his room for possibly-necessary supplies. “Do I need to, er, bring anything?”

Vexedly, Sirius rolled his eyes, and seized this opportunity to torture him a bit. “I trust you’ve got your Fidelius-proof pants on.”

“Actually, I d-...my what?”

He cracked a smile. “You do own a pair of Fidelius-proof pants, don’t you? You’d better get them on; otherwise when you cast the charm, your tallywacker will disintegrate.”

Before Peter could yowl that he had not thought to purchase a pair before today, Sirius grabbed him by the elbow and disapparated.

The Potters were waiting for them in the front room when they arrived. 

“You’re both a sight for sore eyes.” James leapt forward to embrace them tightly. 

“JAMES!” Peter exclaimed, panicking. “Have you got a spare pair of-”

“Pipe down Wormtail, Merlin’s beard - I was only having a laugh,” said Sirius. 

“You mean-...oh.”

Lily watched on fondly, but the infant in her arms kept her from the group-hug. Harry gurgled some noises reminiscent of “Padfoot” and reached toward Sirius, who stepped forward to take him from Lily’s arms onto his hip. “And you lot said I wouldn’t be good with children.” He blew a raspberry into Harry’s palm, which triggered an eruption of giggles. 

“You ready, Wormtail?” James asked. 

“Yeah, yes. I can do it.” He nodded vigorously, his hands twitching ever so slightly at his sides.

James beamed and clapped him on the shoulder, causing him to wince. “That’s the spirit, old boy.”

“Peter, we’ll never be able to thank you enough,” Lily gushed. 

Nobody caught on to the fact that Peter would look neither her, nor Harry in the eye. 

“Love, take the baby, will you?” Lily instructed James. He untangled Harry’s fist from Sirius’ locks before transferring him to his own hip. 

Sirius pointed at Harry. “Beater, I’m telling you.”

“We’ll see about that,” James chuckled, lifting Harry high into the air and making a silly face at him. 

Lily turned to Sirius, her smile slowly fading.

“You be safe, you hear?” she bade him, poking him playfully in the chest. “Don’t you dare try to be a hero.” 

“Anything for you, Lily-flower.” 

“I’m serious,” she murmured, her voice crackling from the tears rising to the surface.

Sirius smirked, then bent down and whispered in her ear:  _ “I’m _ Sirius.”

This earned him a swift punch in the arm, followed by a very tight hug and an affectionate kiss on the cheek. 

“Gonna miss you.”

“Gonna miss you, too.”

Lily released him, took Harry from James, and went to stand by Peter. 

James and Sirius stood there for a moment, regarding each other as brothers. James was grimacing apprehensively; he knew what Sirius might face once he left there. Sirius would do  _ anything _ for them, including go and get himself killed to maintain a clever diversion. 

“Don’t do anything stupid,” he patronized him.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Me? Do something stupid? What a ridiculous notion.”

As if they’d communicated it telepathically, each of them stepped forward at the same time and embraced the other so hard that the hug made an audible  _ thud. _ They gripped one another so tightly that it seemed they were responsible for maintaining the earth’s center of gravity.

“Love you, mate,” Sirius mumbled into James’ shoulder.

“Love you.”

“We’re gonna get the sonofabitch, then you won’t have to worry. That’s a promise.”

“Wish I could be there when you do.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah.”

They let go of each other, James quickly wiping a tear into the crook of his arm. 

“Alright Wormtail, you’re up.”

Sirius kissed the top of Harry’s head, nodded at James and Lily, then stalked outside to do any necessary muggle control. Luckily nobody was out this morning, so they wouldn’t have to worry about witnesses. Sirius gave an “all’s clear” signal to the front room window, and waited.

He thought back on his conversation with James in the graveyard. Nothing was going to happen to them now that they were protected; but if the death eaters caught _ him _ , there was still a chance he would never see them again. 

He kept his eyes on the front room window, taking in every last sight of James and Lily and Harry that he could. He watched as Lily, wand in hand, began reciting the charm’s incantation. The full spell took several minutes, and Sirius took advantage of every second to memorize this scene in his head. While his eyes crafted a mental image, he could not stop his mind from drifting to thoughts of his potential demise. He was prepared; he had been for many years, actually. If it came down to it, James would give a smashing eulogy at the funeral. Lily would make sure there were nice flowers. They’d be sad, but they’d be fine without him, and Harry would grow up knowing that he once had a godfather who loved him very much. 

After nearly ten minutes of the incantation, a small, golden ball of light emerged gracefully from the tip of Lily’s wand. It caught Sirius’ eye as it drifted from the wand right into the center of Peter’s torso. Peter flinched, but James kept a sturdy hand on him to let him know that everything was okay. 

Then Sirius blinked, and the house was gone. It had vanished. He smiled. 

Peter seemed to emerge from nothing as he walked back towards Sirius. 

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Did it hurt?”

“No,” said Peter, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking at the ground. “It was fine. Just made me feel kind of warm. Can you see the house?”

“No, I can’t. Just looks like an empty patch between the neighbors. Can you?”

“Yeah. Looks the same to me.” 

It had worked.

“I’ll arrange to meet with you every so often, just to check that you’re alright.”

“You don’t- er...I don’t think that will be necessary.”

Sirius understood that Peter probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him now that he had an even bigger target on his back than before; but though he was not the Secret-Keeper, Sirius thought it best that he be the one in control of the situation. 

“I’ll swing by on Hallow’s Eve, let’s say 10:30,” Sirius insisted.

“...Sure. Halloween. Okay.”

“You don’t have to be nervous about them going after you, you know,” he tried to reassure him. “It’s me they’re going to want.”

“Right, yeah.”

“You’re going to be fine. That’s the whole idea. They won’t suspect a thing.”

Peter looked up from the ground and eyed Sirius quite intently.

“Yes, I think you’re right. They  _ won’t _ suspect a thing.”

It really was the perfect plan.


End file.
